Xevrq

[ 𝟏:𝟓𝟕 𝐀𝐌 ] — 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐊𝐈 𝐓𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐀

it’s cold.

that’s the first thing kisaki thinks when he wakes up, eyebrows furrowing when the bed is empty and devoid of you and your usual warmth beside him. sitting up, he groans as he stretches his muscles out, hastily climbing out to find you. he tries to convince himself not to panic.

the bathroom lights are off—he notes all your things are thankfully still there—and so are the hallway lights, and so are the living room lights, but the kitchen seems to be lit. sighing, he walks in, watching from the entrance as you sit at the table, swirling a cup of tea around in your mug glumly.

“you should be in bed,” he says dryly. you don’t even blink, staring off ahead.

“what’s it to you?” you scowl. he grits his teeth, eyes narrowing as they stare down at you. it’s scrutinizing—everything seems to be when it comes to kisaki. he’s always got something to say, and it’s grown tiring for you.

“watch it,” he warns, making you roll your eyes. staring up at him, there’s a small pool of tears at the corner of your eyes, and his anger slowly ebbs away. for the first time, he takes in how hallow your eyes seem and how disappointed you are. and he feels himself fearing your withdrawal from him—the rejection seems unbearable if it comes from you.

“you go back to bed,” you wave off. “i’ll come in a bit.” you try to hide the shakiness of your voice, but he catches it immediately. and as scrutinizing as kisaki can be, as nit-picky to every detail as he can seem, as hard to please and even harder to decipher as he is, he’s always known exactly what you needed and exactly what to do.

“won’t be able to fall asleep,” he mutters quietly, sitting beside you at the table. he snatches your mug from your hand, taking a long sip of your tea.

“tetta, seriously?” you groan. his lips curl into a smirk, the mug meeting his lips again as he finishes the contents in one large gulp. you should kill him, you think, he’s gotten away with enough anyway.

but his smile is pretty, and the messy bed hair that frames his face is prettier. it makes you smile despite yourself.

“i see you grinning, dumbass,” he says cooly. “you’re not mad.” reaching over, you take the mug from him, giving his shoulder a good shove in the process. it’s halfhearted and it wouldn’t do anything, but he leans his body to the side anyway, his theatrics giving you the satisfaction of seeing him lose his balance slightly.

“i won’t forget the things you said to me,” you whisper. the words underneath are clear. they’ve left a scar. his heart cracks a little, and he wonders if you’ve realized you have the power to batter it until it’s weak. it wouldn’t be hard—one foot out the door and kisaki’s lost all that makes him a man, but he hopes it doesn’t come to that.

“they weren’t true,” he mumbles. “nothing i said was true.” his hair falls onto his eyes, and even though you’re mad, and hurt, and incredibly tired, you find it second nature to reach forward and brush the strands out of his face.

he immediately presses his own palm to the back of your hand, holding it in place and leaning his face into it. and it’s rare to see a small bit of vulnerability from kisaki, to see him so openly hint that he wants—that he needs an ounce of affection, but you know he craves it, and he’s lost without it on most days.

so, with a sigh, you brush your thumb over his cheek, shaking your head at how soft you are for him. loving him’s not easy, but perhaps that’s why you do it. the difficult tasks are always the most rewarding ones in the end.

“tetta—”

“baby,” he corrects. a small grin etches across your lips.

“how about gumdrop?”

“don’t push it,” he purses his lips, and you laugh. and it’s beautiful, he thinks, the soft glow of your face as the dimly lit kitchen illuminates your skin. your head thrown back in your laughing fit sends waves that crash over his heart. he’s casted away from everything else for a moment, all he can focus on being you. and he’s not mad, couldn’t ever be.

“okay, fine,” you agree. the smile on your face slowly falters, but his grip on your hand doesn’t. “baby, i’m just…i can’t deal with the things you say sometimes,” you whisper. “i’m not cut out for this,” you admit.

“you don’t have to be,” he soothes. “i’m working on it. i won’t say things like that anymore,” he promises. and it’s hard to tell if it’s the truth or not, but he sounds determined. and kisaki’s never given a reason not to believe him, he’s always gone great lengths to give you what he promises. so, with a shaky sigh, you lean into his embrace, hearing the beating of his heart in his chest. it’s the same heartbeat that soothes you to sleep each night and matches the rhythm of yours. he kisses the crown of your head, and nothing has ever made him feel as whole and seen and complete as the feel of your skin against his.

“promise?” you whisper.

“yeah, whatever. i promise,” he mumbles. pulling away, you cup his cheeks, taking in the sleep that’s still laced in his eyes, smiling gently at the sight. kissing his nose, then his cheeks, then finally, pressing a lingering kiss to his lips, you stroke your fingers through his hair as he leans into your palm.

“okay,” you nod. he glances at you expectantly. “what?”

“and…?”

“and…?” you tease.

“say it,” he glares. rolling your eyes, you hug his waist, feeling his hand rub over the small of your back.

“i love you,” you murmur. and with an equally as demanding tone, you add, “say it back.”

and it’s his turn to roll his eyes as he mumbles “i love you too.”

PENIS!!!!

WHAT ANW ANSWER MY IG DM YOU ASS

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CHAPTER 223 SPOILERS

🕯 🕯

🕯 🕯

Draken

🕯 Will 🕯

Survive

🕯 🕯

🕯 🕯

kazuha — till death do us part

prompt: “ i don’t care if you’re not next to me anymore. i still love you, and i will love you until i can’t love you anymore” or, in which kazuha, in the heat of the moment in a battle between the resistance and the shogunate army, realised that you would no longer be by his side

warnings: major character death

genre: angst, with no comfort + slight romance

notes: attempting to manifest kazuha in the form of angst, because that’s what hyv threw at us in the new event :’)

Keep reading

childhood best friends to lovers with xiao

ingredients: you have been friends with xiao almost your whole life... but it's the little things that make you realize there's something more.

calories: xiao + gender neutral reader

serving size: modern/highschool au・fluff・hurt/comfort・headcanons・too lazy to do word count rn

how did you guys meet in the first place? it was quite simple, really. it was when you guys were both first graders and the both of your parents were friends! all in all, they brought you over to his place and somehow xiao ended up accidentally throwing a cupcake at your face.

you thought he hated you until he popped up on your doorstep the next day, a single cupcake in his hand. to this day you think it's a pretty funny story and tease xiao for it (he always flicks your forehead and says he wouldn't mind throwing a cupcake at you again)

growing up, everyone usually knew xiao as the quiet boy in class and didn't pay attention to him. you knew him as your best friend with the great spotify playlists and the king of having no sleep. and now you were both in the middle of high school, he still barely got any sleep despite your protests.

it was surprising on how xiao was the one waking you up each day for school, climbing the tree beside your house and knocking loudly on your window. you decided to just leave it unlocked most nights (although once, he woke you up by pouring water on you and you arrived to school with a towel on your head)

days would go by normally. hanging out with xiao, studying with xiao, even having a sleepover with xiao! so when did your heart start to flutter at the sight of him?

was it when he climbed through your window, not in the morning but in the middle of the night? it was when he nudged you awake, telling you about a nightmare he had and apologizing that he woke you up. but you both ended up playing games until sunrise, eventually passing out on the bed with your head on xiao's lap.

or was it when he suddenly stopped walking, delaying the time you would reach some random destination? xiao turned around without a word, bending down and tying your shoelaces for you because it had gotten untied. you definitely remembered him ruffling your hair, telling you to check before you leave the house next time.

or maybe it was when he won that volleyball game! his whole team was cheering but he only smiled when he met you in the school parking lot, a bright expression on your face and you insisting that it was time to celebrate.

but what about that time you were both randomly hanging out at a park playground? a shady guy was around the area and you definitely noticed xiao's hand reaching for yours, pulling you close and convincing you that the other side of the park was much more interesting.

you appreciated xiao. you cared about xiao. you wanted him to be happy. and of course you loved him! you didn't realize that you loved him in a romantic way until your heart dropped at a statement xiao said.

