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Warrior Nun - Blog Posts
Honestly at this point when Netflix cancels a show it’s an assurance of quality
The real reason sense8 slapped so hard and inevitably got cancelled is that it had an anime concept, an epically talented international cast and prominent queer characters whose lives didn’t get sugar coated by the writers
The thing I find actually quite disturbing about Netflix is that they know that the only people who really have the time for the binge model are just actual children. Their main market is teenagers which is why shows like Wednesday and Ginny and Georgia do so well and television made for adults and people with full formed brains keeps getting cancelled. It’s pathetic
I went off script. Enjoy these dumbasses.
I need fan art of Beatrice and ava with tattoos. I think it would solve all my problems.
THEY'RE ADVANCING ON US
Top Femslash Ships Bracket - FINALS
I DON'T KNOW WHO ON EARTH IS DOING THIS BUT IT IS HILARIOUS
this is absolutely ridiculous. Just a steady line of votes that defies any and all logic. Somebody has been doing this for H O U R S and you have my entire heart. whoever you are, you are my hero and holy moly I hope you aren't doing this manually because that would take an insane amount of effort
Some fic update: I will not be posting this week (surprise surprise) BUT I might (?) next week. I currently have a fic in the works where Beatrice is Mulan, but instead of the ending where she comes back and everyone is happy, Beatrice comes back from China to her parents being all disappointed. After that, Beatrice runs from her family and she throws herself back into the military, and ends up going on a foreign mission to Europe where the Roman Empire is falling apart and THEN she’ll meet Ava and the rest of the squad. I’ve got like 800 words written which is pretty good but we’ll see how it goes.
(also if you guys are wondering about the batb au yes i know it sits in my drive staring at me whispering “mother you have abandoned me why” but HAHAHA MUST BE THE WIND)
Anyways here’s a snippet of my fic
"I saved China. No man would reject a woman of such achievement."
"And no man marries a woman who spends her time cross dressing and wielding a sword." She sets her tea down and stares at Beatrice.
Beatrice chances a look at her father, who takes the opportunity to speak his part.
"You were reckless. What are we supposed to do now?" He purses his lips, and Beatrice lets go of the medal, still inside her robes.
I did it for you, I did it for you, she wants to say, wants to scream, and she feels uncharacteristically wild emotion clawing its way up her throat.
1/13/23- somehow i managed to update my batb fic- changed the title so it's less basic
And i wrote a oneshot!
1/10/23- Finished a oneshot! I have yet to get it beta'd but here's a snippet:
"She thought of casual touches sparking fire across her skin and quiet mornings, intense gazes and wanting, afraid yet still reaching out."
Yes i know the structure is a bit flawed, but hence the beta. Made some progress on my to-be long fic, tho i don't know where to end the chapter.
Not me starting a new fic when i still have a wip
Pls i swear it's interesting
Everytime I come onto this hellsite and see one of my silly little queer shows trending I do a silly little dance with a silly little smile on my face
Whywhywhywhywhy does netflix cancel every lesbian show it creates after one or two seasons?? wlw is just as important as mlm. We get SCRAPS from the table and it isn't ENOUGH to survive
Where the hell have I been
(And more importantly, where is that Warrior Nun/Ocean’s 8 AU I promised)
Back in April I said my next fanfiction would be an Ocean’s 8 AU, but that it would take a bit of time to write. I spent two thirds of April finishing up my Warrior Nun inspired novel, then, as I had planned, I began working on the fic. Then, trouble arose...
At the begging of May, I received an acceptance letter from my dream University and I got into their creative writing program. Awesome. However this university is in Canada, on the other side of the ocean, which means a lot of paperwork to get my visa in time, among all things.
Long story short, I spent a very stressful month of May, and June is only becoming better now. I have not been able to get any writing down, on the fic or any story for that matter. The irony isn’t lost on me. I get into a creative writing program only to forget how to write -_-
I’m sorry but I have no idea when, or even if I will be able to deliver the fic as I had promised. If that was something you were looking forward to, I hope you can forgive me.
I hope I’ll be able to post a new fic soon, but if I don’t, have a nice summer everyone!
Kiss the Hills for me, just once (then - I am ready to go) - A MaryShannon fic
A/N: Hey everyone! Here’s the beginning of my new short and bittersweet fic! It’s Mary and Shannon, it’s canon compliant, and it’s their last evening together... If you want to read the whole story the link is at the end!
