Incorrect 911 Quotes Part Idk

*at the Wayne’s for a BBQ*

Jon, pointing at Jason’s chest as he gets out of the pool: woah, how did you get THAT one?

Jason, looking down at his autopsy scar:

Jason: *makes eye contact with Clark behind Jon*

Jason: uh.

Jason: that happened because when I was a kid I refused to go to bed when my dad told me to.

Jon: *gasp*

Jason: yeah… I should have listened. if you stay up too late the… I dunno. the bedtime monster. yeah. if you don’t listen then the bedtime monster attacks you for not sleeping and you get one of these.

Jon, whispering: I had no idea…

Jon, solemnly: thank you for warning me.

Jason: anytime.

Damian, watching Clark slip Jason ten dollars from the other side of the pool: by god, my friend is an idiot.

I won’t be able to watch until tomorrow so i made two versions to cover my bases

Dean: The whole Cas thing must be pretty shocking huh

Mary: Not really, you had a crush on a little boy at your preschool

Dean, choking on his beer: what

Mary: *shrugs*

Dean: I was talking about angels being real?????

Mary: Oh. Yeah that was pretty weird

me looking at all the eddie in el paso stills

I think it'd be funny if Damian kept up his formal speech patterns for the sole purpose of appearance. Originally, he would've learned to speak that way in the League, but I feel like Jason's informality and unseriousness would rub off on him eventually.

Alfred is gone for the week and Bruce is cooking for the bats

Bruce: "Alright guys, it's a little burnt, but it still might be good."

Tim, squinting his eyes at the plate: "B, it looks radioactive.."

Damian: "Father, I will not be consuming this horrible dish. It seems itself to be inedible, and I will not be poisoned by your lack of skill in the food department."

Later

Damian, on the phone with Jason: "It looked like shit! He served us all mystery meat, Todd. Bring me some decent food right now or I'm killing myself."

Jason: "Jeez, kid, take a chill pill or something. I'm on my way."

Damian: "There is no pill chill enough for me to take, Todd! I can't keep starving myself whenever Dad is put in charge. He's going to kill us all on accident!"

i wrote better rpf fic at 14 than whatever the fuck tim minear is doing

It was an accident :(((

nope nope sorry if bruce can't figure out superman's identity at first sight (if he's met clark before) then he's gonna figure it out when it rains.

clark, entirely soaked, clothes revealing muscles, taking off his glasses to get rid of the waterdroplets:

batman, suddenly remembering seeing superman, entirely soaked, hair a mess, just an hour before: wait

You know those posts about one of Bruce’s kids getting kidnapped and him having no idea which kid they have based on the vague descriptions he’s given? Well now I can’t only imagine Bruce getting the dreaded call and immediately pulling out a guess who board filled entirely with his kids. Like

kidnapper: we have one of your children

Bruce: I have so many of those you need to be more specific

kidnapper: the loud and annoying one

Bruce, flipping down Cass and Duke: that does not help as much as you think it does

kidnapper: well he has black hair?

Bruce, flips down Steph: keep going

kidnapper: uhhhh? He’s short?

Bruce, flips down Dick and Jason leaving Tim and Damian: more specific

kidnapper: he’s been condescending and judgmental since we got him

Bruce: yeah they both tend to do that

kidnapper: he keeps throwing around words I don’t understand

Bruce, realizing that Damian and Tim are significantly more similar than he thought: uhh more specific?

kidnapper: more?? look just wore us the mon— WHERE’D HE HIDE A KATANA???

Bruce: ah you have Damian

mmm oh I can't think about that or I'll die