"high school love is a waste of time," xiao scowled, getting annoyed at the amount of people relentlessly pinning for him and suddenly calling him "the hottest in the grade." why were they wasting his time? and being so frustrating?

your heart crushed as you tried to calm him down, telling him to ignore them and that he was right.

was he?

so you kept your feelings to yourself. even when summer came around and it was a hot day, refusing xiao's offer to have his cold drink. you knew he already took a sip and didn't want to seem annoying but he seemed tired of your complaining, eventually shoving (gently!) the straw in your mouth.

the only thing you could think about was that you just shared an indirect kiss with xiao.

despite wanting to confess already, you knew xiao wouldn't waste time on such things and you didn't want to be unfair towards him. even as some girl kept insisting for xiao's number and you instinctively told her that you were his partner, shooing her off and getting a thank you from xiao.

if only it was real.

but it felt real. it felt incredibly real that one day you cried in the rain, the day being extremely overwhelming and you hating it. you let yourself believe that it was real as xiao dropped the umbrella he had in his hand, choosing to hold you in his arms instead and deal with a cold later. you still remember him rocking you back and forth, whispering sweet nothings in your ear and ignoring anyone who walked by.

and then the final straw happened.

this time, you were the one who crawled through his window late at night. the one who received the 3 AM text saying "i got another one." the one who held xiao in their arms as he broke down in front of you the first time, just so tired of his stupid nightmares that almost felt like reality.

you were upset, just as xiao was when he saw you break down before. most importantly, you felt like the both of you didn't deserve this. xiao didn't deserve getting such horrid nightmares while you didn't deserve him. was it even right for you to be his friend in the first place? were you even worth it? you felt like such a waste of time.

it was ironic of you telling xiao to ignore the voices in his head when you listened to yours. and he knew.

so he cradled your face in his hands, even as tears rolled down his face and made you cry too. you finally listened, not speaking a single word as xiao placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and pulled you closer.

"i love you. so so, much. don't ever forget that."

and you didn't. to this day as you peppered kisses all over xiao's face and he slow danced with you in his room. although you could hardly believe that he confessed first and he liked you as well, you were thankful.

here's to many more days with your beloved. cherish them, all the way to the end.

i think you can tell the message is to appreciate people when you can (unless they suck). ilysm and you are worth it, stay strong and hold on!! idc how cringe i sound right now you deserve beautiful, happy things.

ANYWAYS

tags: @noirkkat, @tiny-aroace, @ben6ett, @abyssheart, @starglitterz, @blisschi, @heavensbeloved, @mystic-helena, @kachuuha, @xmellows, @rim0na, @velionqs, @glazelilyy, @yanbub, @urujiako, @adeptusjade, @zaultar @seerie, @blossomiich, @xiaozuha

bold: i can’t tag you for some reason!

i just KNOW i'm gonna regret posting this tomorrow morning but i need something to post so i hope you enjoyed!!

baji is pretty but gross IK that man has a million icks

i’m finna get disrespectful.

tw: milo getting in baji’s ass.

baji keisuke is one dirty ass person. first of all, i have a feeling he sniffs his boxers to rewear them.. even after a fucking fight.

second, you know when guys get mad to the point they’re swinging at the air? him. ik he’s slipped and busted his ass in the shower and tried to grab onto the water, something, cheeks clenched with a growl leaving his lips bruh

third, he picks at his toenails. sorry not sorry. he’ll sit on the edge of the bed, scrolling through whatever while his other hand is picking at his toes.

finally, his pillow smells. he doesn’t wash his pillowcase and he drools all fucking night long so now he’s sleeping on a germ infested pillow that smells like morning breath.

i love baji though that’s my bae fr

Can I request a 7 minutes in heaven w/ mikey and mitsuya? Btw i really love your writing 🤍🤍 keep it upppp!

heyaa !! thank u so much for loving my work >~< keep safe always and have an amazing day!! <3 fr i had to take multiple breaks in writing this one because of how flustered i got- i was also listening to double take while writing mitsu's part and damn- idk how many times i had to put my phone down for how that made me feel 😭

𝟕 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐓𝐄𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐍

PAIRINGS: Mikey & Mitsuya x gn! reader

GENRE: FLUFF

♡ 𝐌𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐘 likes to participate in these types of games just so he can poke the fun out of his friends, not thinking that he'd be safe from their own mischief. Especially when Draken and Mitsuya have been setting traps and giving each other glances just for them to telepathically communicate as they grin once you've got a hold of the bottle, their messages being translated to your movements when Draken purposely sped up the round so it can be your turn.

The leader tried to act like he wasn't paying attention to whoever it landed on because he feared that his stubbornness would show but when your hand tilts the bottle and it began to spin while you were also in a fit of nervousness.

You didn't expect that this would be the game they'd play since it was suggested by the others to do charades but it was completely thrown off when Draken came up with the idea.

Your eyes would constantly meet Mikey's but he'd just smile at you whenever you do. Your mind was practically racing even before you had your turn because Yuzuha and the other girls kept asking you what you would do it it landed on him, fully aware of your feelings and how you two were always teased to each other but Mikey just laughs it off without any proper response which didn't help you trying to sort out if it was possible that he'd like you back.

You feel as if time was freezing around you when the bottle kept spinning but as it achingly slows, you and Mikey were at the edge of your seat alike the others who were also rooting for you to end up with him. So when the bottle had one more spin remaining, it felt like there was a one sided silent war between him and Baji who was next to him with the blonde on the right and seeing as the bottle was still pointed to the left with little movements, Baji just sees the disappointment through the blonde's eyes and adjusted in his seat and the bottle lands to the right because of his motion.

Mitsuya holds back a laugh, covering his mouth now that he's noticed what Baji did and the long haired boy just bid him a glare to shut up or they'd be caught by Mikey.

"Y/N and Mikey to the room please!" Draken shouts out of joy and the girls clappped, patting you on the back as your partner stood up while you eyed his reaction but you realized that he was just neutral to the results of the game but deep inside, he felt like he bolted to be up on his feet.

