Latest Posts by bubbles7724 - Page 2

I went back because "i missed them". What i really went back for was to see if it was the same without me. I just wanted to see if they were the same without me. Not surprisingly, they were better without me. It also made me realize i was also better without them. Its wierd how just one person can change things so much. I love them, and i know they love me, but we were never made for each other. It really sucks, but its unfortunately true.

Ive never felt so damn alone in my life...

I miss the stinging feeling. Even how days after i cut, it still stung if u touched it or moved the wrong way. I miss being distracted by the way the pain made me feel.

Leaving everything i love and know was honestly the best desision i ever made in my life.

Is this what happiness feels like? Its been so long, i cant quite remember...

Ive memorized every part of you. I can remember how your hair feels in my hand. I remember how perfect your teeth are when you smile. I can recall perfectly how your lips felt on mine. I can visualize your perfect face. I can still hear your laugh. I can feel your breath as you whisper in my ear. I remember your hands, and how they fit perfectly in mine. I can remember how close you hug, and how your hand slides down my back. I can remember every single thing about you so clearly. I remember every single thing you made me feel. Whenever i remember this, it makes me want you again. Thats what i'm sure about. So i guess my question is; Why arent you sure after all thats happened between us? Do you remember every detail of me? Do you think about me as much as i think of you?

Its always in my mind, and it never goes away. I think about cutting all the time. That doesnt change. However, i dont want to anymore, and thats what makes me think im getting better.

- i mostly want the last time to be the last time.

I just feel like ill always be stuck. Stuck in the middle of a goodbye. Never feeling that pain, but never feeling that closure. Never feeling the certainty that somethings gone and is never coming back. I will always be frozen in this one time frame. Never wanting less, never having more. Im just stuck.

My sleeve rolled up, but only for a second. I didnt even notice my fresh scars were showing. Suddenly i feel my sleeve being pulled up. Its my "friend". She doesnt know i cut. Only 1 person knows. I just said it was my sisters cat. She didnt buy it. Other people start to join in, asking what really happened. Ive beeen keeping this secret for 2 years, and ill be damned if they find out now.

Eventually, they gave up on asking. That night, i cut a little too deep. A little too far down. My thighs were already covered in blood, so i moved on to my upper arms, so it could be covered with a tshirt. It started rolling up again and the next day, i felt that same terror as someone tried pulling up my sleeve without warning. I couldnt think. I was in a group of about 10 people, and i had a total breakdown. I blacked out, but luckily, my one friend was in that group and told everyone to just leave me alone. Thats why i love her so much. I know she'll always have my back, even though we havent talked about it in a year.

Why the fuck do you only notice my cuts now?

Where were you 2 years ago? You only notice now because ive given up on trying to hide it. All 4 of my limbs are covered in cuts, so i guess it was only just a matter of time... if only my fucking teacher hadnt made me take off my hoodie, you still wouldnt know or care.

I just keep thinking about that kiss... i keep thinkung about how much i want to just run up to him and kiss him. I just want to be with him, which only proves that im a psychopath. He played me before, hes not good for me. This isnt healthy. But, something that feels so good cant possibly be bad, right?

I think i might have cut too deep this time...

What if im making a mistake...

- this could go terribly wrong....

Why am i never enough for anyone?

Damn, youre a good actor. I actually thought you loved me.

- i really just wish i never found out. That i can just be oblivious, but happy.

In Biology we were talking about euthanasia and our thoughts on it. Literally everyone in my class was saying they couldnt imagine wanting to die. That they didnt even have the guts to even hurt themselves in any way. I kept getting flashbacks to last night, and all the fresh scars on my arms and legs and it made me die a little bit more inside, knowing how truly alone i was.

I have a serious addiction. I cant stop. Its been a year and a half and i just keep finding new places. Anywhere i look are covered in scars. I dont know how to stop, and i dont know if i want to...

Well, i couldnt even go 24 hours...

Ive been clean for months before, but i just cant anymore.

I used to love the holidays. But now im crying myself to sleep on Christmas Eve, praying i dont wake up tomorrow, and i dont know what changed.

What the fuck are you supposed to do when everyones moving on without you? When everyone in your life doesnt want you?

Ive become so impulsive lately, im scared of what i might do next.

-i might do something even more permadent than dying my hair, piercing my own ear, or kissing my ex

I had a family, once. Then i fucked up and things were never the same.

- the funny thing is, i don't take it back. Im happier alone, and i think that scares me more...

Kissing you was the best and worst desision of my life.

Fuck right and wrong. I'm doing whatever makes me happy. Im going to stop thinking about what anyone else thinks of me and my actions.

- I am who I am. Deal with it.

He broke me so many times, but for some reason i'm only at peace when im with him

- i know this will end horribly, but im out of here soon anyways...

I feel like im being shaped and molded into what you want. You're chipping away pieces of me, and im letting you.

- it would feel nice to belong somewhere

This guy told me the other day, "i think im gonna be depressed today" as if you can choose it. He doesnt know the first thing about it, because if he did, he would know that it chooses you.

- i really wish it was a choice