Make You Mine — Jjk

OKAY IMAGINE A HISTORICAL AU WHERE YOU'RE IN AN ENGAGEMENT WITH ZHONGLI BUT YOU SUFFER FROM UNREQUITED LOVE BC HE LOVES GUIZHONG AND THEN YOU DIE OF HANAHAKI BUT THEN YOU GO BACK IN TIME??? BUT WHAT YOU DONT KNOW IS THAT ZHONGLI WAS SECRETLY ALSO VERY UPSET ABT YOUR DEATH AND ONLY THEN REALIZED THAT HE LOVED YOU AND HE ALSO WENT BACK IN-TIME BUT WHEN HE TRIES TO COURT YOU YOU REJECT HIM EVERY SINGLE TIME MAKING HIM SOMEHOW YANDERE??

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Y/n=your name

L/n= last name

Fem reader btw

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CW: unhealthy relationships , cheating, unrequited love, historical au, death, forced marriage, Yandere and hanahaki content.

Angst to kind of less angst?

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Honestly, never in your life did you think that you were gonna fall in-love.

Yet here you are, weeping over your fiancé who didn't return your love.

You kept coughing and choking on those stupid glaze lilies.

They reminded you of her.

Of guizhong.

They were her favorites, bouquets of glaze lilies decorated every imperial palace.

We're they there just to remind you of your unrequited love? His love for guizhong?

It was practically already known in high society that zhongli didn't love you, he loved another.

The flowers came out of your mouth as you coughed and coughed.

Your lungs felt clogged, as if something was blocking you from breathing.

Dried blood stood at the corners of your lips as well as flower petals that were present on the floor.

Would you grow to hate plants in your next life? Who knows?

Not to mention the corset that was hugging your waist.

It was suffocating, it only made your disease even harder to handle.

Why didn't you pick up the signs he did with his eyes that screamed 'don't come any closer' whenever you leaned in for a kiss? The ‘I don’t like you’ whenever you said ‘I love you’.

Suddenly, you felt a sharp pain throughout your body, nothing like anything you had ever experienced before.

It felt numbing, you couldn't move, as if some kind of poison was injected inside of you.

Was this the end? Was this how you were going to die?

If it is then, i'd just like to say: what a shitty (love) life you've had.

In the end, your love for Zhongli didn’t falter.

And then that was it.

Your vision went from blurry to black, your body went limp and hit the cold floor of the estate you were living in.

Some maids were alarmed by the sound and went to check it out, only to find your dead body, covered in bloody glaze lily petals and flowers.

High society was shocked, a case of hanahaki hasn’t been recorded since a few centuries ago.

News spread fast around the nation of Liyue.

It wasn’t until his friend, tartaglia came to give his condolences when he found out that you died.

Why wasn’t he immediately informed?

Wait, why did he care? Didn’t he want to be with guizhong just the other day?

It was a big shock to Zhongli and while others may have thought that he was delighted to finally end the relationship he was forced to be in.

That was not the case.

He cried and cried because of your death.

He blamed himself fully, he cut contact with guizhong and removed the ever so delicately cared for glaze lilies out of his palace.

He wished that he had paid more attention to you, he would do anything for another chance.

And with that, the next day he woke up as himself 13 years ago, when he was still a teenager, 16.

Funny thing is, as soon as you died everything was a blur.

Your memories flashed in front of your eyes until you awoke 13 years prior to your death.

You were a teenager once again.

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Extra context: you come from one of the most powerful ducal families in liyue.

Zhongli is the prince of the nation and already at the age of 15, had a fiancé.

That fiancé was you, who loved him the moon and back, but he didn’t.

He already loved another, his childhood friend.

Her name was guizhong.

You noticed how he preferred her over you and you tried to get his attention.

He was so polite about telling you about how your love was not reciprocated.

And after a few months of being his fiancé, you started coughing frequently.

One days you coughed out a petal.

It was then that you realized that you had hanahaki.

You tried even harder to make him love you, but it didn’t work.

In the end, you died.

He found out that he had actually fallen for your charms, and now is also the reason you died.

He was so disappointed in himself and stopped contacting guizhong as she just reminded him of your death.

He grew to hate glaze lilies since they also reminded him of your death.

One day, he miraculously went back in time along with you, but neither of you knew that you both had gone back in time.

Oh what adventures were ahead?

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Should I write a part 2???

Also I finally got a fic written, sorry to keep y’all waiting, and I promise that I’m writing your requests.

— don't follow me

gyeong-su x gn!reader | 682 words

genre: angst, established relationship

warnings: swearing, major character death, blood, zombies and aouad stuff.

synopsis: it hurt to get bitten by a zombie, but not nearly as much as it hurt to see the person you loved most turn into one.

author's note: to all the people who requested for gyeongsu! <3 (on a real note i have less angsty stuff for him alright pls don't be angry)

“If there was a zombie apocalypse and I turned into a zombie,” Gyeongsu started, and you were already sighing and pinching the bridge of your nose, “would you still love me?”

“Are you that stupid?” you asked, slapping his shoulder gently, “Obviously.”

“Aww.” he cooed, then proceeded to fake a judgemental look, “You’d love a zombie. What a fucking idiot. Why am I dating you?”

“If you turned into a zombie I’d go down with you.”

He turned and looked at you with a quizzical look. You stared at him and laughed silently. “I’d die with you. Think 'd want to leave in a world filled with zombies without you? You idiot.”

“Gyeongsu, it’s okay, calm down, just–”

“Get away from me!”

He held the edge of the window, hands shaking and lip trembling on a sob. “I’ll just– I’ll just leave.” he paused to swallow thickly and nod, as if trying to reassure himself. “It’s okay. It’s fine. Thank you for– Thank you for everything.”

Cheongsan stared at him, hands balled into fists at his sides as he tried not to cry. He felt powerless. He couldn’t do a thing to help him. Everyone stood in a corner of the room, most of them crying or tearing up as they watched Gyeongsu struggle to reach the door.

Once he did, he looked up. You’d been standing there, arms crossed and leaning against it, waiting for him to come. He managed to get on his feet and gulped. “[name]--”

“It was really nice spending all this time with you, Gyeongsu-ya.”

“Don’t– Wait. No, don’t. You know that was just… A dumb joke. I just asked as a joke, it was months ago. Okay? Move. I need to leave.”

He looked so desperate for you to move and let him go alone that you almost reconsidered. Maybe this was selfish. Maybe it was selfless. Maybe it was no such thing. But you knew you didn't want to live knowing you'd watched Gyeongsu die and turn into a zombie, without having been able to help him in any way.

“You’ll leave, don’t worry.” you said, smiling. You moved aside to let him open the door and looked at everyone. “Thank you for everything.”

And you walked out. The moment it clicked that you were following Gyeongsu, Cheongsan along with everyone else ran to the door. They tried to stop you but you shut the door and held it tightly shut.

“[name], wait!” “Come back! “What the fuck are you doing? Open the door!”

You closed your eyes tightly and backed up against the door, putting all of your weight on it to prevent your friends from opening it. You didn’t mind, really. You told yourself this was fine. You weren’t lying when you told Gyeongsu you’d die with him. You really preferred it this way. But when you opened your eyes and saw his body contort painfully, blood pouring from his nose and red eyes, you choked on a silent sob. Then you coughed, finding it hard to breathe properly. It was time.

You let go of the door and grabbed his wrist, before running towards somewhere– anywhere. You weren’t far from the staircase, so you went there. You ran down the stairs, and tried to ignore the incoherent noises Gyeongsu was starting to make behind you. How limp his arm felt in your arm, before it started twitching forcefully. You managed to make it to the front of the school before he jumped on you and bit your shoulder. Your hand was still around his wrist, and you managed to move it towards his. Your fingers closed around his lifeless hand and you let your head fall back on the grass. The sky was dark, and it wasn’t very starry. You had tears in your eyes, and everything was blurry, and you laughed. You laughed because none of this made sense, and there wasn’t anything else you could do.

