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Panic Attack - Blog Posts
Oh, my God, guys. This is such a cute and creepy situation that I can't not tell you about it.
Anyway, I was sitting and wanted to start painting, I made myself a warm tea and I was surfing YouTube looking for music.Suddenly in a YouTube search I get a very creepy request with a very scary video for me.Just so you understand, it's nighttime, I'm home alone and I'm a pretty fearful person and sometimes suffer from panic attacks.And now I'm just hyper-anxious.I was in a ball on the bed and couldn't move out of fear.
And my boyfriend. He immediately calmed me down and is on his way to my place so I can get some sleep.
And I imagined that Toshinori was also suffering from panic attacks and needed someone to calm him down. That scene came to my mind.
Pov:
Toshinori: *He has a severe panic attack, breathing deeply and shivering while wrapped in a blanket* .... ... ...
*Tsukauchi's phone call*
"Hey, T-tsukauchi-kun... a-are you busy right n-now?" *voice trembles*
Tsukauchi: *deep sigh* "It happened again,buddy...?"
Toshinori:"...y-yes..."
Tsukauchi: *looks at the clock where it was 2:00am* "I'll be there soon, can you be alone Just a little more?"
Toshinori: "I-i'll try my best, thank you... Tsukauchi-kun."
(For the most part, I'm writing this to cheer myself up, so don't take it too seriously).
i don’t know how anyone could possibly risk plagiarising on purpose like i am so god damn terrified of accidental plagiarism that every time i submit something on turnitin i can literally feel my individual arm hairs standing on end as i wait for the police to show up at my door and arrest me for writing a string of words too similar to some paper about the mating habits of hoot owls from 1965
Pedestrian: What are you doing?
Me, mid panic attack, holding on to a tree for dear life: just chillin’.
hey who the hell didn't tell me that having a panic attack makes you feel like you're physically going to die
I’m rising from the dead for whumptober!! This is my first time doing any writing challenge, so I’m excited to see how it goes!! This work does prompts 1; Panic Attack and 2; Hallucinations.
I plan to do 7 works for whumptober, and I’m really excited to write them! For now, enjoy some dazatsu (I’m so sorry Atsushi)
People not having panic attacks is such a foreign concept to me. Like... you mean to tell me that you can just go into a noisy, crowded store and just be fine? You can engage in a conversation with multiple people without snapping at them? Weird
So, as I've stated in my last post, I've began to write my final draft for the first chapter of my AU's fanfic. However, I added a "(?)" because I figured, knowing myself, there would most likely be a couple of things I would remove to add in. And I was correct. There was a portion I initially liked, but realized seemed so random in the chapter, so I removed it. However, I didn't just want to delete it altogether, so I'm posting it here. Enjoy!
TRIGGER WARNING: Panic Attack
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Out-of-Context)
Cut Content From My Fic:
When he first entered the elevator, he was extremely confident and optimistic about how his first impression would be recieved. Now that his thoughts had been given some time to simmer from the long ride, he couldn't help his worries piling up at the front of his mind. What if he messed up? What if he said something wrong and offended everyone there and he had no genius to blanket his fall, since intellect wasn't vital the acting industry? Or, furthermore, what if it turns out he's not at all the good actor Stan assured him he was and made an utter fool out of himself? He could just picture the headline: "Dr. Ford — Brilliant Scientist Turned Actor Laughingstock."
Oh, Moses, what was he thinking! He had to leave this elevator this instant, one way or another.
His fingers resumed the activity of tapping the shiny, metallic railing attached to and surrounding the glossy walls of the elevator — this time at a much rapid pace than before. (He hadn't even realized he had stopped.)
Tappity-tappity-tap.
His brown eyes scanned through the assortment of buttons, searching for something that would allow him to pause or stop the electrical contraction. It didn't matter what it did as long as it would save him from future humiliation.
Tappity-tappity-tappity-tap!
He couldn't go through with this. Moses, for someone so smart he was so stupid. Why did he ever think this was a good idea?
TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAP!
