So Close, And Yet, Still So Far

DC just hasn't met me yet

the audacity of the official dc account to even post this 😭

UNCASUAL REMINDER!!!!!!!

if you’re MAGA, if you’re racist, if you’re homophobic, if you’re transphobic, if you’re not a feminist, if you’re not against deportation, if you’re against abortions, if you like the orange man, if you’re pro israel

BLOCK ME RIGHT NOW!!!!

didn’t think i’d have to say it again but ig i do!!

as much as i love angst i do also adore familial league of assassins shit, and since i keep seeing them on my tiktok fyp i cant stop thinking about those videos of idiot teenagers in military training being. teenagers. and thinking of jason and damian. just those two having weird little gimmicks and traditions that confuse the absolute fuck out of the rest of the family from their time at the league.

damian will refer to grapes as ‘assassination implements’ because of that time jason tried to throw one at him, missed, hit ra’s in the back of the head, and to avoid getting out of trouble gaslit him into believing it must have been some kind of dart that hit him from a coup attempt. ra’s went into lockdown and had the entire base searched and jason’s been lying about it for a year, nodding along whenever ra’s brings up the ‘irritating failure that escaped capture’.

nanda parbat had a specific bar that a lot of the assassins would go to when off-duty for a break, but damian wasn’t allowed because talia said he was too young so jason and a couple other loa workers dressed him up in fake facial hair and convinced the bartender he was just a really short old guy to get him in, and since then whenever they talk about something damian’s done that he wasn’t supposed to do they say it was ‘old man brutus’ that did it. bruce has no idea who the fuck brutus is or why two of his sons find his existence so amusing.

whenever the assassins were fucking around on loa grounds they would have a specific low-down gravely tone of voice that when any of them saw talia or ra’s approach, they would use to warn the rest of the group by saying ‘al ghul’ in that tone to indicate everyone had to straighten up and act like they were training. damian can copy that tone perfectly, and will use that voice when saying non-sensical words like ‘ooby-dooby’ and ‘birch tree’ because the tone makes jason instinctively straight up and whirl around like a soldier hearing the word ‘sergeant’. it works every fucking time.

one of damian’s tutors and jason’s mission colleague hated coconut milk with a fucking passion and would rant about it every time it was brought up in conversation. a lot of the guys would take bets on how long she could go talking about it and then purposely brought it up to set her off as a game. every time anyone around the loa base was seen with coconut milk somebody would respond ‘what would eden say if she saw you with that?’. tim dick and bruce do not know who eden is or why they hate coconut milk and at this point they’re too scared to ask.

all im saying is the loa becomes much funnier if we consider it just to be a very strict assassin boarding school that jason attended and damian grew up in.

Going to use this so much

The Complete DICKtionary

Or Robinese (or maybe you prefer the spelling Dick-tionary), whatever floats your boat. I wish people used all of these more often, they’re g-r-e-a-t. Including future slang + defenitions AND when it was first used for your pleasure!

Dick’s “unwords”:

Dick Grayson does NOT like affixes, and creates a-fix for them. Not all of these are opposites of an existing word though, and some are more punny than anything! In alphabetical order they are…

aster — a situation with good circumstance, a good positive experience. Opposite of disaster.

First used in: Schooled (01x05).

In a sentence: “If ‘dislike’ is the opposite of ‘like’, is ‘disaster’ the opposite of ‘aster’?”

concerted* — not worried, calm and composed. Opposite of disconcerted.

First used in: Drop-Zone (01x04)

In a sentence: “This mosquito’s mighty concerted over your pain.”

chalant — displaying anxiety, interest or enthusiasm. Opposite of nonchalant.

First used in: Alpha Male (01x13)

In a sentence: “Be as chalant as you’d like.”

ject** — to get rid off what’s left. 

First used in: Terminus (03x23)

In a sentence: “Now, let’s ject the rest!”

outfiltrate — infiltrating an infiltrator and disposing of them. Opposite of infiltrate.

