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there is this horror at being left behind

starting line, luke hemmings / fleabag (2016-2019); s1e6 "episode #1.6" / working for the knife, mitski / x / it chooses you, miranda july / ryan o'connell / x / via flickr / aristos the musical / x / the hours, michael cunningham

image descriptions below the cut

1. Black text highlighted in grey on a white background reads, "I wake up every morning with the years ticking by / I'm missing all these memories, maybe they were never mine / I feel the walls are closing / I'm running out of time / I think I missed the gun at the starting line".

2. Frame from the TV series "Fleabag." A woman with short, brown hair is sitting at a restaurant table in front of a window. She has tears in her eyes. Text at the bottom of the frame reads, "Either everyone feels like this a little bit and they’re just not talking about it or I am completely alone. Which isn’t fucking funny."

3. Black text on a white background reads, "I always knew the world moves on / I just didn't know it would go without me".

4. An empty playground structure illuminated at night, in front of an open field and the starry night sky.

5. Text on a grey background reads, in all caps, "all I ever really want to know is / [white text on a blue background] how other people are making it through life. / where do they put their body, hour by hour, / and how do they cope inside of it".

6. Black text on a white paper background reads, "about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are."

7. Blurry and grainy greyscale image of silhouetted people walking.

8. Worm's-eye view image of two silhouetted people holding hands while scuba diving. Black text on a white background in the top left and bottom right corners of the image reads, "I often wonder if life is easier for other people or they're just better at faking it".

9. Black text on a white background reads, "[Patroclus]: Remember what you once said about growing up? How it's like running after someone, but always falling behind?"

10. Text on a white background. Black text reads, "he was more lonely than the rest of his friends, he thought." Blue text reads, "but that's just not something that you talk about."

earning it

halloween, phoebe bridgers | emily palermo | mommy issues: unlearning inherited pain, joan tierney | the last days of judas iscariot, stephen adly guirgis | nobody, mitski | georges bataille | love as an act of merciful conquer, silas denver melvin | gilead, marilynne robinson | giovanni’s room, james baldwin

“I am endlessly afraid of people. I am continually awed by them. When people bow to me only out of formality, I think to myself that it is a bow from the heart, and immediately become ecstatic, even with a touch of madness. I feel like I have to pay them back for their expectations, so I act like a hero even though I don’t truly feel anything, and I can’t get things back to normal, and the end result is that everyone thinks me a fool for it.”

—

Dazai Osamu, “A New Hamlet”

Amal El-Mohtar, from The Honey Month; “Day 27: Leatherwood Honey”

[Text ID; “I value you. I will love you hard and strong because I suffer in loving you, and will make you suffer with me.”]

Idk if u write, but what would u recommend to a young writer who’s not yet found her own ‘tone’ / voice or character in writing. What I mean is, I love writing… every time I read a certain author I then adopt their pen’s character, I write like them. If I read Plath I’ll go write like her bc I’m inspired. If I read Dostoevsky I’ll go write like him. Idk if it’s necessarily bad bc I think it’s pretty cool to achieve such voices (if they r achieved indeed) or should I just try to find mine? & How?

Hi anon, yes I write but only for myself. It's a sort of therapy for me, I'm definitely not a good writer. So maybe I'm not the right person to answer this question. Anyway, in your message you mentioned Plath and Dostoevsky, I think it's pretty normal to mistake the big impact that this artists can have on you and on your soul with your conviction that you are "copying" them. You already have your voice, it's the way you see the world, the way you perceive things, the way you talk in your head ― the language you speak to yourself everyday.

Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

she called herself "unimaginative". She tormented herself with this thoughts. It's just impossible to believe for us, but she was just like you, just like us.

Don't give up🤍

I care for you more than I care for your caring of me. I care for you so much that I will hurt you to see you well, that I will put foulness into your mouth because I know it to be medicine, that I will take your scowls and hatreds and fold them against my heart like a locket full of hair because I will know you to be well.

Amal El-Mohtar, from The Honey Month; “Day 27: Leatherwood Honey”

Melissa Febos, Abandon Me

Hamda Al Fahim “Disco Daydreams” spring 2022 couture

girl what's wrong? are you experiencing the sylvia plath fig tree in your head again?