I’M JUST A TEENAGE DIRTBAG, BABY!

I’M JUST A TEENAGE DIRTBAG, BABY!

LOSER! abby anderson, ellie williams, dina, vi

contains: fluff and suggestive content. about 4-5 headcanons for each character.

ABBY ANDERSON

: ̗̀➛ loser!abby has horrific handwriting, some may even call it the ‘doctor’s handwriting. the majority of her notes look like she fell asleep while writing them, yet she manages to keep them so organized. she doesn’t care about her penmanship, until you’re squinting and asking, “what does this say?” then, she has to admit she doesn’t really know either. 

: ̗̀➛ loser!abby who talks to herself when she’s searching for something. pacing around the apartment repeating, “if i were my car keys… where would i be?” she’d even pause to rest her chin between her pointer and thumb, looking up to ceiling as if it’ll give her clues. she’ll also say “aha! gotcha!” when she finally finds it. i don’t make the rules. 

: ̗̀➛ loser!abby is not as subtle as she thinks she is. the two of you are headed to the movies for a date, and as much as she liked to ball out on snacks for you, these prices are no joke. so, she decides to stuff 3 family-sized bags of chips in her jacket, and about 4 bags of candy in her pockets. the ticket attendant scoffs at abby’s weirdly shaped body, and the obvious crinkle of her snacks. nonetheless, she lets you both in with an eye roll. abby’ll look over at you with a smirk claiming, “see, they never even knew.” 

: ̗̀➛ she’s horrible at small talk. at first, it’d start off strong, asking something like, “how’s it going?” then, she’ll forget to follow up, so she’ll start saying her thoughts out loud. “man, it’s hot outside today.” or “i wonder what the dogs are up to today.” 

: ̗̀➛ loser!abby can be overly competitive about the dumbest stuff. it could be rock-paper-scissors, who could fit the most marshmallows in their mouth, or even who can get the most high fives in a day.

ELLIE WILLIAMS

: ̗̀➛ loser!ellie who still uses her fingers to count. it was something she never grew out of, and in her defense, she was always correct when she used it. 

: ̗̀➛ loser!ellie who tries way too hard to be cool. she’ll wear those same scribbled on, beat up converse because she thinks it’ll give her a punk edge. never mind the soles flopping off with every step she takes, it doesn’t bother her one bit. she’ll also quote niche movies or lines in a game, and when you don’t get it, she’ll act like you’re the dumb one. 

: ̗̀➛ loser!ellie who gets way too emotional when it comes to games. she could be flat out cheating during uno, but if she doesn’t woman, her whole world turns upside down. 

: ̗̀➛ loser!ellie who talks big, but can’t own up to it. she’ll boasts about the way nothing bothers her, and how things are never that serious. but the moment someone looks at for a minute too long, her mind starts racing with ‘what ifs.’

: ̗̀➛ loser!ellie who will dedicate her entire day to doing trick shots. she’ll spend about 10 minutes trying to perfect a bottle flip, and when she does, she’s cheering so loud it causes a disturbance to everyone outside. 

DINA

: ̗̀➛ loser!dina who can’t go a day without quoting a vine. she’ll look you dead in the eye when saying one, and when nobody laughs, she’s still doubling over with laughter. oh, and don’t let her see a potato with a ceiling fan in the same room. you’ll completely forget what silence sounds like.

: ̗̀➛ loser!dina who sings everything instead of saying it. she refuses to say anything normally singing, “i’m hungryyy,” with a jingle, and it’ll intensify if you tell her to stop. especially, if ellie is around to badly harmonize with her. 

: ̗̀➛ loser!dina who starts fake arguments over things people deem as pointless, but mean the most to her. she’ll absolutely flip out if you bring up the pineapple on pizza debate, and you best believe she’s got statistics to back her up. 

: ̗̀➛ loser!dina who’ll start doing a really bad impression of you if you piss her off. she’s so quick to mimic your mannerisms, and anything you say she’ll immediately parrot it. 

VI

: ̗̀➛ loser!vi who fake boxes you whenever she see you, or she’ll throw light punches on your shoulder. it’s never hard enough to hurt you though, and it’s only for ‘practice.’

: ̗̀➛ loser!vi who refuses to pronounce words properly. even if you correct her, she’ll still say it the way she wants to. there’s been numerous occasions where she’ll say shark-coochery instead of charcuterie. 

: ̗̀➛ loser!vi who gets extremely flustered when complimented. she’ll try to brush it off with an eye roll, but she can’t hide the blush creeping upon her neck. 

: ̗̀➛ loser!vi who fights a vending machine instead of asking for help. the poor thing has to deal with vi’s hard punches instead of a little shaking. shouldn’t have ate her quarters.