"You're stuck with me huh?" He jokes while you walked to the room. Smiley opened the door, pushing you two to go inside but before he closes it, he spoke. "No funny business but don't enjoy it too much either, shitty love birds!" He slams the door and while you two were inside the cramped room, the rest of the boys cheered.

"Baji, nice one!"

"No shit, Mikey was sweating so I had to help."

Mikey kept his hands in his pockets, leaning on the door and he tilts his head, glancing at your figure who was just standing a few distances from him which was odd of you.

"I might have to thank Baji for letting that bottle turn to me." He comments to catch your attention while you looked at him confused, not knowing that this limited chance to confess to him was actually granted by the first division captain.

"Crap, seriously?" You asked chuckling at how convenient that was and how their childishness never fails to exist no matter the situation. Taking a few notches up to your confidence, you stood beside him just as you realized how small the room was.

"Eh, well, he did help me to be with you." He says with a smile, turning to you slightly while you did the same and leaned your head to the door. "So I'm thinking we should give him a prize about it?" You said, following his natural flow of conversation as he chuckles.

"I know what Baji wants from us so are we gonna give it to him?" He suddenly asked, resting his arm beside him so he comes closer to you which in return caught you off guard but it actually made you laugh at how he did that so naturally and Mikey rolls his eyes knowing you've always been this observant in terms of how he acts to realize that he wasn't always like this even if you found it cute. It definitely erased your tenseness around him when you thought about how comfortable your relationship is when you're with him. This is why you liked him because of how you two acted so real with each other, not minding if you were just laughing at each other's clumsiness and how you two were so fond of one another—there's just no room to be nervous.

"I'm making a move here, don't just laugh at me." He pouts out of disappointment while you shook your head, understanding his perspective before softly placing a peck to his cheek with your hand on his shoulder as Mikey beamed.

"I don't think that's enough for me." He said with a sheepish smile which leads him to gently pull you by the waist as he tilts his head while you did the same, catching his lips with yours and joyful smiles were drawn to the both of you, at the same time your eyes closed. Your hand went from his shoudlers to his neck, closing more of that space.

Mikey then shifts both of your bodies, turning you swiftly and now your back was onto the door with your kiss still in tact just like his hands that were on your hips. Soon, one hand had gone to your chin while his index finger was to your jaw while the heat to your cheek increases with every dainty touch from him, every skin to skin contact was burning your heart at the new found intimacy just as your hands go through his hair, tugging on it making his hold on your waist to tighten while he intends to eliminate more of that lasting distance by what you did.

Just before Mikey could have the chance to do so, Baji rips the door open forgetting that you were fixated on it as you pulled away when the support has been removed from your back while the blonde opens his eyes to be welcomed by you slightly falling because of the sudden opening of the door as the light makes you both squint.

Mikey pulls you by the hand to help you up while Draken and Mitsuya yelled out to congratulate you two and the rest joins in clapping.

In the light you can see the flush to Mikey's cheeks and the mild sweat building up on his forehead alike you whose temperature hasn't ceased now that they caught you in the act.

"Thanks, Baji!" He bids to the other boy then he holds you by the wrist. "Everyone, we'll be leaving!" He suddenly announces as everyones head avert to him which makes him even more obligated to boast about it.

"I'm gonna take Y/N on a date!" He proudly states which causes another havoc to your emotions while he briefly sends a wink to you then he just waves at his friends who were applauding him. He drags you out of the house while you let out a chuckle. "A date huh?"

"I didn't get to confess since we were quite busy so, I might as well toss a date in even if we broke the rule that you shouldn't kiss on your first date."

♡ 𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐘𝐀's eyes seemed to be distracted during the first half of the game night so when Smiley took notice of this, he's nudging his brother and the news has made it's way to Mikey and Draken which lead them to suggest 7 minutes in heaven for the sake of the couples that needed an extra push. So when he's just watching the others walk in and out of the room, Hakkai is whispering to him.

"You should sit beside, Y/N-san." He suggest with a pat to his back but Mitsuya shakes his head. The lilac haired boy kept his chin to his palm while he stares at you from across the room just as the third round rolls in and Draken slides the bottle in front of Mitsuya which catches both of your attention, making eye contact with each other just as he nods timidly and Draken sends a cocky smirk his way.

"It's your turn, Mitsuya."

"My man!" Nahoya says, slinging his arm to him as Emma and Yuzuha mutter to you how this could be the perfect chance for you two to stop beating around the bush. You two didn't need a confession—or at least that's what you think considering the glances you'd give to each other weren't exactly meant to stay just as friends. You were already transparent enough, the others could tell it in every encounter you'd have with him but none of you ever addressed it or has had the confidence to do so when talking with you always makes him lose his train of thought.

With a rotate to the bottle as it spins, everyone's eyes were on it and some would look at you both just to expect that it would land on you. Your hearts were head to head, battling for whose pace was faster than the other, who'd be the first to break on the results that are about to come up.

You weren't nervous to say the least because there have been enough moments where you two would often be left alone and that never seems to bother any of you but the alarming pace of your heart was caused by the rules of the game. If you were given 7 minutes just to be in a small room just talking to each other, you could withstand that but knowing how the game usually goes for others, it became the villain behind your anxiety.

With pursed lips, Mitsuya's fingers were continously tapping on his lap while impatience surrounds him, similar to you. It felt like you were just counting down the seconds before it could stop and it was testing you both just how willing you two were to wait for the damn thing to stop.

As demanded of every single person in the room, it lands and the opening of the bottle was pointed at you and there's a chorus of happy comments for Mitsuya.

"Y/N and Mitsuya, come here!" Mikey beams while you both stood up to go to the room, a bit jittery as the blonde pushes Mitsuya, bumping into you. Mikey reminds you of the rules before he's sarcastically slamming the door closed. The both of you sigh at the same time which made you turn to each other, noticing how nervouse you two were in your own ways. He rubs his nape out of shyness as he watches you look around the room and the two of you share a glance until another coincidence happens.

"Y/N-"

"Mitsu-"

"Can I go first? I don't think we'd be able to talk to each other properly." He asked as you responded by nodding. "I just wanted to ask if you're actually okay with this—we don't have to do anything y'know." He was worried for your sake because you seemed a whole lot more distant than usual like you were choosing to avoid staying by his side.

"I'm fine with this, it's just you and me, nothing new." You answered with soft eyes onto his while you could point out how he gets drawn into them once again so you just stood beside him, leaning on the wall as your head falls to his arm.

You took a deep breath, not really liking how you were wasting time just by trying to avoid confrontation when you were eating your own words—you said it yourself that it was nothing new, the two of you being around each other for the hundredth time, why should you choose this time to not confess? If you felt like he's always reciprocated those feelings, all you had to do was ask and that'd put an end to this status just as friends.

"Mitsuya, can I tell you something?"

"Anything." He answered, focus moving to you but your hands at the bottom were lingering around each other, desperate for a certain connection to spark.