Shannon was ten when she first entered a confessional booth, in preparation for her first communion. She had no great sin to confess but a great many questions about God and Jesus which her local priest, in his benevolent patience,was kind enough to answer as best as he could. When she asked him who he spoke to when he had to confess something, the voice on the other side of the screen had come as chuckle:
"Well, I speak to God quite often. I know that He will always be here to listen. But when I do need advice, I seek out one of my fellow priests."
Some fifteen years later, Shannon still thought about that conversation, as she finally came to empathise with the older man. Though she prayed often for guidance, she always seeked out Mary for advice. Which made it all the stranger when Shannon began to keep things to herself. Mother Superion could tell. The other sister warriors could tell. And most of all, Mary could tell.
She had tried all she could think of to breach the subject. Talking about it in public hadn't worked. Talking about it in private had made the Warrior Nun clam up even more. So Mary had given up, which was quite unlike her. Even Lilith had teased her about it. Mary had glared at her and explained that Shannon would talk once she was ready. She truly hoped it would be tonight.
For a few years now, they'd started a routine on every Thursday night. If they weren't out in the field, then the two of them disappeared on Mary's motorcycle for a few hours. All sorts of rumors had started swirling up from their little escapade. Some of the sisters thought they were wandering the streets, beating up bad guys like two vigilantes. Others thought they rented a motel room – or, more luxuriously a hotel room, or better yet they had their own small apartment – where they could have really hot and loud sex away from the convent. Mary couldn't blame the sisters for all these stupid rumors. She and Shannon were so tight-lipped about what they did that she understood their curiosity. But this was their special thing, a Mary and Shannon alone thing, and neither would ever reveal what they were up to.
That evening, as Mary leaned against her motorcycle, holding her helmet in her hands, she almost thought Shannon wasn't going to come. It wasn't like they had a set time when they should leave, but they never met more than a couple of minutes apart, as if they could sense the other's eagerness to leave. She checked her phone again for the time. Footsteps echoed on the pavement. She looked up and spotted Shannon coming toward her at a hurried pace.
"I was beginning to think you'd stood me up," Mary shouted at her, partly as a joke and partly to her release her own nervousness.
"I'm sorry. I was with Father Vincent and Mother Superion, putting the final touches on tomorrow's mission."
Mary was quick to brush the subject of the next day's mission aside. This was their special night, which meant no work-related talk.
"I'll forgive you only if we leave in the next minute and a half."
FULL STORY HERE: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46334560
I've begun pre-production (pre-writing? Writing prep?) on Silva's 8 :)
I just realized that it would be so easy to make a Ocean's 8/Warrior Nun fic with Ava, Beatrice, Camila, Lilith, Mary, Yasmine, Mother Superion, and Shannon trying to steal the crown of thorns. Has someone done it before? Am I the one who's gonna have to do it?
Say I decided to post the next chapter of Here I Am, Next to You (You Pull at my Seams) on Wednesday instead of waiting until Saturday:
Here I Am, Next to You (You Pull at My Seams) - An Avatrice and MaryShannon fanfiction
Hey everyone! Here’s an extract from my new summer romance fic, featuring in equal measure Avatrice and MaryShannon! If you like what you read, the link to the full chapter will be at the end!
On the other side of the pool, Ava was paddling away from the shallow part. She ignored the pain in her limbs and pressed on, all the while Mary was calling from the side of the pool.
“Ava, come back on this side. Don’t you want to learn how to swim properly, rather than… whatever you’re doing?”
Ava shrugged off her comments.
“I’m fine,” she shouted back.
She was in the middle of the pool now, where the ground was so deep that she couldn’t feel it even with the tip of her toes. She was paddling her arms and legs as fast as she could to keep her head above the water. On the side of the pool, a young woman in a black swimming suit stepped up to the diving board. She had long, strong legs. Her hair was hidden beneath a black swimming cap, though a few small one still peaked out, plastered on the nape of her neck. Droplets of water had collected in the hollow of her throat, now running over to the edge of her swimsuit.
