Fav Ship

Batsiblings convince Jason to get himself a cooking Tiktok account, and he gives in. To his surprise, he quickly gains millions of followers and a loyal auditory. The only problem? Jason has no idea that these people came here not necessary for recipes.

Jason: Geez, my followers had been pissing me off lately.

Dick, confused: Huh? Why?

Jason: They keep commenting ATE. Like, dude? Fucking where? I am not eating in my cooking videos. What is the fucking point?

Tim, choking: Oh my fucking God-

Jason, making an angry text post for his followers: YOU ALL. STOP COMMENTING "RAW". MY MEAT IS NOT RAW. I AM A PROPER COOK. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???

Cassandra: Maybe it is time to tell him...

Tim, Steph, Duke, in unison: NO

Bruce, awkwardly trying to have a conversation with Jason: Hey, lad, how is your cooking blog is going?

Jason: Uh, people keep commenting cryptid messages. Like, the last time I was showing the right way to tenderise meat for chops because apparently it wasn't clear and someone requested the whole video? Anyway, I did it, and the whole comment section was writing me "in bed, on the floor, on the couch, on a chair, against the wall, against the window, against the door"... Like, why would I do that, not in the kitchen?

Bruce, no less clueless: Maybe it some kind of challenge. Kids love trying new stuff in extreme places nowadays.

Jason: Huh. Maybe. Thanks.

Bruce, just proud to have a proper conversation and somehow a help: Anytime, Jaylad!

Damian, who was unblissfully educated on the slang matter by Tim (because it was his responsibility as a big brother to traumatise him), with his eye twitching: ...None of these words were in Quran

Star Wars Covers | by Paul Renaud

I don't think that the civilians in the DC universe are picky with regards to who's saving the day, per se, but they are very attached to their respective local superheroes and are extremely sensitive and scrutinizing if someone unfamiliar shows up. Like there is a general understanding that superheroes aren't tied to their respective cities 100% of the time, but there's also a very intense Local Civilian Vibe Check if you're superheroing on someone else's turf.

POV: You have just stopped a rampaging supervillain in downtown Metropolis (You are Booster Gold):

Okay imagine this; Cassandra with the same exact upbringing but the family somehow doesn’t know. She learned to talk and did the whole Shiva thing before meeting Bruce, and she knows Shiva is her mom.

Batman (talking to an assassin who he had to track down because for some reason every big name is staying away from Gotham, not that he’s complaining, but he’s worried); why is everyone staying away from Gotham?

Assassin (small enough to be scared but big enough to have helped train Cass); I am NOT getting near that psychopath! I don’t know how she got away, there, or even learned to talk! No way am I taking that risk, fuck off Bats, I’m more scared of her than I am of you!

Now the fam is even more confused. Everyone is trying to figure this out, Cass is laughing in the corner. (Maybe with Dami)

A few days later, Talia storms into the cave and bitch slapped Bruce, she turned and hugged Cassandra.

Bruce (holding his cheek because that woman has a mean slap); what was that for?!?

Talia; not telling me my daughter is okay! I should do more than slap you! My poor daughter, I’ve been so worried, so has Nyssa. I should have murdered him and taken you as my own the second we met. Of course, father would be furious, but you are much better than him. I assume your mother knows, considering my beloved is still breathing.

Cass; yes, mother knows, approves of Bat. Says it good branching out, got away, yay!

Talia; I did not expect that. Anyways, if you have trouble with your grandfather, just call. You left fair and square, I shall protect you, not that you need it. Be good, my child.

Cass preened under the praise and watched one of her adoptive League mothers leave. Talia and Nyssa were always nice to her, wanting to help but not being able to, she loved them. She refused to answer questions.

AUs where Thomas and Martha come back to life are significantly funnier if you consider the possibility of them adopting Harley and Oliver.

