I Have Not Had A Consistent, Unbroken, Healthy Sleep Schedule Since I Got COVID On My Birthday Last Year.

Reading Lolita for the first time and I think I remember you saying it’s a proto-true crime novel. Def see what you’re saying since HH is literally defending himself to the reader/jury … excited to see where Nabokov will take this / subvert it

top 10 novel of all time imo

watching yt essays on oyasumi punpun and watching punpun's mindset be described as fundamentalist has clicked something in place deep within me

the kind of people who make it an entire part of their personality that they're "kind" are always the people who do the most heinous abusive shit to you and they can never acknowledge it because to do so would go against their self conception of themselves as ontologically good people. they're always people who have like "be kind <3 just trying to make my way through the world as a little sunflower <3" as their bio or whatever and they're always the same people who will do shit like unperson someone over the most casual interpersonal conflicts. also they are almost always remarkably racist liberals.

The various conflicts happening in recent years have truly demonstrated how susceptible to propaganda and Othering everyone is, it's kinda scary. Your government fucks up and suddenly you and everyone you know is inherently evil and must be killed off. Unironically running with racially profiling nicknames, not letting """oppressors"""" (read, people who happen to be citizens of a Naughty Country) be justifiably worried for their loved ones who suffer the crime of being born somewhere. Automatically assuming that geopolitical positioning means you are your government. A lot of people can never claim to be aware of anything ever again.

Trauma dumping becoming a popularized term is just so fucking sad idk that’s one of the worst ones used casually obv there will always be people who say and ask too much from people who cant and don’t know how to handle it but it becoming some sort of pop psychology criminal offense is insane. like someone constantly oversharing is a huge sign something is very wrong you just need to understand that sometimes you’re not the one to fix it and can walk away if need be. Not talk massive shit and play victim ruining someone’s life because they told you too much about their childhood or something just keep it moving

Good app

When my ex-therapist couldn't pull through on something or needed to reschedule I remember being normal about it on the outside but feeling this real anger on the inside. A great sense of indignance towards her. (I've graduated therapy for the time being which is why she's an ex, nothing bad happened. She is great at what she does.)

Now that I think about it, I think it's transference. She's the parental figure and I'm finally being able to safely yell and scream WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU DO THIS SHIT FOR ME!!! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!!! for the first time. I could never vocalise the betrayal of having opportunities sabotaged or denied but I can get real mad at someone in a therapeutic relationship for not responding to an email in time (internally, of course). She's literally a chill ass Polish woman doing her thing and I'm copy pasting my parents over her and chimping out at her in my head. Very liberating to be able to connect the dots in my behaviours like that. I think I will write letters I won't send and use her to air my grievances a little more, see how the inner child and teenager go after that.

anyways thnx Daria for letting me normalise myself a bit more.

I really like the type of brain worm that makes a person hyper fixate on a character who is present for like a scene or two from a game or whatever. Like what is even remotely compelling about Jean from disco Elysium. I guess the bitchy attitude that he brings to Harry and the possibility of reading that as Rife with sexual tension but I don't know that man's already plenty gay enough on his own