And The Fleeting Feeling I Get From Writing What's On My Mind Getting It Out Like A Cleanse Like I'm

Trails like the moon when you drive in a car and trails like the substance of a snail and trails in my mind across the grooves and crooks of my soft brain and trails like the curves of her lips and trails like the path to the forest and into the forest and deep and never returning and trails like my non punctuated sentences

I still wasn't over you when I walked out those doors. It really is dawning on me, now, in my bed, in the dark. That today, this day, would be the last I would see you. I'll look for you in everyone I meet, it's a curse and a promise.

The clock ticks slowly

I cannot help but wonder

Where should I be now?

I'm not made to sit at my desk and listen to someone else drawl on and on about something for 45 minutes

I'm not meant to sit in a room with 200 other kids and be forced to go back to our separate classrooms after 30 minutes of eating mystery food

I'm not meant to be forced to toss a football back and forth or run a track

I'm meant to read and write and sit in tree houses and wander in fields

I'm meant to wear flower crowns and eat berries and olives all day

I'm meant to befriend the trees and deers and paint with flowers

I'm not made to sit in school

In a place where my voice doesn't matter

And I care so much when I write but suddenly i didn't care at the highschool when no one else would yell the cheers louder than me and I didn't care suddenly in the store joking loud with my sister and I didn't care when people thought i was weird because i hang out in the corner and wear dark clothes and makeup and like what I like and I don't care

I'll use the poems I wrote about you to fuel the bonfire I'm having with my friends and watch the ashes go up and fall back down on them like gray snow

The ashes of the words I wanted to say to you get caught in their hair and makes the smell linger even after the night has died down and the fire is out

I'll cut apart the braclets I made you and use them to make matching necklaces and earrings for my friends and get happy everytime they wear them

The beads I wanted to see on your wrists will shimmer on theirs like a little reminder

I'll play your favorite song for my friends the one you were always humming in class next to me and add it to our shared playlist

The song I'll now associate with my friends

And I'll cut out every part of you from my life and you'll never had existed

Everything that was yours is theirs because there is no more you

No I don't care to please you

I'll dye my hair

And peirce my face

And dress weird

And wear big glasses

Because why would I care

If you care

I'll say what I want

And write what I want

And listen to what I want

And believe in what I want