Bruce needs to cuddle Damian like an emotional support cat while all three of his parents argue in the kitchen. Dick would join, but he’s a bit too shell shocked that his dead grandparents are, you know, standing in his kitchen.

“Okay, so wait, he didn’t finish med school?! I specifically requested it!”

“I’m sorry, have you tried wrangling your feral batch of kittens before? The only one who successfully graduated is Harley.”

Oliver throws his hands in the air while Harley preens, “I finished business school!”

Martha sighs, “So did Lex Luthor, my darling.”

“Okay, well, I’m gonna die before I become a billionaire, so there.”

“Hell yeah, that’s my girl.”

“Sadly, she was discredited once her turbulent affair with the clown started…”

Thomas guffaws. Looking at Alfred like he said the most unbelievable shit in the world.

“Harley. Dated a man. OUR Harley?”

“I was equally disappointed.”

“Okay, well, favorite in law, 1 2 3 go,”

They all say Dinah at the same time, much to Bruce’s dismay. He gets it, but Clark is very kind to him. “Papa!”

Thomas shrugs, “I’m a Virgo, not a liar.”

Nightwing checked Orphan's pulse, but no heartbeat could be felt. He frowned; although they didn’t always get along, her dying wasn’t something he wished for.

Nightwing: She's… dead.

Spoiler rushed over, administering chest compressions and shouting for Orphan to wake up. Lady Shiva, who had followed the heroes, saw her daughter lifeless on the ground, not fallen in battle but taken down by a villain she deemed beneath both of them.

Red Hood: We could take her to the pit.

Robin: Yeah, I'll owe Grandfather, but we can’t lose her. Plus, death sucks. You feel your bowels release and—

Red Hood: Do not remind me of that! She’s going to come back swinging from that pit.

Robin: Remember when mother punched grandfather after-

Lady Shiva rushed past the heroes and attacked the villain, shooting him multiple times until he collapsed to the ground.

Lady Shiva: No one hurts my baby girl, you son of a bitch!

She aimed for non-lethal spots, ensuring he would survive before launching into a flurry of punches, elbows, and jabs.

Spoiler (pausing from the chest compressions): Aww, she does love her.

Many hours later.

Orphan (revived): She shot him?

Red Hood: Yep, and he lived. She said it’s what you would’ve wanted, even if it pained her to let the coward live… that’s so sweet.

Red Hood pretended to cry, making Orphan laugh as she playfully slapped him on the arm.

Orphan: I owe her.

Red Hood: She said to buy her lunch when she visits.

Orphan: Hm, I can do that. And sorry for kicking you in the stomach when I woke up.

Red Hood: Don’t apologize to me! I barely felt it. Nightwing getting punched in the eye, though… now that was just funny.

Red Hood hugged Orphan tightly. She groaned, embarrassed, but let the hug last.

'Cause I'm stuck with your stories

the “we don’t need main canon helena wayne bc Bruce has a daughter in Cassandra” crowd is so stupid bc what do u mean he can have five sons but we have to cap it at a one female child minimum 😭 shut uuup!

set sometime nebulously after infinite crisis

dick: i’m glad that jason’s getting better

cass: what?

dick: yeah, after that whole dunk in the lazarus pit thing, i’m glad the side effects are finally wearing off

cass: side effects?

dick: mhmm i think he called it lazarus pit madness or something? i’m not really sure, but it basically made him lose control over some of his actions and do some things he regrets now

cass:

cass: that’s the dumbest fucking thing over ever heard

dick: what?

cass: i’ve been in a lazarus pit, my mom put me in one after my half brother killed me and i never had any ‘madness’ because of it

dick: but… he said…

cass: jason has been lying straight to your face he wasn’t affected by some outside force he knew what he was doing the entire time

dick:

dick: i’m gonna unpack that later when i have time for my world to fall apart again, right now, i need you to go back a few chapters what do you mean your half brother killed you??? you have a half brother???

cass: and a half sister too

dick: …what…