Latest Posts by kades-stuff - Page 8

Hermione: We have to get to a muggle hospital, and we have to get there fast.

Harry: Then I should drive.

Ron: Why you?

Harry: I have nothing to live for, and I drive like it.

Hermione: Okay, let's do it.

[cut to]

Everyone in the Car: *screaming*

Molly: *makes Ron wash 1 more dish than Ginny*

Ron: I am the backbone of this family you are nothing without me. When I Die. Then You Will Realize.

Sirius: *playing out of tune guitar*

Remus: Do you take requests?

Sirius: Sure.

Remus: Please stop.

Remus: Can you imagine not being human and just living out your days as a weeping willow? beautiful? By the water? Unburdened?

Sirius: I want to be the Whomping Willow instead. It beats the shit out of everyone and everything.

Harry, turning around: Hermione, please excuse my language-

Harry, turning back to Ron: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

James: You wouldn’t like me before my coffee.

Severus: That's funny cause I hate you, all the damn time.

Barty Crouch: Your name was drawn from the Goblet of Fire! Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Harry: *looks over at Hermione*

Hermione: *mouths "not guilty"*

Harry: Hot Milky.

Hermione: For fuck's sake.

Sirius: *pulls curtain back while Remus is in the shower*

Sirius: Are we -- stop screaming, it's just me -- are we out of Doritos?

Sirius: You’re just jealous because I’ve got a big dick.

Remus: Oh? Is that why you act like one?

Harry: I'm not afraid to be alone in this room with my thoughts.

Harry:

Harry: My thoughts are awesome.

Harry: Appleby Arrows, cruise ships, pizza bagel restaurant, my parents are dead, I'm gonna die alone...oh god, that happened fast.

McGonagall: I assume you realise this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this room.

Sirius: Is there another type of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

Harry: I have to go to the bathroom so bad.

Ron: That's the third time today, man, what is going on with you?

Harry: Oh, Ginny freaked out cause I told her I never drink water so now she's making me drink eight glasses a day. It's like, there's water in soda! There's water in coffee! There's little pools of water on pizza!

Hermione: That's grease, Harry.

Harry: Well it's wet, isn't it?

We have a very simple life philosophy: if we feel like it, we do it. And then we usually have to call McGonagall.

James Potter (via its-hp-bitch)

McGonagall: I’m sure you’d like to take some weight off your cloven hooves.

Umbridge: Calling me the devil? How original.

McGonagall: Actually, I was calling you a goat, you goat.

[Sirius is hungover]

Remus: You look like a corpse that was pulled out of the lake.

Sirius: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who OD'd in his own pool.

Harry: You know, just the other day someone asked who was the most beautiful person in the whole world. You know what I said?

Ron: What did you say?

Harry: I said... [sees Draco gesturing outside the window] Malfoy?

Ron: Malfoy?

Harry: No! No, that’s not what I was going to say!

Ron: Harry, you’re not making any sense...

Harry: I mean, sure, he’s handsome, he’s rugged, but- I- I have to go.

Hermione: [mimicking Draco] LOOK! I'm a MALFOY, I'd rather be anywhere than here! I'm all about long sullen silences, followed by mean comments, followed by more silence!

Hermione: So what's it gonna be: long sullen silence or mean comment? Go on, take your pick.

[After a fight]

James: Are we friends again?

Sirius: No.

James:

Sirius:

Sirius: We're brothers.

James: That was terrifying, don't pause like that!

Sirius: You know you're not my mum, right?

McGonagall: You stop acting like my child, I'll stop acting like your mother.

Draco, watching the Little Mermaid: Why is she brushing her hair with a fork? What???

Harry, crashing through the door: it's a dinGLEHOPPER. TALK TO ME ONCE YOU'VE EDUCATED YOURSELF you UNCULTURED SWINE!!!!

Draco, watching the Little Mermaid: Why is she brushing her hair with a fork? What???

Harry, crashing through the door: it's a dinGLEHOPPER. TALK TO ME ONCE YOU'VE EDUCATED YOURSELF you UNCULTURED SWINE!!!!

Remus: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.

Sirius: What if it bites me and it dies?

Remus: That means you're poisonous.

Sirius: What if it bites itself and I die?

Peter: That's voodoo.

Sirius: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Remus: That's correlation, not causation.

Sirius: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?

James: That's kinky.

Remus: Oh, my god.

Sirius: Nice hands, Moony.

Remus: Uh...thank you?

Sirius: I bet they'd look better wrapped around my-

James: BIBLE! WRAPPED AROUND THE BIBLE. PRAISE THE LORD, AMEN.

[Potions with Gryffindor and Slytherin]

Professor Slughorn: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life.

Severus: It would be nice to get my sense of purpose back.

Remus: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.

Regulus: My will to live! I haven’t seen this in 15 years!

Peter: I knew I lost that potential somewhere!

Sirius: Mental stability, my old friend!

Professor Slughorn: Guys, could you lighten up a little?

Remus: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.

Sirius: What if it bites me and it dies?

Remus: That means you're poisonous.

Sirius: What if it bites itself and I die?

Peter: That's voodoo.

Sirius: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Remus: That's correlation, not causation.

Sirius: What if we bite each other and neither of us die?

James: That's kinky.

Remus: Oh, my god.

McGonagall: Is anyone going to tell me what's going on here?

Oliver Wood: Well, it's kind of complicated, but Fred and George-

McGonagall: Got it. Forget I asked.

James Potter: Can I say something that will probably annoy you?

Lily Evans: Since when do you ask for permission?

Remus Lupin: Your mood swings are so annoying.

Sirius Black: No no its not mood swings its emotional parkour.

Luna: What about Hermione? Does she ever sleep?

Ron: I think she periodically makes a whirring noise and then just shuts down.

I imagine that's true