Defines All Of My Failed Relationships Of My Adolescence And Early Adult Life. So Glad I Finally Grew

You kids today with your “cloud computers” and your “Googly Docs”…

Your body makes you sexy. Your smile makes you pretty. But your personality makes you beautiful.

Rihann & Chris Brown Re-uniting

Its kinda beginning to piss me off that people are running their mouths about Rihanna getting back together with Chris Brown. I'd like to first say that I agree what he did was deplorable and evil. I personally feel he should have done at least 5yrs in jail without parole, and been court ordered into anger management for no less then 2yrs post sentence completion. A non-famous man would have been thrown in jail and ordered into anger management for less than the severity of beating Chris gave Rihanna. 

HOWEVER: She did not run straight back into his arms after the incident. What everyone is failing to see is that, there is more to the story then what the paparazzi publish or the police report of what Chris did. No one knows if he got professional help on his own privately. No one knows what he must have done during the time he and Rihanna were separated to PROVE to her that he deserved a second chance to be a better man. She is NOT one of those females that took a beating and said "Its ok baby, I know I made you mad. It was my fault too. I forgive you" and ran back to him straight from the hospital. We all know that 1 female (friend or family) that does do exactly that. He did not beat her regularly before she said 'enough' and left him. It was a single fight between them and he let his emotions and actions get out of control. 

As TRUE Rihanna Navy: We must trust her judgement and intellect. Trust that she did make him get help privately and prove to her that he has learned to control his emotions and actions. Trust that she is not going back to him blindly. Remind ourselves that she did make him wait and has had serious time to consider the impact of this decision. Trust that if he fails again she will walk away from him again and for good the second time. And PRAY, truly PRAY for her safety and for her to be right in her decision so she may find the "happily ever after" she deserves.

We are not in her shoes and do not know the whole story. Stop hating, stop judging without all the facts, and just love her as you did before this news broke.

Belated "Ground Rules" in a relationship

Unless you're still in Jr High and are dating your first boyfriend\girlfriend ever, you should relate to the immaturity of belated 'ground rules' in a relationship. Seriously... "ground rules" for what each person feels is appropriate behavior, boundaries on types of and\or gender of friends, and how to balance your time evenly between your job\school with your friends & new relationship should all be laid out on the table and made definitive and finite as soon as you both realize you are getting 'serious'. There is nothing that turns me off more then being 6 months to 2 years into a relationship with a guy\girl and all of a sudden BAM!!! Things they were "ok" with are suddenly relationship ending no-no's that must end. o_O???

I'm sure most of us have dealt with the most common of these belated ground rules: No friendships allowed with the opposite sex! (-____-)

WORSE....When its a bias belated ground rule because they themselves have friends of the opposite sex. The infamous 'lil sisters' they love so much. *eye roll*

If you KNEW I grew up as "just one of the guys" and played sports and watch sports now as an adult, and had ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM with me going to watch games at the sports bar or live at the stadium with my guy friends when we met.... You have no business getting pissed about it 4 years later!!! Especially if I proactively chose to tune it down looooong before you started having 'issues' with it out of respect for our relationship, because I'd rather do these things with you then them. If you've met and chilled with these guy friends of mine (and when doing group hangs - their girlfriends) your damn self. You have all their numbers in your own cell phone and they are on your Facebook just the same as they are on mine. Why the sudden insecurity? If I'm down to only seeing them at New Year's parties, annual cook outs they host (and you attend with me) and all of our respective birthday gatherings.... Why have an issue with the occasional Facebook comment saying 'hello' or the even rarer text\phone call. Most comical is when they call me for advice on saving their relationships and you insist they go through you 1st before talking to me about it. 

It's been 2 years since this drama started creeping into our now 6 year relationship, and I've reached the end of my tolerance with him about it. See, it's been my collective experience as the universal "little sister" that all my boys talk to about their problems that this only happens when the following has happened:

The only reason they were cool with the guy friends in the beginning is because they saw you as a jump off or short term GF at first. So they were exploring other options at the time and didn't care if you were doing the same. Once shit got real for them they decided it was time to reign you in before Karma bit them in the ass.

They were genuinely the loving, trusting, great guy they portrayed themselves as in the beginning but something changed. Either 1 of their 'lil sisters' stepped up and confessed feeling for him all this time and it trying to sleep with him. Making him scared you will do the same with 1 of your boys. (This one I feel opens the door to a new realm of issues that I'll save for another blog)

OR: He actually cheated on you recently and now he's worried Karma will bit him in the ass. So he's trying to do damage control by limiting your opportunities to get him back.

