Imagine...

i like my men pathetic with long messy hair

Tatta

chishiya, arisu, and niragi - their effects on me as someone who experienced severe depression

chishiya’s little confession to arisu always fucking gets me. call me selfish little shit all you want but i relate to him, niragi, and arisu so much. that realization and my connection to these three led to the alteration of my brain chemistry that literally ended up saving me from committing suicide.

because he was actually so fucking real i don’t care what you guys say. i lived so much of my life depressed wondering what the fuck was wrong with me (being autistic and having emotionally abusive & neglectful parents did NOT help with this), and hearing him talk about being small-minded and jealous and being always afraid just hit home. i was so jealous of everyone around me who just hit every little thing in life like it was a home run because when you become depressed at 8 and it doesn’t go away for a LONG time you start to be so fucking pissed about people who celebrate their every move. i pitied it but in reality i was just jealous because they all had that little life in them, that HUMANITY that i never experienced.

niragis whole character hit home like crazy for me. because of my inability to fit in with others i was bullied a lot by my classmates and picked on for what felt like no reason at all. i was, of course, jealous (which i refused to admit) and it drove me insane. i started to become the person i never wanted to be because the hatred drove me so fucking crazy i started to think i either had something seriously wrong with me or they made something seriously wrong with me and either way i was going to revel in it because there would be no fixing for someone like me. niragi hit extremely hard for me during this time, call me psychopath or whatever the fuck but i seriously related so much. he was just like me and it was comforting because even though he was so terrible it made me feel less alone.

finally, ep 8 of s2 when it was flashing back to his father asking him what his purpose in life was with that DEPRESSING ASS SONG in the background while he sobbed saying he doesn’t deserve to live broke me. that was the last fucking straw. all my selfishness and jealousy and anger and HATRED for everyone else just crumbled down on me and i didn’t want to live anymore because i felt like a selfish waste of space. it hurt and it hurt BAD. it was like somebody just took a knife, stabbed me straight in the heart a twisted a full 360.

these were very relatable characters for me, and i know i seem like an asshole for it, i don’t care. thats what real mental illness and effects of neglect / bullying / discouragement / everything looks like. they genuinely make me sob every time i see them because they’re actually me i see them and suddenly im that same scared little boy again. to this day those fireworks are STILL my favorite thing in the world and they mean everything to me. that was the scene that convinced me not to do it.

'25 GEN AIB and the controversy around SHIPPING.

If you've ever been in a fandom, which you certainly have if you're on tumblr, then you know that one of the biggest things that makes a fandom is shipping. Whether it be adored by the fandom, shut away in some locked up corner online, or frowned upon, almost every fandom has shipping. And Alice in Borderland is no stranger to the concept.

<> NOTICE : Nothing that I say in this post is meant to offend, harm, or attack anyone. This is simply an informational post sharing my opinion on current controversies in the fandom.

IT'S THE BASIC OUTCOME OF A FANDOM.. : Alice in Borderland has been around for almost 15 YEARS NOW. No matter how long ago you joined the fandom, whether you've been here since it's first manga release or since this year's borderland revival, if you may, on TikTok, you already know shipping is HUGE in this fandom. Which means an outrageous amount of stupid arguments over which characters are more compatible than others. Perhaps the most frustrating part of the new gen of AIB fans (I say this because I personally and most of those similar to me have been here for around 4 years) is the shipping. Now, don't take this the wrong way. I am all for shipping- if you already know me, then you would know that a large chunk of this account is based on an AIB ship. Shipping becomes a problem when people in the fandom begin arguing over which ship is better and full on attacking each other over it. I say this referring to the uprise of Chippei (Chishiya Shuntaro / Ippei Oki) and Nishiya (Niragi Suguru / Chishiya Shuntaro) and the new fandom's growing rivalry regarding these 2 ships. I have literally seen Chippei lovers tell Nishiya fans that they HATE THEM and even tell them to kms over them preferring Nishiya, or just for not liking Chippei. A portion of Nishiya shippers aren't saints either. This behavior is EXTREMELY immature. And it isn't only between these two, but it's mainly between these two. As a fandom we should respect each other, whether or not we agree with each other's opinions. Nishiya shippers who act immaturely back to the shippers who disagree whether they be Chippei, Chirisu, Niratatta, etc, make me feel ashamed to be a Nishiya shipper. WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU DISAGREE WITH A SHIP ? : : If you disagree with a ship you should simply scroll away. It's that simple. I personally have STRONG opinions towards Niratatta, but you will NEVER catch me telling someone who ships the two to do bad things to themselves or other kinds of hate speech. If you are in a conversation with someone who ships something different from you, you can simply say, "I personally don't ship them / don't agree with the ship, but it's a cool concept! I'm glad you enjoy it!" And go along with your day. It's THAT simple to be a normal human being and respectful member of your fandom, whether its Alice in Borderland or not. If someone is being disrespectful or crude towards you for your ship, don't reciprocate the behavior. Simply ignore them, and if they don't stop, block them. You should NEVER reply with rude remarks in return.

