The Consciousness Of Innocence

2007-07-29

Reclaiming Impulsiveness

I, at times, gave impulsiveness a bad reputation. I've realized that on a subconscious level, I have a part of me that was convinced or encouraged to view impulsiveness as something "inherently bad or negative" and I want to reform that thought process because if we really think about it…IM PULSE…what is a pulse? A single vibration or short burst of sound, electric current, light, or other wave…impulse is really just acting from a feeling space. Sometimes consequences or reactions to a short moment of impulse could result in more heavier outcomes or even lighter outcomes. Impulsiveness isn't inherently a bad thing, it just means a person acts from the intense desire to express this 'short burst of light' from within…and that spark can either light a candle to cast a warm glow…or light a match and watch it fall to gasoline. Impulsiveness is not bad, it is how we choose to express or carry forward this short…yet precious moment of light within us.

Finding the Glimmers in my Personal Glums Pt. 1

I like to journal and note down all the little moments of magic I experience in my day-to-day life; I call these moments glimmers. Although very simple, they make me the most joyful and remind me of the gratitude that I have to be able to experience this magical life that I am living. It reminds me of the true magic we already have around us. While pondering on those moments in my glimmer logs recently, it sparked an idea with my introspection process. I wondered...what if I found the glimmers in not only my external and internal world but within the perceived flaws I have about myself; I now call these my glums (which I find absolutely adorable to say hehe). Sometimes I can still be quite harsh with myself based on my areas of weakness, though my inner voice has grown much more compassionate and even softer through the years which I am beyond grateful for. This is why I wanted to go a little deeper and really question my perceived flaws that may be hiding some of my most powerful inner strengths. Hence, the idea of finding the glimmers in my glums came along. Day #1 of Finding the Glimmers in my Glums is the problems I have sometimes with grounding my ideas because I have so much floating in my head. I have observed, especially as a creative whether it comes to my writing or even my art (in whatever form that may be) I get a little frustrated with myself because as soon as I have something to create, my head is instantly filled with so many ideas and sometimes I struggle to fully ground one idea because my mind is able to perceive multitude of directions this one concept or theme could express itself. It can be overwhelming, especially as a person who is still gradually learning to 'do' more so than 'think' about it when it comes to creating. This sometimes leads me to stall during the ideation process, more so when I'm creating art rather than writing. For quite a long time, I held this subconscious belief that this was beyond frustrating and I am aware this is indeed a weak area of mine because that stagnation can settle in if I am not careful and start overthinking or even overanalyzing it. It is definitely a part of me that I've been sometimes disheartened by. However over the years, I was truly able to find some form of glimmer within this perceived glum of mine. I was able to finally perceive the strengths within this glum; I am good at being innovative or developing an idea in multiple ways. I realized....wait...this can indeed be a strength in some way...I may be really well at ideation. This glimmer only fully settled into my subconscious recently because I have thankfully had a really sweet and helpful lecturer that brought to my awareness that I do not have to perceive this as something awful. What I perceived as personally troublesome or disheartening at times is truly one of my strengths, especially if I learn to harness it well and incorporate different mechanisms so I do not feel like I am spiraling through ideas with no sense of direction. So, in little ways, I have been incorporating small habits that help me ground an idea when I am creating. I still think about my creations, however, now I make more little lists of concepts/themes, then I choose one or two and from there I just...start. Whether that means gathering photo references, sketching all these ideas down, mixing colour palettes, etc. I just start. And thankfully, doing and starting has been the most helpful for me. I can feel that my ideas are not just spiraling; they have a sense of being more grounded and complete now. It has helped me to be in tune with the flow of creation and to see that my perceived weakness did indeed have something I can learn from it. Not to say that I still do not have my off times but now I do have little ways to help me stay on track with my ideas and expressing them in ways I would be content with when I am finished. The development process of my creations has truly been so much more fun now that I've turned pieces of my glum into beautiful glimmers~

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” - Michael G. Scott

Neural pathways of "finding words" along the way…there are stories….words waiting to be channeled…existing until we happen to stumble across them…I wonder how they feel? I wonder if they feel lost, I wonder if they feel lonely…a desolate place…or do they sound hopeful…ecstatic even at the mere thought of having you stumble upon them? Or maybe they feel everything yet nothing at all…maybe they just…are. Maybe they aren't lost and maybe they aren't searching either but neither of us can say that experiencing each other was a mistake…or a wrong turn down a pathway. There are stories, energies, messages, existing within a liminal space that aren't beckoning us nor pushing us away…yet they're willing, oh so welcoming to share their space…not only theirs…our space. They didn't call. I didn't call. Neither of us called. Yet here we are…and here is perfect and here is now…but rather, here is everything when we're together. Here is expression. Here is suppression. Here is life. Here is death. Here is love and its many faces. Here is meant to be. ~Elunara W.

wait i'm literally living the life my female ancestors dreamed of i can't waste it

The Embrace of Light and Dark

"We use the darkness to justify our fears of the unknown and unfamiliar~ Although the fears are valid, and indeed can become true they are only illusions at the present and we shouldn't allow that to stop us. There is light in darkness; a comfort and there is darkness in light; discomfort." ~Elunara W.