"I just wanted to be sure but..Takashi—I really like you, not just as someone who I trust..well..something more than that. Honestly, I think you know that already but I just wanted you to know." In your mind, your words were scrambled and held not a single sense of how it sounded on his side.

Mitsuya bites the inside of his mouth to hide just how big his smile could've gotten when he heard you. He feels like he could replay your words for as long as he wanted, letting his heart dance around inside him at the immense joy put onto him because of you.

"I have an answer for that but will you allow me?"

Raising your head, confused to what he meant but a second later, Mitsuya tilts his head along with a shaky breath just as he's in front of you, eyes going from your eyes to your lips with that smile of his until his hand slowly creeps onto your cheek with his thumb placed on your bottom lip while your cheeks rose to a summer heat by one swift move of his, feeling like having butterflies flutter inside you was an understatement. His eyes glanced back to yours just for you to the glimmer in it and returns it back to your lips.

"I like you just as much, Y/N." He whispered, taking your heart to a whole other level with it's unstableness as Mitsuya leans in more and that's when it happened—his soft lips onto yours with eyes closed while you instantly smiled, the blissfulness of it getting attached to him, as he does the same, humming into the kiss when your hands rake through his hair to pull him closer than ever as if the distance you took wasn't massive enough.

His hands were indecisive, caught between wanting it to remain on your face and the other to your waist just to hold you to him and let your bodies come in contact with each other. So for now, he places both his hands to either side of your cheek just get a nicer hold to you, keeping that closeness until you both would eventually catch your breath.

Pulling away, he catches how you panted making him chuckle before you're looking at him and slinging your arms around his neck as he didn't hesitate to reconnect your lips just by the way you stared at him so lovingly. This time, his hands were onto your waist, letting his finges rake up and down your shirt, just feeling you until it comes back to him gently gripping your sides, eager yet thriving in the moment. You could feel every part of your body give in to how careful yet soft he was holding you as expected of someone just wanted to prove you his point in the best way possible.

He might have shown it too much to the point time had completely passed and Mikey opens the door, the light covering every corner you two were in as your eyes widen at the sudden flash of light and you were greeted by a smirking blonde.

"So, couple confirmed?" He teased while Takashi intertwined your hands to his, leading you out the room just for you to have an audience of your own, with him earning pats of congrats from his friends. You sat down beside each other as he kisses your hands with the other giving a mix of reactions with how proud they were for you two to finally get together and the other half being completely bitter at their lack of love life.

"Did you get my answer?" Mitsuya joked and now that you two were out in the light, you could tell how a particular hue of pink decorated his cheeks making you chuckle at how he must've been the same as you while you spoke,

"Loud and clear, Takashi."

TOKYO REV : @strawberrieas @kwrg @raya-sano @kimrena-stuff @heavensbeloved @rosewood1999 @beezebub @l-luci @bekky06 @keiisukebaji

OVERALL: @stesphy @itsmeaudrieee @crapimahuman @meguroshi @floydenai

your big brother kazuha hcs were so cute 😭 i was wondering if you could also do hcs for either kaeya and diluc as big brothers

autophobia.

# — characters: gender neutral reader, kaeya, diluc, crepus

# — summary: “in family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” –friedrich nietzsche

# — warnings: mentions of death, fighting, panic attacks, anxiety

# — tags: hc/drabble format, slight canon divergence, hurt/comfort, LOTS of fluff, but also LOTS of angst, found family, implied (romantic) albedo x reader

# — notes: i know you liked the kazuha one because it was cute but because this concept with kaeya and diluc specifically actually crosses my mind a lot.. like a LOT a lot, this is a long one, so buckle up! as always, reblogs and reactions are appreciated, and i really really hope you enjoy!

# — tag list: @marius-z @the-gayest-sky-kid @kkiryus @keiq0 @favonious-captain

wanna join the tag list?

✧ — ❄ +🔥 — ✧

so i'm assuming you meant diluc and kaeya separately, buuuut... it's hard to put them separate when they are brother, though they behave otherwise

so let's say, for the sake of this post, you are their adopted younger sibling!

crepus took you in along with kaeya since you two were abandoned in the same place at the same time

however, you two were abandoned by completely different people, so no, you have no ties to khaenri'ah

(but, if you want smth that's like.. kaeya and the reader being sibling spies for khaenri'ah, i can make a whole 'nother post. i digress.)

as children...

you three were inseparable

kaeya and diluc bonded well to begin with, but with you added to the mixture, they may as well have been joined at the hip

diluc is the oldest amongst the three of you, and sort of gets saddled with caring for you and kaeya in subtle ways, even if crepus is present in your lives

he's kind of like the "leader" if that makes sense? he's fine with you and kaeya having opinions or dictating what activities you do for the day

but neither you nor kaeya can refuse diluc whenever he asks for something or makes a demand

(he will deny, as an adult, that he ever made demands as a boy. it's true that he didn't, but you and kaeya will sometimes tease him about it anyways.)

"kaeya, can you stop spinning them around like that? you two might break something and dad would have a heart attack if either of you got hurt." a young diluc peers over the top of his book at you and kaeya, who have been horsing around while he reads something about knighthood.

he's been taking his studies seriously these days in order to fulfill your father's dreams of becoming an esteemed knight of favonius. since crepus couldn't do it himself, diluc took it upon himself to do it in his stead. he's an overachiever in every sense of the word, and you thought he was the coolest brother in all of teyvat.

kaeya sets you down on the ground gently. "yes sir!" he salutes his brother, snickering when you copy his actions.

diluc snorts and rolls his eyes. "that's not even how the knights salute, kaeya. you'd know that if you studied more."

kaeya scrunches his nose. "hey, i take my studies very seriously, thank you very much. i just gotta make time for my siblings, unlike some people." he leans over and uses your head as an arm rest, not budging when you try to shake him off. "it's called time management, diluc. look it up."

your brothers bickered like this rather often, but there was never any bite to their words. you could always see them fighting back smiles as they went back and forth, trying to keep the upper hand on the other. a lot of the time, you were caught in the crossfire, be it physically or verbally. you didn't mind much, but sometimes they would get annoying.

you manage to shove kaeya's arm off your head. "for the record, neither of you are good at managing your time." you grumble. "diluc studies too much and kaeya studies too little."

"what, are you supposed to be goldilocks, then?" diluc closes his book, smirking at you. "are you supposed to be the perfect kid?"

you cross your arms over your chest. "well, duh. i studied for a little while today, and i'm playing with kaeya now. i'll study some more later. that's how you do it."

your brothers share a look of defeat and then turn their eyes back to you. kaeya ruffles your hair. "ah, our youngest is growing up so fast," he muses, "soon, they'll be the grand master of the knights and we'll have to follow their every command."

you sputter and try to push kaeya off of you again. when you fail, your struggling turns into an all-out wrestling match, with kaeya beating you in record time thanks to his longer limbs. "on second thought," your brother pants, "maybe i'd make a better grand master? what do you think, diluc?"