Why did he decide to go through with this? Why did he decide to go through this? Whydidhedecidetogothroughwiththis? WHYDIDHEDECIDETOGOTHROUGHWITHTHIS?
TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY-TAPPITY—!
...
His entire body was frozen as still as a statue, yet it felt as if he was shaking and moving so much internally.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fun fact about me: For some reason, I have a tendency to write my protagonists having mental breakdowns in the first chapter of my fics (original and fanfiction alike). Usually, it doesn't feel random and fits in quite well, since those first chapters also tend to be very dramatic and impactful on my protagonist's emotional state. Here, it doesn't work. Stan has already assured him he'll do fine. Sure, he still can worry and be anxious about his reception to everyone (I know I would *cough cough* anxiety disorder *cough cough*), but it doesn't feel too in character for Ford, especially at the moment. So, I'm deleting the scene.
Lol (Another vent, but no mentions of topics from my other one)
Just remembered my first panic attack/mental breakdown, lol.
I was at my friend's house (Staying the night), and my friend was downstairs in the basement watching some TV or smt (The basement was a sort of hangout spot that had a couch and TV along with some other stuff), and I was upstairs in their room on my phone.
Eventually I go on AI chat (More specifically Talkie) and swiped through some of the bots, when I eventually got to one that was like, "Man breaks into your house" or smt like that, and I decided to mess around with it as a joke, y'know, like make myself super over powered and beat him up and stuff, WELL.
I did this and all was well, I was beating him up and I think eventually I killed him (Woops 💀), and after doing so, I think I just started going into deep thought, and that's when it started...
I suddenly just felt really scared and sad at the same time, also angry, I was balling my eyes out as I kept typing out my character beating the junk out of him.
I was starting to associate some stupid ai bot with a sh*tty ∆ss boyfriend my mom had a few years back (Can't remember exactly, but I think it was after 2020), like... Holy fuck. So basically, this fucker was all nice and sh*t, so nice, kind, and a great artist! He even knew how to do tattoos! But... One night was Different.
I don't remember too much (either because it was so long ago or because my brain blocked it out), just main details and a few things my mom said.
I was staying up past my bedtime, playing video games on my phone. When at some point in the night, I heard my mom screaming, I remember her saying "I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM" or something along those lines, and Troy trying to calm her down (Not yelling or telling her to shut up, it was kinda like an older sibling trying to get the younger one to stop crying after hitting them so they don't get in trouble) (Also Troy is the bad boyfriend) He was like "Sh, shh.. hey, calm down..." And my mom was still screaming some things I can't remember, I by this point was shaking and wrapped in my blanket, sitting up right. After hearing this keep going for a little bit longer, I decided to scream, at the top of my lungs (And I remember this part very vividly) "LET GO OF MY MOM!" And, I honestly don't know what happened, but I guess that was enough to distract Troy long enough for my mom to hit him across the face with her keys (Like the queen she is 💅) and run to my room, she swung my door open, turned the lights on then, slammed my door shut and locked it.
She told my to call the police, but I was in much of a state of shock and panic to understand what was going on, so she took my phone and called them herself. Can't remember what happened after that.
Can't remember much from that house actually... All I really remember besides the whole incident is that I would draw in my sketchbook and read in the backyard sometimes.
Anyways, thanks for reading my silly little trauma dump! I'ma go do something else now :3
I love fics that send Shen Yuan back to his world but I really want to see more angst on the initial "waking up". Like, imagine if you just spent 15 or so years of your life in another world. You were actually happy, you had friends (unlike in your past life), got over your emotional intimacy problems and found love; just for everything to stop, be gone. I know this happens to some people who were in comas, but i think it would be a little different because it was actually real.
I was listening to Girl Anachronism (great song btw) and just had the very vivid scene of Shen Yuan going through a bit of a mental break after "coming back to life". He's been living in a different time and different world. How would he even readjust to the modern world?
