Mom:

Problem is: as a kid I always thought I would have killed myself at this point but I haven't and now I actually gotta face having a future like whaaat??

a thought about It Follows

since It is vulnerable to physical injury (if It wasn’t, a bullet wouldn’t have slowed It down) and moves only at walking speed, why doesn’t Its current target just live on a boat? a boat can outpace a human easily, and the ocean will slow It down even more, because It’ll have to swim or attempt to walk along the bottom and be crushed by the pressure. even better–if It can be passed on to a submariner, It’ll have to deal with both of those factors.

I find it fascinating that people who choose not to have children are generally assumed to feel really strongly about not having children (or even to feel really strongly against children, anyone’s children, in general). I am probably not going to have children, not because I REALLY REALLY HATE the idea of having children, but because I don’t really really love it. Out of all the major decisions I will make in my life, this one is the only irreversible one. I can sell a house, quit a job, divorce a spouse, whatever. I cannot unhave a child. I cannot opt out of being a parent once I become a parent. I can’t even take a step back for the sake of self-care or whatever, or else my child will suffer.

So for me, having children is fuck yes or not at all. The default will be to remain childfree. Having children should be an opt-in decision, not an opt-out one. Until/unless I develop really strong feelings about wanting to have children, I won’t have them, even if that means I never end up having them at all.

“I Experience Luck In Dating”

Have this sigil with you when going out on a date or alternatively carve this into a wide candle and have it burning while you’re scrolling through dating sites

What are epidermis pedestrians? First time I'm coming across that word... And your blog so I'm kinda trying to navigate here

An epidermis pedestrian is a "Ski*n W*lker" We don't say the name because it can bring them to you. In the spirit world names are super important and when an entity has your name it can have power over you, and vice versa. Epidermis walkers are beings that can slip into the skin of literally anything to stalk and hunt its prey. An epidermis walker can even take the form of a "Not Deer" Though they are two different things, they can be of the same entity. They originate from Navajo culture, and are called The Yee Naldlooshii and are often times mistaken for wendigos. In Navajo culture, epidermis walkers are derived from ’ánt’įįhnii, which in our terms would be a witch. It is said that after initiation an ’ánt’įįhnii has the ability to become a Yee Naldlooshii. Not all witches are epidermis pedestrians, but all epidermis pedestrians are witches. It is important to note that not all witches are evil, not all of them practice baneful magic, they are a part of two different worlds. "In some stories, people who have attained the highest rank are called clizyati, which means pure evil. This can be achieved by killing a close blood relative, incest, necr0phili4, or other culturally taboo and evil acts. Upon completing one or more of these acts is said to destroy their humanity and allow them to become fully initiated in the way of witchery."

An epidermis pedestrian can take the form of a coyote, wolf, fox, eagle, owl, or crow, but they have the ability to change into whatever animal they need for whatever purpose they need it for. Again I will say Do Not Say The Name Out Loud, Ever. It calls them to you as if you have a target on your back, like being marked by a hunter. I made the mistake of doing it, and there was this bird that followed me for days and it was unlike any other bird. I shit you not, it flew in circles, upside down, and even backwards. I swear to you sometimes it looked like it was hovering in one place. Take note of how animals walk and act around you. If it is a predatory animal and it clearly doesn't think of you as prey, it is most likely a epidermis pedestrian. They often take the high ground, so if you see an animal following you especially from a high place, it most likely will be an epidermis walker. Pay attention to how the body moves, unless they are at the highest level it will always reveal itself by being clumsy. The most obvious example is the countless stories about the deer who turned around, but their legs stayed behind. Sometimes it may walk in a shamble, or jutt around, or even have distorted and crooked limbs. If you see one and you look it in the eye, their eyes will glow yellow whether it is day or night. They can only be found in the desert as that is the only place where they can strive. In the rare case of names, epidermis walkers are the only being that will fear your name. If you call out your given name, it will have to wait until the resonance dissipates. They don't have names, they all consider themselves to be a part of the "Shift".

Below the cut is a clip of a person talking about the things their grandfather has told them about epidermis walkers, how to spot them, and more about them.

