Dead Fairies

damn… I’m writing this story about my life and I feel like nobody gets it… like it’s very much about sex and religion and all this stuff and I feel like people just don’t like it but it’s like autofiction so it’s not going to be any different like most of it is based on my real life… like idk it’s autofiction so it’s mutable but people are like “I don’t like the character or how she acts” and I’m like well that’s me and that’s how I do act… it’s fine if you don’t like it… but idk how to write it any other way????? Like I want it to be real……….. even my best friend like knows it’s autofiction and doesn’t want to be mean or harsh but like doesn’t seem to get why the character is traumatized or struggling and I’m like fuck …….. I just want people to understand what’s wrong with me. Hell, I want to understand what’s wrong with me. Like what the fuck. I know it’s not an interesting and enjoyable story for people but it’s my fucking life…. Like my best friend literally said maybe it’s holding me back to be writing about myself but what the fuck else can I say?????? Idk

I’ve experienced two bereavements in a very short period of time. My (undiagnosed) autism is making this trauma even more difficult. I feel physically ill all the time, I can’t do anything but at the same time I can’t process anything. I have barely cried and don’t even feel like this is real, or that it’s even me experiencing this. It doesn’t help that my family don’t accept me being autistic, so when I try to explain that I’m overwhelmed, anxious and experiencing sensory overload more, they just ignore that there’s even anything for me to be upset about. I just don’t know what to do.

I am really sorry you're experiencing grief so close together.

It is well known that Autistics experience grief very differently to neurotypicals. We process it far slower, experience far more inner turmoil with less ability to express it, and this can lead to a long-term burnout/shutdown relationship, where we're more sensitive to sensory input but instead of meltdowns we are trapped in our grief.

I don't know how to get your family to accept your autism, but the fact that grief is experienced differently by everyone should be enough for their compassion. It's cruel that they don't recognise that for you.

THINKING PERSON'S GUIDE TO AUTISM

Autistic Grief Is Not Like Neurotypical Grief — THINKING PERSON'S GUIDE TO AUTISM

You see, every brain only has so much space in which to process information, and if a very large part of that is consumed with emotions, it

🌊 | source

By autistic adult Erin Human of Human Illustrations.

acid pixie aesthetic my beloved

Prints: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ap/109523505

ingo submas and rina love live! are autistic icons and you cant prove me wrong

i hate casual ableism cause if i try to defend myself i just sound like jughead

them: "omg stop [insert nd trait], just act normal"

me: "bitch i cant, im literally not normal. the synapses in my brain are physically different. im weird ok?? im a weirdo. have you ever seen me make eye contact? no, you fucking havent. THATS WEIRD."