Reason 1 & 3 happen most often so I favor thinking, if he hasn't suddenly stopped talking to one of his 'lil sisters' recently as much as he used to... You need to boot his ass out the door!!!

Ladies and Gents... We all just need to be real straight out the gate and stay real. No script flipping halfway into filming the movie. Be honest, be faithful, and BE YOU and stop the bullshit! ;)

and...... Karma can be a bitch, but.... I'm on top anyways.

Truth about parenting

Parenting takes more then just buying your kids gifts on Christmas and birthdays, and calling them several times a week. While money is also needed to pay for their cost of living. Child support payments DO NOT make up for lack of parenting.

Parenting takes love, understanding, compassion, encouragement, mentoring, and TIME. A lot of time to get all of that done for them. Children aren't some magical being that poofs into your life out of thin air and says, "You look like you need some chaos in your life. I'm moving in with you and calling you Dad\Mom". They have no say in when they are made, born, or to whom they are raised. WE make them, WE choose to carry them to term and birth them, WE choose to raise them. Until they turn 18, 16 in some states, they can't walk away from us and raise themselves. So we, as the responsible "adult" should owe up to our choices and actually do them in full. Not in part, or when it's convenient for us to.

Children need us to teach them how to dress, tie their shoes, make a basic (non-stove using) meal\snack for themselves, go potty alone, bath themselves, pick up their room when they are done playing, change the TV themselves, put in a movie on their own, read\write, tell time, count, add, talk, basic social skills, etc. They should be independent by age 13. At which point they need us to teach them responsibility and accountability of their own actions, and finding their way in life. (and now too, how to cook stove using meals) So they can take all that we've taught them in their first 13 years of life and apply them in actual day to day life. So that when they are legally old enough to be accountable as adults, they actually can be productive ADULTS that can support themselves.

Too often in families in which the parents are no longer in a relationship together. The non-custodial parent thinks acknowledging the child's existence is better then walking completely out of their lives like some worse parents do and never seeing or speaking to the child again. They do the bare minimal to be in their child's life and think that entitles them to be called Dad or Mom. NO IT DOESN'T! If you constantly have excuses to not be at school functions, to not be at their rehearsal\practice\games\etc, to not help them with their homework, to not take your child for a day or a weekend, or even a freaking afternoon... You do not deserve to be called anything then by your birth name. If you are nothing more then a paycheck and a phone call then you should be greeted on the phone by your child as "John" not Daddy, or "Mary" not Mom.

A 5 minute phone call to say 'hey how ya doing?' a few times a week makes you nothing more then a family friend. Hell, there are likely to be actual family friends that do more then you if that's all you do. Child support makes you nothing but a financial backer to the child's life. It does not make you a parent. You are not teaching that child anything other then how to be an irresponsible slacker.

Step up your game boys and girls!!! Children do grow up to see you for the worthless person you are to them and resent\hate you for it.

WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?

Italy. The whole country is just rich in history and culture. I would love to tour the whole country. Ireland would be my second option.

Racism is Everyone’s Problem

Since my skin color is going to have everyone rolling their eyes thinking “this white privilege bitch think she knows anything about racism?” I want to start by saying I AM PUERTO RICAN. Now for my own back story so you get to know me better. 

I have seen both sides of the fence. As noted in my opening statement my skin color makes me look like I belong among the privileged. The second they learn of my last name or hear me speak my native language however, they quickly revoke all privilege and reign down on me with their hate. To the Caucasians out there who do not believe White Privilege is real: You’re wrong! If you were a minority who just happened to look white, like myself, you would be in a position to know this. 

Let me show you.

Age 15: Walking off high school grounds on lunch break to get food from the deli 3 blocks over. Common thing many of us did as it was permitted to leave school grounds for lunch. Myself, a white friend we’ll call Ashley, and a Hispanic friend we’ll call Jose. Police officer drives by and sees us walking during school hours and pulls over. He asks us our names. Ashley goes first and he tells her to stand to the side, I go and he looks at me with a moment of surprise and tells me to get my ID out. Jose goes last and he ask him if he’s ever been in trouble with the law. (Jose is very tan in complexion naturally and looks every bit of his South American heritage.) He makes Jose put his hands on the trunk of the car while he pats him down, gets his ID out for him, runs his information to confirm he’s never been in trouble, and dumps his entire bookbag out onto the ground to inspect its contents. He checks my ID, asks me where I’m from with a last name like __, and proceeds to do the same thing to me. Mind you it’s illegal for a male cop to pat down a female in my state, but he didn’t want anyone privy to his racial profiling so he didn’t call a female to the scene. He asks Ashley why she’s walking with us, if we were coercing her into any bad activities and sends her back to school walking. While we get escorted back in his car and handed off to the principal after confirming students had consent to leave the property for lunch and it was indeed our scheduled lunch break. 

