Goyohany - Gouo

cocosupernova: 💥Avengers!!!!! 💥Loki on the same flight as me on Business Class!!! The most mesmerising flight ever!!!

You don’t understand, I don’t want any of it anymore. I don’t want happiness or love or success or anything. I need to stop living because that’s the only thing that can make my pain go away. So no, you telling me to wait for good things doesn’t work. Don’t you get it, no matter what happens, it’s always going to hurt.

too much

@/horrifically //  Igor Shcherbakov, Sinichka. (oil on canvas), 2019,  // Nicole Homer, Underbelly // Daniele Valeriani // @serratedpens // Takehiko Inoue, Vagabond illustration

A message to you:

You’re pushing me away and I don’t know what to do. I care about you, I always have and I always will. Do you, do you care about me? You say you do, but then you ignore me. “I’m that way with everyone” you say, but there you are laughing, having a thirty minute conversation with another. When I try to talk to you, you barely respond; you brush me off. You’re someone I thought I’d know forever, but there you go slipping away from me. Although I’m fully capable, I don’t understand and I don’t think I ever will - because you’ll never tell me. Inseparable one minute, barely talking the next; oh, how the times change. I’d do anything to help you, and I’ve proven that. Once things got better for you, do you leave behind the ones who have helped you in the process? Is that what this is? You should surely be able to clear this up, but you won’t.

I’ve hurt my self to help you. I’ve made sacrifices to be there for you. Is that not enough? Is wanting what’s best for someone 24/7 not enough? I never asked for anything in return but honesty. This is didn’t even get.

So it’s been almost a month since you last texted me first to talk. And I realized that I shouldn’t have to question if you still want to be my friend or not. So our friendship is in your hands. Take care of it or don’t; I don’t care anymore. I love you and I’ll miss you and our close friendship but I’ve learned where I hold myself as a person. And I will never beg for someone’s attention, I will never force a friendship, and I will never keep myself in a toxic one-sided relationship. I’ve made the effort, now it’s your turn. I’ve shown you that I care, prove to me you do too. Nurture our friendship back to good health, if I really mean that much to you like you say.

I care too much about people. People take advantage of this. I get used; my feelings abused. Hopefully you won’t do the same.

There’s a chance you’ll see this but a very strong one you won’t (I assume you don’t pay attention to me as much as I do to you). If you do see this, you’ll know this is about you. I want you to see this, in fact I’ll be happy if you do.

Do what you want; it’s your life. But don’t you ever say I was the one who drifted away from you or that I was never there for you. I was, however you wernt. I still want to be friends, but a friendship can’t work if it’s only one way. At the end of the day, if you wanted to be my friend, you’d be acting like it.

- Your “Friend”

I just listened to an interview with the Russo brothers and have learned two things:

1. They’re terrible writers. 

They apparently can’t figure how to give a character growth aside from making them lose everything first, which you’ll notice is an overused trope most often utilized by “mary-sue” writers who can’t come up with anything creative and end up resorting to the classic “Look at their ridiculously tragic past!” in order to spur the character’s actions forward. The Russo brothers admitted to liking this about Cap (him having lost everything), and since they were now writing for Thor, thought that they’d do the exact same thing with him. So, they killed Loki to motivate Thor, because apparently they couldn’t think of anything better to do. 

2. They’re hypocrites. 

They also claimed to have killed off Loki because Tom Hiddleston was “aging” and apparently too old to continue playing Loki. So, what about Chris then? Apparently it’s okay to keep one aging “god”, but two is pushing the limit? The logic there makes zero sense whatsoever.

And honestly, that also points toward how very not-creative they are as writers, as well. The assumption that the only good ending is a tragic one, rather than a more emotionally satisfying happy one, is lazy writing at it’s finest.

—

Let’s be real, though. They just hate Loki. That’s it. One of them said “No resurrections this time” when Loki’s multiple deaths were brought up, and you could tell by the smug satisfaction and humor in his voice, that it fucking pleases them to have killed off this character.

Dear diary... (Trigger warning)

At 13, I hoped I would never turn 15.

At 15, I hoped I would never turn 18.

At 18 I thought that would be it. I thought I would be dead before I got to see another year.

I never wanted to make it this far.

Now I'm about to turn 20...

I hate the fact I'm still alive. I hate that after so many years of wanting to be dead, and actually trying to die, I made it to this point.

I feel so lost now. I never wanted to live this long. But I'm stuck in this world. I could never find a way out in all those years, and now I'm doomed to keep living a life I never wanted.

I wanted to die. But I'm so useless I couldn't even get that right.

“And today, I sat in my car alone in the empty parking lot and cried. I cried for the girl I was at 9, I cried for the girl I was at 13, I cried for the girl I was at 16, and I cried for the girl I am today. I shed tears for the versions of me that were killed and born out of necessity, out of survival. I know I am not responsible for the hurt people bestowed me, but I am the one who bears the consequences of other’s failures. I am the one who knows how much blood was spilled, and I am the one who sees the scars that were left on my skin as a reminder of what happens to vulnerability. I am the only one who mourns what other people killed in me.”

-n.c. // grief

“But I have seen the best of you and the worst of you, and I choose both.”

— Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye (via purplebuddhaquotes)

i look at you and i don’t want to admit that what we were has died somewhere, in between missed messages and long pauses and brief kisses. i want to go back to where we were happy and honeymooning, our fingers always so in awe of each other’s bodies, our mouths hungry, endlessly searching for ways to make the other person happy. i hate knowing it all adds up to nothing. that we can be in love but in the end we’re two people who are walking towards different highways. i tell you i think we’re crumbling but we both avert our eyes. it’s not polite to stare at tragedy. i kiss you and keep a countdown and know you’re here but you’re already leaving.