Skinwalkers typically live in caves where man cannot reach, or on the tops of mesas. Skinwalkers, while being able to shift, must assume their human form during rest. They are still vulnerable to human patterns of existence. So they seek out places of rest that are seemingly unattainable to humans. The Utes would use this to their advantage, and climb nearby cliffs to catch or kill skin walkers when they least expected it. NOTE: Skinwalkers when sleeping are at their MOST powerful. In the state of rest, the strength to shift circulates through their body over and over again. If they are disturbed during rest, they are at their strongest and can kill at an instant. My grandfather told a story of a particularly Nasty group of two skin walkers who killed several children in a Ute village. A group of brave warriors tracked them to a set of cliffs, where there was a giant half dome cave about 200 feet up. The bravest warriors of the Ute tribe in the region snuck up the cliff, and when they reached the half dome cave, they opened fire on the two skin walkers. The skin walkers were not to be deterred, and instantly killed 3 warriors with their bare hands. The remaining Ute warriors kept firing, and finally the skin walkers lunged toward the edge of the cliff, telling the warriors that they would come back for them another day. The skin walkers ran to the end of the cliff and jumped...but The Utes were already two steps ahead. For weeks they had been bringing in dry brush to the valley below the cave, and by the time the skinwalkers jumped, nearly 3 acres of deadfall was piled strategically throughout the valley trees to look natural. The minute the skin walkers left the cliff, the Utes below lit the pitch-covered dead fall, and when the skin walkers landed, they were quickly trapped in a giant raging bonfire. The skin walkers howled so loudly, that it was said the wind whistled like wolves in that valley for another 50 years.

Skinwalkers sloppily shed fur and you can use it to summon them. When skin walkers turn back, it's just as ugly as when they turn. Instead of cleanly shifting back into human form, skin walkers often leave behind chunks of fur, sometimes up to 6 inches long and 2 inches wide, called "bent skin". If you find "bent skin", you can lure a skinwalker by blowing on the chunk of fur into a fire. The skinwalker will instantly follow the scent to your fire, without question, instinctively. The Ute's would use this method whenever they could, but it was very rare to find "bent skin" without actively knowing the footsteps of a skinwalker.

"The White Wind". That is the expression the Utes used to describe the effects of speaking into quartz rocks to a skinwalker. Skinwalkers are greatly weakened by the voice vibrations of a quartz rock. Medicine Men would carry with them giant quartz rocks, and set them upon a cliff to send out warnings to all nearby skin walkers never to come near their camp. This could only be done when the evidence of skin walkers in the immediate area of the camp could be found. It could not be used as a blanket method to ward off would be attacker skin walkers. The Utes thought that quartz resonated with souls, and that if spoken to with the proper countenance from a Medicine Man or Warrior, that the quartz rock could speak directly to the soul of a person or animal. There was one story about a particularly aggressive skinwalker who chose to stand outside the camp in Elk Form to intimidate the tribe. An elder Medicine Man walked to a nearby rock face, put a giant quartz stone on top, and sang the name of the most recent victims to skin walkers over and over again. Within a matter of hours, the elk began violently kicking, turning from human, to elk, and back again, until it finally started taking the shape of the victims who it killed. The Medicine Man then commanded the skinwalker to turn back to its evil elk form, and jump off a cliff to its final death. The next morning the tribe woke up and found the skinwalker in human form split in half over a pointed stump.

If you can find a skinwalker trail, usually characterized by animal footprints with unusual spacings and variations (example: Deer hoof prints that all of a sudden emerge into 10 feet gaps), you can weaken a skinwalker greatly by putting fish remains in its prints. Animals from the water are highly poisonous to skin walkers in the spiritual sense because they represent water, the killer of the desert. The scent of the fish or other water animal will approach the heel of the skinwalker, and cause him to weaken the more he walks. Warriors who found skin walker trails would alert the tribe, and they would spend days fishing our a local river and then preparing the remains to be used against the skin walkers. The Utes would then follow the footprints for miles, leaving fish rot in each skinwalker indentation, and pouring a mixture of water and fish oil near any pissing sites. Sometimes if they followed the skinwalker closely enough, they would find it wandering half dead in the desert and then kill it or capture it. It is important to note that the use of fish in weakening a skinwalker can ONLY be used when following it. It has to do with the skin walkers sense of smell. They smell for miles both forward and backward, and the fish stench, in order to exact harm, must come subtly from behind, otherwise it will be detected and avoided ASAP. So in summary, one cannot catch a fish, post it at their campsite, and expect to ward off a skinwalker for good. One has to use the fish scent carefully to eventually send the skinwalker into ruin.