Anyway, here's a sketch of how I think he would be feeling :3
You can tell
From the glass on the floor
And the strings that're breaking
And I keep on breaking more
And it looks like I am shaking
But it's just the temperature
And then again
If it were any colder I could disengage
If I were any older I could act my age
But I don't think that you'd believe me
It's not the way
I'm meant to be
It's just the way
The operation made me
Making another panic attack pillow,but this time round! :)
Finally finished my button panic attack pillow that I’ve been working on sense the summer of 2016
gotta clean my room, not gonna, instead ima doom scroll and the panic about it last minute
❤️❤️
The Tower
Summary: Gasping for air, unsteady hands, blurred vision - Why did this have to occur during the midst of battle?
At least Tech knows how to help.
Word count: 1.7k
Pairing: Tech x GN!Reader. Can be read as platonic or romantic.
Tags: Panic attacks, Anxiety attacks, Angst, Comfort, Happy ending.
Notes: I've had maaaaany requests for some angsty comfort with Tech. About time I wrote it! Based on my favourite tarot card - The Tower.
When the tower begins to crumble, it's bound to fall.
Built on an uneasy foundation, it was only so long until your walls began to chip away, and with it, the rest of the structure started to collapse.
And whilst you are somewhat used to that sensation, you're not used to this out-of-place timing.
"We'll regroup at the Marauder," Hunter's voice comes through your comm, strapped to your wrist. Tech is the first to reply, mumbling a swift, "affirmative," before returning his full focus to his blasters. He is, as always, quick and precise with them, saving ammunition until he's certain that his shot will be a hit - a trait that he's picked up from one of his brothers.
One by one, the droids fall, and whilst this is child's play, you seem to be struggling.
There's a pain in your chest, a weight, gripping at your lungs and crushing them from the inside out. Your hands, often steady with your weapon, are jittering more and more as every moment passes. And your throat fails to relax, causing your breaths to become shorter, faster, until your head begins to spin from lack of oxygen.
Knowing that you need a moment - a brief moment to set your bearings straight - you duck behind a crate and press your back up against it, barely looking up to watch Tech finish off what's left of your opponents.
This brief moment blurs on for an eternity, and the more that time passes, the worse you become. Your knees come up to press against your chest, palms gripping onto your weapon, as if it's somehow going to steady you during this emotional ride. The sound of your name being called out to you fades from your ears, and a ringing takes its place.
That is, until a firm hand finds your shoulder, and you flinch.
"Oh," Tech sighs, his fingers flexing shut as he watches your eyes meet his. Reddened cheeks, wide pupils, tears threatening to spill from your waterline - something isn't right, but it doesn't take a genius like Tech to realise that.
Rather than placing his hand on you again, Tech speaks your name in a soft tone. "Are you alright?" he brings the important question to light, and from your silent response, he takes it that the answer is no.
Once more, Tech mutters your name, and he's extremely cautious as he gently wraps his hand around your bicep, attempting to offer you some form of stability. "Are you hurt?" Tech questions, and to his surprise, you manage to shake your head.
"Alright," Tech nods, calm and patient. He pauses, his eyes wandering over your form, analysing the state that you're in. By now, you're sobbing, but there's still a washed glisten of fear in your vision, as if you're staring down at your worst nightmare - an imaginary ghost that he cannot see.
Tech crouches down, positioning himself on one knee by your side. His thumb subconsciously begins to rub back and forth against your arm. "I think I understand what's happening," Tech comments. "Although, I do not know how to help. If I can be of any assistance, then please, inform me how."
Sniffles fill the air after you suck in a few deep breaths. "I don't know," your words merge into one, but Tech manages to make them out.
"We need to remove you from this environment," Tech decides, forming the first steps of his recovery mission. "May I take your hand?" he offers.
Tech's heart softens out as you slide your hand into his, allowing him to pull you up with ease. You're a jittering mess, that much is obvious as Tech wraps your arm around his, and begins guiding you out of this hellhole. Thank the Maker that your opponents are down, else that would only worsen things.
"Our safest place is the Marauder. Are you comfortable with me comming Hunter, and asking him to pick us up?"
You instantly nod, knowing that the Marauder brings you a feeling of warmth and security. "But I don't want the others to see me like this," you blurt out, and Tech simply nods his head with understanding.
