I-eat-laundry-detergent - Bals

Word Vomit

This won’t make sense but I just need to ramble to calm down. Warnings: I don’t know I think this is anxiety but it’s so oddly specific and I don’t know why but I just can’t and I don’t think anyone will relate to this but if you do I’d like to know how you cope with it because this is killing me

Sleep won’t come.

Tossing and turning and tossing and turning. Your head aches. You force your eyes shut. They open back up immediately without hesitance.

No side of the bed feels safe.

It’s too stuffy. But blankets are required. Blankets provide weight and warmth no matter how suffocating they may be. If one is present, then no other being can be. It’s faulty reasoning.

Any childhood fear is real once it’s dark. No soothing songs or mental tricks can change what your mind has already deemed as a threat.

A Thing lurks below the mattress. Silent and present. It will stab through the fabric and cushioning. It’ll pierce right through your stomach. Try to wiggle out of its all-knowing gaze. It can see through the mattress, so it’s all pointless. It’s meaningless.

You can feel a finger from below gently prodding at your side, because if you’re on your side then that’s less of a target for the Thing to be able to hit. It’s like it lives inside your mattress. Maybe it will press its face just where your pillow lays and lift you up just a bit. So you know it is there.

Feel it? Feel it pushing more of its body through the mattress? It’s from halfway down your ribs to just past your waist. Feel it? It’s pressing upwards. Feel it?

On your other side, the side that is facing the ceiling, the blanket has suddenly become heavy. Only that side. Only that side. It’s heavy. It’s heavy. It’s like another hand is pressing down. It presses down.

Feel your chest closing in? It’s tightening. It’s constricting. Breathe in. Remember to breathe. Slow. Slow and steady. Be quiet. Be silent. Breathe. Be silent.

Reduce your line of sight. Focus on the light in front of you. There’s nothing else. It’s quiet. It’s there. It’s still heavy. It’s still pressing upwards. It’s quiet.

Are you numb now? From the waist down? Move. Don’t move. Moving. Turn to your other side. Do it now.

Music doesn’t help. Turn it off. Quiet. It’s quiet.

It’s not pressing into you anymore. Your eyes burn. Try to sleep again.

Try again.

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Thank you so much 4 the invite @burned-out-match !! Tag games are so fun :)

hardcover or paperback? bookstore or library? bookmark or receipt? stand alone or series? nonfiction or fiction? thriller or fantasy? under 300 pages or over 300 pages? children’s or ya? friends to lovers or enemies to lovers? read in bed or read on the couch? read at night or read in the morning? keep pristine or markup? cracked spine or dog ear?

I'd like to invite @jacuzziwaters @a-wandering-fangirl @thatonerandomsimpinthecorner

A wonderful tag game courtesy of @fluffyyymocha!! Sorry it took so long to post :((

hardcover or paperback? bookstore or library? bookmark or receipt? stand alone or series? nonfiction or fiction? thriller or fantasy? under 300 pages or over 300 pages? children’s or ya? friends to lovers or enemies to lovers? read in bed or read on the couch? read at night or read in the morning? keep pristine or markup? cracked spine or dog ear?

@frogrye @i-am-the-chair @smokipoki @aimixx @yuurionviktor @wistymisteria @sylviethefox @ttamatowne @veenxys @sourlemonsodass @hisoka-lost-gon @onthemccn @i-eat-laundry-detergent @lyricalwandering

i do not have the strength to block all the bots. welcome ladies make yourselves at home i guess. im a feminist

these 4 goobers!

today is not my birthday

Reblog this if today isn't your birthday

My phones dying :(