Today It Really Hit Me That I Was Groomed As A Child

Today it really hit me that I was groomed as a child

TW; talks of child grooming, sexual assault, and unacceptance from family member (?)

When I was about 5-7 was being sexually abused by my uncle. Classic am I right, little girl getting unwanted touches from uncle. I don't remember much, but what I do remember makes me never want to be with a man. I don't really know, or, remember really, how it started but he would come up to me and ask me if I wanted to play a game. Being five or six I obviously said yes. He then would show me how to give him a hand job and then I'd do it. Then when I didn't want to do that anymore he showed me how to give a blow job. I always hated those more.

When I said the 'game' wasn't fun anymore he'd say he'd give me candy if I did a good job. In my little kid mind all I heard was "candy" so I obviously said yes.

To make sure I didn't say anything he told me that if told anyone my dad would go to jail. It was bullshit and looking back I feel stupid for believing him but barely just learned my 'abc' and he was older than me. I don't think he ever did anything to me but kiss me, but if he did I might have suppressed it. I remember one specific when we passed the room we'd 'play' in and he tried suggesting going all the way, but I knew in my little seven(I think🤔) year old mind that that wasn't ok. So I told him no and went down stairs.

The sad thing is, is that I don't even think he knew he was grooming me. I can't remember how old he was but he was just starting to grow a mustache, and he was about the same age as my aunt who is only five year's older then me. I was told he was about 12-15.

It came out in second grade when I was asking my cousin on the opposite side of the family if something similar was happening to him. He might have been the same age as me(only a couple months younger than me) but he knew instantly that that was not right and told his mom. She obviously told my mom who was obviously upset. I have no idea what happened to him and was never told of he was punished

Todays the first day I've talked about it with anyone since it happened. When I was at school today the topic of sexual assault came up and me and my friend bonded over it I then went home and talked to my my about it for the first time. When it came out what was going on she would ask me what happened, I never told her and I decided I would talk about it with her when I saw her today which I did and she was proud of me. When I went home to my grandma leaving for work she asked what was wrong, cause I guess I looked out of it so I told her. What really upset me was that she just scoffed and asked why I was thinking about that. When I told her why and brought out the fact that it really hit that was being groomed some of her exact words were "you weren't being groomed, he was 12 he couldn't do that!-" "you can't even remember what happened" and she was in the kitchen so it was harder to hear her but I'm pretty sure she said "there were only three times, quit be dramatic." I only heard '-three times quit-' so I think that's what she said.

ANYWAYS- I'm done venting now bye