Latest Posts by kades-stuff - Page 7

Sirius: If we need more evidence, we will get more evidence!

Remus: Yeah, because that’s a really good way to solve crime isn’t it? Decide who’s guilty and then find out some evidence. I tell you what, why don’t we just lock him in a dark room and torture him until he confesses? That might be quicker!

Remus: (to James) ...why...why are you writing that down?

Lily: You're drunk!

Sirius: [slurring] That's a dirty lie. And I intend to press charges. The minute I'm sober.

James: It's bad enough that she's having the baby and I can't be there with her!

Sirius: Well at least you were there for the important part.

James: You packed condoms?

Sirius: We don’t know how long we’re gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the earth.

James: And condoms are the way to do that?

James: Snape, do you know what I like about you?

Snape:

James: Fuck all.

James: I can't stop myself from wanting to kiss her!

Peter: Now you know how I feel sitting next to those M&M's all day.

Remus: Why don’t you just move the M&M's?

Peter: Shut up!

Remus Lupin: I can’t believe how bad this looks.

Sirius Black: Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because, if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate twice the speed of a normal man’s.

James: You're my priority now.

Lily: [smiles]

Sirius: [poking his head in the room] James? I need to talk.

James: BRB. Sirius is a priority.

Remus: This is a bad idea.

James: Yeah, I couldn't agree more, but what other choice do we have?

Remus: We could choose life...

Sirius: James, have you seen Lily?

James: I'm not seeing Lily!

Sirius: ...What?

James: What?

James: I don't even like Evans that way!

Sirius: Then why are you wondering what Evans looks like naked?

James: I'm not wondering - Okay, even if I am wondering that, it's only because you put it in my head.

Sirius: Ah, but I am just a manifestation of your subconscious, so actually, you put it in your own head.

“You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol.”

— Sirius Black

Sirius: I think you misunderstood what I was saying before. I'm not an elitist.

Lily: “Elitist?” What's that?

Sirius: Like someone who thinks they're better than—

Lily:

Sirius: You know what elitist means.

Sirius: Professor, I really don’t see the point in getting upset over spilled milk.

McGonagall: Why would I be upset? The Slytherin dormitory will be unusable for the next fortnight and one of my students orchestrated it.

Sirius: Actually it was two. Remus was there as well.

Remus: Why would you say that?

Sirius: I just thought it would help cushion the blow if we distribute the blame.

Remus: Cushion who?

Sirius: Me mostly.

Lily: Why do you always have to turn everything into a joke?

Sirius: Generally, it's to avoid confronting the very real and difficult issues that most proper adults have to deal with.

I’m rereading prisoner of azkaban and fully appreciating how wild it is that of all the people ron could have made friends with, it’s the guy whose parents were murdered by his pet rat. 

Headcanon that there was a running gag where the Marauders just kind of showed up out of nowhere whenever someone mentions/needs them.

Because…why not!?

Student: I wonder where the Marauders are?

The Marauders step out from behind a tapestry.

Sirius: You rang?

-

Student: Does anyone know where James is? I want to speak to him about our Quidditch practice?

James drops down from the ceiling.

James: Sorry it took me so long! What’s up?

-

Student: Say Peter, have you seen Remus? We’re meeting in the library.

Peter: Look to your left. 

Student: …Okay?

Peter: Now look to your right.

Remus is standing next to the student.

Student: How the f–

-

Lily: Let’s ask the Marauders…

Alice: Where are they?

Lily: Oh, don’t worry. They’ll come.

Alice: What do y-

-Marauders leap out of a shrub-

Lily: Every time. Every damn time.

-

Professor Flitwick: Are you expecting the Marauders?

Professor McGonagall: Nobody ex-

Marauders:

James: Nobody expects the Marauders!

{This user uses they/them pronouns}

Harry, jokingly: And I couldn’t have done it without my sidekick.

Hermione: No offence, but you’re the sidekick.

Ron: I love Hermione like a sister.

Ginny: I am your sister and if you looked at me the way you look at Hermione, I would need to talk to mum.

Sirius: Oh c’mon, I didn’t drink that much last night!

James: You were flirting with Moony.

Sirius: So what?? He’s my boyfriend.

James: You asked if he was single...

James: And then you cried when he said he wasn’t.

Sirius: I am really bothered by the fact that gay marriage is illegal just because some people think it's disgusting. I think peas are disgusting but we're noT MAKING THAT ILLEGAL ARE WE!

James: What's wrong with you, peas are delicious.

Remus: Gay people are delicious too.

Sirius: no dessert for you until you eat all your gays.

Lily, just walking in: what

Remus, deadpan: be quiet and eat your gays

Harry: Damn, we are trapped in this room.

Ron: It's so bloody dark in here, good thing we have our wands.

Harry: Wait I have an idea.

*walks over to Hermione*

Hermione: Harry what are you doing?

*Harry grabs her, bends her back then forth, picks her up and shakes her, then sets her back on her feet.*

Harry: Damn, I was sure that was going to work.

Hermione: WHAT THE HELL HARRY!

Harry: What?! I thought if I shook you up you would start glowing.

Hermione: I am NOT a bloody glow stick!

Harry: Two words Hermione: "Brightest Witch"

Hermione: Draco, you think every round fruit is an apple.

Draco: No, I don't.

Hermione: [holding up cherries] What are these?

Draco: Tiny apples.

Hermione: [points to pumpkins] And what are those?

Draco: Halloween apples.

Draco: That's my way of doing things. When life gives me pain, I take that pain and push it down. And if that pain starts to come up again, I push more pain down on top of it. Why confront something when you can avoid it, right?

Harry: ...Draco, do you need a hug?

Draco: I want a baby soon. You were right. I want a family. I've always wanted a family, and I want one with you because I love you.

Hermione: The man who hates being human wants to make another human?

Draco: Yes, something like that.

Adventures of Dadfoot & Moomy pt. 7

Sirius: DON’T BE SORRY!!! YOU’RE NOTHING BUT AN ANGEL!!! YOU TRIED TO HELP US, WHICH WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU!!!

Harry: You’re yelling nice things at me again and it’s very confusing...

McGonagall: Just who do you three think you are?

Hermione: I'm Gorgeous.

Ron: I'm Drop

Harry: And I'm Dead.

Ron: Together we make the ultimate trio!

Hermione: But separate we-

Harry: I'm still dead, Ron has dropped to the floor crying, and Hermione is still a gorgeous.

McGonagall: ...Dismissed?

Hermione: We have to get to a muggle hospital, and we have to get there fast.

Harry: Then I should drive.

Ron: Why you?

Harry: I have nothing to live for, and I drive like it.

Hermione: Okay, let's do it.

[cut to]

Everyone in the Car: *screaming*