"sure, kaeya." diluc answers dismissively. "you'd be the greatest."

it's a respect thing, mostly.

never once has diluc lorded his title as eldest over the two of you, so you and kaeya came to respect and love him naturally.

diluc takes after crepus in more than just appearance.

even as kids, he was mature and responsible, but still maintained his boyish behaviors whenever you or kaeya were involved.

he's the older brother you ran to during stormy nights, since you knew for a fact that he would be awake anyways.

he's the older brother you went to for silent comfort

if you had a nightmare, diluc was the brother you went to.

(kaeya can pout about it all he wants.)

if you wanted to cry, diluc was the brother who would hug you silently until you've let it all out. he won't ask questions or push you for answers; he'll just sit there and be your rock.

i suppose in a literal sense, he's the warmth of your childhood. diluc is the sturdy, resilient, ever-burning flame that you use for comfort in times of need.

also, don't tell anyone, but diluc was definitely a hugger. a HUGE teddy bear.

kaeya was definitely the more tactile sibling

but if you denied diluc a hug or went to kaeya instead of him, he'd get all mopey and then deny it until you cuddled with him.

"you were pouting earlier."

"i don't pout. can you get out my room?"

you giggle. "i came to give you a hug, since i didn't give you one earlier."

diluc sits up with a groan, his hair wild. "is that why you're here at..." he peeks at the clock on the wall. "two in the morning?"

he sounds exhausted, but you can tell he's not going to reject you. he never does. you don't say anything -- you just stand there and wait for diluc to ask for what he clearly wants.

"you're gonna make me say it, aren't you?"

you nod.

diluc sighs and scoots over in his bed. "get over here, you brat. i'm sleepy." when you climb in beside him, he tosses the comforter over you and hugs you close. he smells like cinnamon and you sigh contently. "can't believe you woke me up for this." he grumbles.

you snicker. "love you too, 'luc."

"whatever."

as the resident middle child, kaeya took it upon himself to balance being a big brother and a little brother all at once

i know it may sound easy to people without siblings, and maybe even some actual middle children may say that it's not that hard

but middle child syndrome is very real, and when you step back and think about it, it's really hard when you're kind of overshadowed by your older and younger siblings.

he doesn't feel any sort of negative way about it, but kaeya is a smart boy -- he knows that he put himself in a difficult position by behaving the way he does

he babies you, even though the age gap between you two isn't very large.

kaeya is the older brother who seeks you out instead of the other way around.

and for some reason he never makes noise when he moves?

(is it related to his mission? find out next time on the next episode dragon ball z)

it's something he LOVES using to his advantage, by the way.

"shit!"

kaeya makes an accusatory noise. "what would father say if he heard you say something like that?" he leans on the doorway, a playful smirk on his lips. "did i really scare you that badly?"

you clutch at your chest in an attempt to slow your racing heart. "would it kill you to make a little noise when you move? for barbatos' sake, i could have died just now."

kaeya's expression falters for a moment, but he glosses it over so quickly, you think you may have seen incorrectly. "dramatic as always. anyways," he extends a hand out for you to take, "our dearest older brother is heading into the city and wants us to come with."

"it's not a request, is it," you ask, taking your brother's hand. you roll your eyes when kaeya tells you that no, diluc actually did ask. but because neither you nor kaeya can say no to him, you two were already going along. "figured as much." you sigh.

i'd like to think that by the time kaeya was in his late teens, he had adopted a particular manner of speech

specifically, the one he uses as an adult

it's corny to you, but you secretly think it makes him even cooler than he already is

because kaeya is exactly the kind of cool protagonist-like boy you read about in stories

he's always had his eye covered ever since you two met, and he's always carried himself with grace

now that you're an adult who knows of his past, it makes sense

but little you just wanted to be like their big brother

and honestly, kaeya did what he could to mold you in his image

not to say he told you his secrets, but whenever he saw his habits in you, it made his heart break and swell at the same time

truly, the most painful parts of his childhood was realizing how much he loved you and diluc

"...why are you wearing an eyepatch?" diluc raises a brow at you. "is there a secret costume party in the mansion that i don't know about or something?"

just as you're about to explain why you're wearing it, kaeya comes stumbling into the room, his hand covering his right eye. "there you are!" he yells.

diluc snorts so loud he has to cover his mouth. so that's why you had an eyepatch on -- you took it from kaeya. from the frantic look in his eye, diluc thinks you may have just taken it off of kaeya in his sleep or something.

you shriek and duck behind diluc, who's failing at masking his laughter. "don't hurt me!" you yell from behind your brother. "i just thought it looked cool!"

kaeya growls. "then you should have just asked to try it on, you dirty thief! who takes shit off someone's face like that?!"

diluc actually barks out a laugh and kaeya fixes him with a glare capable of freezing over anything. "sorry, sorry." he tries to apologize as he makes a face in an attempt to school his expression. "it's not funny, i'm sorry."

"you're still smiling." kaeya deadpans.

"to be fair," diluc snickers, "you've got sticky fingers as well."

it's true; kaeya definitely has a habit of taking the belongings of others -- yours in particular, actually -- and hiding them in the most absurd places. he must have never thought someone would return the favor like this. he sighs, the fight and frustration leaving him.

now that he's looking at you from behind diluc, kaeya can't help but feel proud of the fact that you're acting like him. it was an amateur heist on your part, but with some more practice, you could be just like him someday. he sighs fondly at the thought of it.

"fine, you got me." he concedes. "but can you give it back now? i kinda need that."

kaeya will forever be grateful to have you and diluc as siblings, because even though you were all young and curious, neither of you asked why he wore an eyepatch -- or at the very least why he worked so hard to keep it hidden from view. you step out from behind diluc, the cloth still over your eye, and kaeya feels his heart stop for just a moment. he loves you so dearly, his precious little sibling, but...

remember your purpose, something hisses at him. don't get too attached.

it's too late for that, he thinks. kaeya hold out his other hand, thanking you when you place the eyepatch in his hand. "don't do that again, yeah?" he says softly.

surprisingly, kaeya's gentle tone makes you feel scolded -- mostly because he doesn't speak like that often. you duck your head and murmur an apology.

"hey." kaeya flicks your forehead. he's wearing his eyepatch again, and that warm, brotherly smile that makes you feel safe. "it's okay. i'm not mad at you; never have been, never will be. it's okay."

you nod shyly. if kaeya says it's okay, you think, then surely, everything will be as he says.

to you, kaeya was the brother that helped you with everything

for example:

while diluc helped you master your swordsmanship, it was kaeya who taught you the basics

from stances to defensive maneuvers, kaeya covered everything

he even taught you the basics of other weapons as well -- somehow he was adept with all of them, and he didn't hesitate to share his knowledge with you

it's kaeya who uses you as an arm rest and uses his height to keep things away from you

it's kaeya who steals from your plate when you aren't looking

it's kaeya who teaches you how to swear

but it's also kaeya who stays up all night whenever you say you feel unsafe

it's kaeya who doesn't judge you when you ask him to check under your bed or in your closet for intruders or hilichurls

it's kaeya who shares everything with you and diluc

it's kaeya who helps you catch and bottle crystalflies in the vineyard during sleepless nights.

it's kaeya who braids crystalflies into your hair, and let's you do the same to his as gets longer.

