kyn-elwynn

Latest Posts by kyn-elwynn

The Independent

Musk wants to leave politics because he’s tired of ‘attacks’ from the left: report

Speculation of Tesla CEO’s possible departure comes as his influence in the administration appears to wane

I hope every minute of this pathetic cunt’s life is haunted by the decisions he’s made. He deserves no rest, and no sleep.

It's so weird to me when people are like 'but that will cost the government money!' So what? They're the government, they're supposed to be spending money. What, you want them to take your tax dollars and then do nothing with it? Lock it all up in a big government vault and just look at it? Why are you so scared of giving a third grader lunch or a homeless person a house.

Stephen Miller is an unelected sledgehamner of human rights crimes. True evil.

So the "don't call trans women dude" discourse is back on my dash, and I just read something that might explain why it's such a frustrating argument for everyone involved.

TLDR: There's gender-cultural differences that explain why people are arguing about this- and a reason it hurts trans women more than you might think if you were raised on the other side of the cultural divide.

I'll admit, I used to be very much on team "I won't call you 'dude' if it feels like misgendering, but also I don't really grok why it feels like I'm misgendering you, especially if I'm not addressing you directly." But then I read an academic paper that really unpicked how people used the word 'dude' (it's Kiesling (2004) if you're curious) and I realized that the way I was taught to use the word was different from the way most trans women were taught.

... So the thing about the word 'dude' that's really interesting is that it's used differently a) by people of different genders and b) across gender lines. This study is, obviously, 20 years old, but a lot of the conclusions hold up. The gist is, there's ~5 different ways that people use the word "dude":

marking discourse structure- AKA separating thoughts. You can use the word 'dude' to signal that you're changing the subject or going on a different train of thought.

exclamation. You can use the word "dude" the way you'd use another interjection like "oh my god" or "god damn".

confrontational stance mitigation. When you're getting in an argument with someone, you can address them as 'dude' to de-escalate. If you're both the same gender, it's homosocial bonding. If you're different genders, it's an attempt to weaken the gender-related power dynamic.

marking affiliation and connection. Kiesling calls this 'cool solidarity'- the idea is, "I'm a dude, you're a dude. We're just guys being dudes." This is often a greeting or a form of address (aka directly calling someone dude).

signaling agreement. "Dude, you are soooo right", kind of deal.

Now, here's the important part.

When [cis] men use the word 'dude', they are overwhelmingly using it as a form of address to mark affiliation and connection- "hey, we're all bros here, dude"- to mitigate a confrontational stance, or to signal agreement.

When [cis] women use the word 'dude', they're often commiserating about something bad (and marking affiliation/connection), mitigating a confrontational stance, or giving someone a direct order. (Anecdotally, I'd guess cis women also use it as an exclamation - this is how I most often use it.)

Cis men use the word 'dude' to say 'we're all guys here'. It is a direct form of male bonding. If a cis man uses the word 'dude' in your presence, he is generally calling you one of the guys.

Cis women use the word 'dude' to say 'we're on the same level as you; we're peers'- especially to de-escalate an argument with a cis man. Between women, it's an expression of ~cool solidarity~; when a woman's addressing a man, it's a way to say 'I'm as good as you, knock it off'.

So you've got this cultural difference, depending on how you were raised and where you spent time in your formative years. If you were assigned female at birth, you're probably used to thinking of the word 'dude' as something that isn't a direct form of address- and, if you're addressing it to someone you see as a girl, you're probably thinking of it as 'cool solidarity'! You're not trying to tell the person you're talking to that they're a man- you're trying to convey that they're a cool person that you relate to as a peer.

Meanwhile, if you were assigned male at birth and spent your teens surrounded by cis guys, you're used to thinking of 'dude' as an expression of "we're all guys here", and specifically as homosocial male bonding. Someone using the word 'dude' extensively in your presence, even if they're not calling you 'dude' directly, feels like they're trying to put you in the Man Box, regardless of how they mean it.*

So what you get is this horrible, neverending argument, where everyone's lightly triggered and no one's happy.

