Jude St. Francis + Willem Ragnarsson

I am, in fact, going to now go about my life and continue to try to be a person that Jude St Francis could have loved and been loved by in return

I don't think my personality is compatible with males

the way felix is convinced he's living in a romance movie to the extent that he dresses up like juliet. he considers kissing oliver in the maze. he makes himself off limits but not quite with the open door while he's in the bath; he's the damsel of the film, no doubt. but felix's tragedy is that oliver is convinced it's a horror story and a tale of revenge. so he doesn't play his part as romeo. he vomits up the poison so he can't die from "some poison more" and leaves felix to die alone.

"One of Connor‘s hardcover books has no jacket or title. It‘s a jounal full of sketches. They‘re bizarre and unnerving, but also intrecate and skilled"

IS THAT

postcard sent by elliot smith to friend sean croghan after moving from portland to la c. 1999

Photos of Kurt Cobain in Olympia, WA. Taken by Tracy Marander during 1988

sometimes he wakes so far from himself that he can’t even remember who he is. “where am i?” he asks, desperate, and then, “who am I? who am I?”

and then he hears, so close to his ear that it is as if the voice is originating inside his own head, willem’s whispered incantation. “you’re jude st. francis. you are my oldest, dearest friend. you’re the son of harold stein and julia altman. you’re the friend of malcolm irvine, of jean-baptiste marion, of richard goldfarb, of andy contractor, of lucien voigt, of citizen van straaten, of rhodes arrowsmith, of elijah kozma, of phaedra de los santos, of the henry youngs. you’re a new yorker. you live in soho. you volunteer for an arts organization; you volunteer for a food kitchen. you’re a swimmer. you’re a baker. you’re a cook. you’re a reader. you have a beautiful voice, though you never sing anymore. you’re an excellent pianist. you’re an art collector. you write me lovely messages when i’m away. you’re patient. you’re generous. you’re the best listener i know. you’re the smartest person i know, in every way. you’re the bravest person i know, in every way. you’re a lawyer. you’re the chair of the litigation department at rosen pritchard and klein. you love your job; you work hard at it. you’re a mathematician. you’re a logician. you’ve tried to teach me, again and again. you were treated horribly. you came out on the other end. you were always you.”

“and who are you?”

“i’m willem ragnarsson. and i will never let you go.”

the way people on tiktok talk about a little life is genuinely so infuriating like the book was obviously not meant for you and reducing it down to the sequence of events is so fucked up... it's very telling that everyone in the comments of any tiktok mentioning a little life is like "i just read the wikipedia summary and now i have full authority to talk about this book and its quality/morality" literally just say you've never read anything besides ya and fanfic just admit it

When Fiona Apple sang, “How can I ask anyone to love me, when all I do is beg to be left alone,” and when Mitski sang, “you’re growing tired of me, and all the things I don’t talk about,” and when Julien Baker sang, “it’s not easy when what you think of me is important, and I know it shouldn’t be so damn important, but it is to me,” and when Elliott Smith sang, “I’m alone but that’s okay, I don’t mind most of the time; I don’t feel afraid to die,” and when the Front Bottoms sang, “sometimes you get sad when we’re together because you’re not sure if you’ll miss me when I’m gone,” and when