Those Constantine Is Danny's Dad And Sold His Kid Soul Because He Thought He'd Actually Never Have One

I’m just saying, the Volturi would get a whole lot more members if they offered to pay off student loans for anyone who was willing to join them. Like, if some random sketchy woman with red eyes came up to me while I was figuring out how I’m gonna pay my next water bill and pay off my student loans and said that if I joined her friends my debts would be paid I would pack my bags and join the immortal life in a heartbeat if it meant I didn’t have to stress over paying back thousands of dollars to the government for the rest of my life.

AU where instead of “Bruce Wayne” being a mask he uses to cover up he’s Batman the Batman persona is the act and he’s just actually a dumbass himbo whenever he’s not doing Batman shit. Nobody in the Justice League knows this until one of them tells a really good joke and Batman just bursts out laughing and they all freak out trying to figure out if he got his with Joker-Toxin or something until they call the Batcave and Dick is just like, “Oh yeah that’s how he normally is when he isn’t Batman” and now they’re all freaking out for a different reason because what the fuck since when

Theoretically if you were trying to come up with a vampire who had the gift/ability/supernatural power to time travel, how would you do it and what would it look like? 

Asking for, um, reasons. 

I know it’s farfetched but Breaking Dawn gave us Benjamin who manipulates elements and Siobhan who (maybe?) manipulates reality so someone who can manipulate time might… be… feasible? If you ignore like, physics and all that. And this would be more of a plot device than a character anyway. 

Alternatively a vampire who could grant wishes like a genie could also work. Or we could be super lazy and just make genies a thing in the Twilight universe. Esme finds an old lamp while going antiquing? 

I can’t articulate this properly right now but Wes gets an internship at the Daily Planet over the summer. Which goes great until Superman shows up with lame glasses and says he’ll be showing Wes around.

And Wes is really confused because literal Superman (who told Wes to call him Clark??) is giving him a tour of the Daily Planet and everyone is treating him normally and Wes knew the people of Amity were idiots for not noticing Phantom was Fenton but This Is The Daily Planet. These people are investigative journalists! Super-Clark just reheated his coffee with his eyes while shittily hiding behind a newspaper! They’re supposed to be better than this!

Twilight AU where Bella’s gift is that she’s a literal magnet for danger. Bears show up at the cottage all the time (much to Emmett’s delight), she’s totaled 3 vehicles already because cars seem to swerve to hit her, the bonfire Seth made in the backyard exploded when she got too close, and she’s completely given up on trying to go into the city anymore.

It’s not until Edward helps her realize she might be able to control the magnet inside her that it actually starts to seem like a gift instead of a curse. She attracts danger but just like a real magnet she can adjust to repel danger as well. It helps when she visualizes the magnet in her mind. The more she turns the same end of the magnet towards the danger, the stronger the danger is pushed away.

Now she can make cars run off the road to avoid her, fire bends away from her, and when she goes shopping in Port Angeles the bookstore she’s in is the safest place in the city.

Billy Batson Gets Adopted AU, but the adopter he’s avidly avoiding is Lex Luthor.

When Lex first heard of Captain Marvel, he was… unenthused, to put it lightly. Another Kryptonian? It was bad enough when that second one, “Supergirl” had entered the superhero stage; Lex had few hopes for the appearance of a third. Superman even paid Fawcett a visit, and Lex’s grim worries were all but sealed. Except… he started hearing rumors. Different rumors, of the world’s “Mightiest Mortal”. Of a man, human and magic and power, who could stand up against Superman and maybe come out on top. A match. A defense. A man Lex most certainly wanted on his side.

Which turned out to be difficult, since Marvel was impossible to get ahold of. He was nowhere. Sure, he showed up to every disaster, every moment of peril and sign of distress, but he never stayed. He was there precisely long enough to get the job done, and not a second later. It was irritating. It was infuriating. It was giving Lex a migraine. Even Batman, you could occasionally catch at crime scenes or flag down on the rooftops of Gotham, not that Lex had ever tried—Gotham was a beast best avoided. But Marvel? Nothing. At least when he was battling his rogues gallery you could see him flying through the streets, but on his off time? It was like the man stopped existing. Lex Corp’s agents couldn’t find hide of hair of him. The man didn’t respond to public requests for contact, nor any of the more discreet methods Lex and employed. It was astounding. And Lex did not like astounding. He liked answers, and he liked aces in his pocket, and neither of those things would matter if he couldn’t get the Big Red Cheese to talk to him. So he sent Mercy to investigate. To either get Marvel on their side, or get the idiot to speak to them. Mercy marched into his office two weeks later with no contact point, no progress, and a video. a video of a man, a flash of lightning, and then a small, malnourished child.

“Ah,” Lex thought. “Ah.”

So. Captain Marvel was an orphaned, homeless ten year old with inexplicable powers and absolutely zero support system.

Lex was going to steal him.

Steal wasn’t quite the right word, since everything Lex was doing would be completely legal and above-board. Unorthodox, sure, but he had far more than enough money to make it happen in a way that even Big Blue couldn’t dispute. An application, some pressure and a few favors, and suddenly Lex Luthor was a registered foster parent. Now all he needed to do was find the child and ensure he ended up in his care

Billy doesn’t know what the hell is going on or why Lex Corp is suddenly flooding the streets of Fawcett, but he figures this is as good an excuse as any to punch a billionaire in the face

Que several thousand words of Kevin McAllister level evasion tactics, tomfuckery, stranger danger, weaponized baby face, (attempted) manipulation, a very confused and concerned League, telling Superman to fuck off for wildly different reasons, identity shenanigans, and the slow, begrudging mutual understanding and sort-of respect that Billy and Lex are furious is happening

(Luthor and Billy are locked in a battle of wills and guile while the League stands there like “is Luthor… trying to kidnap a child?? Marvel, are you doing anything about this?? We can help, this seems like a multiple hero situation—“ and Marvel is very nicely telling them to mind their own fucking business. They do not. Billy is mad at everyone except Cyborg, who let Billy know he was coming to Fawcett ahead of time)

One day you suddenly start hearing muffled voices and the amount of them slowly increases. Eventually you find out that they are praying to you and that they are people in stories you have created! Somehow they gained sentience and discovered that you created their world.

Two siblings are raised by abusive and destructive parents, and they only have each other. One day, they try to run away from home only to be abducted by aliens hoping to study humans. The children think the aliens are their guardian angels who will take them on adventures and finally show them love.

Emmett convinced Bella to join him when he switches animals out in his vegetarian diet, determined to see which animals are a best fit for their lifestyle in case they need to move or run. Jasper joins only because Bella convinces him it’s good strategy, not because he wonders what’s closest to human. Carlisle makes them record everything in notebooks and video to send to him.

A vegetarian seafood diet turns their eyes glimmering greens and blues that has them thinking their eyes reflect the enviorment the prey is from.

Animals from the hotter dryer parts of the land turns their eyes shades of reddish brown and grey to mimic the dust and dirt that swirls in tornado’s and wind storms. Jasper comments how armadillo tastes the same as when he was younger.

They visit their cousins and make their way up further settling on purely penguins and the occasional polar bear, it turns their eyes into ice, when the light hits it sparkles as much as their skin.

They dive to the deepest parts of the ocean, the creatures never see them and when they return to land their eyes are a complete glowing red that puts the Volturi’s milk filmed horror to shame.

Batfam: Oh sure we can! (track Jason)

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Bruce: You know you can stay, do you?

Alfred: Indeed, but I'm sure Master Jason might take care of them.