Skinwalker Ritual Sites. Skinwalkers have religious sites all across the southwestern desert where they congregate from time to time, (no one knows how often), but they know it happens. These religious gatherings usually take place on the tops of mesas or in secret caves only accessible by skin walkers. At these gatherings the most diabolical happenings occur, innocent captives are eaten alive for sport, children are sacrificed, humans are forced to fight to the death, and abducted women are forced to bear every depraved sex act ever conceived - all for the skinwalkers' entertainment. The Utes told a story of the operator of a Spanish Mine who stumbled upon a viewing of such a ritual. The Spaniard had come to them to trade for supplies and had told them he knew of a skinwalker religious festival coming up that he wanted to sneak in to view it from afar. The Utes pleaded with him not to go, and to head back to his homeland for his own safety and the safety of his men. The Spaniard was far too stubborn to listen to a mere "Native" and snuck into a viewing of the ritual. Weeks later, they ran into the same Spaniard. He had aged at least 30 years. His hair was lightning white, and his skin had been charred by fire. The Utes gave him some water. He tried to speak, but each time he did his whole body trembled. Upon trying to speak for a third time, sweat poured out all over his body. But it was not the kind of sweat that would soak on a warrior's back after battle. It was blood coming out of his pores, because sweat had given up. The Spaniard died seconds later, unable to communicate what ungodly things he had seen at the skinwalker ritual. He didn't have to communicate -- the Utes knew.

Skinwalker Ritual Sites - The Ute Response. 3 Generations before the Spaniard died from sheer panic and fear over the Skinwalker ritual, the Utes had their own tragic experience with it. Four women, including two of the wives of the chief had disappeared within a month. Through dreams the two wives of the chief had reached out to the medicine man to let them know that they were being held captive in a giant room underneath a mesa. The Medicine man and the chief assembled all the warriors in the tribe approached the mesa, which was over 100 miles away. When they approached the mesa they saw a sea of bones, which became more pronounced with each step. What used to be dried and withered animal ribs soon became human hips, skulls, and spines. The plants were dead for nearly half a mile in every direction. The Medicine man and the warriors came up with a plan. The warriors would distract the skin walkers, while the medicine man and his team would build a giant lightning rod on top of the mesa. The warriors and the medicine men went their separate ways and carried out the plan. When the warriors found the cave beneath the Mesa, they formed a perimeter around it and waited in the bushes until its rightful king returned. When the skin walkers came out of the brush and into the cave, they opened fire, from all sides, everywhere, nearly painting the mesa with arrows. Before their arrow fire could finish, the Medicine man at the top of the mesa, grabbed a quartz stone and directed lightning to hit his 4 story tall quartz tower. The lightning hit the tower with such a force that the Mesa cracked in half, and covered half of the tribe in rubble. It is said that the skinwalkers came out roasting alive, with smoke pouring out of their eyes, ears and mouth, covered in charred black skin. The captured native women came out soon after, unscathed, with only a few cuts and bruises on them. The warriors yelled for the Medicine man to come down, that they had been victorious. The Medicine Man then yelled back: "No victory until dust...." The Medicine man proceeded to conduct 50 more strikes of lightning on the Mesa. With each strike it crumbled, until finally it was reduced to a small sand hill. The medicine man was barely able to walk, so succumbed with forcing the lightning strikes when a warrior approached him and said "Look." The Medicine Man looked and saw a beautiful white bird landing on the small sand hill that used to be the Mesa. The Medicine Man, then grabbed the bird and snapped its neck. The bird turned into a muscular human. The Medicine man said: "Let's find his sand hill." This medicine man who was named Fist of Lightning and Death, went on to destroy 4 mesas, and 3 giant caves, but in his words only "chased the wind" of the skin walkers.

sign up for the gold package of ADHD today and experience the following moods:

