this is so inspiring. I want to be like this. I want to say I went a full year without sh.
I want my scars to be almost gone, but not completely.
I want to be happy and depression and anxiety free,
I want to be ready for the rest of my life.
1 year without self harming
1 year since the break up that I thought would kill me
1 year since moving to a new city all alone
1 year since starting therapy for my PTSD from csa
1 year since changing my antidepressants
1 year since starting medical school
1 year since life broke me ...and I climbed out of the rubble stronger
you can never replace anyone, can you? I mean you can try. you can try like hell. you can try and forget but its always there.
I feel like im being shaped and molded into what you want. You're chipping away pieces of me, and im letting you.
- it would feel nice to belong somewhere
- i really just wish i never found out. That i can just be oblivious, but happy.
I don't see him anymore... i think about him all the time, and its neither of our faults. Sometimes I think whats the point of bei g with someone if you can't even be with them? but then I think about him- because he's the one, if that were to exist.
I've never felt like this... fuck I miss him.
Were keeping distance because were both not ready.
my scars haven't even healed, and i don't think they're going to heal anytime soon.
Hes not ready to be open and trust me
My mind is a constant battle, and even when we were "together", I couldn't mentally handle it.
I'm really not ready, and neither is he, and it fucking sucks because I think he's the one.
ik its only been a short time, but I think I love him.
but it doesnt matter. he's gonna move on soon, but I never will.
I have a serious addiction. I cant stop. Its been a year and a half and i just keep finding new places. Anywhere i look are covered in scars. I dont know how to stop, and i dont know if i want to...
I just feel like ill always be stuck. Stuck in the middle of a goodbye. Never feeling that pain, but never feeling that closure. Never feeling the certainty that somethings gone and is never coming back. I will always be frozen in this one time frame. Never wanting less, never having more. Im just stuck.
I gave him a piece of me i know ill never get back...
it shouldn't be this hard... right?
I'm remembering shit I dont want to, and I'm feeling shit I dont want to.
Im screaming on the inside, and you dont care.