Post Cancelled, I Got Jumpscared By My Own Reflection On The Dark Screen

I think that it's really important for people to realize that being disabled is traumatic. genuinely. your body and brain feel like they are breaking down and wrong. you are in constant heavy stress from stuff like chronic pain. most disabled people i know have a somewhat regular emotional break down from the trauma of it all. and we are expected to just smile through it by society, to not be in the way, to not be an issue.

PAIRINGS. . . xavier x reader

CW. . . smut, small spoon!xavier, kinda sub!xavier

xavier was soft in your arms—literally and figuratively.

curled into your chest, his back flush against your front, legs tangled under the blankets. his breathing was even, gentle. like he hadn’t meant to fall asleep so quickly, but your arms around him and the steady stroke of your fingers along his chest made it impossible not to.

your hand was tucked under his shirt, fingers spread across the warm skin of his torso, right over his heart where his heartbeat pulsed soft under your palm, which wandered lower a few beats later.

he was already hard when you found him, cock flushed and heavy where it curved against his stomach. you pressed a slow, featherlight kiss to the back of his neck and wrapped your fingers around him.

xavier stirred with a soft, strained grunt, hips twitching the tiniest bit into your palm. you smiled.

“shh,” you whispered gently, letting your fingers slide down his length and back up again, dragging him gently from sleep into something needier.

he whimpered when your thumb passed over the head, already slick from the way he’d started to leak, coating your fingers.

your hand worked him in a smooth rhythm, slow and teasing at first, just enough pressure to make him ache. he moaned—quiet, restrained, muffled into the pillow—and you knew he was trying to hold it in.

so you slid your free arm under his neck, hand curling around his face, fingers brushing his lips gently. “open,” you whispered. “let me hear you.”

xavier’s mouth fell open without hesitation, his tongue wrapping around your fingers, moaning low and desperate into them as your other hand jerked him a little faster.

you curled around him tighter, chin tucked into the crook of his neck, whispering soft praises right against his skin.

he was trembling in your arms now, his cock twitching with every pass of your hand, your fingers slick, your breath warm on his throat. his hips started to stutter forward, fucking your fist now, quiet little choked sounds spilling out around your fingers, exactly the way you wanted.

“can’t—” he gasped, biting on your fingers. “m’fuck, i’m close.”

when he fell apart—body trembling in your arms, cock twitching in your hand, spilling into your palm with stuttering, gasped moans—you held him tight the whole time. your mouth on his shoulder. your hand slowly stroking him through it until his hips twitched from overstimulation and he had to whimper your name to make you stop.

he let your fingers slip from his mouth, jaw slack and flushed, turning just enough to look at you with those dazed eyes.

“…fuck,” he whispered.

you smiled and wrapped yourself around him, nuzzling the juncture where neck meets shoulder. “back to sleep, baby.”

commissions ⋆˚꩜ send me a kofi !

Do something small. Do something actionable.

hi:3 can you write one with xavier and reader where she's dressed like a bunny

𝐵𝓇𝑜𝒶𝒹𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝐵𝓊𝓃𝓃𝓎

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐗𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐂 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞 𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭. 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐚 𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐥 𝐩𝐥𝐮𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐇𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐏𝐞𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲, 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐤!𝐧𝐤, 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞, 𝐬𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐤!𝐧𝐤 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐭.

She didn’t know how the silver haired man convinced her to wear this. Her tits were so pushed up she could feel them against her throat. Maybe that was her imagination. The floppy, fluffy white ears perched on top of her hair. Two thin pieces of fabric were the only thing covering her breast from being fully exposed.

This is what she got for even mentioning the thought of lingerie to Xavier.

But alas, here she was in his bathroom, giving herself a once over. She kept tugging at the bottom of the incredibly short skirt like a nervous habit. Well, she wasn’t getting any younger.

She opened the door slowly, poking just her head out to see Xavier waiting patiently on the edge of the bed.

“I feel silly.”

“Starshine, you could never be anything but perfect in my eyes.” And she knew it was true. She’d embarrassed herself plenty of times and her boyfriend was never anything but accepting. She took a deep breath and stepped out of the bathroom.

Xavier thought he had ascended to the heavens when his eyes caught sight of the outfit. Pink really was her color. She adjusted the bow around her neck with fidgeting fingers.

“What do you-“

“Turn around.” His usually monotone voice interrupted her before she could finish. She saw the fluffy tail, a buttplug, dangling from his fingers. “This is the final piece. I’ve already…prepped it for its final destination.”