"Of course," he confirms. "I will lead us onto the shuffle, and keep the others distracted whilst you retreat to your private quarters. I'll inform the others that you need assistance, but sway them from interfering. From there, I'll join you, and we will set our next steps to recovery."
Tech follows up his plan with a simple, "how does that sound?" and lets out a pleasant hum when you agree to it. From there, his plan begins springing into motion, and before you know it, the Marauder is coming into your line of sight with the cockpit door lowered.
As always, Wrecker is waiting at the doorway with his hand extended, always eager to help you on board, but Tech politely pushes past and begins muttering something under his breath. Through Wrecker's fully armoured form, you can tell that he's taken aback, but backs off unquestionably, allowing you to scurry past and disappear down the hallway.
The second that you reach your dorm, the downpour of your tears breaks out into a thunder, and you barely manage to shrug off your coat and shoes before curling up into your bunk.
It takes Tech exactly twenty-three seconds before he's entering your dorm without a knock, seeing as you consented to it beforehand. "Oh dear," he coos as he enters, and his hand hovers over the lock before questioning, "shall I lock it?"
"No, thank you," you shake your head at the same time, and with it, Tech eases off.
A tall glass of water is placed on your bedside table, almost overflowing with how close the water is reaching the rim. Tech takes a seat beside you, and a hand comes to rest on your forearm. To his surprise, you shrug it off, only to wrap your hands around his waist in a desperate attempt for comfort. Tech accepts you, cradling you against his chest, hushing you in a soft tone.
"Let it all out," Tech coos, comforting you as the tears continue to fall. His hands stroke and grasp at your back, attempting to provide as much comfort as he can. Tech is somewhat familiar with this subject, although it's been a long time since he's ever had to support it, and an even longer time since he has received such support.
Tech's last occurrence was back when he was a Cadet. One of his fellow brothers broke down into a state of panic, and Tech, being the sweetheart that he has always been, could only hug them as the moment passed.
Since the war broke out, it's rare to find a moment for your emotions to overspill, seeing as everyone is always up on their feet - Troopers and Jedi alike. You’re no stranger to the sight of seeing men hunched over at the end of battle, their form exhausted, stress lines present on their skin, and a look of desperation in their eyes. Perhaps they have also noticed that in you.
The hard form of Tech's chest armour lies pressed against your cheek, and only when your panicked state starts to relax, do you realise how uncomfortable the plastoid surface is. With an uncomfortable expression, you move your head away, gazing up at Tech with tear filled eyes.
"It appears my armour has left its mark," Tech comments, earning a soft laugh from you.
"Remind me to never cry into your armour again," you swat back. Your hand trails over the indent left on your cheek, and for whatever reason, that pulls you from your dark thoughts.
Warm eyes meet yours, still laced with concern, his brows raised accordingly. “I will bear it in mind, if the… incident ever occurs again.”
“I hope it doesn’t,” you state with a sigh. The sides of your fists come up to rub your eyes, attempting to fresh the life up in them. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” you apologise, your hands now finding comfort in your lap, fingertips fidgeting with each other.
“Do not apologise,” Tech responds with sternness. “Please, I will never accept your apology for something like that.”
You can’t help but let out a chuckle. “Message received,” you say with a smile. “Let’s just hope it doesn’t happen again.”
“And if it does, you know I will always be here to assist you. I am… no stranger to what just happened,” Tech explains, his eyes drifting from yours as his shoulders soften. Now, you’re no longer the saddest person in the room.
“Care to share?” you question.
“Ah, well-” Tech waves his hands as his back straightens. “It is not my information to share, but I can inform you that I have seen this happen before. Multiple times, really. Being a Cadet was never easy…”
Your hand comes to rest on his forearm, a gesture that is not left unnoticed. “I’m sorry,” is all you can sigh.
“Did I not just inform you to never apologise for such things?” Tech responds in a firm tone, yet there’s a playful smile on his lips. You mimic his expression, soon letting out a laugh. Tech’s hand rests atop of yours, giving you a firm squeeze before suggesting, “shall we go and see the others? Wrecker especially looked awfully concerned about you.”
“Yes,” you agree with a nod. “I wouldn’t want to keep any of them worrying. I’m alright now.”
