Ilovebirthdayspartis - Untitled

this is the highest weight I'll ever be.

say it with me:

this is the highest weight I'll EVER be.

the only way the number can go is down.

꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡

I lied put your clothes back on. I don't know how to fuck and I'm scared

butches were made to be kissed on the forehead and cuddled

suggestive content. fluff. weed usage (reader + abby). extremely corny jokes.

the earthy aroma of pine and skunk fills the air; a puff of marijuana leaving your lips. the feeling of tranquility washes over you, pulling you into a deep state of relaxation. you used weed as a getaway, something to calm you when times get too rough. 

abby, on the other hand, has always been against using any sort of drug. she claims it’ll slow her down, kill her motivation of striving to be better. sure, she’s had a drink before or a hit off of manny’s joint, but never anything more than that. for the most part, she was stone cold sober. 

yet, she can’t get rid of that gnawing curiosity in her head. when she sees the way it affects you—how calm and serene you become, she wonders if it’ll give her that same effect. so, abby decided today was the day. the day she’ll finally get high.

she walked into the shared bedroom with confidence: shoulders back, chest high. exhaling a large breath she says, “i want—i want to try it.” 

you look up from your phone with a raised brow. “try what, babe?” 

“what you’re smoking, uh, weed.” she mutters the last part, looking off to the side like an embarrassed dog. 

you tilt your head, a smug smile spreading across your face. abby scoffs at your expression, rolling her eyes, and opening her mouth to defend her claim; you stop her before she does. “alright, c’mere.” 

she takes a deep breath and walks over to the plush bed. her body plops down beside you, the weight denting the mattress. you prop your feet onto her lap, your head leaning against the headboard. 

you take one last hit from the roll before you pass it over to her. abby examines it closely, flipping it around like she’s trying to figure out exactly what’s inside. a laugh escapes you at her curiosity, and she grunts in return.

“so… do i just?” she brings it to her lips, wrapping them around it. you give her a nod of confirmation, and watch her inhale the substance. 

a couple seconds later, you pull the joint from her. not wanting to give her an intense high especially since she’s been sober for a while. abby coughs aggressively, so aggressive that it brings tears to her eyes. 

you give her two pats on the back until she calms down, handing her a cup of water. she accepts it immediately, nearly chugging down the whole glass. “you okay?” you question. it’s hard to hide the slight smile breaking through, but you bite down on your bottom lip to conceal it. 

abby nods with a shaky exhale, looking over at you with half-lidded eyes. “already? jeez, baby.” you mutter, more to yourself than her. your hand cups her jaw, caressing her cheekbone as you watch the white in her eyes fade to a baby pink.

it’s silent for a couple moments, you find yourself tuned into the cartoon show playing on the television. your eyes wander down to the joint sitting in abby’s forefingers—the same girl who’s been staring at a wall for the pass two minutes. 

“abs, abby.” you say calmly, carefully taking the roll from her fingers and sitting it on a tray. she turns her head to you in slow motion, and it takes everything in you to not burst out with laughter. 

“huh?” she says it short, quick. it carries the same tone of ‘the lights are on, but nobodies home.’

“you okay over there?” you stifle a laugh, smoothing your fingers over her knuckles.

“yeah, m’ alright.” her words come out squished together and jumbled, eyes intently watching your finger swipe against her hand. “man, you got some nice fingers.” 

she wasn’t supposed to say that out loud. matter of fact, she probably didn’t realize she did. your breath hitches at her words, a wave of confusion comes over you, unsure of how to accept that compliment. 

it’s quiet again, but this time it’s different. abby has a puzzled expression on her face, like she’s trying to solve the world’s most difficult math equation. before you could ask her what’s wrong to you, she’s already parting her lips to speak. 

“wait, so, if two vegans get into a fight… is it still considered beef?” her question hangs in the air, letting it sink into your intoxicated head. 

“no, abby, what the hell are you talking about?” 

“wait no, no, no. it’d be called a fuckin’, uh.. a fuckin’ tofu tussle!” she snaps her fingers, making a click noise with her mouth. you double over in laughter at abby’s stupidity, and your mind instantly comes up with a meaningless pun. 

“okay, but if a tomato is a fruit, does that make ketchup a smoothie?” you make a mmm noise to add a sarcastic layer of curiosity. for a second, it makes her wonder. she takes a while to actually decide is it a smoothie? eventually, she gives up. already spewing out another horrible joke. 

“wait i got one.” she pauses to clear her throat, crossing her legs and turning to face you. “why don’t eggs tell each other secrets?” 

“i dunno, why?” you try to maintain a serious expression, but you already feel the smile creeping on your face. 

“‘cause they’re gonna crack under pressure!” abby slaps her knee like a dad, poking at your shoulder to ensure the joke. you both fall over laughing, your heads bumping together in the process. 

the night blurred into a haze of laughter and bad jokes, the two of you tangled up on the bed, giggling at everything and nothing. you could tell the high hit her hard, but she looked so damn peaceful, like every ounce of tension had melted off her bones.

“hey,” she whispered, blinking slowly up at you, “what’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?”

you blinked, already bracing for it. “what?”

“one has snowballs.”

“pretty fish.”

- some dykes hopefully.

untouchable famous!reader who has a pristine reputation and is known for being “hard to get” (more like hard to earn) x famous character who somehow manages to charm you. except, when he’s trying to take you back to his mansion, he’s kind of drunk and convinces you to play driver and to just take his sports car and he’ll give u the directions. he fails to tell you that his sports car is a stick shift. you’ve never driven a manual car before.

so here you are, in a cute dress and high heels, learning how to drive stick in an expensive car, at night, and your driving instructor is drunk. then he has the nerve to FORGET WHERE HE LIVES, so you end up taking him back to your place. whatever. the night is still somewhat salvageable. not only do you have to haul his large body inside, he still wants to get freaky with you. too bad he’s clumsy and overexcited and his zipper gets caught on the fabric of his boxers. fantastic. mood = officially killed. when you go to the bathroom to freshen up and return to kick him out, he’s already passed out on your bed. as annoyed as you are with him, he’s kind of cute when he’s sleeping so you leave him be. the next morning, he wakes up and is like “did we have sex?”

you roll your eyes, tossing him a disposable toothbrush. he follows you to the bathroom and is presumably gonna start brushing his teeth right next to you, which is oddly domestic.

idk, just something abt reader being the stoic, unreadable one and character being the bumbling lovable idiot who keeps trying to make it up to you and hilariously fails every time but you find him endearing so you continue to let him “bother” you!!!!

ETERNAL SUNSHINE DELUXE SOON EVERYONE STOP

I dont want to look like a skeleton, i want to look healthy. I dont want people to ask me of I’m okay, i want them to ask for my workout routine

i’m free on thursday if you wanna start a toxic codependent thing