First used in: Infiltrator (01x06)

In a sentence: “The infiltrators have been out-filtrated!”

renial — refusing to admit the truth or reality of something. Opposite of a being in denial.

First used in: The Pit (tie-in comic issue #11)

In a sentence: “You’re in denial Ra’s, ever though of being in ‘re-nial’ instead?”

sheveled — ordered, kept in a tidy way. Opposite of disheveled.

First used in: The Pendulum (tie-in comic issue #12)

In a sentence: “Really though he’d be a little less sheveled after that.”

turbed — being in a good state of mind or to be calm. Opposite of disturbed.

First used in: Welcome to Happy Harbour (01x03).

In a sentence: “Let’s see if you’re more turbed once we kick your can!”

traught — to stop worrying, to keep calm. Opposite of distraught.

First used in: Homefront (01x12)

In a sentence: “Well, get traught or get dead!”

whelmed*** — being level-headed or experiencing an event that falls neither below or above expectations. A “between word” for underwhelmed and overwhelmed.

First used in: Independence Day (01x01).

In a sentence: “You’re overwhelmed, Freeze was underwhelmed. Why isn’t anyone ever just whelmed?”

Bart’s future slang:

Bart Allen comes from 40 years in the future, and brought back some slang**** (and derivatives) that now everyone uses. Surprisingly, there hasn’t been a time paradox because of this. Yet.

crash — something good, awesome and rebellious.

First time used: Bloodlines (02x06)

In a sentence: “That’s so crash!”

meat — a derogary term for a non-Reach organic lifeform.

First time used: Salvage (02x04)

In a sentence: “Half the meat at Comic-Con is from my era.”

mode — feeling down or being defeated.

First time used: Bloodlines (02x06)

In a sentence: “Feeling the mode.”

Thanks for reading, now go and unleash your inner Dick and Bart to infect your friends with some nonsense blather!

*this is already a real word, not something Dick made up. It is still counted in the DICKtionary though.

**plenty of prefixes would suffice for “ject” (e-, sub-, re-, de-), and all of them are used. Also, Wally was the one who said “ject” first!

***technically, the word “whelmed” serves the same purpose as “overwhelmed”, with the latter being a word that superseded the former. This is apparently NOT the case on Earth-16, as no one actually corrects Dick on it (not even Artemis, who’s a college-level English proffesor). Who knew?

****please note that these words have different meanings depending on who uses them. To the Reach, “crashing the mode” refers to a loss of control or failure. Humans have inverted it, and to them it means success. The future slang defenitions are from the human perspective and it’s thus why it’s reffered to Bart’s future slang.

Sigh looks like I'm going to have to burn my ex's house down...again...

Ghost: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Ghost: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Soap: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

James: f is for friends who do stuff together!

Sirius: u is for you and me!

Both: n is for anywhere and anytime at all here in the deep blue sea!!

Regulus: please drown

James: aww come on Reggie try it

Regulus: no

James: :(((

Regulus: f is for the fire I'm going to set in your dorm room later

Regulus: u is for the uranium bomb I going to plant in your trunk

Regulus: and n is for nobody finding your bodies

James:

Sirius:

James: im so in love

It's so unfair, teach me your ways 🙏😭

✒︎ Scream 1996 Masterlist

Originals:

🖤 "Lick me like a lollipop" (Billy Loomis x GN reader)

🖤 "Lick me like a lollipop" (Part 2)

🖤 "I told you they were witches, man" Scream (1996) x The Craft (1996)

🖤 "I dare you to kiss my Tatum" (Stu Macher x Tatum Riley x Fem Reader)

🖤 "Why me?" (Billy Loomis x Stu Macher x AFAB reader)

🖤 Modern Billy Loomis and Stu Macher concept

🖤 Phone sex with Billy Loomis || Modern Scream concept (AFAB reader x Billy Loomis)

