Lain (june 2023)

Blue Lagoon Iceland from my recent trip to Reykjavik 🏔️

The goal is not to meet neruotypical life milestones and ideas of independence. The goal is to have a life where you are happy and have the support you need.

だって、私はレインじゃない？

I feel as if I’m made to understand but not to be understood.

A. Presence of obsessions, compulsions, or both: Obsessions are defined by (1) and (2):

Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and unwanted, and that in most individuals cause marked anxiety or distress.

The individual attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, urges, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action (i.e., by performing a compulsion). Compulsions are defined by (1) and (2):

Repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the individual feels driven to per- form in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly.

The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing anxiety or dis- tress, or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neu- tralize or prevent, or are clearly excessive. Note: Young children may not be able to articulate the aims of these behaviors or mental acts.

scrupulosity and an OCD obsession with morality is so much more than just wanting to be a good person.

yes, I want to be a good person. but for me, that comes along with:

an unreachably high moral standard

an unshakeable guilt complex

a chronic feeling of “what have I done wrong?”

constant flashbacks to “shame memories”

tying myself up in knots over making the right decision (even over the little things)

and sometimes… this obsession with being a good person actually prevents me from being as good a person as I would be otherwise (e.g it can make me come across as selfish and not compassionate)

09.01-22

Mornings like this.

- Vivera Rossi