“Gyeongsu.” you said, swallowing thickly, “I really love you.”

And your hands started to twitch. It was the end, but it was okay.

hey same ur zhongli post and it was sick!! could you write smthing where the reader has a rifthound plush irl?? like maybe how charcters would react to them favoring rifthounds or smthing??

Coming right up!

Since you didn't specify which characters, I went ahead and picked Childe and Albedo. If you'd like to see it with others, let me know, and I'll add them in a part 2. Hope you like it!

Childe

When you first pulled him away from a fight against the wolves of the rift, the Harbinger believed it was his safety you were concerned about. Not that he didn't believe he could take them on, of course, but it was endearing that you cared so much about him that you did not wish for him to be wounded.

That illusion would be broken when, moments later, you guided him to fight a group of various machines with no regard for his wellbeing whatsoever - if your team healer healed him, good, if your team didn't have a healer, well, Childe would simply have to hold on tight and hope the damage he dealt was greater than the damage inflicted upon him.

You guided him around Seirai Island, seemingly busy catching some odd blue mushrooms. The more time passed, the more Tartaglia understood just what had happened. The Rifthounds were the only enemy you hesitated to destroy, avoiding a fight until absolutely necessary, and sometimes just having him stand at a distance just so you could observe them in their natural state.

As menacing as the beasts looked, he supposed that to a being such as you, they'd essentially be like puppies. That would certainly explain your hesitance to fight. In a way, he guessed it was no different to Teucer's admiration of mister Cyclops. He didn't doubt your knowledge of what Rifthounds were capable of, of course - part of him even believed that their fighting prowess had also managed to impress you (even if that part was only there so he, too, could feel loved by association). Still, you had most definitely categorized the beasts as something you wished to befriend.

The moment he found himself back in Liyue, the warmth of your presence gone, Childe knew what he had to do. Pulling a few strings here and there, using up some Northland funds that would fly under the radar (especially after the whole Funeral Fiasco), he got to commissioning the best craftsmen he could find. Soon enough, upon opening your in-game mailbox, you would find an incredibly accurate plush replica of one of the hounds, with a message from Liyue's resident Fatui menace.

He could feel your surprise radiating from (through?) the Traveler, as you wondered what sort of random event you'd started, but, hey, not like you were complaining. A rifthound bonus was always a good bonus to receive.

A smug grin was present on the Harbinger's face the next time he visited your teapot. Proudly sitting on a nightstand beside one of the beds was the plushie he'd sent you, and Ajax could not resist ruffling the toy's fluffy mane... Before quickly fixing the mess once he remembered that he should definitely not be messing with your belongings. Either way, he was quite thankful for the plush, because after receiving it you'd immediately granted him an unbelievable increase of strenght- no doubt a reward for a job well done. Knowing that such a small gift had given him your favor, even if just for a while, had Childe absolutely over the moon. Had he a little less self restraint and you'd find your mailbox filled with all sorts of Rifthound themed souvenirs. He had the funds and the time to provide them, after all...

Albedo

When the alchemist known as Gold had created the Rifthounds, they'd been nothing but a footnote - a residual sketch that had not meant to be, and that by all laws of nature, should've vanished long ago. Since he'd caught word of their resurfacing, Albedo had asked himself why it was that they, like weeds in a garden, persevered with such ease and intensity.

The answer, it seemed, was you, like for many other mysterious things in the world of Teyvat. For some reason, you'd decided the wolves of the rift were your favorites, and you didn't seem likely to change your mind. He'd found about your unexpected preference upon coming across an unusual plush sitting on your bedside table in the Teapot you'd designed. Someone had apparently gifted you a toy rifthound, and you'd certainly cherished it.

It baffled him for the first few days, that's certain, but had given him a new project. While regular Rifthounds were prone to bouts of aggression, and the alchemist feared for the safety of your vessels (or, heavens forbid, your own, should you descend upon Teyvat in a more solid form) in case you decided to try and tame one, they were also a creation of his master. This to say, Albedo was fairly certain that, by finding the notes in which Rhinedottir had doodled the hounds, he would be able to replicate their appearance, while modifying them just enough to be a little more docile.

It'd be a lengthy process, he was certain, but perhaps by enlisting the Traveler's help, he'd be able to track down his master's old sketches, and, after rigorous experimentation, he was certain to have the best offering you'd ever received: your very own Rifthound companion.

Frankly, he shouldn't have been surprised when he noticed your aura around the Traveler when the blonde finally arrived at his camp. It seemed that they liked to wait for you before taking on any request deemed important enough.

Albedo didn't need to say out loud that he felt warmer at the thought of you considering aiding him something important.

________

As for you, you'd gotten an unexpected quest to visit Albedo's camp in Dragonspine. Confused, you checked the event page - had you missed something?

Oddly enough, there seemed to be nothing there other than the events you were already aware of, but, hey, a character quest was a character quest, so, you rearranged your team to better suit Dragonspine and teleported right next to his camp.

Sure enough, the alchemist was there, and if that alone hadn't driven home the point that this was no ordinary quest, what he said afterwards certainly did. Recovering his master's lost notes... That seemed like an important bit of the lore - far too important to be glossed over.

You refreshed the event page and your eyes widened, a grin making its way into your features as the familiar shape of a rifthound made its appearance.

Rifthound lore? On your event page? More likely than you'd think, apparently. You quickly put aside whatever plans you had for the game that day and got your team on the case, following Albedo in his quest to retrace his master's footsteps and find how the beasts had come into being.

Your joy was palpable when, by the end of the quest, once you'd delved into a domain covered in cobwebs and dust and failed experiments to piece together fragments of Gold's writings, you found Albedo enlisting the Traveler's help to recreate one of the wolves.

Maybe you could get it as a quest reward and keep your own rifthound pet! Hopefully that was the direction in which this was headed...

Through an incredibly detailed tree of dialogue from the Traveler (you weren't sure you'd ever seen an event with this many options before, but hey, it's not like you were complaining), and after a few failed attempts, you saw your hound taking shape on Albedo's sketchbook.

"It seems we've succeeded this time." The alchemist mused. The drawing did look clearer this time, and you crossed your fingers hoping it would work.

You held your breath at the cutscene that came after, please, please let this one work... The previour three attempts had failed, the first falling apart during the stabilisation process, the second and third having turned aggressive the moment they jumped out. You didn't think you had it in you to defeat another of your creations - not only because they were adorable and made by you, but because these ones sure knew how to leave your team needing some tea-break pancakes. If the fourth one followed the pattern of getting even stronger, then...

It solidified before you, the pieces snapping together with a flash of golden light. You watched attentively as the creature made no movements to attack. The Traveler closed their eyes and reached out as Paimon looked on, shaking nervously.

And the wolf's snout met the blonde's hand, the notification of an achievement popping up as the tense music from before turned into a lighter tune. The hound sniffed the Traveler and Paimon, before licking both of their faces and running around in the characteristic floating manner of the wolves of the rift.

The rewards of the quest popped up on your screen, but, at the moment, you couldn't care less. What mattered was that you had your very own Rifthound following you around, seelie-style, and that you would take him all around Teyvat. Perhaps you'd even be able to place him in your teapot... If so, he definitely deserved his own room.

________

Albedo watched as the Traveler disappeared, jumping instead of walking away, trailed by a slightly jealous Paimon and an equally jumpy Rifthound. To anyone not familiar with the mannerisms of vessels, the scene would've seemed rather odd, but, to the alchemist, it merely looked like a mark of his success.

He'd been nervous when the first hounds failed - seen your excitement at creating them only to have it be crushed by the idea of being forced to destroy them - but whether through your sheer will or his dedication to not let you down a fourth time, the wolf that now followed you around gained life.