🖤 Dilf! Billy x AFAB reader

Requests

🖤 Poly!Ghostface - Knife play 🗡️ with Billy Loomis and Stu Macher

🖤 Goth reader x Billy Loomis and Stu Macher

🖤 Fem reader who's protective over Billy Loomis and Stu Macher

🖤 Virgin reader x experienced Billy Loomis

🖤 After sex mushy attention for Billy Loomis

🖤 Rough sex with Stu Macher

🖤 Vampire!Billy Loomis and Stu Macher

🖤 Fem reader discovers that Billy Loomis and Stu Macher are the killers

🖤 Fem reader gets Billy Loomis tattooed on her hip

🖤 AFAB reader babied by Billy Loomis and Stu Macher

🖤 Period sex with Billy Loomis

🖤 NSFW Bloger: AFAB reader x Billy Loomis

🖤 You find out your best friend, Stu Macher is the killer, (ft. Billy Loomis)

✒︎ Mini series

🩸Red 🩸 (Complete)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Scream (1996) meets "X" (Ongoing)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

✒︎ Pørn Masterlist

✒︎ Prompt list

If only I had someone to do this for me.. guess I'll stick to my girl dinners

✨Girl Dinner ✨

Simon Riley X Reader

A/N: Not proofread. Will probs go back and edit it. Please don’t throw things at me. xoxo

CW: None

—————————————————————————

If you knew Simon was coming over around dinner time, you would always have a healthy, balanced meal waiting for him. He works so hard and you don’t mind doing this for him. You always made sure to have a protein, starch, vegetable, and a dessert. Need to keep him the big boy he already is. He deserves it, okay!

But what happens when Simon decides to comes by unannounced and he arrives to you having ✨girl dinner✨

Honestly getting hit by a bus might have been better than the day you had at work. Everyone else’s problems somehow became your problem. You swear you work with some of the most incompetent people in your area. You just have to!

No one forecasted rain today either, but here you are soaked almost down to your underwear from the storm. You didn’t think to bring an umbrella and now you are paying the price. Now you are 4 blocks from home, drenched, agitated, hungry, and fucking tired.

Elevator for the win tonight! The thought of going up 4 flights of stairs makes you misty eyed. The hallways to your apartment feels miles longer when you are this tired, but you trudge to the door. Once inside, it’s time for your after work routine. Door locked. Shoes wherever they land. Comfiest pajamas. Latest season of Hell’s Kitchen. Beer in hand. Dinner time!!!!

After staring in your fridge for 10 minutes dissociating to cope with your mundane existence, you grab whatever looks edible and the least amount of work. You finally land on an air fried chicken patty, 3 pieces of swiss cheese, 2 yogurt tubes, a piece of salami, a snack bag of fritos, baby carrots, and half a cucumber. Ah perfect!

You sit down on the couch with a little shoulder shimmy, excited to dig in. As you pick up your chicken patty (uncut and with your fingers because you are not dirtying MORE dishes), three loud knocks reign on your front door. Your left eye twitches for just a moment before you heave a heavy sigh. “I paid my fucking rent.” You say to yourself as you get off the couch. Stomping doesn’t even begin to describe the way your feet the hit floor as you make your way to the door. Sorry Miss. Lutton downstairs!! I’ll have to send her some cookies.

You don’t even look before you swing the door open, ready to cuss out whoever dared to disturb your already horrible day. “What could you possib-“ The word dies in your mouth as your face comes square to your boyfriend’s chest. A chuckle leaves him as he stares down at his little firecracker. You raise your head to look back at him before giving him the most cheesiest, sarcastic smile. “Well hello there handsome. You lost? Why don’t you come on inside and I can help you find your way” You say up to him while putting your hands on your hips and smirking at him. He doesn’t say anything before he shakes his head and sighing. However, the blush on his cheeks doesn’t go unnoticed by you.