Ava forgot to paddle. She stared. It lasted only long enough that she felt herself sinking beneath the water. Panic rose in her chest and she kicked the water hard. She couldn’t calm down. Every kick of her legs only seem to drag her further under the water. She tried calling for help, but water filled her mouth and smothered her voice.
She didn’t hear the splash, only felt someone grabbing her and pulling her to the surface. She continued to struggle, but her rescuer was strong.
“You’re okay,” the voice of a young woman told her. “You’re okay.”
Ava finally snapped out of her panic. She was being pulled toward the ladder, held firmly above the water. Once she could finally grab the ladder to keep herself from drowning, she pulled away from her savior. Her heart sputtered in her chest when she realized it was the girl from the diving board.
“I’m…”
Ava wasn’t sure what she was trying to say. They stood so close to one another that she could see the freckles on the other girl’s face. I’m grateful? I’m Ava?
“I’m dead,” she thought and said at the same time, because she had to be.
The girl frowned.
“No, I… I pulled you out,” she replied with confusion.
“Yeah, no, obviously. I’m not dead, dead. I’m just… I’m Ava.”
Before the other girl could introduce herself, Mary arrived just in time to drag Ava out of the pool.
“I told you to stay in the shallow part. I warned you, didn’t I?”
Ava rolled her eyes and exited the pool. Mary threw her towel at her and Ava brushed the chlorine water out of her eyes.
“I was fine. I did it on purpose again.”
Then, she saw her rescuer was climbing after her, and giving her strange look, and Ava was quick to respond.
“I mean I didn’t do it on purpose to scare anyone. I had everything under control, totally.”
“That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said,” Mary replied, earning herself a glare.
A moment later, another woman joined them. She wasn’t wearing a swimsuit, but shorts and a tank top, her long brown hair held in a ponytail.
“Everything alright?” she asked.
“I’m sorry, Miss Masters,” Ava’s rescuer said. “I thought she was drowning, I…”
“You did good, don’t worry.”
“I’m sorry about that,” Mary intervened. “Ava doesn’t know when a joke has gone too far.”
“It’s fine. Better safe than sorry.”
“I just got tired all of a sudden is all,” Ava tried to defend herself against Mary’s glare without passing for a complete loser in front of the cute girl.
Full chapter 1 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45141238/chapters/113558530
Chapter 2: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45141238/chapters/114008935
pssst do it. write the oceans 8 au.
Honestly I posted that idea on a whim while rewatching Ocean's 8 and I did not expect to see so many people showing interest in that AU. But the people have spoken! Now I have no other choice but to consider it. I think I will queue it up after what I'm currently working on. I'd say don't expect it until April at the earliest.
Silva's 8 and the heist to steal Adriel's crown of thorns is gonna cook in my mind for a month and we'll see what I can do with it!
I just realized that it would be so easy to make a Ocean's 8/Warrior Nun fic with Ava, Beatrice, Camila, Lilith, Mary, Yasmine, Mother Superion, and Shannon trying to steal the crown of thorns. Has someone done it before? Am I the one who's gonna have to do it?
Here I Am, Next to You (You Pull at My Seams) - An Avatrice and MaryShannon fanfiction
Hey everyone! Here’s an extract from my new summer romance fic, featuring in equal measure Avatrice and MaryShannon! If you like what you read, the link to the full chapter will be at the end!
On the other side of the pool, Ava was paddling away from the shallow part. She ignored the pain in her limbs and pressed on, all the while Mary was calling from the side of the pool.
“Ava, come back on this side. Don't you want to learn how to swim properly, rather than... whatever you're doing?”
Ava shrugged off her comments.
“I'm fine,” she shouted back.
She was in the middle of the pool now, where the ground was so deep that she couldn't feel it even with the tip of her toes. She was paddling her arms and legs as fast as she could to keep her head above the water. On the side of the pool, a young woman in a black swimming suit stepped up to the diving board. She had long, strong legs. Her hair was hidden beneath a black swimming cap, though a few small one still peaked out, plastered on the nape of her neck. Droplets of water had collected in the hollow of her throat, now running over to the edge of her swimsuit.
Ava forgot to paddle. She stared. It lasted only long enough that she felt herself sinking beneath the water. Panic rose in her chest and she kicked the water hard. She couldn't calm down. Every kick of her legs only seem to drag her further under the water. She tried calling for help, but water filled her mouth and smothered her voice.