Not only that, but he'd also managed to gather a lot of his master's lost notes... You'd assembled even those that had little to do with the hounds, handing him an almlst complete journal. He glanced at the spot where it rested, neatly, unassumingly.

Once again, he'd have you to thank for a huge leap in his research progress.

brighter than stars for @jkvjimin✨

[Cr. 0613data]

ok i am having serious SAGAU brainrot right now so-

i see a lot of imposter AUs where you’re recognized by the Fatui and Tsaritsa, usually including Foul Legacy Childe but what if ONLY Foul Legacy Childe recognized you? like you ran into the Fatui and Tsaritsa earlier and they thought you were an imposter as well- you survive (barely) and run and they send Childe after you because he’s bound to have a fun time hunting and killing you yeah?

it goes mostly as planned, he tracks you down and confronts you, but he feels something tugging at his senses, poking and prodding at the corner of his brain before suddenly his Foul Legacy transformation bursts out and takes hold of him and suddenly he knows you- that tugging sensation was the Abyssal side of him screaming and crying to not hurt you. he puts down his weapon and leans closer, heart breaking when he sees you scramble away, covered in bruises and cuts, tense and scared beyond words. he warbles and coos gently, reaching out and trying to reassure you, and when you’re in reach he quickly scoops you up and wraps you snugly in his cape (can’t decide if he has wings or a cape,,, maybe both!!), holding you against his chest. he knows everyone else thinks you’re a fake- his own Archon tried to strike you down! but he knows you’re real, you’re the real god, and you’re in so much pain. fuck the Fatui, he doesn’t need them anymore. you’re here, and you’re who he devoted his life to yes?

even if everyone else hunts and hates you, he’ll be your protector.

kim taehyung / reader [f] 

genre: royal/fantasy au, arranged marriage au, serpent prince!taehyung, priestess!reader, very soft romance, slow burn

warning(s)!!: slow burn (there is a lot of backstory oof), insecurity, jealous taehyung (who isn’t completely aware he’s jealous), heartache (a lot i’m sorry), hurt/comfort, almost nudity or translucent wet clothes, attempt at picking a fight/no-good townsfolk, past kidnap attempts, very minor depictions of violence, very breif mention of death, taehyung cries oops, y/n loves so much it hurts, taehyung being the most devoted boy to ever devote, obvs. religious themes (i.e. prayers, worship, offerings etc.), the royal family isn’t toxic and is in fact very sweet, jungkook is featured as a monk who refuses to cut his hair

w.count: 16.6k

Series | One-shot | Two-shot | Drabble | [Rated: PG-15 ]

synopsis: When he was born, Prince Taehyung was marked as the Serpent King’s Descendant with the mark of scales on his chest to prove it. As he grew up, he was appointed a playmate who would soon be training in the royal shrine as a maiden because of her unusually large spiritual power. They were pronounced engaged when Taehyung was just shy of his teenage years by royal command and he did nothing to fight the arrangement.  Now, you’re a grown woman and head of the shrine as the Center Priestess and devotee to the shrine and royal family with a heart filled almost too full of love for your future husband-to-be. When the wedding is announced and a ball is held in an advanced celebration you wonder, does your fiancé really want to marry you? Or is he just following his father’s royal orders? You don’t know what your heart can’t take more: the idea of being rejected and unloved, or never knowing the true feelings of Prince Taehyung’s heart. 

t.list bc @lysannnnaa​ & @bella-victoria002​ wanted to be notified when it was posted!

The Serpent King was an old mythical king of ages that had stories upon stories spun about him.  

He was a man given the powers of a great sea serpent and among his journey to harness his powers and grow as the future king he knew he was destined to become, he traveled far and wide until he came upon an island.  This island was completely devoid of creatures- be it human or animal- aside from a giant snake he had found lay sleeping in a cave by the sea.  The Serpent King decided to make this island his home- and began to craft and build his kingdom to which he would rule- the snake by his side. 

Years passed and soon there it was, the kingdom the Serpent King had dreamt of. However, before he could see it continue to grow and prosper, he fell ill and weak. Dying on his bed surrounded by his people and the snake that had accompanied him in his goals, he prayed that the power in which he possessed would one day be reborn inside a new future king. 

The mighty island was named by the late Serpent King as the Hissing Isle. When he passed, the kingdom took not to grieving, but to work and worship. They built a shrine alongside the castle he had crafted.  Created memorials to which townsfolk and the occasional visitor may visit and pray to. Monuments of him with a giant snake wound around his body. His people continued his kingdom and a new royal family was chosen and so the generations passed; everyone waiting until the next Serpent King would be born. 

His companion snake was never seen again, rumor spreading that it took the to seas to watch over the island because it’s master was in the sky among the heavens. 

Centuries later, the royal castle was in full bustle as the queen had gone into labor unexpectedly. Ushering her to a delivery room in the medical wing of the castle, the king not far behind as he left his work and notes in his study at the news of his wife. Servants very quickly scurried about in panic for the arrival of the new royal child. 

It was an agonizing five hours later when the new baby prince was born. However, among the servants and the spiritual monk with the king and queen, none spoke. The room was silent aside from the cries of the newborn baby- the same baby who had a mark on his chest. A mark that was small, just the size of his newborn fist and detailed so delicately as a patch of scales.  

The king shed a tear as he smiled at his wife, holding her hand to soothe and congratulate her on a well done delivery of her first child.  The baby was soon cleaned and swaddled in a bundle of the softest cloth before the queen was requesting to hold her son. As he was placed in the woman’s arms, she smiled down at him as he instantly calmed.  The king sat beside the two, his hand on his queen’s leg as they both looked at the mark on their son once more. 

The Serpent King had finally chosen a new spirit to gift power to. Reincarnated into this small, healthy baby prince hundreds upon hundreds of years into the future. Serpent Prince Kim Taehyung, that is his name. 

Two years after the young prince was born, another baby was born with special powers.  Born in a brilliant blue aura and a strong, healthy body, a shrine monk had been shocked speechless at the amount of rare spiritual energy the newborn infant possessed.  It was decided among the few hours after her birth, that this baby girl would grow to be a magnificent shrine priestess and when the time would call for it, her training to harness her abilities would begin. 

Both the serpent blooded prince and the infant priestess would soon grow into bodies that would learn many things and experience many occasions and emotions.  First, however, they would need to meet.

Keep reading

— THE SEANCE

↳ part of the ghouls just wanna have fun collab.

pairing; seokjin/reader ft. ot7 genre; ghost hunters au, demon au, horror words; 8,780 rating; mature

— synopsis;  you and your friends go exploring in an abandoned house in the middle of the woods surrounded by mystery and ghost stories; what you find there may not be what you were looking for.

contents; major character death, horror, demons/ghosts, graphic violence, gore, blood. pov switch in the middle. based on the movie “demonic.”

“You really wanna go there?” you asked, skin buzzing. Jungkook looked at you and smiled, nodding his head excitedly.

Hoseok picked at the sleeve of his sweater. “Isn’t that a bit dangerous?”

“Scared of some ghosts, Hobi?” you teased, snickering along with the other boys.

“Don’t be a scaredy cat, Hoseok,” Jungkook continued to tease.

Keep reading

— bleed

corrupted!hyunsu x gn!reader | 3.8k words

genre: exes reunited in the weirdest circumstances ever

warnings: swearing, blood, fake blood in the gif, canon-divergence, killing, mentions of hallucinations, suicidal ideation, death, bullying and self-harm scars. when i say “corrupted hyunsu” i mean uimyeong got what he wanted basically lol

synopsis: there’s a lot of blood on your face. and apparently, according to a boy you've never met before in your life, it must mean you're above everyone else.

author's note: i love this gif so MUCH it's so pretty He's so pretty... and uimyeong in the back like hello there... love them

You didn’t get nosebleeds often. Actually, you couldn’t recall if you’d ever gotten a nosebleed at all, before.