(it's also kaeya who manages to rope diluc into these crystalfly braiding sessions.)

it's kaeya who comes to you when he's having a bad day -- kaeya who asks you to just hold his hand and say nothing while he calms down

"having another moment?" you ask quietly. you were in the middle of painting something for adelinde's birthday when kaeya suddenly walked in and sat beside you, dropping his head on your shoulder.

you never knew what it was that tormented him so much. you hated whatever it was that turned your brother into a shadow of himself, but no matter how much you wanted to fix all of his problems, you couldn't. kaeya wouldn't talk about it, and you knew better than to pry.

so, you did what you could.

kaeya nods silently. you can feel him shaking ever so slightly. you move to put the paintbrush down so you can hug him, but he shakes his head.

"don't mind me," he chuckles despite himself. he sounds fine, but you know better. he takes your free hand in his, tangling your fingers together. "do what you're doing. i'll be fine soon."

every time. every single time kaeya has his moments, he pretends like it's nothing or like it's bothering someone. you have to swallow back the comforting words.

kaeya's always preferred physical comfort, anyhow.

you give his hand a light squeeze and keep painting. "remember the breathing exercise diluc taught you." you murmur. when you feel kaeya nod again, you hum.

your brother dozes off on your shoulder after half an hour. at least he's calm for now. you glance down at your fingers.

even in his sleep, his grip is still tight.

so... what changed?

you all know what happened the day crepus died.

if you don't, allow me to paraphrase:

when your father died, your brothers' respective personalities took a hard left.

diluc, having watched crepus' life come to an end right before his eyes, became vengeful after the knights of favonius instructed him to hide the truth.

as for kaeya, it was as if all of the traits that you admired so much in him became amplified in all the wrong ways.

you always knew he was keeping a part of himself locked away, but you didn't realize just how much until he came clean about it.

and you... well.

kaeya and diluc weren't the only ones to receive their visions that night.

but, for the sake of brevity (and accuracy), allow me to share some of kaeya's lore with you:

and this is verbatim, mind you.

"if khaenri'ah and mondstadt went to war, which side should he support? to whom should he offer his assistance: his birth father, who had ruthlessly abandoned him? or his adoptive father, who loved him and raised him?

"for the longest time, kaeya had agonized over these impossible questions, caught between the opposing demands of loyalty and duty, faced with an impossible choice between truth and happiness.

"but now, crepus' death upset this delicate balance. he felt liberated, but also ashamed of how selfishly he was responding.

"as an adopted son, he should have saved crepus, but he had arrived moments too late. as a brother, he should have shared in diluc's grief, and yet as their father lay dying on the ground he had hung back behind his brother, that ancient plot running through his mind."

- kaeya's vision lore.

so where do you fit into all of this?

you were somewhat like kaeya -- a child ruthlessly abandoned by their parents during a stormy night to fend for themself

unlike your brother however, you had no internal strife. you had no attachment to a destroyed nation -- no questions of loyalty to follow through your adolescent years into early adulthood.

you were just... you. another grieving child of the ragnvindr family.

but because you weren't like kaeya -- because all you knew was the dawn winery, diluc, kaeya, and crepus -- it might have been you who felt the fight between your brothers the most

you shouldered most of the pain from their separation, probably even more so than your brothers would ever admit out loud

because they were your only family. you may have been too young to understand the concept of abandonment when it happened, but as you grew older, the fear only grew with you

you fought so hard to keep your brothers and father close to you -- to keep your family intact

what you fear most isn't hilichurls or abyss mages or even the fatui

it's abandonment.

i'm sure you've asked this at some point, but what does the title of this request even mean?

autophobia (n.) - the fear of being alone.

your knowledge of khaenri'ah isn't very expansive.

all you know of the fallen nation is what's been taught to you through history books, but even then, there wasn't much to cover. as kaeya speaks, you try to remember all that you could from your history lessons as quickly as you can.

khaenri'ah, as you recall, was godless nation. not because they were abandoned by one, but because they had no need for one. the nation was thrown into ruin by monsters and gods alike, and as far as you knew, there was nothing left of it.

so, at first, you reach out to kaeya to comfort him for his loss. he's lost so much in his life, hasn't he? but as you're reaching for his arm, he jerks away from you, regret and shame pooling in his eyes. "kaeya..?" you whisper brokenly.

your brother's expression is pained as he tells his story to you and diluc.

none of it makes sense to you. you can't seem to wrap your head around the idea that your brother was sent to destroy mondstadt from the inside out. he would never do that -- he couldn't. as tough as he seemed, kaeya was just a big ball of fluff on the inside. the boy you grew up with wasn't capable of being a--

"traitor." diluc's voice is hoarse and low, coming out as a growl. you snap your eyes over to your brother, glaring at him to shut him up, but he pays you no mind. he looks furious enough to kill, and all three of you can feel the hostility that rolls off of him in waves.

kaeya doesn't help the situation as he opts to provoke diluc. gone is the remorse he once had written all over his face; in its place is a false sense of amusement. you'd think he was seriously enjoying diluc's anger if you didn't know him any better. kaeya shrugs nonchalantly. "if that's what you wanna call me, so be it." he says.

diluc's hackles rise and you instinctively place yourself between your brothers. "you lied to us," he seethes, "for decades, you've been lying! to me, to our family, to-- to mondstadt!"

kaeya has the gall to chuckle. you feel diluc surge forward, but you force him back. "honestly," he tsks, "our poor father is dead and that's what's got you upset? you really do take your job as cavalry captain seriously, don't you?"

you feel your jaw drop. this entire time, you've been trying to convince yourself that this conversation wasn't actually happening -- that kaeya was just playing a really poorly timed joke to lift your spirits. but the longer it goes on and the angrier diluc gets, the more it sinks in that this... this isn't a joke.

your father wasn't the only one to die that stormy night.

diluc shoves you to the side seemingly with all his strength as he lunges for kaeya, his weapon materializing his hands. you crash into the wall hard, but when you groan, disoriented by the impact, neither of your brothers stop to help you. you're strong enough to handle pain like that on your own, but kaeya and diluc vowed to never harm you -- or each other -- on purpose many years ago.

you're forced to watch as the vow dissolves into nothingness as diluc stabs the floor where kaeya had fallen.

"is that the best you've got, captain?!" kaeya taunts. he's light on his feet and his eyepatch is missing, allowing you and diluc to see what he's been hiding since he was a boy. his right eye glows an ethereal shade of yellow in the dim lighting of the hallway. he looks unhinged and hysterical, a wild, carefree grin marring his once gentle features. "you won't be able to stop me like that!"

"stop it!" you scream. "please, don't do this!" the words come out so loud, they manage to rip your throat raw in an instant. your brothers pay you no mind as they mercilessly attack each other; if someone didn't know they were brothers, they'd think they were fighting to the death. belatedly, you realize that they are.