“That, you are,” Tech confirms. He rises to his feet, and offers you a hand. You accept it, steadying yourself on uneven legs, your muscles still relaxing after a storm of negativity.
Before exiting your dorm, Tech lets out a soft, “do not forget your water,” as he holds the door open for you. A glass of water in hand, and you head out to regroup with your squad, your friend close behind, always ready to have your back - if you ever need it.
Whumpee gasping out “I can’t breathe!” while in the midst of a panic attack
My roommates were just talking about what they want to do after college, and I had a panic attack because I’m worried about disappointing them and my whole family. I’m also not out to my family and know they wouldn’t support me. Hope you’re having a better night than me.
Currently about to have a panic attack because I have an essay due on Monday and I haven't even read the passages were supposed to use for our topic
Unbidden - Part 1
Summary: During a date night, an intimate moment is turned sour when Crosshair is forced to relive some of his darkest memories from his time on Tantiss. Arlo is there to help him through, but he's not so sure how to let her in.
Fandom: Star Wars The Bad Batch
Pairing: Crosshair x Arlo (Original Female Character)
Word Count: ~6,000
Warnings: Panic Attack
Written for Whumptober Day 1 Prompt: Panic Attack
Not sure if anyone is still following these two cuz I know it's been forever and a day since I posted anything for them, but here is another little thing I wrote for them! Chapter 2 will be up in 1-2 weeks <3
Today in Drama class I was made a capitain of a team bc I'm quiet and had to choose the people for my group. I didn't know any of their names, so I got a panick attack. Fun times.
being a writer leads to a genuinely helpful but also very stupid kind of mindfulness where you'll be having a sobbing breakdown or the worst anxiety attack of your life and think "okay, I really need to pay attention to how this feels. so I can incorporate it into my fanfiction."
wasted my lunch break trying to find a video to watch while eating
Panic attack 4. (Pokémon, Goh angst)
Summary; Kay, now it's finally Cinderace's turn- and you know how Cinderace is, well you should. Anyways, they are at a pokémon fighting competition.
Ash cheered for Pikachu as the fight narrator said; ”Pikachu wins”, and Goh joined in on cheering- everyone else started too.
They were in the Sinnoh region, at a pokémon fighting competition. And Ash was going to the finales. Well, there was just one more person left, that had also made it to the finales.
But Ash was surely gonna win that too.
”Cinderace!”
Grookey was asleep on his spot, while he was currently standing. It was tired from watching all the fighting, and the competition had been long.
”Now,” said the narrator. ”Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town against Joshua Walter from Vermilion City!”
The boy that stepped out shocked him- it was that Joshua. The Joshua who gossiped about him, the one who got everyone against him.
But why was he standing on the stadium with a Blastoise looking ready to fight his best friend?
Then suddenly, he felt a way too familiar feeling in his stomach- it was happening again. Around Cinderace.
But maybe- he looked over at Cinderace, that was looking confused at him- nope, he's definitely on to something.
”Cinder- Cinderace,”
He leaned against the wall, and slowly sat down, hugging himself.
Cinderace sat down next to him, knowing what was going on.
”I'm sorry,” he mumbled sadly. ”I'm so selfish... I'm sorry...”
He continued to mumble non understandable apologies.
The fight started on the stadium- but none of them watched. But they hoped that Ash won.
”The boy that Ash is fighting- I know who he is... He's my old bully...” said Goh, answering the question that was probably floating around in Cinderace's mind.
Cinderace rested its head against his shoulder, then wrapping an arm around him.
He tried to control his horrible breathing, that was basically just wheezing.
He coughed, then again. And so on.
The wheezing was stopping the sobbing.
At least, Cinderace was there, and that actually helped.
The narrator interrupted him:
”Blastoise is unable to battle,” he said. ”And the win goes to Ash Ketchum and Pikachu!”
-------------
Professor Cerise, Ren and Chrysa, along with Chloe and Yamper.
They were finally at home.
They were bombarding them with tons of questions.
And Ash was happy to answer all of them. While, he wasn't listening.
