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4 years ago

Heart and Mind

This is to compare the powers of the two main functioning heads of our body. Please remember that here, it’s not the organ heart which keeps pumping blood, that we are talking about. It’s the emotion that we tend to feel from our heart. Heart, in my opinion understands emotions and relations better than mind does. For heart, emotions and relations are in the first priority, what effect a decision will make on any of the two, most important things. 

Mind, on the other hand, is more logical and relations and emotions are secondary to it. Mind basically focuses on how the results will be nice, and doesn’t really cares about it’s effects on emotions and relations, like heart does. It depends on the person to choose, whether he/she will act according to the Mind or Heart. I, personally think from my heart. (I know we don’t think from hearts, but try to understand the emotion.) I like to do what my heart tells me to do. But, this doesn’t mean to fully depend on only one of them, as this can result really very badly. Because, both Mind and Heart can be stupid sometimes too. In my case, I just give my Heart’s advice a higher level, but I don’t fully neglect my Mind either.

This is my comparison between Mind and Heart, and the rest depends upon everyone else’s thinking. 


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Alone In The Ruins

Alone in the ruins

Strike was in the ruins thinking of that unknow thing (that aren't see for this moment).

First time that Strike was in a digital artwork and more i have time ago that i don't draw him.


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6 days ago

in the process of writing more frank stuff. would tonight or tomorrow be too soon to post it after i JUST posted my last one?


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3 years ago

If I think therefore I am is a thing then surely that means the more you think the more you are. I’m beginning a rigorous training regime to control how much I think at any given time to make myself more or less corporeal so i can phase through walls to rob banks.


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1 month ago

Honestly, I love Murat so much, like my god, if he were a romanceable character, I would 100% choose him without thinking twice, I would want to take care of him and give him lots of delicious food, say lots of compliments to him and I would marry him so badly (IM BEING FOR REAL OKAY,,,) :}c

anywaay, What do you think his route would be like? 👉👈

• 🐢 anon

so!! a really big post ahead.

i was thinking about npc murat for a while actually. (i wanted him to romance lucanis in my other rook's playthrough. x)) so i will talk a little about this version and much more about his companion version. enjoy! (everything's under the cut. there's even pictures!!)

Honestly, I Love Murat So Much, Like My God, If He Were A Romanceable Character, I Would 100% Choose

(don't ask about plaideweave lucanis please it's the only proper screenshot i had and i was very lazy to open the game to make a new one...)

npc murat

- murat is a temporary, location exclusive companion / npc. he can be taken on some missions in treviso that are related to the antaam. in some, he goes fourth, bringing the company to the task point, in others - he takes a place in the squad. the rest of the time, he can be found in the cantori diamond, and you can talk with him about: him, the crows and the qunari.

- murat also kills the antaam squad in this au, but doesn't interfere much with the plans of the crows. he just gets a reprimand from viago, about which he doesn’t care at all.

- viago's old friend and teia's best friend. a qunari specialist. he knows a lot about the qun, vashoths and, naturally, knows how to fight them.

- first meeting: after you rescued lucanis from prison and took some kind of treviso quest from viago, a man stops you on the way out. it turns out to be murat, who wants to join you. you have to refuse him, because you already have the crow, but you can accept his help. in this case, he is very happy and will appear in the following quests. or refuse, in this case, he will not be present in the quests with the antaam and some quest moments will be missed due to the absence of murat.

- a non romanced lucanis will romance murat (of course) if you don’t save treviso. murat, together with lucanis, tried to protect the city from the dragon and in the process he saved lucanis, shielding him from idk what enemy. the blow hit his back and tore his coat and jacket. the wound is not deep, but a scar remained across his entire back. while lucanis was away from the lighthouse, he became close to murat. by act 3 there will be a moment where you catch lucanis trying to escape through the eluvian in the lighthouse. you think it’s spite, but it turned out to be lucanis, with some kind of package in his hand, very similar to a gift for someone. from him in the dialogue you can find out that he is going on a date.

companion murat

- the first meeting with him is the same, but this time you can recruit him.

- where he lives in the lighthouse: an attic appears above the dining room and he lives there. you can climb up there by the ladder. at first the attic is all in dust, wooden boxes and planks. murat sleeps on a questionable bed like lucanis'. in the future the attic will be transformed. there will be a variety of crow symbols everywhere, melee weapons, armor, some herbs hanging from the ceiling, and a large soft carpet on the floor. the same bed. next to it is a nightstand with a bunch of mugs, blackened inside from tea.