The Loop - opening and closing the same three websites in succession for 15 minutes at a time before realizing that there’s not going to be anything new or worth doing on those websites (my three are Tumblr, Youtube and Wikipedia)

The Ack - seeing you have a new message and, though you have no evidence that it’s anything even remotely noteworthy let alone negative, feel intense dread and procrastinate looking at the message for 30 minutes/5 hours/a week

The Shimmy - changing sitting/laying positions every 5 minutes because god dammit i’m not going to be able to focus on whatever task i need to do if I feel any unwelcome physical sensation

The Ol’ Razzle Dazzle - making a hot beverage for yourself and then putting it down slightly out of reach and then not drinking it until 45 minutes later when it has already gone cold

The Bellwether - scrolling on Tumblr and getting the urge to google something/look up something on Wikipedia, but you keep scrolling and forget what you wanted to look up so you frantically scroll back to the thing that prompted you to think about looking the other (un)related thing up in the first place

The Bop - earnestly insisting that you’re not anxious because the other person sees your leg bouncing and thinks that you’re about to go postal

The Poison Dart - hearing someone say something problematic out loud and freezing because, while you want to correct them gently, you also feel intense dread and RSD that if you even so much as suggest dissent the person will immediately and commensurately stab you to death or snap their fingers and open a trapdoor to hell beneath you

The Ghost Breath - realizing you haven’t texted your friend back/at all/in 3 weeks and thinking “Hmmm, I need to do that” and then you don’t do it and much more time passes by 

The Stim Package - eating an entire family-sized bag of chips in one sitting because having something to chew on helped you concentrate, at least a little

The Bullfrog - going to get something that you don’t use often but you know exactly where it is and then it’s not there and you just keep going back to that spot 5 more times before realizing you lost it or it’s somewhere else completely different (like, not even in the same building)

The Morning Mist - regularly forgetting what recent life events actually happened and which ones were from extremely vivid dreams

The Seesaw Rivet - feeling like a wounded child who is about to get in trouble during every interaction you have even as you are entering your mid-to-late-20s and genuinely wondering when that pattern is ever going to stop if ever

The Pull-Apart Muffin - having ADHD and about 3 other diagnoses and wondering what is even what anymore

And after a while you just stop. You stop watering your plants. You stop watching netflix. You stop reading. You stop replying to your friends as fast as you used to. You stop buying yourself nice things. You stop putting an effort into how you look. You stop taking care of yourself like you used to. You stop sleeping. You stop eating healthy foods. You stop petting your dog. You stop socializing.

You stop with everything. You find yourself sitting in your room for hours on end, without doing a single thing. Days feel like years. And you think you can’t do it for much longer.

top 10 horror movies streaming on amazon prime

Suspiria (2018): AMAZING!!! This movie is simultaneously beautiful and disturbing as hell. I haven’t seen the original so I can’t really compare the two, but this movie is without a doubt the most creative horror film I’ve ever seen. The visuals are…stunning. This movie (on the surface level) revolves around a dance troupe where something unsettling seems to be going on, driving several of the girls there crazy. I won’t give too much more away, but I’d highly recommend! The music and dancing is incredible, too. Everything is just so pretty to look at, and so interesting because you never know what to expect, like watching some kind of art presentation. I will admit it starts out a little slow and I found the story hard to follow for maybe the first 20 minutes as I don’t know much history, but make it through those first 20 mins and you won’t regret it! (Warning: this movie is not for the faint of heart. Extremely graphic, gory, and honestly straight up disgusting in parts. One of the most horrifying films I’ve seen in a long time.)

Hereditary: I love this movie!!! Though I didn’t really find it scary in the traditional sense. People acted like it was the most frightening thing they’d ever seen, and I thought it was a bit tame, but then again, basically nothing scares me when it comes to movies, so I don’t know. Let me know if you think otherwise. That being said, it’s still super good and will still make you feel some type of way. Does a great job of making you feel uncomfortable and stressed the whole way through. Which maybe doesn’t sound like a good thing, but if you’re seeking out horror, what else are you here for?? This movie has gore, don’t get me wrong, but not too much compared to any other scary movies. But it’s shot really uniquely and the story is totally unpredictable, and there’s certain things that happen that make you feel so fucking upset because you start to put yourself in the characters’ shoes and you’re like OMGWHYWHYWHYWHYYYY. 