But the last one caught his attention.
”Who was the final competitor?” asked Ren.
Ash frowned, thinking for a second...
”Oh! His name was Joshua something... And yeah, he was from Vermilion City! Do any of you know of a Joshua? Maybe you do, Chloe? He seemed around our age...”
Ash went back to thinking...
”Walter! His last name was Walter! And he had a Blastoise.” said Ash, smiling.
That seemed to give Chloe a flashback.
”Joshua Walter?” she asked, and Ash nodded, not knowing the seriousness. ”Oh, Goh-”
Nobody except Chloe herself and Goh knew why she went and hugged Goh seconds later.
And they were really confused.
She patted his back, then pulled him in closer.
”Chloe, Goh?” said Professor Cerise, confused at the empathy Chloe seemed to show to Goh. ”Do you know this Joshua Walter boy?”
Chloe nodded, but not answering.
Goh sniffled loudly, which got Ash to join the hug.
They didn't bombard him with questions, Ash just hugged him in silence.
Panic attack 3. (Pokémon, Goh angst)
Summary: Okay, this is still Raboot, but after the apple, so expect more comfort!
(It will be more comfort this time.)
Third time. (Raboot)
”Ash, where are you!?” screamed Goh into the phone.
“U-uhh,” continued Ash. ”I'm still in town, looking for food!”
”We have food right here!” screamed Goh again.
Him and Ash were in the Johto region, at a hotel, well, he was. Ash was out looking for food, even though they had food in the lobby.
”Yeah, I know! But I've heard that there's great food in the Johto region!”
The hotel was also in the Johto region, so Goh did not understand where he was coming from.
”There's great food here too, idiot!” screamed Goh once again.
”Yeah, I know, but...” said Ash. ”Okay, I'll be home soon, then we can go eat there in the lobby if I haven't found food, okay?”
”Yeah. Get back soon!”
He hung up.
”Raboot- Boot?”
He looked at Raboot, it was sitting on the armchair behind him, with a sleeping Sobble next to it.
He went over to it and picked up the sleeping water-type pokémon, it quickly settled in his arms, and he laid it down on the bed, and pulled the small blanket over it.
”He'll be here soon, guess we have time for ourselves, huh?”
It jumped up from the armchair.
”C'mon, let's go out to the balcony, maybe we can even see Ash when he comes.” said Goh.
He and Raboot went out the balcony.
The view was nice, the stars glistening.
He had always liked the night view, the moonlight.
(Later, Ash hasn't come yet)
He was listening to the people below.
There were three people, obvious teenagers, two boys, one girl. They were talking.
”Oh, c'mon! Don't be stupid, Tito!” said the girl to one of the boys.
”Yeah? And what are you gonna do? Hit me with your karate gloves?” teased Tito, the boy.
Tito brushed his dark hair with his hand.
”Oh, damn! Are you gonna fight her?” asked the other boy. ”Mei, Tito, don't! The cops might come!”
”Don't be a scaredy cat, Conner!” said Tito.
”Your a scaredy cat too. You wouldn't hit me,” said Mei confident. ”You don't hit girls.”
You don't hit girls.
You don't hit girls.
(Flashback)
”Stop, Belle!” cried Goh.
He was on his knees, crying, under Belle, a girl with brown hair with hazel eyes.
”No way!” said Belle, laughing. ”A loser like you is something I just can't ignore! You have to know how much of a loser you are, you crybaby!”
He continued to sob, which only made Belle laugh harder.
”Stop bullying me!”
That's all she ever did.
”What are you gonna do? Hit me?” said Belle. ”You don't hit girls. Didn't you know?”
So it wasn't okay to hit a girl, but it was okay to hit boys? How is that fair?
(Flashback ended)
He sat down, crouched, trying to stop himself from crying.
The same feeling settled in his gut, the one he hadn't felt in a long time.
”You don't hit girls!”
It felt like he was back there, in the playground, that stormy day, being pushed around by her, hearing her sick laugh as he was pushed in the mud, dirtying his clothes.
(Flashback)
He landed in the mud, dirtying his already-dirty clothes even more.