Honestly, I Love Murat So Much, Like My God, If He Were A Romanceable Character, I Would 100% Choose
Honestly, I Love Murat So Much, Like My God, If He Were A Romanceable Character, I Would 100% Choose

- romance. (not like in datv. more like in dai. you can start a relationship with a character already in the middle of the game and kiss them whenever you want.) you just need to flirt with him. likes funny dialogue options.

personal scene 1 - before going to bed, you go into the kitchen and see murat rummaging through the shelves. he doesn't notice you. he finds a bottle of wine there and turns around. when he sees you, he immediately hides it behind him. murat mentioned earlier that he was an alcoholic for a very long time, so he doesn't drink anymore, and he shouldn't drink at all. you have the option of either telling him that it's bad, or allowing him to steal the bottle. the second option is not thought out, because it will affect the entire future story of the character, so for now without it. you take the bottle away. and then you either support him in a friendly way, or support him more uh intimately idk maybe hinting at sympathy. in response to this, murat only gets embarrassed and leaves. (or tell him that if you see him near alcohol again, you will kick his ass.)

Honestly, I Love Murat So Much, Like My God, If He Were A Romanceable Character, I Would 100% Choose

personal scene 2 - an interrupted kiss, of course. constant flirting with murat and improving your relationship with him leads to this scene. murat offers you to spar together. you can refuse, agree to hand-to-hand combat or to use knives. in a fight with him, you can give in to him (murat will win and notice it), fight fair (50/50), fight unfair (murat will lose and notice your tricks. he will react positively) and fight with all your might (rook wins). in any case, murat ends up on top of you. either you slap him in the face in a friendly way so that he gets off you, or the romantic option - you reach for a kiss. murat doesn't mind, but you're interrupted by some companion and murat immediately gets up. after the scene, murat tells you that he wouldn't mind training with you sometime again. he doesn’t comment on the almost kiss.

Honestly, I Love Murat So Much, Like My God, If He Were A Romanceable Character, I Would 100% Choose

personal quest - viago gives murat a letter. it turns out to be from his ex, layla. it indicates the meeting place. your goal is to kill her, since she betrayed the crows in the past and disappeared. and since she came back, you can't let her go. murat asks you to let him talk to her in person first, and then deal with her, since he had a past with her, you agree. the meeting place is in a quiet abandoned small port. you watch him from afar, from the balcony of an abandoned house, and hear only fragments of dialogue. after murat and layla's conversation, he turns around and just leaves. layla waves at you, apparently, she noticed you a long time ago. you can choose to go after layla or murat. if you choose layla, then when you go down to her she'll already disappear. so the choice is without a choice in particular. then you catch up with murat. he walks and then suddenly falls, grabbing the wall. you think he was poisoned, but coming closer, you see that he is just crying. well not just. he's having a full mental breakdown. you try to calm him down and lead him to the lighthouse, since he can't see where to go through his tears. he doesn't really want to go anywhere. he just wants to stay here and die. in the lighthouse, you calm him down in the attic. he talks about his past and how shitty his life is. there are also friendly options and romantic ones. (and the mean ones too, you can say that you don’t want to listen to him whining and that he should get his shit together and not cry because of his ex. murat agrees, but the relationship with him worsens.) romantic option - you also hint at your sympathy for him, something like "you deserve love. moreover, there is someone who can provide you with this love." murat understands you and kisses you softly. murat is now romanced.

Honestly, I Love Murat So Much, Like My God, If He Were A Romanceable Character, I Would 100% Choose

after this, you can approach him for a portion of kisses. you can also break off the relationship.

eeewww sex - after a certain story quest, an exclamation mark appears above murat and you immediately run to him in the attic. first, he gives you a gift - a weapon depending on your class. and then he presses you against the beam and kisses you. you can push him away, ask him to just kiss you and nothing more, or allow him to do what he has in mind.

Honestly, I Love Murat So Much, Like My God, If He Were A Romanceable Character, I Would 100% Choose

sex scene!! very beautiful and hot, believe me. he probably goes down on you. and there are wet noises and heavy breathing. the scene after - you are on the carpet, a druffalo wool blanket and pillows. very naked. here you can dump him, say that you just want to have sex without anything serious or talk about love. in the latter case, murat holds your hand in his, kisses it and says that he is ready to do anything for you. after that, in addition to kisses, you can also ask him for sex. murat won't refuse.

