Besties I Don't Think We Can Sha-la-la Our Way Out Of This One

hear me out. what if I made a giant post with a comprehensive history of the american men’s tennis curse. no one asked for it or wants it. but it might be fun

I truly mean this in the most affectionate way but I feel like lando near exclusively listens to phonk and tiktok edit audios. like pre race he's sat, airpods in listening to that audio that's like "I Can't Stop Winning! I Can't Stop Winning! I Can't Stop Winning!" and honestly.. good 4 him.

life is so good when ur reading a book and taking it w u everywhere like your little child

the funniest thung about all of this is how neither oscar nor lando reacted in front of the media like they expected them to. like no passive aggressive comments no cap throwing nothing.

i’m still fuming actually because if mclaren thought about their strategy, they’d realise that lando did the right thing. lando created a hell of a gap, got those two papaya cars right at the front and away from max and lewis. and then gave the position back. that saved the race for both of them.

oscar admitted himself he didn’t have the pace that lando did. if lando had given the position back as early as they told him to, they’d have both had to slow down for the last 20 laps and would have put themselves in a vulnerable position. max was driving like a maniac lmao and lewis was going steady. they probably would have caught them - or at least tried to, and mclaren would have lost time defending.

once again mclaren pitwall has made me want to pull my hair out.

don’t even get me started on the guilt tripping and the gaslighting over that team radio…

lando we know you’ll do the right thing 🥺 lando i’m trying to protect you 🥺 lando you need the team to win a championship 🥺

you wouldn’t HAVE to tell him to give the position back if you got the strategy right in the first place!! wake up!! you’ve thrown away like 4 race wins this season!! I don’t blame lando for giving them a scare - good for him actually. maybe the only way they’ll make a change is if they get made to feel a little uncomfortable.

a mclaren 1-2, which should feel ecstatic, instead feels… kind of sad? a bit infuriating? which should tell mclaren everything in itself.

Apples are so fucked up you can get two from the same pile ans one tastes more like an apple than anything youve ever eaten and the other tastes like water poisoned by pharaohs

scenes that should be included in the brad pitt f1 film

(for legal purposes this is a joke, no one should support this film)

60 year old  brad pitt has to do the mandatory driver fitness test and almost collapses at the cardio. 28 year old carlos sainz does it next to him without hesitation or struggle two weeks after an appendectomy whilst wearing a mesh shirt

alex albon’s radio message calling brad pitt an ancient fuck after cutting the corner to smash the williams out of the way

leo leclerc and/or roscoe shitting next to brad pitt’s feet

damson idris’s character saying fernando’s “I knew he would brake because he has a wife and two children at home” quote. the wife and children will never be mentioned again or seen on screen. the romance will be exclusively between 60 year old brad pitt and the engineer woman half his age

damson idris’s character tweeting ocon’s my teammate tried to kill me but I survived tweet before getting drunk with a billionaire’s son

brad pitt attends a team principal’s meeting that goes oddly silent the moment that he walks in and three of the other team bosses immediately begin speaking to each other in italian. zak brown gives a sympathetic look but turns away, andreas seidl sniggers in german

four drivers call out brad and damson idris for their bullshit driving during the drivers’ briefing romain grosjean head of the gpda style. george russell ends the meeting with a powerpoint explaining to them why they are assholes

brad and damson idris have an emotional bonding moment where 60 year old brad reminds 32 year old damson idris that he is still young, still a rookie, and he has plenty of time to develop as, I assume, the lewis hamilton character insert despite lewis actually being in the film??? in the background kimi antonelli scooters past on his way to get a bath and bottle because it’s nearly his bedtime

k-mag hands over his stewards room loyalty card to brad pitt who gets a race ban

triumphant moment where the team finally scores a podium but the post-race inspection reveals that their car is wildly illegal and they are disqualified

stefano domenicali enthusiastically welcomes the american audience that brad pitt’s team brings, ross brawn is sat next to him listing off the many ways that their car does not comply with the fia’s safety standards

brad pitt and damson idris are battling for their lives at the back of the grid, max verstappen laps them

the engineer woman describes speed in kilometres. brad pitt tells her to explain it in “english”

a hilariously corrupt Italian businessman who bears absolutely no resemblance to flavio briatore none at all says something hilariously corrupt at a sponsor meeting. brad pitt nobly rises above it

fernando alonso sniffing plants in the background of every other scene

a blonde reporter/presenter has sexual tension with damson idris. when brad pitt asks who she is, he simply says “a girl I used to know” and looks longingly in the distance

michael and/or mario andretti with an axe demanding to know why it’s okay for brad pitt to have an 11th f1 team but not him, even though the andretti name is incredibly well respected in the motorsports world

on Friday a boy of eighteen and FIVE DAYS will drive a Mercedes in front of his entire country, family, and the team that raised him. And all i have to say is…is he okay right now?