I Fucking Hate It.
I fucking hate it.
I hate every moment without you. You’ve been on my mind more recently. Every lovey dovey thing reminds me of you. Every single thing reminds me of you. I still wonder how you’re doing. And I still wonder if you will ever come back to me.
Im still attached to you. I still want you back. It still hurts that you are really over thus (or what it seems). God I want you back so bad. I hate that I do but fuck I really, really do. I want you back more than fucking anything.
I miss you and your presence. I regret ever sending hateful messages to you. I regret even telling anybody what happened. If you came back i dont know if id be happy or hurl. I wish it didn’t end the way it did. I wish you were still with me. I wish we were still together.
I know that logically it would be better for me to move on from you and to heal and to just. Never EVER go back to you. But fuck I want to. I want you back so goddamn bad. I Miss you. I still love you.
I wish you could come back into my life again. I really, really do. I wish we never even broke up. But you’re such a piece of shit and a terrible person. But I still miss you. I feel so broken without you. Please just come back to me in some way. I miss you so fucking much. I just want you. I can’t stop thinking about you or missing you or anything. You were my whole world I just fucking wish you could’ve reciprocated it goddamnit. I did everything for you. I still love you so much I really do. I didnt mean all those awful nasty things I said about you or anything.
Im sorry i lashed out. I’m sorry.
Now I really dont have a chance back with you and I fucking hate it. I just want to talk to you again. I remember all the good memories and im just crushed. You were my everything. I fucking loved you goddamnit why did you do this to me. Im not over you I just want you back I can’t stand it.
I know you were terrible. I know that you lied to me. I know you did terrible things behind my back probably. But I don’t even care. I would still let you do those things to me if it meant you could come back & we would be together. I fucking miss you man. I do. I fucking love you my heart still loves you so much even though you spat it out on the ground and crushed it. I wish you weren’t so fucking evil. I wish you didnt do this to me. I fucking miss you. I dont want to but I do.
I wish that I could’ve just talked to you normally I wish this never fucking happened I just wish I lived in ignorant bliss forever if it meant I could stay with you. Goddamnit. God fucking dammit. I love you so much still. I can’t go on. I really can’t.
I fucking hate you so much for making me feel this way. I hate you. I hate you so fucking much. God why.
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Somebody please fucking help me I can’t take this anymore
I feel so alone and scared I can’t be an adult I just want to go back and restart it all
Please let me be free
You’ll never really understand how mych you meant to me
I’m sos Kerry things ended the way they were. I know I don’t need you in my lfie Andy more because you aren’t right for me and I’m not right for you. That’s okay. But that doesn’t mean I dont love you. Maybe not romantically but I still have respect for you. I fucking miss you so much sometimes. I wish you erent a terrible personI . I love you so fucking much not like actual love but oh my god I wish you weren’t the way you were. You were such a staple in my life. Maybe not a good one but I fucking miss you sometimes. You were one of my best friends.
I am listening to a song that reminds me of you while under the influence. It’s Eva by orgy. “What happened to you? You know it makes me wonder” is a line that fucking kills me. All of it does. Please just come back one more time before I lose my mind.
I know you aren’t good for me and I know after im down crying over this INKNOW I will be okay. I just fucking miss the memories and I can’t cope with them properly. I do still miss you sometimes. But I know im feeling it stronger because I am an about to start and also I am drunk and high as shit . 8 8i just miss someone making me feel that way. It was a unique fun experience most of the time . I remember this sign playing while I told you so much how I loved you. Oh my god it makes me sick to my stomach
THISBIS such a good song too. God im so sorry. I’m so sorry for fucking E very thing. I love you so much and sometimes I’d do FUCKJNG a nything to get you back, but not really. I’m just really emotional right now:
You were sk important to me and you are someone I could never forget. I wish I could forgive you but I just have to question why you would do that to me. It’s okay though because I needed to get this cry out. You were such an important person in my FUCKIGN lfie and I took advantage of it and im fucking sorry. I’m so sorry.!8 wish they this never ever happened I’m sorry I even got with you. I really loved you. I can’t be upset with our you now really. This is what I needed. I neeeded to let you go . But I still miss you and still love you so fucking much. Sometimes. Just sometimes.
I’m not backtracking in my progress I’m just reaching a little bitty mishap and that’s okay. I just t miss you so fucking much sometimes . I just hope one day I’ll get the clairty that I fucking desvere. And if I don’t that’s completely okay. I just want to get over this. This is just a little thing cuz im emotional and drunk and high as shit. And this song turned on. I don’t even know why I’m crying over you. You don’t deserve my tears. Things are okay without you but sometimes i do think about you . And I just hope the best for you because I just can’t hate you anymore I need to move on z . It’s okay. We will both be okay. It’s al gona be okay. It really is. I I will be okay
Please god fucking help me
I actually have not been this freaked out in forever I broke my self harm streak my stomach is swollen from how hard I beat myself everything hurts I just can’t do it anymore
I am forced to be awake every agonizing second to feel the worst mental pain in existence. I can’t kill myself because there’s such a big chance I will fail. Yet I can’t keep waking up like this anymore. This is limbo. This is my personal Hell. I can’t escape at all. I can’t fucking escape. I can’t leave. I have to be here and I can’t fucking do it anymore yet I am forced to because the alternatives are no better. I’m so fucked. I am so fucked
It’s gotten sk bad I can’t even cry for help from tumblr anons oh my god I can’t take this anymore
I just feel so embarrassed about everything. I don’t know what to do. I hate when people give me this attention because it just makes me feel so helpless. But yet it’s something I complain about. I don’t fuckin know what I want. I don’t know what I want to choose, or what I want to happen, or anything. All I am is fucking confused and chaotic. I am struggling so fucking hard right now and I feel nothing but guilt and shame. I have no other outlet. I’m not trying to get people to feel awful for me or terrible or anything. I want to be left alone yet I want people to hear me and realize that I am fucking struggling man
I just want to go ghost. I want to leave everything behind and just be by myself for the rest of my life. Yet I can’t even fucking do that. I can’t do it. I need someone it seems. It seems i struggle with being by myself. Everything is just so fucking hard. I don’t know what I am going to do. I’m so tired of this. I’m so tired of consistently going through these intense cycles of emotion. I’m tired of having breakdowns every month. I’m fucking sick of living this way but it just feels like there’s nothing I can do besides give up hope
I still love you so much I’m sorry please come back I’m about to snap and beg you to come back I love you so much I’m sorry please forgive me I’m so sorry I miss you so fucking much I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry
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TW FOR EXTREMELY HEAVY VENTING I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. PERSONAL VENT AND INTRUSIVE THOUGHT DIARY
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