Clu - Blog Posts

Hello hello, it is time once again for, you guessed it!

Rating Clu's

Homoerotically tense

Relationships

I thought long and hard about this because I only had about 2 in my head when I mistakenly threw it out there in another post but like, here you go 😎

Have a picture in case you forgot what cgi Jeff Bridges looks like:

Behold, a guy. Anyway

1. Kevin

He is the most obvious so I'll get this one out of the way

You are me and I am you but you are the darkest parts of me but I love you anyway

This begs the question:

Would you fuck your darker self/clone

Idk about u but my heart tells me that Kevin sure would

7/10 it's about the man vs self of it all

2. Jarvis (why is this photo so fuckin big??)

I know I said Kevin is the most obvious

But this guy has the biggest crush on Clu

He is simp supreme

Like the way he turns to Clu for approval after everything he says makes me feel like I should leave the room

He loses a point for being a dork coward but Sam's mascara is very pretty and he's also a Flynn so I can't blame him too much

9/10 go henchboy go

3. Rinzler

Fellas, is it gay to brainwash god's most specialest boyfriend and make him loyal to only you all while knowing god is still out there and can see what you've done to everything he loves? All while knowing he's nothing more than a pet and will never love you and wouldn't even if he could

Like talk about the ultimate rebound

No notes honestly, I don't even need to go on with this one

11/10 not even one girl(Quorra) could make this all seem a little less gay

4. Dyson

Another case of yoinking your exes boy but this time it was consensual

He literally just agrees with Clu and helped him take over

If that's not a basis for a strong relationship then idk what is

He really seems so desperate to stay in Clu's favor like he must know that tron is the real prize here, his bitter ex. Has there ever been so much dating drama between programs?

5/10 replaceable.

5. Sammy

It occurs to me now that he hasn't made it on these lists yet so everyone clap for him

I feel brave for even acknowledging this one

Is Clu his dad? Is he an entity separate but still containing qualities of his father at a certain point in time that forever diverged from the moment of conception? Idk he's a computer man

So like the part where he's just kinda circling Sam looking him up and down like he's a prized pig? Yeah.

CAUTION THIS IS A JOKE please for the love of Kevin don't cancel me over this

2/10 why the 2? Cause there's fics out there man I know it

6. Zuse

He's so babygirl

Clu even mixed him a drink before he blew him up

I love their dynamic I get the feeling if Clu had to spend more than 5 minutes around him he'd strangle him much sooner

Stoic asshole with the silly asshole

Honestly they're perfect for each other

10/10 what can I say? I'm a simple program I see two men interact and I rate them

Special mention:

7. Quorra

Now some of you might say, hey Puddle Girl, this isn't homoerotic at all she's a girl

Well they're programs so gender isn't real and also they're bi so it counts

Anyway I thought about this one cause there was this weird tense moment towards the end of the movie where Quorra is captured and Clu's just like, talking to her and touches her hair and it was uncomfortable but it also made me feel some type of way

Like I understand that it's 100% a power play BUT

😏

3/10 he was gonna add her to the boyfriend collection cause all he does is steal from Kevin

Hi in honor of my Tron themed birthday I finally finished this. I was really reaching for some of these as you can see but I can't take it too seriously anyway. I'm always here for the gay of it all but is it homoerotic or do they just need to put more people who aren't men in this franchise? We'll literally never know! 🙃

Hey @soihadthisdreamonce I'm sorry 5-10 business days turned into 5-10 business weeks I was moving and time got away from me but I didn't forget you

Another Clu request from the livestream and AIM chat. Thanks, guys!

All right I've been holding this back for a while but now you get to see my

Rating Tron's Exes

list

The boy:

See? him face

And now the exes:

FIRST UP WE HAVE

1. Dyson

Bougie Rat Bastard 3000

Is the Worst™

Absolute dork loser

Made a grab for power and betrayed his brother his captain hiS KING

Not even hot

2/10 Sucks like the vacuum he is

2. Clu

Discount fuck boi god wannabe

Okay listen

There's chemistry between them

Even if it's toxic af

He's part of Kevin of course he and Tron dated

Yes it was full of hate

Esp when he was stuck as Rinzler 😏

But sometimes u gotta date an asshole to know what u dont want

0/10 Actual Nazi

3. Able

Daddy? Sorry

FATHER material

Has stable job and income

Firm but kind and caring

Will tell u to stfu

Divorce was mutual and they got split custody of Beck so pretty chill breakup overall

10/10 Need I say more

4. Cyrus

Boundaries Were Crossed

Yet another betrayal *sigh*

My boi Tron knows how to pic em

Somehow more crazy than Clu

But less Nazi at least???

Spectacular revenge plot tbh

Looks pretty sick 😎

World's Messiest Breakup

5/10 Dedicated to the bit

4.1 Beck

CRACK SHIP I SWEAR

I know y'all are about to come for me

But listen

Programs have no concept of age

This ship is purely for fun for me, I highly ship them as father and son usually (see: Able)

Something about the desperation and trust issues between them speak to me

We all know it would never work out

7/10 doomed by the narrative (if we HAD ANY)

5. Flynnster

fuck boi God SUPREME

I am highly biased on this

loves Tron so much he ported him from the old system

Spent more time with him than with his own son (-1 point for that)

named everything after him

Tron was ready to give up his own life to save him

ANGST

never officially broke up but he thought he was derezzed so that counts

9/10 HERE WE STAND WORLDS APART HEARTS BROKEN IN T- ok I'll stop

6. Ram

Cinnamon Roll too pure yadda yadda

Wide eyed sweetheart

Never did anything wrong in his short cycle

Was in a brief polycule with Tron and Flynn

Only broke up because he derezzed

What's not to like

11/10 perfect angle

7. Yori

HER

Unpopular opinion y'all are about to murder me

They were each other's beards

She's a nerd lesbian

Because she's hot and I want a chance with her I want her to be

They simply realized they preferred other programs and amicably broke up

She calls him up from the first system every now and then and they spill some hot tea and rebellion tips

100/10 bc im in love with her here have another pic

Anyone I missed?

In conclusion, all users and programs desire Tron carnally, grid's biggest slut, he's in nothing and is my everything thank you for coming to my TRON Talk next time I'll rate Beck's exes cause that's been overcooking in my brain too