day 204 | reunited; based on this [id in alt]
A lot of people are talking about Ivan's hypocrisy with Sua and how he berates her for sacrificing herself for Mizi and becoming a source of trauma for her and then he did the same thing, but there's a heartbreaking perspective on this.
Sua and Mizi loved each other. The love was reciprocal. Sua died KNOWING Mizi loved her. Ivan's dislike of her comes from the fact that she knew damn well what her death would do to the person who loved her and she did it anyway. She KNOWINGLY hurt Mizi in the worst way possible while still claiming to love her.
Ivan? Ivan's been drilled for YEARS that Till DOESN'T love him. His love isn't returned. It's very possible that he just believes that he won't be a source of trauma for Till, because Till doesn't love him. So he can die for him all he wants. Of course, the elephant in the room is that we no longer know what Till thinks of Ivan after he kissed him and sacrificed himself for him, but that's AFTER Ivan is already dead. He had no intentions or expectations that what he did would actually hurt Till. And there is something so unbelievably sad about that.
omniscient reader is genuinely so masterfully done because i have never seen a first person viewpoint story manage to obfuscate it's main character so well and in such a thematically relevant way.
like. it's not just this, but we're so used to third person viewpoints being used in books, y'know? so of course we don't know exactly what the characters are thinking at all times. we only get to see that in specific moments where the author chooses to show us the characters thoughts.
but kim dokja is the viewpoint for the vast majority of the novel, we are literally sitting there in his mind reading his thoughts on every single thing, and we still don't know what the fuck he's planning. sure we can infer it, there's plenty of flawlessly done set-up and foreshadowing orv from a writing perspective.
but kim dokja never tells us anything. not really. not without hiding behind seven proxies. we learn about him but we never truly know him.
i haven't emphasized enough just how bad this will be for lhh's mental state. that fate dkos got? it was supposed to be lee hakhyun's.
asgard's fate was originally targeted at lhh, but kdj pushes his soul away and took the fate instead. lhh immediately picks up what's going to happen and tries to stop him. this is supposed to be his fate... he turns and sees christina page. she's looking at him with guilt, as her fingers move and lhh blacks out. dkos had made a deal with christina to do him a favour and he'd save her friends... and so he made her knock lhh out.
with the help of the dark keeper and the insane amounts of probability in the area, kim dokja is able to fully appear in the scenarios. the body he appeared in is full of scars from the dark keeper's fight with yoo joonghyuk, but the important part was that kdj is here. the constellations that were originally chasing lhh surround kdj.
kdj thinks about his maknae. he's weird, being the one kim dokja who knows how to write. it was interesting to see how he awkwardly followed kdj's footsteps, and how he did things different from kdj, though sometimes he got frustrated. still, it was fun to see his story. maybe that's why he's here now.
searching his coat pocket, he finds some cigarettes. while smoking, he combs through his scattered memories, the missing memories painful to him... yet the pain proves that he is kim dokja.
the constellations rush in to kill him. he fights back, but with every clash he ends up with more and more wounds. an arrow in his shoulder, a spear in his thigh. his wings are cut off, and fall to the ground.
this world is a tragedy, created solely to inflict pain on yoo joonghyuk. with endless failures and despair, the world was destined for him.
anyone who would try to share that responsibility would be cursed to the same fate.
as his wing hit the ground, lighting lights up the sky. another star falls in the distant sky. he should be the emotionless dkos, but in this moment, he's still kim dokja. he speaks out loud, asking if yjh fighting as well. yjh cannot reply, just as words written on a monitor do not reply. some communication never occurs. where communication is impossible, there is merely a story. and the demon king of salvation lives to read that story.
dkos laughs, as if he had accepted a punishment.
people who ship asuka and rei don't ship them because they actually believe that the narrative is inviting a romantic reading of them or that they have any real chemistry within the show, it's about exploring the fact that the two of them are foils who are continually pitted against each other in every possible way. it's about the fact that they actively hate each other because in the other person they see the parts of themselves they resent the most. it's about considering the ways in which their relationship could be different if they didn't find themselves in the situation they're in, if they had had the space to be normal teenagers. it's about unpacking each of their relationships to their sexuality: it's about reading asuka as a queer girl who lashes out at other girls and instead pursues an adult man and a boy she hates as a way to repress her sexuality because she hates everything about who she truly is, and it's about reading rei as a girl who has never even had the opportunity to know what true reciprocal love and attraction feel like because she's been groomed her entire life and feels a disconnect from her physical body in a way that is very familiar to survivors of sexual abuse, especially queer ones.
people who ship misato and ritsuko ship them because they have clearly had actual sex in canon.
thinking about how when you punch a mirror so that it cracks and fractures into multiple shards reflecting your own visage back at you, you're really just ironically surrounding yourself with more of the self you loathe in your quest to attain self-destruction. the grotesque reproductive quality of gouging pieces from yourself in order to lessen the burden of existence, and in the process only proliferating more individual aspects of You, shedding them as you go. much to consider.
One thing I love about orv is that it initially bait and switches you by convincing you early on that the constellations are the "big bad" of the story - voyeuristic beings that gain enjoyment off the suffering of others - until the reveal that they are also going through their own scenarios. This mirrors how us as the readers are going through our own lives and our own struggles yet we consume media highlighting the experiences of others. We root for these characters, we follow their journeys, we see ourselves in them. And yet we're not villains - we're just surviving. We're escaping the struggles of our own lives by indulging in these worlds created by human imagination. Similarly, many of the constellations in orv do not have malicious intentions despite living off stories - uriel cares greatly for the incarnations she supports (as the "fangirl" archetype) and sun wukong and abfd also greatly support kimcom throughout their journey.
This is further solidified in the reveal of the oldest dream. Despite unintentionally creating worldlines through his imagination, the younger kim dokja was never a villain or "monster". He was simply a child who sook to escape the tragedies of his life through a webnovel. He depended on that novel to survive. And that was in no way the sin he thought it was - not even secretive plotter who had gone through countless regressions and witnessed the despair of the universe could hold it against him. Nor han sooyoung, nor yoo joonghyuk of the 1864th round, nor yoo sangah, nor anyone else in kimcom. No one thought dokja needed to atone for anything - they loved him and cared for him even when he couldn't love himself.
Just like kim dokja and just like the constellations, we are readers seeking an escape from the struggles of reality. And we too are loved - regardless of whether we know it or understand why.
yoohan is such an underrated dynamic.
he chops of her head when they first meet. they hate eachother. theyre in love with the same guy. kdj thinks its funny to ship them. they banter like an old married couple. she tortured him in a dungeon. he killed her multiple times. she pranks anna croft with him because she saw he was upset. hes her self insert oc. shes his creator. he begs her to kill him multiple times. she ruined his life and then cried when he died. he signs a sponsorship contract with her!!!!! they're insane!!!
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Hi Ayyad, i'm sorry that i can't donate but hopefully this will reach someone who can. please don't lose hope. I know the times are hard but please stay strong.
I really enjoyed reading your recent soukoku fanfic! It was so good! I just wanted to know if you’re going to write any more bsd related fics because that would be so cool! If not that’s totally fine!
hi!!! thanks sm for the ask!!! um probably !!! plantonic skk is so dear to me..... i haven’t got anything planned rn but yeah. there will most likely be more 🫡 just waiting for inspiration to strike haha