So the sight of your own reflection in the mirror, blood flowing down the bottom half of your face in inhumane amounts was a bit terrifying, at first. Your hand had come up to stop the bleeding but it simply wouldn’t. It kept on flowing like it was some sort of unending bloodfall, and you honestly thought you were going to die.

And then it stopped. And you looked up. And everything was normal. You breathed heavily, eyes a bit wide as you stared at yourself. The red was painting your skin like a drop of watercolor flowing down a canvas. It was smudged, from your attempts at stopping it, and movie-like. You’d never seen this much blood at once in real life, before. You took a moment to calm down, swallowing thickly and taking a deep breath.

Well, you knew what this meant. You’d been confining yourself to your apartment since the news were announced, but never expected it would happen to you. The virus… Thing. The world was in shambles outside the comfort of your room and you’d been fine with it until now. You were just playing a game on your console when your nose started bleeding. Why did it do it at this moment precisely?

The lights of your bathroom flickered and you stepped back, looking up. There was a inaudible, clicking noise, and then all the lights turned off. The sound of powering down was so loud you wondered if it was only your apartment, or if the whole building’s electricity had shut off.

You gulped. Being in the dark was never really reassuring, much less when it was night and you’d just got the first symptoms of monsterization. You slowly moved towards your living room, dimly illuminated by the light of your — thankfully — open laptop. You followed the light while tip-toeing for no reason, really, and then settled down on your bed. You found your phone and turned it off sleep-mode, only to realize your hands were literally bloodstained. The realization came a bit too late and now your phone and bedsheets had blood on them. Great.

You sighed and tried to find the number of the building manager to ask him if the whole building was down. Your fingers scrolled through your contact list a bit frantically, as you struggled to find his name in it.

And then there were footsteps. You heard them, quite loud and clear and terribly frightening. You lived alone and they most definitely came from inside your apartment. You looked around, to no avail due to the blackout, and only took a deep shaky breath as you backed away towards your wall.

You decided your mind had been playing tricks, or that the noise was simply coming from the outside hallway and felt closer due to the lack of sound caused by the electricity cutting off. And, the sound had stopped, anyway. There was no reason to make yourself more scared than you already were. Yet, you couldn’t stop the shaking of your fingers as you continued to search for this damned contact name.

“Nervous?”

You jumped and screamed on instinct, dropping your phone and jumping off your bed. Someone had just spoken into your ear. Directly next to it. Like they were sitting behind you. Had someone been sitting behind you this whole time? No way. The light of your laptop would’ve showed it. Then had someone snuck up behind you to sit there withhout you even noticing? You couldn’t tell which was more terrifying, and in this moment you frankly didn’t care. You held a hand up towards your bed, now seeing the traces of a black coat on someone’s figure.

“Who are you?!” you managed to exclaim.

No response. The silence felt deafening. Suffocating, even. Your breaths were coming out short due to the overwhelming anxiety you felt. Your fingers were trembling and your head was spinning. Was this part of the virus? Hallucinations? Was none one really there? Your head was whirling with an inordinate amount of scenarios as you waited for whoever was there to speak up.

Then you saw them move, and instinctively took a step backwards. Except your back hit something. And before you could register that there was supposed to be nothing for your back to hit at this area of your apartment, a hand covered your mouth and you started screaming. The grasp wasn’t harsh but it was firm, effectively keeping your head from moving and thrashing in all directions as an attempt to get away. You heard an amused chuckle come from your previous spot on the bed and the stranger moved forward until they sat at its edge. Their face was completely covered by a black hood.

And then the lights turned on.

The stranger pulled their hood off and a face you didn’t recognize came into view. A young man, probably around your age, smiled in an overly-friendly manner and waved his hand so casually one would believe you weren’t being… Held captive in your own home? You unconsciously calmed down for a little bit, before you started thrashing around again. The stranger’s smile fell into a disappointed pout.

“Aw. Don’t tell me my instincts were wrong and you’re not actually a special case? It’d be a pain if you actually turned completely.” he mused, eyes searching your face like he was analyzing you. You yelled incoherently onto the hand on your mouth snd the latter finally let go. But the other hand still held your arm, strongly enough to refrain you from moving much.

“Who the fuck are you and how did you get in there?!” you yelled, this time angry. You were still scared, but once you could put a face and aura on what was at first just a frighteningly mysterious voice in a pitch-black apartment, you felt less terrified. You furrowed your eyebrows at the lack of reply and finally turned your head around. Your eyes widened and your arms fell limp. “… Hyunsu?”

“Two special cases who know each other. How delightful.” the stranger spoke from your bed, still. You paid him no mind, eyes focused on the boy holding you. This was Cha Hyunsu. Cha Hyunsu. Your ex from high-school, before he broke up with you during the mess that happened there and distanced himself as much as he possibly could. He had the same haircut as he used to, the same face but… Not the same look in his eye. There was something darker there, now. And you couldn’t tell what it was.

“What… What’s all this? Why are you here? How’d you get in, how… Who…” you paused to try and even out your breathing, before frowning. “What are you doing?”

“We came to take you.”

His voice was rough in the way it sounded, like he barely spoke and the results of that could be heard. It was dry and devoid of any emotion, as far as you could tell. You shook off his grip on your arm and stepped aside to take turns at looking between the two boys.

“Take me?” you scoffed, “Might I know what the fuck you mean by that? And who are you?” you said the last word with a pointed look towards the boy sitting on your bed. He offered a gentle smile.

“Name’s Uimyeong. I’m a monster. Just like your boyfriend here.” he said. You furrowed your eyebrows. You’d encountered monsters during your only trip down to the nearest grocery store to take everything you could before indefinitely confining yourself in your home. And they did not look so… Human. Was it a play on words, of sorts? It didn’t feel like one. Did that have to do with him talking about a “special case”?

Your eyes widened in realization. The flyers that dropped around your neighborhood, one hitting your window with the wind. It was red and hard not to notice. It talked about the military and calling them if we knew of a special monsterization case, or something of the sort. Now you pieced the few pieces you had together, and came to the conclusion that Hyunsoo and that boy Uimyeong were like the aforementioned special cases. But then…

“What did you mean by take me? And instincts? Can you just… explain yourselves?” you sighed, leaning against the wall.

“Hyunsu-ya told me about you. He said you lived nearby and that knowing you, you’d probably avoided contact with anyone entirely.” he paused to look around your apartment with a satisfied nod, “He seemed to be right on that. He told me about you when I asked if he knew if there was anyone who could’ve turned and could be like us.”

“Be like you?”

“Monsters.” he said casually, and then his eyes turned completely black, as if to further insist on his point. Then they turned back to their former state and he smiled. “That can control it.”

You gulped. So that was… What the military meant by special cases. You took a deep breath and glanced at Hyunsu, who was blankly staring down at the floor. “Why do you think I could be like you? What makes you think I even got a single symptom?”

“Well, I’d say I can’t argue with that, but the…” he grimaced a bit, vaguely moving his hand in front of his mouth, “… Blood on your face is an obvious tell.”

You instinctively looked away and tried to rub it off. It was dry, by now. You looked back at Uimyeong who only smiled casually. “We came here because I trust Hyunsu and I have this… This gut feeling. That you might be one of us. So what do you say? Come with us? Stay in your apartment?”

You knew that whether you completely turned or truly was a special case like he claimed you could be, you’d be alone in your apartment. At least with them… Well, you’d have company. Who understood you, instead of fearing you.

You looked down. “Whatever. I’ll come.”

You saw Hyunsu perk up at the words and he walked towards you. His hand slowly came up to your face and settled on your cheek. He rubbed the skin softly with a starstruck look on his face. His eyes were turning black. “Really? [name], it'll be perfect. We can wipe off every pathetic human that bothers us with this power, now. Just like we wanted to back in the day, remember?” he said with a frighteningly cheerful tone. Then his expression dropped and he blinked the darkness off, like he was confused.