"we took you in," diluc shouts as he parries kaeya's blade, "fed you, cared for you, loved you, only for you to stab us in the back?!"

"to be fair," kaeya grunts in response, "i haven't stabbed you in the back just yet. stay still, though, and i will."

you watch helplessly from the side as your family crumbles before your eyes. you give up on trying to stop your brothers. in terms of strength, they've got you beat; if you were to try to insert yourself in this battle, they'd likely do more than just injure you. the very thought of them accidentally killing you instead of each other makes you gag.

your childhood shatters with every clash of the swords that you hear. with every clang, another part of your relationships dies. all at once, your lungs stop functioning. you can't breathe -- it's as though someone is stepping on your chest with no intent of letting up. your stomach is about ready to rid itself of its contents as one thought becomes clear.

you're going to be left all alone again. left to fend for yourself in the same storm you were abandoned in all those years ago.

suddenly, a searing heat and a biting chill overtakes your senses, forcing you to take a deep breath. the shock of the temperature change makes you look back at kaeya and diluc, whose weapons are now encased in cryo and pyro elemental energies respectively.

you're struck with a sinking feeling of dread as their swords press against each other with diluc's flaming claymore starting to overtake kaeya's broadsword. kaeya's fingers are slowly being frosted over as his elemental energy spirals out of control, and you see diluc's hands starting to blister and peel with the heat of his pyro.

at this rate, they're likely going to kill themselves.

you're on your feet and holding your own weapon before you can even stop and contemplate the consequences. you understand that diluc and kaeya have you beat in terms of strength.

but your strength, however, comes from your speed.

your brothers are blown off their feet in opposite directions with the force of your slash. the three of you remain motionless for a moment, each of you panting with exertion and emotion. you stare down at your trembling hands, amazed by the power you had, and nearly faint at the sight of an anemo vision resting comfortably in your palm.

you'll process this later, you decide. right now, your brothers were more important.

"enough!" you cry. "that's fucking enough!"

diluc scowls at you, but it's weak. he must be exhausted from having burnt out so much energy so quickly due to the vision activating on its own. "you heard that asshole," he growls at you. "he would've killed us all a long time ago! and now you're stopping me from killing him?"

"the cavalry captain of the knights of favonius doesn't kill people, diluc." your words are punctuated by embarrassing sobs, but you don't care. "especially not their siblings. can we just--"

diluc spits out some blood, interrupting you. "if you're going to stand here and preach to me the value of a family that no longer exists," he pushes himself to his feet with the help of his weapon, "then we're done here."

"diluc fucking ragnvindr, don't you dare walk away from this." you try to threaten him, but it doesn't work. diluc starts walking and you swing your sword in his direction, leaving a clean slice in the wall he was leaving on. your anemo energy is unstable and volatile, but you have enough control over it to use it at will. you hate that that is what gets your brother to stop and listen to you.

"look," you pant, "we're all hurt in more ways than one. c-can we just... i don't know... try to heal together? please, i-- diluc, you never explained what happened to father, a-and," you turn to kaeya with tears on your cheeks, "you were there. you never explained either! why?!"

for a second -- for just a split second -- you see the kaeya you grew up with. "i..." kaeya catches himself, ridding himself of any vulnerabilities. his face darkens, and your stomach twists at the sight of this stranger wearing your brother's face.

"i don't owe you any more explanations." he says. he jumps to his feet with ease, but it's obvious that he's in excruciating pain. "i told you everything you needed to know. do with that information what you will." kaeya's voice is so distant.

on the other side of the hallway, diluc glares murderous daggers at kaeya. "i'll handle you someday. mark my fucking words."

you don't think you can take much more of this. "diluc," you try, "we're siblings! could you just--"

"i have no siblings."

you go completely still. every part of your body halts and stumbles as it tries to start again. you let your weapon dissolve as your lips begin to tremble. "w-what?"

"are you deaf?" diluc's crimson eyes burn right through you. this isn't the man you grew up with. you're not sure who you're looking at. "i said i have no siblings." he groans as he stumbles away. "whatever. i need to prepare for my father's funeral."

you don't put up a fight as you watch diluc hobble away. you turn to kaeya, still unsure if you heard correctly. maybe you were so overloaded that you were having auditory hallucinations. "k-kaeya," you stammer desperately. you don't even know what to say to him. "please."

the last glimmer of hope is extinguished as kaeya turns on his heel and walks away without a word.

for the second time in your life, you are abandoned.

this time, though, you know you will never forget it.

so... what happened? what now?

diluc buried himself in work and set off to travel the nations in search of answers for crepus' death

and a few years after that... well, we all know the tale of mondstadt's beloved "darknight hero".

you ran away from home about two days after the fight, joining the adventurer's guild and wandering the nations at a leisurely pace

which meant that diluc had the dawn winery to himself.

kaeya went on to become cavalry captain of the knights of favonius. diluc never did rat him out.

he's notorious for his reckless, yet clever and cunning behavior, his charm, and his super high alcohol tolerance

you make a point to avoid the city of mondstadt at all costs. there's no point.

there's nothing there for you anyways.

but the story doesn't exactly end there.

things don't get better as the years go by, but your brothers do mature.

they're... cordial with each other. sort of. enough so that they can hold conversations with each other, even if they do escalate into super passive aggressive arguments

they each hold enough regret to fill an ocean about the night you all separated.

kaeya is less conflicted about his choice between mondstadt and khaenri'ah, but he wishes he chose a better time to say it all.

he regrets brushing you off when you tried to unify them when you needed each other the most.

diluc lies awake at night thinking about how crushed you looked when he denied having siblings at all. your face haunts him well into his adult years.

he wishes he had listened to you -- if only he just listened.

as for you... you don't hate them.

at least you don't think you do. you haven't seen your...

you haven't seen kaeya or diluc in years. you don't know how you'll act if you ever come across them again.

you've mastered your vision and perfected a style of swordsmanship that you created based off of what kaeya and diluc taught you all those years ago

maybe someday, you'll be able to show them how much you've grown.

you wonder if they'll be proud of you the way they used to be.

will you ever see each other again?

inevitably, all roads lead back home.

after completing a difficult bounty in dragonspine, you make your way into the city of mondstadt for some much needed rest and relaxtion without much thought. it's a lot more... desolate than you remenber it to be. perhaps the quiet will do you some good; you just want to relax for a while, anyways.

after collecting your rewards and locating an inn to stay in during your time here, you decide to wander the streets. mondstadt is certainly less lively than you remember, but there are a few new and familiar faces that you come across during your stroll.

you run into aether, the blonde traveler who took a liking to you when you met in inazuma. he felt indebted fo you since you were the only person in inazuma who made a genuine effort to get him connected to the raiden shogun without trying to involve him in internal political affairs.

"not my home, not my business," you told him with a shrug. "the same goes for you. you're an outsider and people love to remind you of that, so use that to your advantage."

paimon tells you with a mouthful of food that aether started running into more trouble since he took your advice, but that he's stronger because of it.

