Post Corrections/clarifications Are My Favorite Genre Of Humor: A Compilation

So the other night during D&D, I had the sudden thoughts that:

1) Binary files are 1s and 0s

2) Knitting has knit stitches and purl stitches

You could represent binary data in knitting, as a pattern of knits and purls…

You can knit Doom.

However, after crunching some more numbers:

The compressed Doom installer binary is 2.93 MB. Assuming you are using sock weight yarn, with 7 stitches per inch, results in knitted doom being…

3322 square feet

Factoring it out…302 people, each knitting a relatively reasonable 11 square feet, could knit Doom.

If your democrat friends start muttering about stolen election conspiracy theories, the time to have a sit down with them and express your concerns is NOW, while you still have a chance to reach them, not 6 months from now when they're fully conspiracy-pilled.

Here's some of the talking points and why they're bullshit:

'10 million votes don't just disappear!' -> Joe Biden's 81 million votes were a statistical outlier, sparked by the recent experience of the Trump presidency. The democrats failed to maintain that sense of urgency, but Harris still got more votes than Hillary Clinton, more than Obama and more than any previous democratic candidate. These numbers are not weird at all.

'The Republicans tried to infiltrate election- and vote counting organizations!' -> yeah, they did, and yet hundreds of independent legal observers didn't see anything go wrong enough to raise any alarms. Independent exit polls are also very consistently similar to the counted votes. Tons of international organizations specialized in this stuff observed the election and didn't see a reason to raise the alarm.

'But I know a dozen democrats whose mail-in votes were not counted!' -> In any election a certain number of votes are registered as invalid because something was wrong with the ballot. In a country the size of the US, that translates to many thousands of votes. The internet allows these people to find each other, creating the false impression that a suspiciously large group of voted was not valid.

'Musk used Star Link to mess with electronic voting!' -> Electronic voting machines are not connected to the internet and dozens of independent media have already debunked this myth. It is absolutely impossible to use Star Link to fake election results.

'There is voter disenfranchisement!' -> This is true. This has always been true, for every election. It's an issue worth talking about but it's not a special secret conspiracy that's unique to this election.

But just as importantly as the facts: sit down with your friend and talk about the anxiety that's behind their conspiracy leanings. Acknowledge their pain and fear. Help them find ways to feel less powerless and regain their sense of agency. Take them to a mutual aid event, involve them in a fundraising event for a marginalized group, invite them to a local community effort. If they spend more time feeling connection and empowerment and less time doom scrolling online, they're far more likely to stay in reality.

Abrahamic religions can be compared to a grilled cheese sandwich:

Is it cut diagonal, horizontal, or vertical?

Why argue when it's the same sandwich

I used to put caution/warning marks in my earmuffs when I used to work loud saws as a job.

I thought they were hilarious because "haha, loud saw, and I can't hear anything," but I feel like it should be normal to put those marks on earmuffs even if it's not loud.

Imagine your autistic and wearing muffs with warning signs on the sides; people will probably approach you with caution.

Something to try

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What if, instead of being shamed for eating the fruit in the garden of eden, Adam and Eve were praised for learning?

"Congrats, you two have knowledge, now go out and learn about the world."

The God of the Bible is turned into a disappointed father rather than an angry God.

"Why did you guys do that? You should've known better."

"A family of 8 made a boat without any directions, I just gave dimensions. They're smarter than all of you."

An important PSA to remember!

[ID in Alt]

Seizure of indigenous land, 1776-1887

Immortality is an interesting thought experiment. Yes, looking young while being shockingly old is a fun thing to suprise people with, but the concept of time itself would be so terrible that everything would be a blur. Your friend would have to correct you on what happened when.

"That happened in the 60s,"

Really? What century?

"1960's."

Was that during speakeasies?

"No, that was during the 1920's. The 60's had hippies and Woodstock."

Oh, yeah. Everything's been a blur since everyone got a car.

They'd also probably forget EVERYONE'S name because the immortal has been around for so long. So it'll feel like you're doing with your great grandparents all the time.

Henry?

"No, I'm Steve."

Oh. You remind me of Henry.