She didn't hear the splash, only felt someone grabbing her and pulling her to the surface. She continued to struggle, but her rescuer was strong.
“You're okay,” the voice of a young woman told her. “You're okay.”
Ava finally snapped out of her panic. She was being pulled toward the ladder, held firmly above the water. Once she could finally grab the ladder to keep herself from drowning, she pulled away from her savior. Her heart sputtered in her chest when she realized it was the girl from the diving board.
“I'm...”
Ava wasn't sure what she was trying to say. They stood so close to one another that she could see the freckles on the other girl's face. I'm grateful? I'm Ava?
“I'm dead,” she thought and said at the same time, because she had to be.
The girl frowned.
“No, I... I pulled you out,” she replied with confusion.
“Yeah, no, obviously. I'm not dead, dead. I'm just... I'm Ava.”
Before the other girl could introduce herself, Mary arrived just in time to drag Ava out of the pool.
“I told you to stay in the shallow part. I warned you, didn't I?”
Ava rolled her eyes and exited the pool. Mary threw her towel at her and Ava brushed the chlorine water out of her eyes.
“I was fine. I did it on purpose again.”
Then, she saw her rescuer was climbing after her, and giving her strange look, and Ava was quick to respond.
“I mean I didn't do it on purpose to scare anyone. I had everything under control, totally.”
“That's the stupidest thing you've ever said,” Mary replied, earning herself a glare.
A moment later, another woman joined them. She wasn't wearing a swimsuit, but shorts and a tank top, her long brown hair held in a ponytail.
“Everything alright?” she asked.
“I'm sorry, Miss Masters,” Ava's rescuer said. “I thought she was drowning, I...”
“You did good, don't worry.”
“I'm sorry about that,” Mary intervened. “Ava doesn't know when a joke has gone too far.”
“It's fine. Better safe than sorry.”
“I just got tired all of a sudden is all,” Ava tried to defend herself against Mary's glare without passing for a complete loser in front of the cute girl.
Full chapter 1 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45141238/chapters/113558530
Chapter 2: https://archiveofourown.org/works/45141238/chapters/114008935
The Valentine’s Day Gift
Ava doesn’t have a family photo album. If she ever had one, it was destroyed in the car crash, like her childhood. Sometimes, she imagines that she could find it again, tugged into a cardboard box in some storage space in Portugal, where their landlord might have kept the things they left behind, hoping that they would return to claim them one day. But she doesn’t keep that hope alive. Most likely she will never see what her life was before that fatal crash, and she’s made her peace with it.
Beatrice doesn’t think she has a family photo album. Her parents weren’t the kind of people who bothered to take pictures on whatever business trip passed for a family holiday. She knows they have some pictures, class photos and tournament pictures taken by her coachs, but none was given to her when she joined the OCS. Part of her wishes she had one, she tells Ava one evening, and Ava jokes that she must have been a cute kid and makes her feel better about it, but deep down, it doesn’t quite fill the hole.
For Valentine’s Day, Ava presents Beatrice with a large package, tenderly and clumsily wrapped.
“I thought we said no gift,” Beatrice berates her, even as her own is hidden in the drawer of her bedside table.
“Yeah, yeah, just open it.”
So Beatrice does. Inside the cardboard box, she finds a beautiful, black leather-bound photo album. The word “family” is hetched in golden letters on the cover. It’s not empty either. Flipping inside, Beatrice finds pictures dating back to when she joined the OCS. It’s her, and Lilith, and Mary, and Shannon, and later, Camila. After that are pictures she has never seen, pictures she assumes Ava must have taken on their last trip to the Cat’s Craddle. Pictures of Yasmine agonizing after training, and Camila teaching the new recruits, and Mother Superion feeding the stray cats in the garden. Then, it’s pictures of the two of them in Switzerland, during their two months in hiding. Their time training, decorating their apartment, going grocery shopping and working at the bar. The most mondain of activities which had been so new to Ava back then.
Finally, a third of the way through the album, she finds pictures of them now, traveling, living, loving. There’s still many pages to fill, and Beatrice can’t help but contemplate the blank pages taking up most of the photo album, waiting for their own pictures.
“I know it won’t replace the childhood memories we lost,” Ava says, “but I thought we should have one.”
