Dogs Will Be Like. Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark. And You'll Be Like. What. And They'll Be Like. There's A

little pumpkin thief

I can smell the sheer pain of frozen runny nostrils, watery eyes, cold wet boots, foggy vision and numb hands😭

via

a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes

text your landlord

remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response

briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada

remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 

look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”

remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you

enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday

order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.

exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.

return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open

back up

ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead

release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it

you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways

the door swings open

run up the stairs

open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat

cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home

write tumblr post

when you really want a Spider-punk poster and realized you are an artist and can just make one

A/N: This is gonna be very self indulgent. Also I've never written headcanons before so bare with me. Also disabled was too wide of a field so I narrowed it down to just joint issues/chronic pain.

Hobie With a Disabled S/O or Friend:

I can definitely see him helping you decorate your mobility aids with different cpunk slogans. Much to the dismay of your family.

"Oh honey you got a new sticker on your cane, what does it say?"

"Big Pharma can suck my dick."

"Oh....that's nice."

His hands are probably rough but I guarantee you that this man gives the best massages. You just tell him what's hurting and he's got you.

If you're having a bad pain day and you don't feel like moving he'll bring you what you need and just vibe with you in bed all day.

"Don't you have to go into HQ today?"

"And leave you here to fend for yourself? Come off it luv."

Always keeps some sort of pain reliever on hand whether it's medicine or homemade ice/heat packs.

He steals your medicine for you if you can't afford it. (Honestly he probably still does even if you can. People should never have to pay so that they don't suffer.)

Definitely helps you on your wash days when your joint pain flares up.

Despite him and his damn long legs he makes sure to match your pace when you both walk together.

He'll side eye you at first but he'd carry you if you asked him too (this is for me)

"Hobie please? My ankles hurt. It'll just for a couple minutes." 🥺

"Luv we could just sit down and rest for a minute if you're in pain."

"And here I thought that Spiderman was supposed to be strong. It's fine. I'll ju-"

He picks you up and slings you over his shoulders like a sack of potatos.

"This isn't what I meant and you know it."

He laughs and then he carries you correctly.

Actively advocates with you for your needs and rights.

Also after he introduces you to Sun Spider y'all become close friends who exchange tips.

E/N: I spent most of my time watching YouTube videos of the same clips of Hobie from the movie over and over again instead of writing this so yay. Hope you like and reblog this. Might write some more idk.

Robot Anatomy portrait DYTTO (Popping and tutting dancer)

i do not have the strength to block all the bots. welcome ladies make yourselves at home i guess. im a feminist

Seedless Watermelon

Lemons.