Of course he would crack a joke. But she couldn’t think of much else when he walked over to her, brushing her hair off of her shoulder to kiss the exposed skin.

“You look beautiful. My own breeding bunny, hm?” He whispered in her ear. His fingers, still slick with lube, trailed up the lace thong. He pulled the thin fabric aside with his finger and rubbed his digits along the expansion between her cheeks.

“Oh, Xavier…” he whisper was breathless. He cooed softly, kissing her head right between the white fluffy bunny ears.

“Bend over the bed for me, Starshine. Hop to it.” If she wasn’t so horny, she’d slap him.

But her chest brushed the bed, her ass on full display for Xavier. Her breath hitched when a finger slid across her second hole. She shivered with a gasp when his index finger inched its way inside.

“So tight for me…but you can take it, bunny.” He whispered as if telling her the most sacred secret. When a second finger joined in soon after, Y/n swear she felt herself leak through the lingerie. Xavier was eager. He pulled out his fingers and lifted the plush bunny tail. “Deep breath bunny.”

Y/n’s manicured nails dug into the sheets as the plug slowly nestled itself between her cheeks. She gave a whine of approval when it notched itself in perfectly. Xavier rubbed her ass in a slow, circular motion as he stood back to devour the scene before him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful.” He praised, pulling down his sweats just enough for his cock to spring out. He was already so hard, tip leaking with need. Y/n looked over her shoulder with wide, needy eyes.

“Xavier, please. I’ve been such a good bunny…” she pleads, lower lip jutting out in a pout.

“Oh, have you? Does my bunny deserve a treat for wearing such a scandalous outfit?” Xavier stepped forward just enough to rub the tip of his cock between her slit, collecting the juices there.

“Biiiig stretch, Bunny.” And he wasn’t kidding. Who knew such a nonchalant, soft spoken man was packing that much heat between his thighs. But Xavier could be patient contrary to belief. He lifted his sweat and clenched it between his teeth as he watched inch by inch disappear between her folds.

“Xavier…oh god….” Y/n whimpered. Her head bowed back as Xavier easily lifted her knees right at the edge so he could reach as deep as possible inside of her. The sweater dropped from his teeth when he bottomed out.

“Look at that Bunny. You’re so full. I’m all the way here…” he cooed, reaching below her to press when his cock was nestled inside of her warmth. Y/n bit her bottom lip to stifle her moans. “Ah, ah, ah…let me hear you, Starshine.” He punctuated his order by a harsh thrust that had his balls slapping her clit.

Y/n squeaked out a noise behind her bruised lips and Xavier immediately stroked her head. “That’s my good girl.”

His thrust, usually concise and solid, grew sloppy. Y/n could hear and physically feel how soaked she was. “X-Xavier! Feel so good, so deep….mmph!” She bit into the edge of his pillow but it was quickly ripped out from under her. Xavier lifted a strong long to the bed for balance and railed inside of her faster. The angle gave him an advantage and Y/n imagined the image they probably had laid out.

He was fucking her like a rabbit. Quick and sharp thrust, hellbent on one thing only.

Breeding.

Y/n’s little bunny ears were starting to slip and the thrust had her tits spilling from the top. Xavier could feel her walls flutter around him. He hooked fingers under her chin to make her turn her head to look at him.

Y/n’s little bunny ears were starting to slip and the thrust had her tits spilling from the top. Xavier could feel her walls flutter around him. He hooked fingers under her chin to make her turn her head to look at him.

“I’m gonna breed you, gonna b-breed this-Oh gods…-gonna breed this tight hole. My pretty bunny. My Starshine. My light. My-o-oh.” Y/n felt his balls tighten up against her clit. He was close. The way his curved cock was bullying that special spot inside of her, she wasn’t far behind.

His messy fingers gently tugged at the bunny tail. “Cum for me Bunny. Make a mess all over your Master’s cock. Serve me well.” Y/n was done for. With a strained cry, she tightened around his length to the point his hips stuttered. Xavier buried his face between the bunny ears that were barely hanging on.

Xavier was a sloppy man in the bedroom. He pulled out just enough for cum to trail down her thighs before using the head of his cock to scoop it up and push it back in. Y/n blushed at the stickiness between her thighs.

“Xavier, you pervert- w-wait!” Y/n was flipped on her back with ease. Xavier’s strong hands hooked behind her knees and pressed them to her chest in a mating press.

“Did you think we were done, Bunny? Oh no, I’m gonna fill you with all of my kits.”