Would You Rather: Kind of a “slumber party fright night” sort of movie. Relies on shock, some gore, and jump scares for its frights, and definitely an easy movie for a beginner of the horror genre. It’s just one of those movies you can watch over and over again, with friends or alone, and never get sick of. This film depicts a game of would you rather where whatever the players choose, they actually have to go through with. It’s interesting to think about which of the two terrifying options you’d pick if you somehow found yourself in the same shoes.

It Follows: I saw this with my friend in theaters and neither of us were very sure how we felt about it immediately after finishing it. However, after giving myself some time to think, I found I couldn’t, well STOP thinking about it. First off, the music in this film is incredible, which is probably something I say way too much, but what can I say? I love a good original score. Anyway, premise-wise it might sound a bit WTF, but somehow it weirdly works as an original, entertaining, and chilling story. I recommend watching a second time, as you’ll begin to notice things you missed the first. Make sure to constantly pay attention to the background of this movie! You’ll notice people walking towards our protagonists the entire time, completely unfocused by the camera, which I enjoyed. It sort of forced you into the shoes of the characters, making you realize how easy it was for you to miss things they did, as well. I also thoroughly enjoyed the opening. 

They Look Like People: This is a pretty low budget indie film, but does horror in a way that doesn’t need a ton of special effects. It will put you into the head of the main character, who has no idea whether he is schizophrenic or actually experiencing the end of the world. The buzzing of flies he constantly hears, the constant anxiety and unease–it’s all just…I don’t know. Brilliant. This film will make you uncomfortable as hell. The ending is very abrupt, but I love everything about it.

Antisocial: Another one of those “good to watch with friends” type movies that doesn’t require too much thought. I don’t think it has the greatest reviews, but honestly I love it. I guess it’s sort of a guilty pleasure kind of movie. The characters can be dumb (not frustratingly so, but they have their moments), it’s fairly cliche, but overall it has a unique story and has lots of gore and fun scares. Apparently there’s a 2nd movie also on Prime, but I’ve never watched it so I can’t tell you how that is, but I’d definitely give the first a shot!

Stake Land: I don’t know what it is about this movie, it just makes me FEEL something. Sort of has a zombie apocalypse vibe to it, although we’re dealing with vampires instead of zombies. This movie does have it’s gore and jump scares, but I’d say it’ll probably depress you more than it’ll scare you. Still, there’s something disturbing and unsettling about it all the same, and I think it deserves a spot on this list. 

We Are What We Are: OH BOY. This movie is great. I absolutely love the pacing, and the excellent way it builds up to the story’s climax. You’ll get uneasier and uneasier as it goes on, and more and more is revealed to you. This family is hiding a dark secret, one that you won’t want to be right about. But maybe don’t eat while you watch this one. It gets pretty disgusting, and I remember feeling a little sick towards the end despite not usually being too effected by gore. 

Animal: Is it cheesy and totally predictable? Sure. But I love monster movies!!! There’s not really much new I can say about this, so I won’t go into too much detail, but the design of the monster is cool as hell. If you enjoy watching movies about people lost in the woods getting hunted by something truly evil, give this one a go. 

The Ruins: First of all, I must stress how badly you need to read the book this movie is based on, by Scott Smith. It doesn’t particulary matter which order; I actually watched the movie long before I realized it was a book and still enjoyed the read. Oddly enough, even though the author heavily helped write the movie script, the book has some major differences?? Overall I liked the book better though because it ends a little darker. That being said, the movie is great! It has a really unique concept for a horror movie, but I won’t say much because I want you to be surprised about what the “monster” is. (So maybe avoid trailers or reading any kind of description!) I know there’s an alternate ending, so I’d be sure to look that up and watch it on YouTube because I remember liking it better since it was more of an “unhappy” ending and I don’t go into most horror movies hoping it’ll end well. This is just such an awesome movie. I don’t know what else to say but that: it’s fucking awesome. You’ll get to watch a group of friends completely deteriorate as they lose their minds, desperate to escape their impossible situation.

Dragonfly Dagger

Let me slip into something more comfortable. A coma perhaps?