“… We’ll find more people like us.” he said, and this time his voice was blank, hand dropping back to his side. You furrowed your eyebrows at the change in demeanor and glanced at Uimyeong, who only shrugged his shoulders in an exaggerated manner. You looked back at Hyunsu and sighed. There was something odd going on.

“… Hyunsu. I’m glad to see you again.” you said. He nodded slowly, expression unchanging but feeling reciprocated.

Then you were out of the building. To be frank, it was terrifying. You hadn’t left your apartment in ages and the world outside was in shambles. You knew it from the news and the view you had from your window, but seeing it up-close was definitely worse. There was something extremely interesting, though, and it was how easily Hyunsu and Uimyeong made their way through the swarm of monsters that would try and attack each of you. Uimyeong was on a league of his own, for sure, his arm capable of turning into a literal blade to slice any monster’s head off their shoulders. Hyunsu was different. He looked unfazed at times while sending monsters flying, and sometimes you could see the hints of a manic grin overtaking his features. And well, during thw whold ordeal, you felt awfully useless. You didn’t have any super-strength or powers so all you could do was use your best dodging skills to prevent yourself from getting killed.

Not that Hyunsu would let you.

You found yourself in a black, military van. Uimyeong sat at the front and started driving off like it was nothing, and then began to answer every question you had but hadn’t even voiced out. Special cases, monsters, the martial-law, the military’s plans, and at last, Hyunsu’s whereabouts during the entirety of this mess. He was staying in an apartment complex of the name of Green Home Mansion Apartment, that Uimyeong described as “a place with weirdly resilient people with a fear of the unknown. You know, like every other human.” and you quickly understood the boy bad developed a worrying superiority complex over the duration of the experiments the government had done on him.

Well, it made sense. But he was still terrifying in his own calm, smiley and friendly way. Even more so with the amount of blood on him. But you supposed that considering your face was still drenched in some, you didn’t have much to say about that.

You looked at Hyunsu who’d been asleep during the whole time Uimyeong was speaking.

“How did you two meet each other?”

“How did you two meet each other?”

You laughed at the synchronization of yours and Uimyeong’s question and he glanced your way with a grin. “Alright. I’ll go first.”

He talked about the group of thugs he joined, mostly out of boredom. He talked about how they eventually came to the place Hyunsu lived at, and the chaos that happened there. He talked about the fact that Hyunsu grew out of his, as he called it, “human-liking phase” and finally understood and acknowledged his true power… Or something like that. That basically, Hyunsu left the people of Green Home and left with Uimyeong before one of them called the military to report a special case, as the flyers you’d seen asked people to.

“I think part of him is trying to understand that change.” Uimyeong mused, fingers drumming on the steering wheel. “You know, when his eyes turn black and he goes manic? I think that’s the monster part trying to fully take over. And then you have our introverted, anxious Hyunsu.. The one you seem to know best.”

“Ah. We’re not dating anymore.” you suddenly said, reminded of Uimyeong calling him your “boyfriend” earlier. “And contrary to what you seem to think, I’m actually more familiar with the other part. On certain aspects, at least.”

In front of you, Hyunsu was asleep. You sighed.

“Then. Your turn, answer my question.” Uimyeong said cheerfully. You hummed.

“Well, we dated in high-school. He was extroverted and friendly, and very joyful. He wasn’t the number one popular boy in the school, but he did have popularity.” you reminisced out loud, “Then things changed and he somehow got bullied. This new guy transferred and started treating him really badly. The higher-ups at the school didn’t give a fuck, and his family were… Practically blaming him. The point is, I stayed with him, but after things finally calmed down, he broke up with me. He said he wasn’t good for me and I’d spent too much time on him already, or something of the likes…”

Then you sighed, scratching your neck.

“What you call the “monster part of him” looks, to me, like what he’s been bottling up. It’s like a version of Hyunsu that didn’t completely close off emotionally after the bullying. One that went batshit and started beating up people. That’s how it feels to me. It’s strange.”

Uimyeong hummed. “Well, the monster isn’t something separate from him, anyway. That further proves my point... The monster is part of him. I guess it would make sense. He’s just battling his own self, isn’t he?”

Hyunsu woke up with a gasp and looked at you with wide eyes. There was a moment where things seemed to slow, and then he moved towards you so fast you barely registered it. He held your face in both hands and looked at you with a worried look. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah?” you said, confused. “Did you have a nightmare?”

His eyes turned black momentarily, then he looked away, moving back into his seat. “Yeah.” He looked down at his lap, where he fiddled with his fingers. Uimyeong stared at him from the rear-view mirror with a squinted eyes and pointed interest. There was something in the way he looked at him that screamed obsession. You were practically certain Hyunsu himself hadn’t realized.

“Hyunsu-yah.” you said. He looked up. You beckoned him over to sit next to you. Slowly, he got up from his seat to move beside you. Then he went back to looking down and fiddling with his fingers. That was just like the last time you’d seen him, but worse. When he broke up with you he was starting to lose life— Starting to lose the will to live. It was visible and it was worrying but he put great effort in pushing you away whenever you tried reaching out to help him. You hesitantly reached a hand up to his hair, and when he didnt move, started brushing through it. You brushed off the dust and all, and them you moved his face towards you. You tried to rub off the blood on him but it was dry. Then you inspected his features, and his hands, his arms, his neck. Then you hummed in content. There weren’t any new scars since the last time you’d seen each other. You were glad.

You covered his forearms back up with the long sleeves of his sweater and held both his hands. During the whole ordeal, Hyunsu had been staring at you with barely a single blink. He had this adoring look in his wide, innocent eyes. It was different from the way he used to look at you. Hyunsu had lost part of him during his last years of high-school, so of course he’d changed. But it was still Hyunsu. And you still loved him. You looked up at him with a smile.

“Are you okay?” you asked, but he only frowned and reached out to your face. You furrowed your eyebrows when his thumb swiped over your upper lip, but then realized it came back with fresh blood. Your eyes widened and you covered the lower half of your face entirely in anticipation for the nosebleed you now knew was coming. Hyunsu grabbed your hands and slightly shook his head as he brought them away from your face.

“There’s no use in trying to stop the bleeding.” he said monotonously, “Since it’s the second time, we might see how you hold up to the monster. It might be hard.”

“Huh?” was all you could get out before your head started aching really badly. You held the sides of your head with your arms and closed your eyes tightly, eventually falling over onto the floor of the car as you winced in pain. You felt like you'd never felt such excruciating pain before. When your eyes were open there was blood, and you’d blink then there’d be nothing at all, and at some point, the pain stopped. You opened your eyes and sat up.

This was not the car.

A dark, dark space with a mirror. You slowly sat up and looked around. There seemed to be nothing other than the wide mirror in front of you. So you got up and walked over to it. The more you stared at your reflection, the more distorted it became. Slowly, your eyes turned black and your smile widened. Yet you were certain you were not smiling at all. You took a frightened step backwards and the reflection did not move.

“The weaker me. I've been waiting for you.” the reflection said, “Waiting for you to accept me. You’ve lost so much hope lately it became so easy to awaken. You see, the more hopeless you became, the more easy it was to trigger a physical reaction in you. The nosebleeds and headaches and all… Mhm. That was me. Or rather, you. After all we’re the same, aren’t we?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” you scoffed, then pinched the bridge of your nose, “Will you stop monologuing like a fucking idiot and let me place a damn word in? Thanks. As it happens I’m far from being hopeless or whatever bullshit it is you were spewing out. I’m fine, and I want to live. And I will live. As a human.”

Your reflection hummed curiously. “As a human?”

“I’ve done so for all of my life. I'm pretty certain I can keep doing it.”

Your reflection smiled, then laughed. “Oh, my. Maybe you might actually manage to overpower me… That would mean getting my monster powers and keeping a human form. How lovely that is. Please, keep trying your best. I’m looking forward to it.”