Y/n swore in the back of her fucked out brain, that Xavier would be the next one to wear the bunny suit.

Doctors should snark at each other more, be a bit mean. Not for no reason, mind you. But if five doctors blow me off about symptoms and doctor number six FINALLY runs actual tests and gets a diagnosis, I think it should be Doctor Six's right to call up the other five and tell them they're lazy pieces of shit. That should be socially encouraged. Those first five doctors clearly can't listen to patients, but maybe another doctor might finally get to them.

Maybe THIS dose of ibuprofen will be the one that fixes me

you know, another thing that fascinates me about LADS is how which LI(s) a player chooses is reflective of personal preferences? like, i recognise that that is pretty ‘obvious’ - sure, obviously, the LI(s) players choose are going to, to some degree, embody what a player likes; but it’s interesting to stop and self-reflect on what that says about oneself on a deeper level?

using myself as an example, i’m very much a Xavier girl; and, sure, on the surface level, it’s just a “the heart wants what the heart wants” situation - but it’s honestly quite…revealing? to actually sit with and discern the ‘why’ behind what draws me to him. while on a surface level, it can be summarised as a ‘he’s my type’ kind of thing, but i think stopping and thinking about why he’s my type - like, what that says about me and what i, consciously or not, look for - is a fascinating thought experiment?

personally, i think it speaks to a sense of ‘reliability?’ like, to me, a chronic overworker, xavier seems to embody a sense of rest, a sense of being the type of person you could depend on, someone who you could ‘turn off your brain’ around because you can rely upon them. and i think that that speaks to something on a deeper level - i think that that type of need often manifests in women like myself, people who are used to having to be self-reliant, to having to be the ones who ‘do it all.’

i think that need is a very common manifestation of the burden that comes with that level of self-reliance; of retreating into, or simply just daydreaming about, having a partner who can be that, of someone who’s not only capable, but willing - interested - in taking care of you - and i think that that often does begin and evolve out of that fantasy. very often, this desire is born out of previous experiences where such a need hasn’t been met, which results in then having to shoulder the burden of being the only person who takes care of yourself - which is not only physically taxing, but also emotionally taxing; it evokes this sense of “i take care of everyone, but who takes care of me?”

and i think that that’s one of the things that i love about the LADS community; it’s really interesting seeing these open conversations around why other players choose the LI(s) they do. particularly, i love getting to be exposed to these discussions around LI(s) that i specifically feel no strong draw to - it’s actually quite cool seeing why someone might be a caleb girl (as he’s basically the opposite of my type lol) and have that additional perspective. especially because the logic is often quite similar? like, the very things that draw me to xavier could be nearly identical to what draws someone to caleb, or sylus, or zayne, or rafayel - and it’s really interesting hearing about how that manifests in people.

The LADS guys making you dinner!!!! What would they make, How well would they do?

✨ Xavier |❄️Zayne |🎨Rafayel |🐦‍⬛Sylus |🍎Caleb

Xavier cooking is always a show but the end result might not be all that edible. Picture this: Xavier leaned over the counter. His shirt riding up just enough in the back to show his back dimples. His hair in his eyes as he reads through a cook book.

Xavier always jumps at the idea of cooking for you but not for the reason you'd think. He doesn't like cooking, far from it in fact, but he wants to show you that he could if you wanted him to. He wants to show that he'd make a good husband.

Xavier is good at following directions. He always put the right amount of everything together. If something looks off, he'll try again and again until he gets it right. He doesn't want to serve you anything less than perfection.

All of this often goes up in smoke when Xavier falls asleep while the food is cooking. It happens one too many times and you invest in an egg timer that he carries with him into the living room so it'll go off before the smoke alarm does. After you get that, he's a pretty good cook because nothing burns.

Xavier better at baking than he is cooking. He's gotten bread down pat (more out of spite than anything) and he can make a VERY good chocolate cake.

When you sit down with your plate, Xavier is watching the whole time. If he had a tail it would be wagging, waiting to see if you like the food or not. The second you say you do, he smiles so sweetly, it looks like a sunrise.

Eating tucking around a table with you is one of Xavier favorite past times. Feeling your foot brush against his under the heated table, the sound of your cutlery moving, the happy hum when you taste something especially nice that he made just for you. It feels like home.