She then went over to him and took a harsh hold of his wrist, pulling him upwards.
”Stop it!” cried Goh.
”No chance!” said Belle, she pulled him down to gain that dominance, forcing him to look up. ”You are such a loser. Got it?”
He sobbed louder, hoping that someone would hear him.
”Quiet down!”, she slapped him, making him shut up. ”They'll catch us, you idiot!”
She then pushed him into a puddle.
She walked forward and dragged him around in the mud.
”Ow, stop! Oww!”
”Your such a crybaby, you know that?” said Belle, getting to him. ”No wonder you have no friends.”
She then pulled him up harshly again. And then, out of the blue, she hit him in the face hard, giving him a bruise under his left eye.
He sobbed.
”Your mean!“
”I'm not mean, I just think that you should know what you are. A loser!” said Belle rudely.
She pulled his hair, and basically threw him in another puddle, making him land on the face.
”Oww!!”, he sat up quickly, his cries getting louder.
The blood ran down his nose.
“Hah! Weak!”
”N-no!”
He tried to stand up but Belle kicked him.
”I'm in control here, understand?”
”M-mommy!”
He wanted his mother, her soft embrace, her soft kisses, and those soft tickles.
”Loser! Only losers are momma's boys!”
She hit him in the face again, making blood drip down his cheek.
”Oww! Please stop!” begged Goh.
”Ugh, why do I waste my time on a nobody like you?” asked Belle rudely. ”Your honestly lucky that I do, you fool.”
She then pushed him in another puddle.
”Belle, come, we're leaving now!” called a female voice, who seemed to be Belle's mother.
”Coming, mommy!” said Belle, but before she left, she turned to Goh one last time. ”Don't tell anyone about this. Oh, and be here tomorrow, or I'll find you, and then it won't be fun.”
She then ran to her mom.
He stood up and ran to his mother, who was shocked when she found him.
”Mommy!”
He ran into her arms.
She immediately picked him up, not caring about the mud or the blood. ”Oh, sweetie, what happened?”, she kissed him on the forehead, and wiped the blood with a tissue.
”Someone was mean to me!” sobbed Goh.
”Oh, poor baby, let's get you cleaned up at home,” cooed Camille.
(Flashback ended)
”Raboot?”
He didn't realize he had zoned out, thinking about the first time he met Belle, and their meeting was not exactly great.
He was on the floor, crouching, tears running down his face- He felt like he needed to puke- Exhale all the anxiety in him- God, he felt terrible.
And Raboot was witnessing it all- For the third time- Couldn't he just control himself?
Belle was right, he was weak, he started having a panic attack just because of one sentence- It was like he had trauma or something-
Did he have trauma?
No, he couldn't, trauma is something big and scary- Like getting kidnapped, raped, or abused- He had just gotten bullied, and that can't be so grand, can it?
(I just want you to know, I don't think this, but Goh does since he doesn't know much about it. Trauma can be anything- But Goh doesn't know that. I'll let you continue reading now, hope you have a good day!)
Raboot stepped closer, making him flinch, it continued taking small steps, and then sat down in his lap, trying to help him.
”It's happening again...”
Raboot didn't deserve this, it had witnessed this three times now.
Quickly, without thinking, he bent over, and puked.
It lasted for a few seconds.
After, he leaned against the railing, not caring about the concerned looks Raboot was sending him.
(Later)
He hugged Raboot when he sat down, after cleaning his vomit.
They had just eaten, it was curry, and now Ash was fast asleep.
”Raboot, thanks.” thanked Goh, he cuddled it closer.
Raboot didn't object, it just simply let his partner embrace it.
At least he wasn't alone, and that mattered.
Yesterday, the Israeli occupation bombed the European Hospital in Gaza, killing more than 50 martyrs. The occupation army will bomb Al-Shifa Hospital, as happened yesterday with the Gaza European Hospital after it was informed of the immediate evacuation in preparation for bombing it!!! What is happening to us is beyond human comprehension. Plz, every donation u send me will expedite our exit from Gaza and my treatment. Plz🙏 donate and don't ignore us. Plz donate.
