Trex-1001 - Ya Gotta Risk It For The Biscuit

I laughed way too hard at this

#happy october 3rd!✨

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces? These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! _______________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral… _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No.. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

my role on tumblr dot com is to scroll through thousands of posts and only reblog the good ones for you to see like your personal tumblr pasta strainer

I really dislike Kawaii Future Bass or whatever this genre is called so I made it sound shitty with a bunch of random samples.

Why I’m Excited for the Loki we’re getting on Disney+

His character is going to change, and it gives him the opportunity to change for the better — even better than how he ended up in IW.

Having the Loki that’s starring in the series be post-Avengers Loki that we saw in Endgame does erase a lot of his current character development, yes. It gets rid of the mending relationship between Thor and him, reverting back to shaky grounds. But post-Avengers Loki erases the parts of his character that was absolutely belittled, the parts of him that were completely erased and turned into a comedic device. It gives him the opportunity to continue his Thor 1 and Avengers development, to deepen his emotions and way of thinking outside of the “I’m a plot device to support Thor’s stardom” (because yes, although Ragnarok was amazing, you’ve got to admit they turned Loki into a two-demensional version of himself to become more comedic). They have the chance to — whether he becomes more mischievous or serious or villainous or heroic — deepen him, with no other characters getting in the way.

The Loki that we’re going to see in the show is Loki. Not Loki the supportive character, not Loki the comedic side piece, but Loki. And I’m here for it.

I don't know why but this amuses me...

Good luck figuring out that emotion you’re feeling as you watch this dinosaur dog chores robot

You think that’s cute? Looking forward to your chores dino bot? Watch how it handles slipping on a banana peel.

Gifs: Boston Dynamics

YO GO HELP MY FELLOW FRIEND AND RT THIS TWEET!!!!

I REALLY WANT TO SEE THIS HAPPEN, THAT’S SOME TRUE DEDICATION OMG

It’s beacon 3 my guy

beacon 3