"I Have Book Smarts"

Doctor: Here's a medication I want you to try, but it is a bit big. You might need to break it into smaller pieces so you don't choke.

Me:

I would rather have my nipple ripped off than my stomach feeling like this.

The best memories are captured by the shittiest camera.

So I'm training a service dog, who is named after the Circe Saga, and I'm trying to use unique words and phrases as commands.

I'm looking for EPIC inspired commands for barking on command, laying her front half on my lap when I'm on a chair, retrieving items, and anything else you can think of.

Full speed ahead - walk forward

Come inside - go through a doorway

Away we go - get out of the car

Circe, go to your palace - go to her dog bed

If it's not edible, why can it fit in my mouth?

Fuckin' Finally

FYI to sick or disabled folks and those who assist or care for them:  Simplicity patterns has a new line of adaptive sewing patterns.  Designs include tops with port access, clothing with velcro closures, bags and cushions for mobility aids, bibs, chemo hats, and more.

I’m excited about these because they are the first patterns of this kind I’ve seen anywhere.  And Simplicity patterns are great for beginning sewists, with very clear step by step instructions and illustrations.

Patterns can be purchased here:  https://simplicity.com/simplicity/adaptive/

;

I'm not just overdramatic, I'm also overstimulated

He is actually a deer

PSA for American students.

You don't have to say the pledge of allegiance every day at school.

Just saying...

I am running on a protein bar, 2 eggs, and three glasses of Kool aid and I feel GREAT.