🚨The moment the occupation bombed the European Hospital🏥 yard in Khan Yunis yesterday...
"Hell raising, hair raising,
I'm ready for the worst.
So frightening, face whitening,
Fear that you can't reverse.
My phone has no signal...
It's making my skin crawl...
The silence is so loud.
The lights spark and flicker
With monsters much bigger
Than I can control now."
~
-Panic Room, Au/Ra
Whumptober No.18
He might've gotten out, but... That doesn't mean it's over.
(Click for better quality)
Depths of despair
What is the sea, and what are its waves ? It flows, bile in my mouth - all hands on deck !
My mind’s in high tide and my tired heart caves
Inside my salt-spiked bones, my old ribbed shipwreck. Is it true that the world will be doomed when it boils ? My blood bubbles and roars and gushes through gorges
As sea serpents gorge themselves, my soul tight in their coils
The water hisses and fusses like a sword maker forges
And cools the red iron in the dark doubtful depths. My own surface, blurred, clouds and sparkles and spits. My face, my stomach churns, which tilts my ship and steps
My eyes, sleek sea glass cry again, and my tattered tooth grits
The chapped sun-dried shore of my pouty, shut lips. In my hollow clammy chest I feel things clank and crash
And my threatening thoughts are such perilous trips
They’re unmapped ; I get out with a bang and get out with a splash. Though now my tumbled brain’s encrusted in a pearl
As I’ve held it close and I’ve soothed it harshly. The sailors - my neurons - mind the ballots they hurl
So my mind washes up jewel-like fish, lively
And metallic. Then the wind of my cries’ settling
I tame my high horse and Kelpies stop the race Like my pulse. Sweetened, the sirens sing
And lulled, my psyche, the blade, dulls, turns to grace. I can rest, still sailing, though sea-sick
And tell the storm’s tale to my old friend the moon
Who crowns my velvet skies with the starlight’s pinprick
And whispers through my masts “Goodbye and sea you soon”
little original poem of which i submitted a shortened form to a contest
You wanna know what it's like?
Depression is like having a million Dementors following you everywhere, and no simple Patronus charm can get rid of them. They'll always be back.
Having a panic attack is like getting stung by a thousand Tracker Jackers, but no matter what you think, you won't die. You never do.
Having Social Anxiety is like being forced to go through your Fear Landscape, every day, for your entire life.
TW: Panic attack.
The internet describes a panic attack as a brief episode of intense anxiety, which causes the physical sensations of fear.
If you search on the Internet for: panic attack symptoms, it gives you a list of potential physical symptoms you may experience during one.
• pounding or racing heart
• sweating
• chills
• trembling
• difficultly breathing
• weakness or dizziness
• tingly or numb hands
• chest pain
•stomach pain or nausea
The first time I was aware I was having a panic attack I didn't realize it in the moment but rather a bit afterwards.
We had come home, I don't remember from where. My mother and brother were arguing, my brother made her mad. I know she was walking towards him but I felt like she was walking to me. I was so scared. I entered my room, sitting down against the closed door.
I began crying. I couldn't breathe and I just kept on crying. I was hysterical but quiet.
I could feel my heart racing, I was panicked. I thought I could never calm down again.
I tried to calm myself but to no avail. I continued crying. I was shaking, I was so scared.
I believe the constant crying and the uneven breathing made my chest hurt.
Something hurt.
It wasn't anything I'd recommend. I was afraid and couldn't seem to calm down for a while. I was hysterical crying. No one came to check on me, asked me how I am. No one cared.
TW: sensitive topics
yk what’s the worst hitting a year since ur last suicide attempt and almost 3 months clean and having the worst relapse ever and having to pretend everything is alright because now ur the happy positive person and no one can know everything is bad again. So ur suffering in silence and someone will bring it up and suddenly ur in ur room after ur first attempt wondering what is actually wrong with you and why ur like that and why you can’t just be normal. And you know something is wrong with you but you’ve never been diagnosed with anything eating makes you nauseous ur panic attacks are getting worse you don’t believe you were made to fall in love or be loved and no one including yourself knows who you really are.