Honestly, I Love Murat So Much, Like My God, If He Were A Romanceable Character, I Would 100% Choose

a romantic scene towards the end: murat takes you to his favorite place, one of the rooftops in treviso with a beautiful view. here he tells you a little about crows, again about his past + you can talk about your future together. plus he reads you poetry, but forgets a couple of lines. (here you can also break up with him.) then he comes to kiss you again. if you want, you can offer him sex on the roof. murat, as usual, won't refuse.

after the fade prison: murat comes to you and looks very exhausted. he doesn't cry, but his eyes are wet. he tells you that it was very difficult for him to live without you these couple of weeks and if it weren’t for the belief that you could still be saved, he would… he doesn’t finish the sentence and comes up to you, squeezing you in his arms. he whispers to you that he loves you so so much and can't live without you (maybe in antivan), and eventually a couple of tears come through. no sex. even if you suggest it, he will say that he can't do it after worrying for that long, but he will offer to be a weighted blanket for you.

the scene at the very end: he runs to you, happily hugs you and lifts you up into the air (he can lift you even if you are a big qunari, but not very high, and then adds that something clicked in his back, but it doesn't matter). he tells you that you finally dealt with this mess and no matter how much work you still have to do, he'll always be there for you. final kiss.

pics from the epilogue: 1-2 drawings with murat and rook. on both he will look lovingly at them, or he may kiss the back of their hand on one of them. the text will say something about that now you have a personal assassin who will help you deal with any problem. especially if this problem is alive and bothers you a lot.

- you can't romance him if you, crow rook, didn't choose treviso. in all other cases, romance is possible.

- if neither he nor lucanis are romanced, then yeah. (sorry neve...) you can find this out from their dialogues in the lighthouse or in the banters. plus there is a scene with them. you need something from lucanis very urgently and you burst into his pantry without knocking. lucanis is there, yes. but besides him there is also murat. on his knees. with his hands on lucanis's hips. you have 3 options - say OH and leave them alone. tease em a little, murat will answer you, and lucanis will simply cover his red face with both hands. or ask murat to leave, since you need to talk to lucanis. in the 3rd case, murat gets up, whispers something in lucanis's ear, he blushes and murat leaves the room.

- dialogues with companions in the lighthouse: 1 sometimes you can see how murat and luc talk in antivan with each other. rook asks if it is possible to repeat what they said for them but in common, because they heard their name in the dialogue. both crows answer you no. if rook is a crow too, then rook answers them in antivan. 2 discusses dragons and qunari with taash. 3 plays with manfred and tells you in disappointment that he doesn't understand why manfred keeps winning. 4 quarrels with davrin in a friendly manner, but it seems to you as if they are about to kill each other. he also talks like that with harding, but the insults are coming only from lace. 5 helps bellara to write her fanfictions. he has a lot of certain experience that will come in handy for writing certain scenes.


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4 years ago

I wish I were Heather

I wish I were Heather. That’s not her name but now everyone knows what I mean since Conan Gray explained it to us.

I wish I were her. Not only because she is one of the prettiest human beings I’ve ever seen and not because she is just as nice as an angel and vibes positivity, but because someone told me how you are feeling about her.

“He’s in love with her.” I guess that sentence will reverberate in my mind for quite some time. I still remember feeling the sadness crawling up my throat and stopping me from breathing. Gasping as the pain slowly sunk into my bones. That’s where it’s still sitting right now.

I wish I were her. Not only because she is closer to your age and she has already been friends with the people you hang out with before they even knew me and not because she lives closer to town so you somehow always end up at hers whenever you don’t have a ride home, but because I feel you drifting away from me while you seem to be getting closer to her.

I know you love me. Your brother basically tried to tattoo that onto my forehead because he knows how much I doubt it sometimes and how easy it is for me to put myself down. But I don’t think you know it.

What you know is that your sisters love me. The little one begging the older one to convince you to marry me one day and the older one telling me, smiling and nodding her head, that she can see it as well and she is praying that you won’t fuck it up. You know that.

You know that your brother loves me. Not as much as your ex, but “super fucking close” as he always says. I get it, he’s best friends with her so I totally get it. And I am thankful for your brother because he is the mental support I need whenever I feel stuck with our situation. He’ll tell me you love me, he’ll tell me your family loves me and he’ll tell me that he loves me most. Because he likes the you that you are when I’m around and he thanks me for making you happy again after such a dark time in your life.

And as much as they tell me that you love me I still wish I were her. Because as much as I loved seeing how happy you are with me, the more it breaks my heart to see how your eyes sparkle around her.

I loved building you up and I loved how you helped me to build up myself again, but I guess it’s her turn now. She gets what I built.

That’s why I wish I were her.

...

...

And to add something that fits with Conan Grays song a little bit more: I once took your sweater when you gave me your keys to go get the wine and when I came back and you saw me in your sweater, you said I looked like the smallest bean you’ve ever seen and threw me over your shoulder. We laughed. We were happy...You never gave her your sweater, the one you left me was cotton, not polyester. I still wish I were Heather.