"Please," Despite the confusion you felt, you knew one thing for sure. This so called reflection of yours was pissing you off. You punched the mirror and the glass shattered around your fist. “go die”

“Gladly.”

You yelled in fear and jumped awake. You looked around you with anxiousness, and slowly came to the realization you were still in the military van. It had stopped, and Uimyeong and Hyunsu were looking at you expectantly. Uimyeong smiled and held up Hyunsu’s hand by the wrist, shaking it in the air. “I had to keep him from trying to wake you up.”

Ah.

“Anyways. Seems you’ve met the monster?” Uimyeong said, sighing as he let go of Hyunsu’s wrist. He leaned back in his seat and smiled to himself. “I’m satisfied. If this was a game in trials I’d say you passed the first one. Congrats, [name]. You might just really be a special case.”

You looked up at him, then at Hyunsu, who kneeled in front of you and wrapped his arms around you. His hold was tight and he didn’t say a word. You could feel he was scared. Anxious. Or at least, that he had been. He felt relieved now, you could feel it. You figured he was hoping for Uimyeong to say that. After all, considering you already had symptoms, it seemed like being a special-case was the best thing that could happen. So you exhaled in relief and let your head fall onto the boy’s shoulder, rubbing his back comfortingly. “It’s okay, Hyunsu.”

He nodded, but didn’t let go.

“Hyunsu.”

He finally pulled away and he was kind of pouting. He looked like a kid and it made you laugh. “Come on, now. It’s fine. I’m sure you went through worse, too.”

“It’s not comparable. This isn’t about me.” he mumbled blankly, pulling you to sit next to him on the seats. You heard Uimyeong sigh and mumble something about love in the midst of an apocalypse as he went back to the driver’s seat and started up the car. You leaned against Hyunsu’s shoulder and he let his head rest on top of yours. Well, this was as fine as things could get, it seemed.

“Divine Prayers”

(Yandere??? IDK about this really) Scaramouche x reader

A/N: Finally, I’m having Scaramouche brainrots after giving other anime men the majority of my attention. This one is a concept post, formatted similar to this Albedo one. I added a vocabulary section at the end as well!

SORRY FOR NOT DOING MY EVENT REQS I WILL EVENTUALLY

Content warning: Stalking, light religious themes(?), general yandere content(just to be safe, it's pretty mild)

This is not healthy love and is meant to make you uncomfortable.

Scaramouche can never fathom liking, much less loving, anything/anyone related to that woman. Even his delicate, deceitful appearance that granted the little man many advantages is no exception.

Until one seemingly ordinary sunny day, he laid eyes on you by accident, when you were waiting outside a shop in Narukami city. Naturally, it happened when he had to watch over some incompetent subordinates and show them the way of this land.

A shrine maiden. Or, if one wishes to use Inazuma’s local terms, a miko. No other group in Inazuma would wear that distinctive combination of red hakama and white kosode(1) .

You are everything that he is not.

Sheltered and naive, that much the Harbinger can tell from how you carry yourself. Always studying your surroundings with curiosity while keeping a light smile upon those lips, typical behaviour of people who were raised within the confine of four safe walls.

Pitiful thing, he bet you never know how to haggle(2),nor do you have the need to. People like you are often born with silver spoons and grew up thinking there is nothing wrong with worshipping the ground your archon walks on.

You have no idea what despicable, malicious deeds your beloved Electro Archon has done behind her believer’s back.

People like you disgust him, as the way things should be. Yet, somehow that hatred has been blended by some other strange feeling.

It manifests in many forms, unfortunately.

Such as the frustration of not seeing you picking up the blooms from the best florist of Inazuma every week.

Or that urge to unleash his powers upon that mortal that has been taking up a little bit too much of your time and attention in the name of the business.

This feels...off, and out of his control. The balladeer is not a fan of uncertainty.

Had it been anyone else, Scaramouche would not have hesitated to steal you away for himself, at most the second time he felt the strange stir in his supposedly empty chest.

But not you. The “boy” might not fear the archon much, but he owes the pink kitsune lady a great deal. To many’s surprises, the cunning Harbinger is not someone who disregards favours. If you were to go missing, Yae would for sure notice and trace back to him.

So he is left with the only viable option: watching you from afar.

Scaramouche’s sentiments regarding your knowledge of his existence is...conflicted, to put it in simple terms. Obviously, you are none the wiser to his and his trusted underlings’ watchful gazes.

On one hand, as a morally good citizen, you naturally would not want to be associated with the Fatui bad guys. However, you got this enchanting power to make the Fatui Harbinger wonder: What would you think of him, if he were to present himself to you?

There you are again, feeding the foxes near the stairs of the grand shrine. You seem to be able to gain happiness from the smallest things, for example, a colourful bird or a believer thanking you for their good fortunes.

Leisure reading had let him know those mortal women would seek the approval of their mothers-in-law to make sure their marriages are successful.

If...things are different, she would have liked you enough to-

No, since when did these ridiculous concepts appeal to him? It is not like he ever cares for his "mother dearest"'s opinion on anything.

Looks like a negotiation meeting with Yae Miko is in order. Maybe he would get that item for her so he can finally have you without worries.

(1)

red hakama(noun): long trouser-like skirt tied with a bow

white kosode(noun): kimono robe

(2)

Haggle(verb):dispute or bargain persistently, especially over the cost of something.

November Sun | jjk

☆summary: whenever he breaks, the november sun shines on him. and jungkook chases you across the sky - but you've gone some place he can't reach you now.

☆pairing: Jungkook x reader (I genuinely don't think the gender is ever mentioned? please let me know if it is so I can adjust this here), mentions-ish of Namjoon x reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, it deals with heavy themes)

☆genre: grief au/funeral au?, exes au, angst

☆warnings: angst, like. Just angst. OC is dead and Jungkook is grieving her. Curses words, very light mentions of sex, flashbacks of moments when jungkook broke. mentions of christianism (the funerals are held in a church), mentions of alcohol, jealousy. Namjoon is a broken man as well

☆word count: 3.7k

☆a/n: I started writing this tonight because I was sad and then just realized I won't have the strength to look back on it ever again so I'm posting it even tho it hasn't been beta-ed, and even tho the person that makes my moodboards is unavailable rn. Idc. It needed to be out of my system, and now it is.

☆a/n pt2: I know this piece is extremely heavy. If you ever need to speak, please reach out to me. My blog is a safe space for every single one of you <3

☆☆☆☆☆

                The church is a tall building. Grand, elegant in its simplicity, though it cuts against the blue sky up above in stark lines, shaped like a prison.

Jungkook thinks life has become a prison a while ago.

It’s a mystery, why your family chose this space for your funeral. You never believed, never practiced. Is it a betrayal to mark your passing in a space that feels so unlike you?

Jungkook thinks it is.

He sighs, chases the heaviness away the same way the clouds chase themselves in the sky up above. He doesn’t know how the sun is shining in the blue expanse of the sky. It’s November, yet the day is warm, the sun is blindingly glowing. It feels like a crime – how can the sun shine in a world deprived of your existence?

Jungkook doesn’t want to know.

Only knows that he’s watched from afar the people that gathered on the front steps. Chatting, heads hung low and shoulders bent forward. He heard sniffles, he heard laughs, and he just waited for everyone to go in to get closer.

Jungkook doesn’t know why he was invited. Why someone from a distant past figured he would need to be here, to share his grief with people that could understand.

Though Jungkook thinks no one can understand.

He remembers you, in all your glory. His first love, when he had been a stupid college kid who didn’t know what he wanted in life. You were two years older, and now... and now one day he’ll be older than you. Because you've stopped aging, you came and went like a moment in time, when he'll still be here for who fucking knows how long.

He chases the thought away with a long inhale, holds the air in knowing that it’s choking him up before he lets it out on a sigh.