"if you ever need my help again, you know you can commission me, right?" you nudge aether before you two part ways.

the traveler raises a brow at you. "are you asking me to pay to hang out with you?"

you whistle quietly. the aether you met in inazuma wasn't this brazen. you laugh, impressed. "i gotta make a living somehow." aether punches your shoulder lightly and you wince jokingly. "okay, okay! your presence is payment enough. happy?"

"extremely so." the traveler grins. you two part ways after that, with you laughing at paimon's enthusiastic waving. you continue your trip down memory lane as you walk the streets of mondstadt.

you come across amber, eula, and lisa, who you've met in passing before that day; you greet jean, who welcomes you with open arms; you even happen across albedo, who actually hesitates to speak to you.

you stayed with the chief alchemist for a few weeks up in dragonspine, basically helping him clear out any dangerous spots so he could conduct some research. during that time, you two grew quite close, and only three days before your departure did you two realize that there was something more than just snow in the air.

eventually, your trip ends at the angel's share. you're not much of a drinker, but something light wouldn't hurt, would it?

it would, you realize once you step inside. most of the patrons are off to the side, far away from the stools. but, there's a knight with long, blue hair sitting on the stool teasing the red-haired bartender on duty.

"welcome to the angel's share," the bartender sighs, seemingly on auto-pilot. "can i... oh."

"yeah. oh." you shoot back on impulse. too many years have passed for your biting tone to be interpreted as a joke, because both diluc and kaeya flinch.

what were you thinking, coming in here?! you knew you weren't a drinker, but you just had to pick now to try and start?

you weren't mentally prepared to look these two in the face -- not after what happened. you tried your hardest not to blame them, but no matter how many times you looked at it, they were in the wrong every time. bitterness grew old and sour deep inside you -- it was the main reason why you and albedo were stagnant at the moment; your fear of abandonment was too strong for you to commit to something like a relationship.

the chattering of the bar patrons continues in the background, but as the three of you stare at each other, it all seems to fade into silence.

"you're home," diluc speaks after a long pause. he's a lot bigger than you remember him. if you weren't so pissed at yourself, you'd tease him about when he was a scrawny boy. he looks almost relieved to see you -- did he think you were dead or something? "it's... been a long time."

you blink at him and hold your tongue. if you speak, you fear you may say something you regret.

"you're all grown up now." kaeya speaks next. you see the same regret start to swim in his blue eye, only this time, it's been amplified by time. he sounds so fond and proud -- he sounds like a brother. "i see you've got control of your vision."

you hiss internally. all three of you are in control of your visions. why did he feel the need to bring that up? and why did he sound like that? the time for praising one another has long since passed.

"are you two done pretending like you care?" you snap. diluc and kaeya wince, but don't answer. you march over to a table in the furthest corner of the bar and put your head on the wooden surface.

all the enegy you thought you had for the rest of the night pretty much bleeds right out of you after that. you don't have what it takes to face them, and you certainly don't have what it takes to walk anymore. you doze off, exhausted by your thoughts.

when you come to, you're in a familiar bed. the panic that rises doesn't last very long. you know exactly where you are, and you have a pretty good feeling you know who brought you here.

the sun is pouring through the floor-to-ceiling windows, filling your room with its light. judging by its height, you'd estimate that it's about midday. were you really that tired? you bury your face in your hands and groan loudly. if your hunch was correct and diluc and kaeya brought you here -- brought you home -- last night, then that meant they were planning on talking to you today.

either they were going to talk to you when you left the room, or they would come to you.

the latter ends up being true when you hear knuckles rap an old rhythm on your door. bitter as you may be, you can't help the smile that crosses your face. that was your code when you were kids. "what's the magic phrase?" you manage to say after a while.

kaeya's voice comes through the door. "would you believe me if i said i forgot?" he cracks it open and sticks his head inside. "it's been so many years, you can't blame me."

you shake your head fondly. "get your ass in here before you piss me off." kaeya slips through the door but doesn't close it. you raise a brow. "diluc, i know you're out there. weirdo."

your eldest brother pushes open the door and strides inside. neither of you speak for what feels like forever. the two of them have spoken to each other over the years, but with you back in the loop, they feel as though they're back where they started. you fix your eyes on your hands as you try to organize everything that's flooding your brain.

"i'm sorry." diluc finally says. he's sitting on one side of your bed and kaeya's sitting on the other, and both of them are looking at you with so much sincerity that it makes your chest tighten.

you narrow your eyes. "do you even remember what you're sorry for?"

diluc swallows thickly. "how could i forget? it's only been in my nightmares for about five years."

nightmares? you look away, suddenly ashamed by your callousness. "is that so." you mutter.

"i think it goes without saying that i'm sorry too," kaeya says next. "to both of you. i don't.. i don't think any of us would be in this position if it weren't for me."

neither you nor diluc answer right away because in a way, he's right. if kaeya had just waited a little longer, or delivered the news a little more delicately, things may have played out a little differently. you sigh through your nose.

"it's... not okay." you answer bluntly. you could never lie to them -- not then, not now. "it's never going to be okay."

"i understand." diluc nods stiffly, his voice tight. "truthfully, i don't know how to apologize properly. for years, i thought about how i'd reconcile with you two, but.. nothing ever came to mind."

"i wasn't finished." you level your brother with a glare. "it's never going to be okay, but... i don't mind talking to you guys." your brothers start to look hopeful for a second, but you shake your head. "it'll take a very long time to forgive you, and even longer to trust you again, assuming that i choose to do that at all."

kaeya reaches for your hand slowly, tapping his fingers on yours experimentally. when you don't pull away, he intertwines your fingers with his the way he used to when you were kids. a fresh, unwelcome set of tears rushes to your eyes. you hate it -- hate being so emotional after all this time, but...

sitting here before your brothers makes you feel like a kid again. you feel smothered by the amount of love you once received and gave them in return. you curl your fingers, tightening your grip on kaeya's hand. he's so much colder than you remember, but there's an unmistakable warm that's seeping through.

"i could never handle you crying," he chuckles shakily, reaching over to wipe the tears that escape. "especially if i was the one who made you cry."

diluc grabs your other hand. he doesn't say anything; when you look at him, you see that he's got his other hand covering his face. "i don't even know what to say to you." he says, his voice muffled. "you shouldn't even be giving me the time of day -- not after what i said."

you sniff. "you're right, i shouldn't. but," you squeeze his hand twice. "at the end of the day..."

at the end of the day, you were still siblings, whether diluc believed it or not. your experiences together were too real, too fresh in your mind, even now, to be fake.

"at the end of the day, we're family." you sigh.

you were going to need time -- a lot of time -- to heal and to forgive. it was going to be a slow, painful process as you try to heal a wound that's long since scarred over, but you were still willing to do it. you weren't going to let this final glimmer of hope slip away from you -- not again. and neither were your brothers. deep down, you still trusted and loved them, and they, you.

clinging to that faith, no matter how small, you decide to take the first step.

✧ three hours.. no proofreading (nothing is ever proofread on this blog LOL)... im going to bed now, gn <3

Istg im seriously trying to finish this childe fic

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