Age 17: Working at Pizza Hut restaurant as a waitress. About 3 months in a friend stopped by to order take out and saw me working. Greeted me in Spanish and after he left I was confronted by the shift supervisor. When asked how I spoke Spanish so well since they literally failed it in school, and if there was a trick to it; I responded by informing him I was Spanish. Soon he and the rest of the crew were murmuring in the back kitchen, getting quiet when I came near, looking at me sideways and trying to avoid brushing against me at the soda machine like I had the plague or something. Next day I came in, looked at the clipboard to see what section I was working and saw my name crossed out. I asked him why ‘Karen’ was working the entire dining room alone and was told “Because you belong cleaning the bathrooms. Go find the cleaning closet and get scrubbing” I reported him to the Manager when she was on duty the next day and she said she’d talk to him, but any shift she was not in the building I was taunted by the staff and forced to work my shift scrubbing toilets. So I quit. 

Age 19: Working at a Giant’s supermarket as cashier. I worked my way up to Customer Service Supervisor and then the front end Assistant Manager is like 8 months. My third day as Asst Manager I walked out through the store to shop after my shift. In line at the register the person in front of me was Spanish and having trouble understanding what the cashier was telling her about a coupon she was trying to use. I step in and explain it to the customer in Spanish because it was getting late and I wanted to go the fuck home. The cashier gave me a shell shocked look and asked how I knew Spanish. I told her I was Spanish and got this ‘ew’ look that ended our conversation. My check out was awkwardly quiet for a person that had been friendly with me since my first day on the job. Next day I was demoted without explanation to cashier. My password for the cash room was deactivated and when I found someone to let me into the office so I could start work I was told “You don’t work in this dept anymore. You’re a cashier now. Go see _ and find out what register you’ll be at today”. When I asked why I was simply told “You should know. It only just happened yesterday” None of management was kind to me again, most supervisors looked at me with disdain as I passed, and finally after a week the produce manager told me it was because I was Spanish and they didnt realize that when they promoted me. He apologized for the fact he had to ignore me in the store but that anyone caught being nice to me would face consequences. Apparently they wanted me to quit. So I did. 

Age 26: I got a job at Kmart as a cashier. Worked my way up to Soft-line dept Shift Supervisor in 6 months. About 3 weeks later I started dating the Loss Prevention Manager from another store. He is an African American, Italian, German mix race man who solely looks African American. It took about 2 months for the relationship to get out around the job. It took my boss all of 5 seconds after confronting me for confirmation about the relationship to start treating me like shit. After a week I tried to go to HR and was informed that she is the daughter of a very high up corporate executive and by proxy untouchable. She made more than the store manager and basically ran the show there. After another few days I called her out in the front of the store one night at closing time asking what the stick up her ass with me was and she point blank said “I thought you were a good person. You work hard and you’re a natural leader to the girls here but you screwed up sleeping with a black man. Then I find out you’re a spic so it makes sense for you like blacks. I’m just disgusted with myself for being fooled by you” That was the end of that job. 

See white folks? Not once but FOUR times in my life things were good for me while people thought I was white, but quickly soured once the truth came to light. Four times I was excelling in my place of employment thanks to the privilege my skin color bestowed upon me but lost it once it was discovered I was just a really pale brown person. White privilege is real. 

I won’t bore you all with the blatant racism I’ve dealt with in my life. If you’re not Caucasian you already know the shit people spew out their hateful mouths, and what it’s like to deal with people throwing shit at you. 

I want to discuss the fact that racism is everyone’s problem. Those of us being subjected to it must stand up for ourselves against racist people because we’re human too dammit. We deserve to be treated with the same dignity, respect, and considerations that our oppressors grant each other. More importantly is the fact that those of us who are not subjected to it because they have the privilege of being born white should also stand up against racist people. Use the privilege you try so hard to deny for the greater good! BE THE CHANGE that fixes our society. Don’t just turn the other cheek figuring “I’m not the target so it’s not my problem”. Step up, speak up, and help your fellow man. We have to stand together or continue to fall divided. Just because you are not the one who thinks that way or acts that way does not make you part of the solution. Your silence and complacency in allowing racism to continue to thrive and exist is just as damaging as choosing to participate in it. Get outraged that your neighbor, friend, coworker, or just plain old fellow man is being mistreated and murdered for no reason other than their skin color is different. Teach your children to stand up and speak up against racism when they witness it. Teach them how to identify racism, racial profiling, and racial disparity. We have to fix this. Together. 

