Not Even The Gods Can Help You With That, Brother

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A crop of my piece for the upcoming Arcane show at @gallerynucleus!

i think the last emperor of astandalas artorin damara would be fixed by kissing a boy

reading artorin damara's pov isn't enough i need to eat him

Why I don’t like people calling Maomao from The Apothecary Diaries Aro/Ace coded.

Writing helps me organize my thoughts so I want to get this down before I attempt to make a video about it. It’s a subject that deserves to be treated with nuance and care so I will do my best express myself correctly.

Let me start this off by being clear, in no way am I disparaging people headcanoning Maomao as aro/ace or any sexuality for that matter. I personally headcanon her as Demi/Bi. I am only and specifically referring to people implying that she is CANONICALLY aro/ace or coded that way.

I find it unfair for people who are genuinely seeking aro/ace rep to be told that Maomao is that, when she is not. I have seen multiple cases of people who are understandably upset after reading the light novels, because they were told going into it that she was aro/ace coded.

I will be discussing things from the light novels in the rest of this post so bear that in mind and here is your spoiler warning.

Maomao is deeply repressed and in denial of her own feelings. This is something extremely obvious in the subtext of her character, and then overtly revealed in light novel 12. She does, at first, believe that she is incapable of love, but we as the readers also know that that is connected to her trauma and upbringing, along with her skewed perception of sex. She believes her feelings could only bring trouble, so she pushes them down for as long as possible.

For a long time there has been an extremely harmful stereotype that aro/ace people are just repressed and can be “fixed” by the right person. And if Maomao was genuinely intended to be aro/ace it would be perpetuating this really awful and untrue stereotype.

Maomao’s feelings realization and acceptance comes from a very important quote in the story. “I know you have your circumstances, Miss Maomao. It’s important not to get carried away by your emotions! But...” Chue brushed Maomao’s cheek again with her bloodstained hand. “You can’t let that be an excuse either.”

I personally would not like aro/ace being reduced to an “excuse”, frankly I would find that really fucking uncomfortable.

Now onto the sexual aspect of it. Maomao’s only frame of reference for sex comes from the verdigris house. I will tell you this as a sex worker, if you were raised adjacent to this industry and had no understanding of sex outside of the context of SW (and pornographic literature), you most likely would have the same skewed perception of sex that Maomao does. She looks at it like work, a performance. Which is the main reason she is so nervous about it in light novel 13. She is scared her “performance” won’t be good. She knows the mechanics of sex and how to give pleasure, but nothing about intimacy. She’s also pretty clinical about it, because there is political reasons why sex between them could be literally dangerous to the safety of the country…. Not really conducive to the relaxed and fun environment that she deserves for her first time.

But in conclusion, it is very understandable that aro/ace people have found comfort in her as a character, ESPECIALLY anime watchers because the romance subplot has barely even scratched the surface of the long LONG development arc it gets. Headcanons are also always okay, do what you want. Read and write whatever fic you want. But telling other people that Maomao is canonically aro/ace or coded that way is not only inaccurate, but could bring disappointment to people wanting rep, or people hating on the author for “perpetuating bad stereotypes” when she never intended Maomao’s character that way in the first place. This ship has already left the port and has sailed to the western capital and back, there’s no turning around now.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MONKEY D. LUFFY!

He said lamely, "She is very beautiful." "And she has the sense not to frighten you," Dach'osmin Ceredin said, and Maia took a step back, wanting to protest her deduction, but unable to deny its truth. "We should take lessons from her, we see."

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison is one of my favorite books of all time, and within it, one of my favorite scenes is Maia and Csethiro's first real interaction at Nurevis' party! so i drew it. their slow romance is so delicious.

the range this man has. from "a beauty so captivating that he could topple a kingdom" to the most pathetic, sopping wet cat in existence.

in a spring mood now

There are several moments in tge where Maia is just the Most eighteen, and I would like to posit one of my favorites:

Min Vechin, who Maia is very attracted to: hey :) I've noticed you're attracted to me...want to do something about that?

Maia, experiencing the entire spectrum of human half-goblin emotion at once: NO THANK YOU. GOODNIGHT. MA'AM.

Maia: *turns on his heel and walks out, followed by his nohecharei who got to watch that entire fumble*

The target audience for my art is myself