(also for those curious, i'm a xaiver girl myself lol)

The rise in the popularity of Love and Deepspace (which, for brevity, I’ll be abbreviating to LADS) is incredibly interesting to me, particularly when we analyse it in conjunction with broad social trends within dating and relationships. I think that the uptick in AI Companionship and how women engage with it reflects a deeper set of issues pervading relationships and intimacy with women who experience attraction to men. Moreover, I think that this does speak to a generalised divestment - or, at the very least, re-examining - from previous views and approaches to heterosexual relationships. Personally, I believe that this is developing as a reaction to the broader uptick in misogyny.

While LADS is often dismissed as simply a ‘Gooner Game’ - that is, essentially, pornography for women - I think that such a dismissal is both inaccurate in terms of the game’s content as well as the motives and draw experience by its playerbase. It’s not entirely incorrect to point out that, yes, there is a degree of suggestive content in the game, particularly in the dating/relationship sides of the game, but LADS is much deeper than that. The game presents a self-directed approach to players: players interested in the story and universe of LADS can focus on that, whereas those players who wish to prioritise the ‘dating simulator’ aspects of the game are free to do so - while the dating aspect is, admittedly, much of the draw, presenting it as solely a dating game is, really, quite inaccurate.

Moreover, I think the way such a criticism is levelled is far more telling about the critics than the players; fundamentally, it suggests a refusal to engage with the game by simply writing it off as nothing more than just simple fluff met to titillate touch-starved players. Plus, the fact that this criticism has been, broadly, made by men is rather revealing. Firstly, it’s quite telling that a game that heavily targets, and is played primarily by, women receives these critiques, whereas arguably far more ‘explicit’ games that target men do not - or at least not from these same critics. Secondly, I think it’s rather telling that a game where the Love Interests are primarily approaching the player/main character through a lens of respectful attraction receives such heavy criticism from men.

But what truly fascinates me is the draw of LADS; as previously mentioned, I think that LADS represents a sort of ‘Heterosexual Idealism’ - that is, the idea of a heterosexual relationship where the man genuinely loves, respects, and cares for his girlfriend. And I think this speaks to a broader trend in society; we see more and more women turning to these types of ‘escapist’ content - such as LADS, CharacterAI, Dark Romance, and similar content - that, arguably, fulfills this Heterosexual idealism in response to the resurgence of misogyny in society, particularly in terms of dating.

To put it bluntly, as more and more men demonstrate themselves to be incapable of being a proper partner - often reacting with blatant misogyny when called out for such failings - I think we’ve seen a growing divestment from women. Relationships with men can be perilious, toxic, traumatising, and, unfortunately, too-often abusive. Naturally, it’s understandable that many women would choose to simply refocus their time and decentre men from their lives.

And this is where LADS comes in. LADS, and AI Boyfriends broadly, offers a sense of fulfillment for this desire for emotional intimacy with men while often avoiding the pitfalls that come with it. Women don’t have to worry about Xavier, Zayne, Rafayel, Sylus, nor Caleb abusing them, manipulating them, cheating on them, or anything else - they represent a simultaneously wish fulfillment of Heterosexual Idealism while also highlighting how, truly, low the bar is. Really, do the LADS boys truly represent an unattainable ideal, or do they simply represent the idea of a man who consistently goes above the bare minimum? It wouldn’t be impossible for a man to be what LADS players desire - sensitive, kind, emotionally intelligent, respectful, and supportive - it’d simply require consistent effort. But such a request is too often met with anger, resentment, mockery, or dismissal.

Which creates the question: if an AI Boyfriend can offer a sufficient simulacra of a relationship beyond what many men are willing to do, is it worth it? Is it worth letting oneself be wooed by the digital embrace of Artificial Intelligence?

It seems many women have, to some extent, answered yes.

But from this comes another question: how do we bridge the human desire for physical intimacy with the intangibility of AI? Currently, while AI has made admittedly shocking strides in advancement in terms of communication ability, memory, and realism, it is still bound by the limitations of the black mirror of computer screens.

hi, i'm valerian; yes, i'm yet another queer theorist on tumblr - original, i'm aware /lh

generally, i try to remain on topics primarily focusing on queer culture history, and identity; however, i tend to share whatever piques my (special) interests

like, i'm gonna be so fr and say that my posts basically go wherever the autism takes me lol

i don't really care who reads/reblogs my posts and, sure, if you want to dm me, then go ahead (please refrain from messaging me if you're under 18, thanks), but i can't guarantee i'll reply. likewise, asks are fine but i can't promise a timely reply.

also if you're into art, feel free to look at my portfolio ^-^

this will likely be continuously revised as i feel the desire to btw