We are one species, one country, and one society. So lets stand as one. United in our right to life. 

March your ass down to your capital buildings alongside us and tell our leaders ENOUGH WITH RACISM. Hold police accountable! No more death! 

Jan 27, 2010 .... Except I didnt get the benefit of "justice"

My Terror & My Littlest Hero

I took my 8yo daughter, 4yo son, and 7yo niece out onto the trails to ride bikes\scooter through the woods. The kids love riding through the trees, seeing the deer, and stopping at the pond to try and catch a frog. 

About 1.5mls into the trails my niece, Mariah, hits a rock or something on the path and flips over the scooter. She lands on her left knee and has the biggest gash I've ever seen on such a little knee. Blood is streaming and all I can think is 'crap'. My daughter agrees to ride the scooter back to the car while Mariah sits on her bike so I can pull her along. We get about a quarter of a mile from the end of the trail and Alexia falls off the damn scooter and sprains her left ankle. Now I've got 2 girls that can't walk and we're in the damn woods. 

I double, triple, and quadruple check my daughter's ankle is def sprained and she's NOT walking anywhere. Mariah's gash is still steady flowing blood down her leg and she can't bend her knee at all. I've got 2 options:

I leave the scooter, take Mariah piggy back since she's the smallest, and pull Alexia along on the bike the rest of the way. HUGE chance I wont make it as my back is already hurting from pulling Mariah the mile+ so far. (I have 2 bad discs in my lower back, a few cracked vertebrae, and triple scoliosis)

I send my 4yo son to the car to get his dad and bring him back to help me with these girls. 

After a few minutes of pacing the trail weighing my options my son points out a 2 foot wide, worn down semi-path thru a break in the trees about 10 feet from where the girls are. The path opens onto the baseball fields. Four baseball fields that connect to make a massive square field, the playground on the other side of them, a small parking lot, a wall of shrub that separate the playground from the main parking lot & picnic area. I'll have a clear line of sight on him if he takes this route up till he goes around the shrub wall into the picnic area. At which point he will be within eyesight & ear shot of his dad. 

I weigh my options some more and try my hardest to figure out how to get these girls out myself without paralyzing myself along the way. Finally I look at my son and say "Saviant, I need you to do something I dont feel the least bit comfortable with asking you to do." After he says 'ok mommy' I continue: "I need you to walk across this field, to the left of the playground, carefully across the parking lot around the bushes, and into the picnic area. Your papi is napping on a picnic table by the bathrooms. I need you to find him and tell him to bring your stroller here because the girls are hurt, ok?" He tells me with steal courage and a brave face "Ok Mommy I will" Then drops his bike and starts walking. 

Alexia immediately starts to cry in protest, "Please mommy don't make him do this. He's only 4 he could get stolen. Mommy please he's too little!!" I turn to her and say "I know, I don't want to. You're both hurt and neither of you can walk. The trees block you from sight, and the distance stops me from hearing your screams. If I leave you to get help myself any pedophile could stumble across you and hurt you before I get back. There are a bunch of them registered in this area. I can't leave you here. He has to go" My heart aches at the idea I could be sacrificing 1 child to save 2, but I forbid myself to think such a thing again and begin to pray out loud as I watch my son walk across the field. "Please get him to his father and keep him safe." I repeat the prayer again & again with each step he takes to where it sounds more like a chant.

He eventually disappears around the shrub wall and I hold my breath in fear, while continuing my prayer mentally. What felt like an eternity passes when suddenly I hear my car alarm going off. I never felt happier hearing that sound!! They forgot to disarm my alarm before opening the trunk. He found his father, and he was safe!!! It took another 2 minutes before the two of them came into view around the shrub wall and were making their way to us. Saviant pushing the stroller gleefully. I nearly fell to my knees with relief at the sight of him as a tear fell from my eye. My baby was a brave, courageous, hero!!!

We got the girls back to the car and took them for the medical attention they needed. I've never  been more terrified in my life as I was watching my 3 foot tall, 52lb, 4 year old son walk out onto that field and away from my protective reach. Nor have I ever felt more PROUD as I was to see him coming back with help. 

Even the smallest people can have the biggest courage!!!