He Makes Me Crash Out, Respectfully,,

nerd

The aesthetics of my insomnia:

crying over TikToks because you love women (/pos)

googling fake Shakespeare quotes (it turned out to be a quote from Tumblr)

writing down an idea for a drawing that you dreamed of in your half-sleep

learn by heart a poem by Lermontov or Pushkin

changing three pillows (one of the pillows is a sweater with a scarf), eventually just falling asleep on a mattress

doing 20 push-ups at five in the morning, because it's better than scratching your skin and quieter than hitting a pillow

looking up the translation of a word (from the language you're learning) that came to mind and you're not 100% sure what it means

tragedy enjoyers when even good intentions lead to ruin

it's kinda funny to me how many people are so focused on henry being so 'logical' & 'rational' when the man is superstitious af. like he tried to do ornithomancy (the greek divination practice when you read omens through birds' behaviour), & at a certain point, he & richard see a pregnant dog & henry says that's a very bad omen, referencing horace's odes (“let the wicked be led by omens of screeching from owls, by pregnant dogs, or a grey-she wolf, hurrying down from lanuvian meadows, or a fox with young.”), & i found it quite interesting too, as that puts part of the dark in dark academia, u know what i mean?

When I was little and read the myths of Ancient Greece, I thought that the ancient gods were very cruel, turning people into trees. Now I am older and I want to be a tree too.

judy poovey's party fight story and camilla's country house accident were windows to what really went on between charles, henry, and camilla.

i love these hints and foreshadowing because camilla was almost always made pure by richard's narration, but who again was in the center of both occurrences? that's right. our girl milly.

view from a california beach town

my theory for what henry whispered to camilla is "kitten, i'll be honest. daddy's about to kill himself"

i am so sorry i am only reading the secret history for the first time because i feel like i am missing a lot of details that can only be noticed by re-reading the book. i'm on chapter three and so far every chapter talks about immortality and "living forever." i am wondering if this will last longer and how it will be mentioned in the chapter with bunny's murder. if it will be mentioned at all?

and the whole third chapter can probably be considered the character's first test of the idea of ​​immortality. and already here he faces reality - the proximity of death for any person, the fragility of life (and btw, it is significant that he does not fully realize that he can die, since life among his Greek circle makes him not think about it, they constantly repeat to him 'live forever' no one discusses death).

Interestingly, in the first class Richard attended, Julian asks about the one desire we all have. And Camilla says it's the desire to live. And Bunny adds:

"To live forever"

After all, he is the one who will be killed. And because of this, he will always live in the memory of others. Always young and never old