You were beautiful. A star that walked the Earth, only to return to the night sky above far too soon. He had loved you dearly, in his own twisted way. Had tried to be what you sought, what you needed, until he had realized he was never going to be enough.

Would you still be alive today, if he had fought harder?

*****

                “I’m not doing this,” you said. “I’m so fucking done with your indecision, with your fear of commitment.”

Jungkook scoffed. “Please, you graduated and now you think you’re so high above me. Get down from the fucking horse, Y/n, it’s not going to bring us anywhere.”

He’d said the words hoping that they would hurt you. And they did: he saw you physically recoil as if he’d punched you. As if the words had been a physical blow, and not just letters of the alphabets shaped into words and sound, into arrows to pierce that beautiful soul of yours.

“Maybe I don’t want us to go somewhere anymore,” you replied after a quiet moment of breaking hearts.

“I didn’t mean that.”

“I know.” You sighed, slightly shaking your head as your eyes fell to the floor between you and him. “I know, but I mean it.”

“Please,” was all Jungkook thought to reply.

“You say please all the time,” you told him. “You beg me, and for what? We always circle back to fighting, to hurting each other.” You paused, and though you were avoiding his features he could see you blinking back tears. “Maybe we aren’t supposed to be together at all.”

“Don’t say that,” Jungkook warned. “Don’t you fucking say that. I love you. Isn’t that enough for you?”

“I love you too, Jungkook,” you answered. “I’ve loved you since the first day I met you at that stupid party last year.”

Jungkook felt the tear rolling down his cheek, felt the gravity pulling on his heart until it was shattering on the ground.

“Then why stop now?” he asked. “Give me time, Y/n. I’ll graduate, and I’ll be able to move in with you, and to provide for you and give you everything that you need.”

You sighed heavily, finding courage to finally meet his gaze. At the stark finality shining behind your pupils, Jungkook’s knees weakened. His whole fucking body weakened, ready for the blow.

For the end that was coming for you and him like a car barreling down a dead-end street.

“But I’m tired of waiting,” you answered. “I don’t want to spend my life waiting around for someone.”

“I’m still in college, I just can’t move in with you right now…”

“I know, Jungkook. I know.”

He wanted to fight. Wanted to tell you to stay in his dorm tonight, and to never leave again. But he could tell that you were already gone.

So he steeled himself. Readied himself to let you go even though you were the blood in his veins.

“I’m holding you back, aren’t I?”

You wiped a tear on your cheek, blurring behind those in his gaze. “You are.”

He choked on a sob, hiding his eyes behind his hand as if that would stop the breaking. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” you reassured him. “We just aren’t at the same place in life anymore.”

An empty silence surrounded you, so loud Jungkook could hear every beat of his heart in his ears, could feel the walls pressing in.

“I don’t want you to go,” he softly said.

“I know,” you murmured. “I…” You choked on a sob, and it took you a moment before you managed to continue. “I’m sorry.”

He laughed, a sound so devoid of joy he wondered if he’d ever feel happiness again. “Please don’t be. You’re allowed to want more.”

“I wish I didn’t.”

Anger rose up on the horizon of Jungkook’s conscience, and he pushed it away. He refused to be angry at you, refused to put the blame on you when you made it clear that you wanted him to move in so long ago, and he disregarded it without even once thinking about it.

“I’ll find you again,” he promised, voice strained and heavy with emotion. “I’ll graduate and find you.”

You stepped closer to him, gently cupping his cheek. “Go find someone that loves you for what you are, Jungkook.”

“And you don’t?”

“I don’t want you to settle for someone that asks too much for you,” you explained, renewed silver lining your eyes. “Find someone that loves you for who you are, right now.”

“Fuck that,” he choked out, and he pulled you flush against his chest. “Fuck this nonsense. ”

“I’m so sorry,” you cried against him.

“Don’t be,” he reassured you, though he was crying too. “Don’t be. Give me a few years. I’ll have it all figured out in a few years.”

*****

                The priest at the front of the church is going on and on about something that Jungkook doesn’t care to listen to. It’s impersonal, nothing like you, like the vibrant girl he remembers. So he lets his memory guide him to you, where you’re awaiting him. Your lips on his, your hand running through his hair. Your own hair catching in the wind that time you’d gone hiking, and he’d believed being at the top of the mountain with you felt like he had won in life.

Or that time you’d driven on the coast, windows down, screaming the lyrics to a song he can’t listen to anymore. Now the song is haunted by ghosts of a past he never learned to let go, perhaps because for months after the breakup he’d kept the conviction that he’d find his way back to you. He’d believed it the same way he believed the sun would always rise in the morning. A simple truth of nature, that nothing could ever break.

Except a car accident, apparently. Because all it took was a car accident to wipe you off the surface of the Earth, to take your light and shove it into shadows, into darkness and a void so wide he knows he’ll never find you again.

But he’d believed he’d find his way back to you. Never let anyone in after you, for the months and years it took him to graduate because he always knew he’d find his way back to you. You were his silver lining, the finish line at the end of the race. On a November day, just as sunny as today, Jungkook reached that finish line.

He did find you again, only you never knew.

*****

                Jungkook had never felt so light before. Like he had grown wings, like he was soaring in the clouds up above. Though the sun was out, the weather was cold, wind running cold fingers through the lapels of his coat until he found himself shivering as he made his way to the flower store.

He’d get the biggest bouquet for you, and then he’d head to where he knew from a common friend that you lived now. It was Saturday, and he hoped to catch you unaware, to catch you in the middle of cleaning your apartment the same way that you cleaned it back when you were dating.

The image of you, with your hair pulled back in a high ponytail as you danced around instead of sweeping the floor shone in his mind, brighter than the star in the sky above.

He bought the flowers, heart beating fast in his chest. Because it was time. It was finally time to go home, to tell you that he did everything he said he would, that he changed and now had a job that could support what you both wanted. He wanted to ask you out, and in his dreams you had been answering yes every single time since he had decided to go see you.

His heart fluttered as he gently rested the flowers on his passenger seat, careful not to damage them. Memories floated to him, and a smile grew on his lips as he remembered you, screaming out the window that day you had driven along the coast. You had stopped to watch the sunset in the waves, and he’d kissed you stupid on his back seat until every single inch of your skin knew about his love.

He couldn’t wait to create new memories with you.

He drove carefully, enjoying the warmth of the sun now that he was safely hidden from the wind. You actually didn’t live too far from where he did now, and soon enough he parked his car near your building. He got out of the vehicle, almost running to the other side in his excitement to grab the bouquet on the passenger seat. When it was safely tucked in his hand, Jungkook shut the car door, locked it, and started walking to your building.

He didn’t even know which apartment was yours. He believed fate would guide him, and so he crossed the street to your building, trusting the universe for what was to come next.

He heard your laugh before he saw you. Love swelled in his chest, and he wondered if you were laughing because you’d seen him, because you’d known that he’d come back for you.

And then he saw you. The wind was ruffling your hair, which he assumed had prompted the laugh. Your eyes were closed, hands struggling to push the wild strands behind your ears.

You were more beautiful than he remembered. Shone brighter, with the same stuff that stars consisted of. He was struck for a moment, watching you with his bouquet hoping that you’d open your eyes and see him.

The world slowed down to a stop, and time halted, and Jungkook watched you, feeling at home for the first time in years.

The illusion fractured the instant someone else came into view, making him realize that you hadn’t been laughing at the wind. No, perhaps your laughter took root in the dimples gracing the man’s cheeks as he smiled at you, as he pecked your forehead before grabbing your hand.

Jungkook ducked behind a car, clutching the flower bouquet like a lifeline the moment that you turned towards him. Did you hear his heart breaking? Did you hear the mockery in the November sun rays – you’d broken up on a similar day, years ago.

Jungkook couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think around the shattering of his heart, around the blood turning to ice in his veins as he heard you speak to the man – Namjoon, he heard you call him.

He would have rather not known the name.