You move out of the way as he makes his way in your apartment. He places his boots next to yours and walks his way to your couch. A heavy sigh leaves his mouth as he takes his balaclava off. You smile as you walk toward him and sit down on the couch, giving him your full attention. “So what’s shaking” You bop his nose “Bacon.” He stares at you incredulously. You send a full teeth smile back at him.

“How was work?” He moves on from your weird antics. “Oh the WORST. Samantha would NOT shut up today. I swear to god Brian kept emailing me just to piss me off. We are in the middle of this project and he does 1 thing and then asks what else needs done and-“ You stop talking when you notice his focus is on your plate on the table. “Oh!!! Do you want dinner? I can make something.” You go to get up before two hands pulls you back down onto the couch. A squeak did NOT leave your mouth you do not care what Simon says. (HA)

“What’s all that then?” He points to your untouched beautiful dinner. “My dinner?” You say back in a sarcastic tone “A chicken patty, kids yogurt, 4 baby carrots, half a cucumber, a singular piece of salami, fritos, and 3 slices of cheese. That’s your dinner?” He looks at me with a mix of worry, confusion, and plain humor. “Yes. It’s girl dinner.” You explain back to him. “Girl dinner.” He states back, no real question in his voice. “Yeah. it’s all of the food pyramid. Dairy, meats, veggies, fruit, grains.” You point to each one as you say them. “What’s so wrong?” You look back in confusion. “I’m proud of myself.” You huff before grabbing your plate.

“Lovie. Do you make special meals when I come over?” The slice of swiss cheese in your hand freezes as he says this. “I mean, Yeah. You need a home cooked meal. You deserve a home cooked meal. This is what I normally have.” He stares blankly at you. He stands, says nothing, grabs your plate and takes it to the kitchen. “HEY. I was eating that.” You stand and begin to make your way to the kitchen. “Stop.” You hear and shit yessir. I am stopped.

“Go sit back down.” He says as he grabs pots and pans from the cupboard. “Simon. What are you doing? I am perfectly fine eating my plate I made.” You sit down on the couch and cross your arms. Borderline pouting one would say. “Yeah well i’m not. Sit there and i’ll bring you this when I am done.” You huff and watch television. You hear him mutter to himself periodically. Something along the lines of “the fuck ‘s a girl dinner” and “not eating properly”. 40 minutes, a beer, and an episode of hell’s kitchen later, Simon appears from the kitchen with homemade chicken parmesan, a side salad, and garlic bread. He places the plate on the coffee table and returns to the kitchen to get us drinks. You can’t lie, your stomach starts to grumble at the smell. He returns with 4 beers and places a kiss on the crown of your head before sitting down next to you and mauling his plate.

Okay so maybe girl dinner has NOTHING on something Simon made from. You can come to terms with that. “No more special meals just for me. We will cook together on nights i’m here and i’ll make sure you have enough groceries the other nights i’m not.” You look at him quizzically. “You don’t have to do that.” He stops eating, smiles at you, and kisses your forehead. “Want to.” You smile back at him and settle in to eat your meal, courtesy of the love of your life.

Damn... Maybe I am a man....

things you DO NOT need to be a man

a dick

he/him pronouns

XY chromosomes

things you DO need to be a man

the swiftness of a coursing river

the force of a great typhoon

the strength of a raging fire

the mysteriousness of the dark side of the moon

^this post was brought to you by LGBT^

Let's

Get down to

Business

To defeat the huns

I'M IN LOVE!!! WHY IS IT SO GOOD?! MADE ME SOB AND BLUSH FOR WHAT?!?!😭

/•Harmless Fun Masterlist•\

Ghoap/Reader—Desperate for a place to stay, you answer an ad and become the roommate of two disabled vets.

Part One—You answer an ad

Part Two—You hear too much

Part Three—You smoke with Johnny

Part Four—You get drunk

Part Five—Simon and Johnny talk

Part Six—Everyone comes clean

Part Seven—You kiss Johnny

Part Eight—Everyone watches a movie

Part Nine