The Return

"Nothing was wrong with you for having such faith or belief in things...the friends we do not see all the time with our physical eyes. Nothing was wrong about you believing you have enough love to create the dream world we wanted to live in eventually. Nothing was wrong about you not finding other things ugly. Nothing was wrong with you for always believing that when it comes to love...nothing is entirely impossible. You were always right...you were always sweet, you were also quite fearless because you were free. You were you...but at some point we all started to tell you that's not reality and that could never be reality and all those things that felt like you deserved them...? Oh no...that must be too good to be true because 'magic isn't reality'...that 'this is not a fairytale' and I am so sorry we did that to you. I am sorry we ripped off your wings and told you to grow up and grow a new pair made of the heaviest stones and steel. They were never meant to be ripped off in the first place so I carefully removed all the hard surfaces and one day I stumbled upon the little flaps of delicate, sparkly wings still remaining underneath...tender to the touch. And I helped you weave a new pair...magical wings sewn with the thread of love, compassion and warmth and told you to fly again...let's go create the world we've always known...show me again that world we always believed in. You smiled at me and I was a bit wary if I had done enough, if I sewed the wings good enough...if everything—anything that I had done to help you was...enough. Yet...you beamed at me, pulled me down and placed a crown of the finest flowers on top my head and you held my hand and said 'Let's go...I've been waiting, I knew one day you'd return' And within those words I gained a lot of strength...I gained so much more that others may not be able to fathom it." ~Elunara W. | [Written 03/12/24]

—Short excerpt from a letter I wrote to my inner child.

"As an artist...why do you create?"

I think the simple fact that there's so much to envision…there's so much ideas, stories, messages waiting on an outlet to bring them into the physical. The fact that we have an imagination and can dream about so many things and express it here in the 3D. The beautiful feeling of connection that bridges the gaps of separation when we share our creativity with others as well ~whimsicweaver

The Life of The Candle

"I wonder if the candle wick knows of pain. I wonder if it feels grief as it eventually withers away. Or perhaps…I wonder if it knows of the beautiful light it radiates, the soft, comforting glow within the darkness. Maybe that makes it worth it. Maybe the candle dances unapologetically as itself, unabashedly giving off such a bright light. Maybe it knows of its temporary time here….temporary time to leave a mark. Does the candle wick feel grief or does it fade away with a last laugh, leaving behind a cheeky wink in its wake? Who knows…? But we do know that it shines brightly." ~Elunara W. Gaining a new perspective of life through the eyes of a candle

The Spirit of Adventure

I was pondering about the spirit or nature of adventure; of play. And I think play is such an integral aspect within one's lifestyle but it is often suppressed with more work, more productivity—play is met with this subconscious mindset of needing to do more so we can possibly "earn" it. But play is not something to be earned necessarily. Play has always been more than a pass time...it is a basic necessity. It naturally invokes curiosity, exploration and this is how we stumble upon some of the most beautiful and unique experiences or discoveries in our lives. Think about it...when playing video games, often times along the way, we stumble upon secret achievements or hidden rewards for being playful; being silly. And often times, these are achievements we do not expect or foresee but they spark such joy and delight within oneself. Sometimes wandering off and exploring a game map culminates all these fulfilling side quests—throwing that random basketball into the oh-so-conveniently placed hoop, popping that misplaced balloon with a spiky ball you collected a minute ago or crawling into that weird space that's shaped oddly similar to the size of your in-game avatar. And what do we receive for our random spark of curiosity...? A reward. And other times we may receive or discover absolutely nothing special but at least we'd have something to giggle about and more to explore. I find that very precious. That feeling of limitless potential...that anything is possible if I at least try. To be able to allow oneself to venture into the unknown at times and let oneself be led by curiosity and playfulness is something we all need to some degree in our lives. I've found that life is filled with many of such side quests that, in hindsight, leave an irreplaceable impression—these experiences are truly invaluable.

~Elunara W.