Still Jungkook drank in the sound of your voice, trying to shape it into the words he was so willing to hear you say today. It didn’t work, and soon enough your voice disappeared, leaving him in a deafening silence of wind and sun and the realization that after all, he had come back too late.

Perhaps he should have known that he'd be too late.

*****

                When Jungkook received the call last week, he’d sat outside in the silence until he thought his eardrums would start bleeding. He hadn’t moved, hadn’t breathed, hadn’t done anything other than to stare at the fading light of the sun.

He wonders, why is it that whenever he breaks, November sun is shining high above? As if the universe takes pleasure in his torment, in undoing him until he barely counts as a human being anymore.

He got pissed out drunk that night. Last time he had been as drunk was when he had found out you were dating someone new, that day he had come to find you.

And now he wonders, if he had approached you that day, would you still be dead today? Would life still have put you on that road with its drunk driver so that you could meet your end?

Or would you be laughing at some dumb comment he’d make, telling him that he’s stupid with eyes so full of love he wouldn’t be able to do anything else but agree with you?

It’s hard to tell. So, he doesn’t try to figure it out – he has an eternity ahead of himself to figure out how to live without you anyway.

Maybe in all his misfortune Jungkook actually had some luck. He’s learned to grieve you a while ago already, and perhaps grieving someone that still lives is harder than grieving someone that’s passed. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t think he knows anything. Just that, so far back in the past he should have said fuck it and move in with you. It was such a simple request, but he had been too young and dumb, and he’d forever live with the regrets of it.

If someone from your family notices his presence at the funeral, recognizes him from your shared past, they don’t say. Especially not as the end of the ceremony comes before he’s had a chance to really take in the picture of you, smiling, over there next to the urn with your ashes.

You’re ashes now. Everything that made you – your laugh, your smile, the way you carried yourself with that simple elegance – all of it is gone to be replaced with mere ashes.

He doubts they can hold the truth of your essence, but then again he doesn’t think anything can, or anything ever will again.

He blinks away the tears as they come, leaving the ceremony like a whisper in the wind. He doesn’t want to speak to your family, doesn’t want to see them coddling the man that you loved, that survived the accident when he should have been the one to go.

Jealousy and selfishness are ugly, Jungkook realizes. But it’s easier to hate the man that took you away from him, no matter how unknowingly he did it.

And Jungkook tried to hate you once. He tried hard, in the months after that fated November day, when you’d laughed to that man’s joke, smiled when he’d smiled that soft dimpled smile of his. He had tried, because hating you felt like it was the only way he wouldn’t hurt. But he still hurt – he still hurts.

All he’s been able to do in his life since you broke up is hurt, and he highly doubts he’ll ever feel differently again.

Perhaps he’ll grow numb. Perhaps he should have grown numb a while ago.

At least that’s what he’s telling himself days later, when he’s looking at the tombstone they picked out for you. The finality of your name and the dates, the ending, is unnerving. He wishes it was fake, wishes it was a joke, and that he didn’t spend most of his life loving someone that moved on to a new love in just a few years.

It’s been over a decade and he hasn’t moved on even a little bit.

He kicks the ground, mad at the leaves littering the ground where you’re buried, as if they’re sullying you. And as if laughing at him, sun rays pierce through the clouds up above, that dreaded November sun making an appearance when it should stay gone.

He allows himself to cry. To break down, to sit on the ground and curse everything and everyone that’s ever been between you and him. He curses his stupidity, curses the sun and the leaves and the etchings on the stone. He hates everything. Hates himself, hates you, hates the whole fucking universe for taking you away, for not giving him the chance to be with you.

That’s how Namjoon finds him. Jungkook’s tears have receded, and he’s just sitting there, an empty shell that once held love and laughter and your lips on his. He hears the scuffle of Namjoon’s steps, of his cane as he walks up the path.

The man’s features are grave when Jungkook can’t help but glance towards him, sees him ambling up the path with that cane, the only indication that he too was in that car accident. And Jungkook wonders if Namjoon knows about him. If Namjoon knows that he wasn’t the first man whose love for you was a bottomless ocean, one Jungkook has drowned in time and time again since you broke up.

Namjoon remains standing, and Jungkook remains sitting. Like there’s an understanding between them, and silence conveys more than words could. Jungkook doesn’t want to move, and Namjoon clearly doesn’t have anywhere to go.

Jungkook thinks the Earth has revolved around the sun at least once before Namjoon scrapes his throat.

“It’s hard to believe that she’s gone, isn’t it?” he speaks, deep voice carrying the weight of the universe.

Jungkook doesn’t deign reply as his eyes fill with tears, though he refuses to let them out right now.

Especially not in front of the man you loved after him.

“You’re Jungkook, aren’t you?”

The simple sentence makes Jungkook lose it. He hides his face in his hands, his whole soul bleeding out under the November sun.

“She told me about you,” Namjoon continues, and Jungkook is convinced he hears pain, tears and grief laced with Namjoon’s words.

What did you tell him, Jungkook wonders? Did you tell Namjoon that you should have waited for Jungkook, that you should have given him a chance to become what you needed?

“She loved you a lot,” Namjoon adds after a silence, and he chokes on a sob. “She never forgot about you.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Jungkook asks with that broken voice, raspy with disuse.

He hasn’t been able to speak since you died.

“You deserve to grieve. She loved and loved, and I wish it would have been enough for her to live…”

“Stop,” Jungkook begs. “Please.”

Namjoon falls silent, offering salvation to Jungkook, though Jungkook doesn’t know if he deserves it.

Would he have been able to offer salvation to someone in his position if the situation was reversed? He highly doubts it.

“It’s just…” he trails off when he finds words again. “You got fucking years with her. You got years of loving and-“ it breaks on a sob. “And you were fucking engaged.” Jungkook pulls at his hair. “You were engaged, and all I got was months. Not even a full year.”

“I’m sorry man,” Namjoon answers, voice so broken Jungkook wonders who’s suffering the most.

He doesn’t think it’s himself.

“Was she happy?” Jungkook eventually asks, once he can’t stand the silence hanging around. Once he can’t stand the etchings on the stone, the void in the universe that used to be filled with you.

“I made her as happy as I could,” Namjoon replies truthfully, his voice strained but not as pained anymore. As if he’s reached a conclusion, clarity filling his mind.

Not needing to hear more, Jungkook gets up, dusting himself off.

“Good talk,” he says, fighting against the next onslaught of tears, and then he’s storming off.

Storming away from you, from everything that you meant to him. And maybe the sun rays really are mocking him in that beautiful November sky, because Namjoon says, “I don’t think she ever truly was happy after you, though.”

Jungkook stops, convinced someone just stabbed him right in the heart. He doesn’t think the organ can beat anymore, doesn’t think he can live anymore. He just wants to be dust on the wind, to be forgotten, and to stop fucking feeling all the time.

“She was calling off the engagement,” Namjoon continues. “She…” Jungkook turns, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen such agony as the one that graces Namjoon’s features right now. “She said she shouldn’t get married to me when she still loved another.”

Clouds pass in front of the November sun, and Jungkook remembers the smile on your face whenever you’d catch his gaze. He remembers the way you’d lovingly cupped his cheek even when you were breaking up with him. He still feels the ghost of your fingers on his skin as he holds Namjoon’s broken gaze.

He holds Namjoon’s broken gaze, unable to offer the man salvation. It might make him a monster, might make him selfish and jealous and everything that he finds disgusting about humanity. But Jungkook doesn’t care.

Not when he realizes that perhaps, perhaps he’s the one that you’re waiting for on the other side of the veil, so that you can rest in the eternity of afterlife together.

And perhaps, perhaps there’s some sort of beauty in the thought.

☆☆☆☆☆

I am crying and in pain and I am sending everyone that read this whole thing lots of love and if you need to talk just hit me up bc grief is a bitch and we hate her and I just wish I could take everyone's grief away

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