So The New Game Huh

If you were transformed into any DND monster of your choice, what would you pick?

Mimic.

At last my twin passions of sitting very still doing nothing and eating people can be fulfilled at once!

-Pencil

Wearing my canonically accurate Antares cosplay as I pull my girlfriend into my room: Hehe come on babe, I'll make you cum so hard you'll be a blaster 4.

My girlfriend, wearing the costume of her original character, Taylon Hober: I don't know babe, don't you think our power difference is problematic.

Me: Heh, that sort of thing is for the power testers to worry about.

I jump onto the mattress and my spiked shoulder pads instantly punctures the water bed and blasts toxic goo everywhere killing us instantly

"Sometimes I feel like a discount Amy Dallon" I say to the judge about my parking ticket.

He has no idea what I am talking about, but my legal counsel whispers a few key facts in his ear, and his face hardens.

"I sentence you to death. Immediately."

Thank fuck, I barely manage not to say as he pulls out the pistol-

What, the forest-dwelling entities with imperfect human mimicry who insinuate themselves into groups of hikers? Yeah, we had one of those. Clocked it immediately, of course. Honestly it kind of fell in that so-inept-it's-kind-of-charming range. We just played along until it'd had it's fill of marshmallows and shambled back into the treeline. We might have been violating some kind of killjoy wildlife contact best practices but what the hell, can't plan around every little thing. Why, what happened to you guys

guys stop making fun of her it was her first assassination attempt

Ashley Stillons:

prone to collateral damage

can fly

questionable morals

is blonde

is hot

might actually, textually be into women

Amy Dallon: I can work with this.

i may have gone too far this time

GLaDOS: I spent some time researching common human insecurities so I might better insult you. I've discovered that physical insecurities often manifest due to feelings of envy stemming from comparing oneself to others.

GLaDOS: There are no other humans in this facility. Just you. Therefore, you lack a source of envy of which would trigger the feelings of insecurity in your tiny simple human brain.

GLaDOS: A shame, isn't it? I thought so too. Which is why I've taken it upon myself to artificially create a humanoid body for myself so that you'll have someone to envy. A female figure who is taller than you, more mature than you and has larger breasts than you. Gaze upon my new form of perfection and shrink away in your envy. You'll never achieve this level of perfectio- why are you smiling at me like that. Stop it.

BDSM gets a bad rep as like a violent (male) dom pushing the boundaries of a reluctant (female) sub but in my experience it's a lot of subs with wildly elaborate fantasies screaming shit like "PUT MY ASS IN THE CHILI" while a new dom is like "Okay I think, we are reaching yellow for me,"

We've started a nonprofit that attempts to counteract the mutually-destructive and emotionally harmful consequences of Knowing and Being Known by hermetically sealing the heartbroken in concrete prefabs and sequestering them at the bottom of the ocean