Beatrice is close to tears and her heart has never been filled with more love. The photo album is kept in a proeminent place in their living room. Soon, Beatrice adds a little 1 on the first page, and buys another. It is the second of many more to come.
Angels Like You Can’t Fly Down Here - Part 2
Hey everyone! Part 2/2 of my Avatrice fic in Space is out! Here’s an extract and if you want to read the whole thing I have a link to both parts below!
Ava spent the rest of the trip in the cockpit, as far away from Beatrice as she could. She picked up a book and tried to read, but her mind kept wandering back to the woman who had somehow broken her heart even as they had only spent one night together. Perhaps not her heart. Perhaps only a chunk of it, that hopeful, silly romantic chunk who would have launched a thousand ships to find her again. She was on the other side of the door, and Ava was resigned to the fact that neither a thousand, nor a million ship could bring her back to her.
Nueva Madrid was a colony on a rocky, jungle-field planet called Leon B. The city jutted from between the cliffs, while the train hung on the side of a ravine, taking passengers to the planet's other colonies. The astroport was a belt of concrete on top of a cliff overlooking the city. A giant elevator connected the two, perpetually ascending and descending the rough brown stone.
Ava picked up her headphones once more and called the control tower.
“Control, this is the Archangel. Code number FN-1203-22. We require a landing spot in astroport 3.”
She waited a moment, her nail tapping against the stick. They didn't usually take so long to answer. She was about to ask again when her headphones finally came to life.
“This is control. Sorry for the delay. We're kinda full at 3, do you mind taking a cargo spot?”
Ava shrugged.
“Nope. I'll take it.”
She wasn't about to stay anyway. She would drop them off, clean that stupid sharpy mark on the front of her ship, then get off the planet. The more distance she put between Beatrice and herself, the better.
The cargo spot she had been given was at the bottom of the ring, rather than on the ring itself. There, the space had been separated into eight parking spots for the bigger cargo ships. Her small ship was a waste of space, but at least she had no trouble landing. She turned off the engine then sighed.
“Should I see our guests out?” Michael asked.
“No, I'll take care of it.”
She stood out of her seat and straightened the collar of her jacket. In the living room, the OCS members were waiting for her by the airlock.
“Well, it was fun, but I need my payment now.”
Lilith frowned.
“I thought you had agreed to a favor. That's what Mary said.”
“Yeah, but I need a token. Something to prove you guys owe me.”
Ava could see the muscles of Lilith's jaw working. Before she could come up with anything, Beatrice pulled a dagger from her chest plate, and set it on the table.
“It's marked. They will know who gave it to you.”
“Thank you.”
Ava opened the airlock and led the little group out of the ship.
“Thank you for traveling with Air Ava. We don't take complaints and if anything is missing from my ship I will find you.”
PART 1: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44800671/chapters/112718467#workskin
PART 2: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44800671/chapters/113142232
The characters of Warrior Nun play Dungeons &Dragons
Ava is the DM, obviously. She’s been dying to play and she convinced everyone to join. Despite that, she still manages to finish her prep an hour before the game starts (it happens to the best of us)
Beatrice plays an elf paladin. At first she had picked a human but Ava made that face that Beatrice interpreted as “not a very original choice” but really meant “I was sure you would pick that” so Bea changed it to an elf. Ava made the face again but she stood her ground and tried (and failed) to ignore it.
Camila went online and tried to find the best, deadliest combinaison. She picked a tabaxi rogue/barbarian. Sneak attack damages count as a crit when she does a reckless attack. Ava doesn’t know if she loves it or hates it.
Lilith took some time to coax but eventually she agreed to “one stupid game” and now she’s a regular. She plays a tiefling sorcerer. She almost took a warlock but realized her powers would be beholden to someone else and she couldn’t have that, so sorcerer it is.
In the time it took Ava to learn the base rules, Yasmine had already read all the add-ons (just in case). In the end, she picked an Aasimar wizard. She takes all of the notes. Not a word passes through Ava’s lips that she won’t transcribe in her notebook. It’s kind of scary sometimes.
Mary picked a half-elf (”they have a charisma bonus which gives a tactical advantage”) warlock (”I’ve got Eldrich Blast. When you’ve got Eldrich Blast you don’t need combat skills”).