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5 years ago

Why am I like this

Sometimes I open tumblr because I feel like writing. And then I sit and stare at the blank canvas that longs to be filled by my thoughts but I just...can’t. I can’t. And it makes me angry. I want to write something, I need to write something, but trying to pin down the words that are constantly circling around my head makes me realize that I don’t have a f*vking clue.

I don’t know

Anything

I’m lost in my own mind and the longer I stare at the letters in front of me the harder it gets to come back up and breathe fresh air.

I don’t know

Anything

At all

And I can’t help but hate the words that make it onto the pages because they are not what I want them to be and they make me believe things that aren’t there and

Damn

I really don’t know

Anything

At all

Or at least that’s what this post makes me believe.


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5 years ago

Making it count

Last week I was at a classmates funeral. Everything about it seemed wrong. She just turned 18 three weeks ago, therefore being way too young to leave this world and as I stood at her open grave, looking down at the bright wooden coffin her dainty body was in, imagining her just sleeping inside, I felt like I’m living my life the wrong way.

In that moment everything seemed so important to me. Because standing there, watching her older sister break down in tears, filled my heart with so much fear of not only dying but losing people I love before I had the chance to tell them everything I wanted them to know and spending as much time together as possible.

In that moment I wanted to call both my parents and tell them I loved them.

I wanted to wrap my arms around every single one of my friends and thank them for the best memories ever.

I wanted to tell my favourite teachers how much they inspired me and helped to create a new version, a better one, of me throughout the past years.

I wanted to make sure my brother knew that he has always been my favourite person on this planet no matter how hard we had fought in the past.

I wanted to show up at this particular boy’s door and just kiss him and thank him for slowly putting back all the pieces of my broken heart another one had left me alone with.

I wanted to be fearless. To be brave enough to just do whatever I felt like. To stop caring about what others might think of me and do whatever my heart desired.

I wanted to make every single minute of my life count, because I realized how fast everything might fall apart.

RIP Leo,

forever loved.


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5 years ago

Sweet dreams

I’m laying here, awake. It’s the middle of the night and I don’t know how but I thought I heard your voice and so I woke up. Now I’m laying here, thinking. I don’t even know what it is about you, my heart loves so much. You’re great, but I don’t see why my heart thinks it’s okay to get broken day by day, instead of just letting go. I’m laying here, dreaming. Not of anything that has happened, but of everything that could still occur. Anything good, nothing of the bad stuff has a place in my dreams. At least not in the ones I’m dreaming when I’m awake. I’m awake, thinking and dreaming. I guess you’re asleep not dreaming about anything particular and when you wake up, your mind is clear. Maybe one day you’ll wake up and notice everything I’ve done for you and what you ignorant prick have put me through. But until then, sweet dreams L.


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5 years ago

It’s about you

I miss you since the last time we spoke. I wish I could bury my head into your hoodie and get one of these hugs I’ve been missing so dearly. I wish I could see your smile, knowing that I’m the person who made you laugh...

There’s so much that I’m wishing for in the moment, but I just want you to know that every single wish that appears in my head is

only

about

you


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5 years ago

I kinda hate you

I hate that it’s always me who starts the conversation, it’s always my part to show interest and then you just follow up later. I hate that I have to text you first every time and only then you’ll remember that you wanted to talk to me. I hate that it seems like everyone knows you better than me. I hate that you don’t remember what we talked about even though we both had the best of our times. I hate that your friends don’t get along with mine. I hate that my parents always ask about you and then I realize there is nothing I can tell them about that really matters. I hate that I can’t stop looking at you. I hate that you cant even smile at me when your friends are around. I hate that we only connect when we’re drunk. I hate that I can almost remember every single word you said to me since we met. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about you. I hate that I dream of you every single night. I hate that you’re the first thing I think of when I open my eyes in the morning. I hate that my heart starts beating faster whenever I think of you. I hate that I can’t stop smiling for a week when you are nice to me for once. I hate that you are nice to me sometimes. I hate that you can’t make up your mind. I hate that I don’t get it. I hate that I recognize your voice through hundreds of people speaking. I hate that my favorite color reminds me of you. I hate that your smell will forever be stuck in my mind. I hate that you drive extra safely whenever I’m on the back of your motor circle. I hate that you hurt me over and over again by flirting with other people. I hate that I can’t live a day without the thought of you. I hate that I get rosy cheeks whenever someone mentions your name. I hate that I can’t control my fingers shaking when I type a message into our chat. I hate the way I feel about you. I hate that I’m in love with you. And I hate that there is no sign that you love me too.


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