Maybe Hell Is Real But At Least Me Rotting In The Flames Would Be Better Than What’s Happening To Me

I want to hide away from everyone forever. I dont want anybody to see me or to look at me anymore

Tell my mom I love her but fuck her for bringing me into this world when I didn’t fucking ask for this

It is genuinely unbelievable just how fucking putrid and ugly I am. Not only will I never pass but I’m doomed to look and sound like the most hideous girl in the world. Once my boyfriend leaves me I will have nobody, because nobody wants to have or to be with an ugly girl.

I have lost everything. I mean literally fucking everything. I have lost my dearest friends who made me feel alive, I’ve lost my beauty, I’ve lost any interest in anything, I’ve lost my talent, I’ve lost my personality; even my best fucking friend of almost 4 years could care less if I got hit by a fucking car. I am nothing anymore. I am a literal basement dwelling leech. I am an ugly retard. I am hideous and I will never be anything to anybody.

I plan on blowing my brains out soon. I remember the code of the gun safe and I am planning to write a pretty lengthy note. I’m going to paint the fucking walls with my goddamn brain matter. I can’t handle living like this. I can’t be miserable like this anymore. No matter how good things seem, it will never be meant for me. It will never be directed toward me. Nothing matters. I will end up kicked out of this house with nobody to go to, get hooked on hard drugs and overdose in the city of Lancaster Pennsylvania.

Even when I die I will be mocked at the hands of people who will be worth more than me when they die. I will always be a laughingstock. My tombstone will have my real name on it. I won’t be remembered for anything besides my mother’s mistake, and a troubled, retarded, embarrassing, mentally stunted girl.

I am miserable. I hate myself. I do not look in mirrors anymore and I don’t take pictures of myself because I am so fucking ugly. I am ashamed Everytime I go into public and dressing up will never cover up how disgusting and deformed I look. I want to rip my face off so nobody can recognize who I am. Everyone who sees me are shocked that somebody so hideous could ever have the bravery to go outside and pretend to be function-able when everyone can clearly see through me. I am so ashamed of myself. I’m guilty and disgusting. I hate myself

I miss you so much im sorry that j was the way I was I’d change for you I promise I would please just let me back into your life I love you I miss you I’m sorry

I’m fucking devastated nothing will be okay I’ll never be okay I am going to fucking end my life

I genuinely need to die

I dont want anybody to see me I don’t want to be around people I don’t want any of that I just want to be alone with no mirrors no nothing and just be by myself forever

I can’t be a functioning adult im so doomed my future is bleak what ma I going to do

I miss my mom so much I can’t stop bawling my fucking eyes out

I Hope one day we can reunite even if you did hurt me. I miss you.