Michael plays a dragonborn cleric because someone had to be the cleric and it certainly wasn’t going to be Lilith (”who cares if your character dies?”), Camila (”I already have two classes, a third one would be way too much”), Mary (”It would ruin my build”) or Yasmine (”I can be the cleric if you want me to”) after Lilith’s intervention (”Let Michael do it.”)
Mother Superion joined a game once. She played a human monk and she proved even more game breaking than Camila, somehow. She said “this game is easy” and Ava banned her (Beatrice had to talk her out of it).
Bonus: Shannon plays a halfling bard. Everyone thought that she would pick a fighting character, perhaps a paladin, but she knows all too well the weight of an oath on a person. She’d rather have fun.
Angels Like You Can’t Fly Down Here - an Avatrice fanfiction (in Space)
Hey everyone! Here’s an extract from the first part of my new fic, where Ava is a pilot/smuggler taking a job for the OCS. It’s all very angsty (but with a happy ending). If you enjoy the link to the full story is at the end!
There was a time when Ava used to like this song. That was the reason why she had thought it would be a good idea to set it as her alarm. Now, she hated that song. It blared in every room of her small ship, much louder than it had any reason to be. Her head was pounding with the base. She opened her eyes a crack and found far too much light on the other side. She forced them shut once more.
“Michael,” she mumbled, but it sounded like a shout to her. “Michael, turn it off.”
“I'm sorry, Ava, I'm afraid I can't do that,” the ship's AI answered. “You told me to keep playing your alarm until you were awake, and to wake you before ten.”
“What time is it?” she asked, her dried tongue struggling with every word.
“9:59.”
She let out a sound, half a sigh of resignation and half a groan of pain, and sat up, her eyes still partially closed.
“Alright, I'm awake. I'm awake. You can turn that shit off.”
Finally, blessedly, the music came to a stop. Ava rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She had slept on the leather booth in the tiny space she used as a living room, both legs and one arm hanging off the side. Her shoulder was killing her, but the pain was nothing compared to her massive headache. As she sat, she realized her belt had been undone, but not much else. Had she brought anyone home the night before? Were they still here?
“What happened last time?” she asked as she scooted out of the booth, stretching her right shoulder.
“You brought a woman back with you then promptly fell asleep in the living room,” Michael explained. “She left soon after.”
Ava groaned.
“Did she steal anything?”
“She did not.”
Well, at least that was something less to worry about. Ava took off her leather jacket – she needed to stop sleeping in that jacket, it made her sweat what little water she had left in her body – and threw it on top of the pile of stuff already on the small, circular table.
“I need a shower. And breakfast.”
“I suggest a cream cheese bagel this morning.”
“Again?”
“That is the only thing you have in your kitchen. You forgot to go grocery shopping again yesterday.”
Ava wished she could blame the AI for not reminding her sooner, but she knew Michael had reminded her every morning before she left the ship for at least three days now. She could only blame herself on this one.
She took a too long, too warm shower, letting the previous night run down the drain. She should drink less, she knew, but it was difficult when the best place to find work was a bar. She could order non-alcoholic beverages, sure, but who would want to hire a smuggler who couldn't hold their liquor? She had a reputation to maintain.
She came out feeling better and even more dehydrated than before. Once dressed in clean clothes – a rare commodity on this ship, because she had forgotten to do the laundry again – she went into the kitchen to get the biggest glass of water she could find, and spread whatever cream cheese she had left on half a bagel. She would kill for some takeout, but until she'd scored another job, she had to be careful with her money, and she was slowly accumulating a tab at the bar that would need taken care of.
She chewed her bagel without thinking about it, her mind a thousand years away. She wasn't disappointed that the woman had gone last night before anything could have happened. She was somewhat glad. She knew what her drunk self had been trying to do. She was trying to forget Helen.
Helen wasn't her real name, Ava knew. She hadn't given her real name either. When the tall, beautiful young woman had introduced herself at the bar, and given the name Helen, Ava had decided to play along, and had introduced herself as Ariadne. Helen had seemed distracted at first, glancing about the bar, but as the night progressed, they had gotten along well. Ava had convinced her to go back to her ship. Helen had seemed nervous, but she had come along anyway. One thing had led to another, and they had slept together. When Ava had woken up in the morning, Helen had been gone.
Full story here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44800671/chapters/112718467