And, that concludes my rant. To anyone in this fandom, or any fandom for that matter, that already behaves in a respectful manner, props to you. Keep doing what you're doing !! You make your fandom a much better place when you treat others nicely :)) See you next rant !! Bye bye !

can a therapist explain why my emotions from my ex fucking me while i was js laying there limp and crying makes me feel correlated to niragi

sorry ive been gone for so long lol

ove been gone a while and it will probably be an even longer while. it turns out liking people when u have axnious attachment is REALLY bad and now i spend most of my evenings practicing piano or etching his name into a red candle and praying over it like my life depends on it i also recently discovered good weed as after my terrible experience of snooping through the freezer for my dads homemade shit during an anxiety attack scarred me. that strawberry shem hit MAD dawg omg i was metling away lolololololol maybe ill write smthn abt it. everything always turns into smthn i write bc i refuse to get hurt for nothing. all damage is good in my hands bc sometimes the assault is good and sometimes the insane urge to high is good and sometimes the abuse is good and sometimes the irrestable eye gleam that boy gives me at our concert as if he didnt js blck me is good bc i can turn it into art. and speaking of art center marimba got butt dumped on me so now im losing even more freedom from pressure in my arts and i wont even have my big brother there to help me throhg it bc hes gradiating. and big sister cam is graduating and jammy is go bue bye aghhhhhhh its all so sad yk sometimes i like purposelu let myself get hurt or i pirposelu hurt myself emotionally so i can write better. my best work comes when im sad bc i can onlu write sad things well bc how the fuck am i suppsied to write abt sunshine and rainbows and loving relationships when my ever so shitty eyesight is blacking out so everything looks dark and the only rainbows i see are when im saying i hate fags as i write poetry abt my unreauited love for this boy abd theres no loving relationshios cb the last relationship i got FUCKED but its ok bc the dmaga eis good gys i am making art from ut u already saw the shit i did back in february i write ffrom experience so my work is accurate. terribke things arent visualized in my work they are experuenced and thrown onto the page like it will be my last. ad then ppl tell mei should get hep and i should go ti the pyschward like hahaha so funny even if i wanted to i couldnt bc my parents dgaf im literally js a kid. im co28 i should be worring abt like my grades (whch i do) and like playinf valorant or whatever teen boys do. but nof this is mu life but eah my bad for being gone gangalang see yall idk when i js wanted to update my life everythign is great

“god, you’re so pretentious.” niragi retorts, shifting to elbow-butt the blonde to the side. the action is clearly playful, yet there’s a hint of genuineness in the shove- despite his sudden, rare sweetness, niragi still has half a mind to play a sort of deceitful game with him. honesty is typically NEVER fun for the raven; unless he gets a little entertainment out of it, of course..

seriously, what a stubborn, stubborn man.

“is that so?” chishiya’s back to his side now. well, not COMPLETELY to his side, but they’re pretty damn tight. niragi’s just a head turn away. there’s a faint smirk growing on his face, mischievous and condescending. “i think you like that.” niragi scoffs, turning sharp to face him with a hard thump of his feet ricocheting throughout the empty hallway. his knuckles fold around the chest of chishiya’s jacket- it’s not as much as he hopes for, but it’s a start. a tempting, curious promise. 

“you know, you shouldn’t wear your proclaimed OBNOXIOUSNESS like a badge of honor.”

chishiya’s ‘faint smirk’ has curled into an involuntary grin, just barely shuffling himself further into niragi’s grasp. a cold hand lifts up to slink around one of the raven’s wrists and niragi swears there’s a soft burn where his palm rests. he stares possessively down at him. 

“if it’s proclaimed by you? ill take it with pleasure.”

the words slide off his lips with that stupid, smug smile he prides himself on. niragi’s vaguely OFFENDED, though, he understands the feeling of the blonde’s awfully cold hands against his is a rarity he’s not willing to risk losing with the threat that hangs on the tip of his tongue. 

with an exasperated sigh, he swallows the cocky remark before he shifts his grip to chishiya’s hood, YANKING him down the corridor. 

there’s other ways for him to put him in his place.

The term 'ship' is too vague. I don't think they should date i think they should be fucking regularly. I don't think they should date i think they should yearn for eachother endlessly but never have it be requited. I don't think they should date i think they should kiss one night and never talk about it again. I don't think they should date i think they should hate eachother so much that it turns into bottled up lust. I don't think they should date i think one of them should have a one-sided crush on the other. I don't think they should date i think they should have a situationship that ruins their lives. I don't think they should date i think they should stab eachother

does he even know hes alive

audience declares artist made man too silly, artist pleads who cares?

i think chishiya just has a soft spot for pathetic dorks. arisu ryohei? literally changed his perspective on life. ippei oki? adopted on sight.