“Arguing As Foreplay?” - Daniel Molloy

Just write the script and direct the movie, because this right here is amazing

“Artemis Fowl” would be such an amazing movie? Like it starts off with a voice over going all…

How does one describe Artemis Fowl? Various psychiatrists have tried and failed… 

And we see a rich boy wearing an expensive suit sitting by fire… we can’t see his face–just his back with that fancy Victorian chair of his. And he’s staring at his piles of GOLD. The voice over continues…

There is no doubt that Artemis is a child prodigy.  But why does someone of such brilliance dedicate himself to criminal activities? 

The boy stands up but we still can’t see his face. He walks towards the screen and the cam backs away and then suddenly the boy is trying to close the door. 

This is a question that can be answered by only one person.

And then the view goes upward and we finally see his pale face and he’s smiling deviously with his finger on his lips as if to say “Hush.”

And he delights in not talking.

The boy closes the door entirely and then it shows “Artemis Fowl” in friggin GOLD because that’s what the movie is all about. G O L D. And then it gives the audience the chills.

I have a new spiritual animal vampire:

Everard de Landen

this guy showed up and said with his whole chest he was gonna “smack Marius in his face” if he ever saw him again

Thus far Tav!Armand’s relationships with the other characters are:

- Astarion: saw through his ’seduction for survival’ thing immediately because it’s something he recognised in himself, rivals or trauma bonding? idk yet

- Shadowheart: they’re beefing because S is keeping secrets and A tried to dig around in her brain, there can only be one mysterious bitch around here

- Laezel: wants to fuck him? but what's new, mutual respect

- Gale: Armand thinks he’s endearing, they could yap for hours about anything

- Wyll: I think they’d have a great flirting stage but ultimately I think they have a difficult time truly understanding each other

- Karlach: how could anyone not love her?? she likes Armand because he believes in her

Benji has a vampire hotline podcast?? Those memes about Lestat and Daniel starting a podcast are not farfetched at all lmaoo

Direct Lestat quote from the book that I like to imagine is said in an index-finger-to-the-chin-while-nodding-like-brittany-broski kinda way:

”Yes, I will use the iPhone magic to communicate.”

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.

egon schiele, death and the maiden, 1915 (detail) / interview with the vampire 2.05

Yes the iPhone thing took me out of the story so much 😭

Not Marius being a watch guy™ and stealing a Patek Philippe from a victim

possibly the most pathetically on-brand thing for him to be

Maybe I like that Daniel looks 70 and Armand looks 27, MAYBE I'm a pervert!