I Dont Consider Myself A 'fashion Guru' By Any Means But One Thing I Will Say Is Guys You Dont Need To

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTOWY

CARL MARX

VS

CARL WEEZER

BEGIN

yo i am marx. from kriby, i think captialism is dirby, you areround like a ball which is why you will fall. my beard is large and you sound like simpson marge

yo i am carl from jimmy show [gets hit by orbital bombardment]

What do they put in diet sodas for birds?

Artificial tweeteners!

always remember,

a weed is not a classification of a type of plant,

it only means a plant growing where you dont want it,

but no plant at all, Is a Weed

> send a word in my askbox i’ll respond with a related joke

fern!

you know I don’t think I know enough about them to write a good joke…

I guess I gotta read some fern facts!

@xiaokuer-schmetterling happened uprawn this crabulous post

would it krill you to have a little shrimpathy?

Olive green and mustard yellow and burnt orange are a beautiful, inseparable polycule and they are all making out with each other in my closet.

Can't let British people have air conditioning because first they'd call it something twee like "the climate fixer" and then in 20 years they'll call it "the climb" or "the climmy"

hazbin hotel if i wrote it

gay spider: hey hazbin made a lasagna. 's pretty good.

radio man: it could use some more oregano. [lip smack] not gonna lie.

gay spider: that wasn't an invitation to eat directly from my plate, Nathaniel.

radio man: was the garlic pre-minced? it tastes pre-minced.

gay spider: what does that even mean? how can you taste that?

radio man: the mincing. i dont taste it.

hazbin: heyyy guys i made a lasagna! hows everyone in the hotel my friends!

radio man: oh yeah i saw. im not very hungry right now though.

vagina: i ate. the whole rest of the lasagna.

hazbin: oh my satan really you liked it that much?!

radio man: pre-minced.

vagina: mm?

radio man: the garlic was pre-minced.

vagina: how can you even taste that?

gay spider: that's what i was saying!

Hazbin: haha well i guess i'll have to bake another for vagina but first, we are going to hell-target to have sex in the plus size clothing section.

bartender muppet: how genius! nobody else will be there. except Ronnie the plus sized lesbian pit fiend. a character in this show. she is a "butch lesbian" and smokes cogarettes. she has a "strap"

radio man: William may i have the rest of your lasagna

gay spider: i thought you didn't like it and said you weren't hungry?

radio man: ya. i dont care i wanna eat it.

gay spider: fine. [pushes the plate towards the anthropomorphic jackalope man]

[jump cuts to porn wolf and richard horvitz pouring skim milk into an inflatable pool with enraptured fascination]

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.

In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.

But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.

"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?

"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.

Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?

It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.