Chain Of Gold Incorrect Quote - Blog Posts

[TLH Group Chat]

Lucie: Hey guys, if you post your password in the groupchat it’ll block out!

Lucie: *******

Lucie: See?

Cordelia: That’s so cool!

Cordelia: *****

Matthew: heronchild4ever69

Matthew:

[Matthew has left the chat]

James: Aww, you’re so romantic, lighting candles for me

Grace, drawing a pentagram: I’m about to sacrifice you, if you haven’t noticed yet.

Matthew, violently shaking: I DON’T UNDERSTAND, I’VE FED THEM, WATERED THEM, WHY ARE THEY DEAD?!

James: Matthew, please put the fertilizer down, you’re scaring us.

Modern Lucie x Jesse

[texting]

Jesse: Hi, who is this? Grace was bored and changed all my contacts to mythical creatures.

Lucie: What’s mine?

Jesse: Dwarf

Lucie: SHE’S SO MEAN I’M NOT THAT SHORT!

Jesse: Oh, hi Lucie

Lucie: FUCK

Charles: Whenever I’m mad at Matthew I tighten the lids on all of our jars so that he has to ask me for help…

*sound of glass shattering, screaming from distance*

Charles: It hasn’t worked yet…

Clave member: Now we’re going to run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I’ll ask you a few questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?

Charles: Yes

*lie detector explodes*

Police Officer: Turn around

Matthew: 🎵 Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never comin’ round 🎵

Police Officer: TURN AROUND

Matthew: 🎵 Every now an-

Matthew: *gets tased*

Will: You need a hobby

James: I do have a hobby!

Will: Well, being angsty and sad isn’t a hobby!

Matthew from distance: It isn’t?!

Matthew: WELCOME TO FUCKING APPLEBEE’S, DO YOU WANT APPLES OR BEES?

Alastair: … Bees?

Matthew: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES!

Alastair: Wait...

James, approaches them as he shakes a jar of bees: 😊

Alastair: wAit-

Christopher: I’m scared

Gabriel: Your mom said to go to bed.

Christopher: But there’s a monster under my bed!

Gabriel: Is it scarier than your mom?

Christopher:

Christopher: *goes back to bed*

Anna: Yo, is that guy sleeping or dead?

Matthew: Hopefully dead, I hated that guy.

James: Yeah, so did I.

Alastair, laying on the floor: First of all, fuck you all-

Will: I found James. He was sleeping while training again.

James: I wasn’t sleeping, someone drugged me!

Will, turning around to Tessa: Cancel that, he was doing drugs.

Jem: Ok, Will, I know you mean well and everything, but please stop being a little bitch. We need to work together!

Will: Will do. But only if you take off your shirt for me.

Jem:

Jem: Weird flex but okay

Matthew: So the police showed up and everybody ran, so I did, too.

Matthew: And I started climbing down this fire escape.

Matthew: And then I heard a cop yell to put your hands up,

Matthew: so I did and I fell... onto him.

Matthew: You should take off your glasses more often

James: *stops*

James: *looks around*

Matthew: What is it? Did you lose anything?

James: It looks like I lost all my fucks and I have none to give

James: I’m not scared of you! None of us are!

Christopher: I kind of am

James: Christopher, shut up!

Cordelia: Knowledge is power

Alastair: Yes

Cordelia: *smacks him with a trigonometry textbook* KNOWLEDGE

James: I love you, Lucie. Even if you are Dad's favorite.

Lucie: Me? WHaT? No!

James: It's true. Look, if we were sitting in a sinking boat, you know who he's saving.

Lucie: Cordelia

James: ... yes

Tessa: You are an ADULT, Will. It’s your job to keep our children from making stupid decisions like this!

Will: That is true…

Will: … but I was also really curious to see how many donuts James and Lucie can eat in one minute.

James: A-C-D-F-B-G-

Lucie: What are you saying?

James: I’m singing the alphabet

Lucie: That’s not the alphabet-

Matthew from upstairs: YASSS GIRL REMIX

The Merry Thieves: [searching the beach]

James: Sorry guys, looks like there’s no sand dollars left

Christopher: Can’t the ocean just make more of them?

Matthew: And cause inflation? Destroy the sand economy? By the angel, Christopher, use your head.

I am very proud to announce that I am officially a lost cause. Thank you all for your continued support. Unfortunately, it was all for nothing.

- Matthew Fairchild, probably

Cordelia: He is probably thinking about other girls…

Lucie: You never know what’s going through a guys mind.

[Meanwhile]

James: If you sat on a voodoo doll of yourself would you ever be able to stand up?

Matthew: Holy shit, bro

Thomas: I have a boyfriend now

Matthew, encouragingly: A boyfriend?

Thomas: [reflexively gives a panicked peace sign]

Matthew: TWO boyfriends?!

Pillow Talk

James: Sometimes, Cordelia sleep talks

Cordelia, sleeping: KILL THE BITCH

James: I didn’t say I enjoyed it.

Cordelia, in the background: DIE

Will: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

Will: *aggressively throws water bottles*

James: …

Matthew: Uh…

Lucie: He’s trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.

Matthew, crying: It’s working

Kidnapper: I have one of your group members

Thomas: Oh, really?

Matthew, drunk in the background: IT’S ME, MATTHEW!

Thomas: You have the wrong number

Henry: So, I heard you like bad boys?

Charlotte: Umm, no, not really-

Henry: Not to get you excited, but I don’t look both ways before I cross the street.

Charlotte: That’s very dangerous.

Henry: I know. I don’t really do that…