The takeaway here: Obviously, don't call people things they don't want to be called, regardless of gender! But no one in this argument is coming to it in bad faith.

If you were raised as a cis woman and you're using the word the way a cis woman is, it is a gender-neutral term for you (with some subconscious gendered connotations you might not have realized). But if you were raised as a cis man and you're using the word the way a cis man uses it, the word dude is inherently gendered.

Don't pick this fight; it's as pointless as a French person and an American person arguing whether cheek kisses are an acceptable greeting. To one person, they might be. To another person, they aren't. Accept that your worldview is different, move on, and again, don't call people things they don't want to be called.

*(There is, of course, also the secret third thing, where someone who is trying to misgender a trans woman uses the word 'dude' to a trans woman the way they'd use it to a man. This absolutely happens. But I think the other dynamic is the reason we keep having this argument.)

I’m so glad that things like survivorship bias and statistical outliers became memes I wish more critical thinking skills would become widely-understood this way, I’m not kidding let’s get on this

dear autistics who

white

low support needs

not need 24/7 support

can work independently

can pay taxes

language privileged

intellectual & cognitive privileged

who can fit in societal definition of useful & productive (yes, even if hard)

when fight back against eugenics & ableism, you NEED to fight alongside, fight with, n fight for autistics who

radicalized & POC

from places of world where there critically lack autism knowledge n support

visibly autistic

higher support needs

need 24/7 care

can’t work independently or even work at all

can’t pay taxes

nonverbal, nonspeaking, minimally verbal, without functional communication, or cannot communicate via language at all even AAC

w intellectual disability or cognitive disabilities

who cannot fit into society definition of useful n productive, no matter how hard we try

because we always are & always will be primary target.

because we most vulnerable most marginalized within our, OUR community, which you belong in.

because once they finish us off you won’t be spared.

“jesus died for you” well i didn’t ask him to do that and my therapist says i am not responsible for other peoples actions

I hate how often some (typically abled) people will go “well, if you can’t [get a specific support], then what?” when it comes to disabilities. As if it’s a “gotcha” moment. And then act like you’re exaggerating when you answer that question honestly.

Disabled people often die from a lack of support. A lot of disability aids are not a luxury, but a basic need in order to live.

“Well what happens if—” people die. People hurt themselves. People hurt others. Disabled people don’t magically become abled if our needs aren’t met.

If a bedbound quadriplegic is caught in a housefire, and there’s nobody there to save them, they’ll probably die. They won’t magically become able-bodied out of sheer will.

If a nonspeaking/nonverbal autistic is denied access to alternative methods of communication, they’ll suffer in silence. They won’t spontaneously become capable of speech.

Disabled people are disabled all the time. Our disabilities don’t go away just because they’re inconvenient, or if we’re in danger.

whenever someone talks about how (cis) men & (cis) women supposedly have this huge gap in their consumption of pornography im always like. well does that include erotica. does it include fanfiction. because im betting when you include the kinds of porn that are known to be more popular with cis women the difference would be a lot different. almost like a lot of our data around porn is heavily influenced by cultural attitudes and constructs

Martina McBride didn't win Country Music Association Song of the Year for a song about how burning your house down with your abusive husband still inside it is good, noble, and an allegory for the American Revolution for people to act like the genre belongs to bootlicking fucks

when your art program’s closing message hits you straight in the heart and makes you stop and contemplate the state of it all

"Do you ever dream of land?" The whale asks the tuna.

"No." Says the tuna, "Do you?"

"I have never seen it." Says the whale, "but deep in my body, I remember it."

"Why do you care," says the tuna, "if you will never see it."

"There are bones in my body built to walk through the forests and the mountains." Says the whale.

"They will disappear." Says the tuna, "one day, your body will forget the forests and the mountains."

"Maybe I don't want to forget," Says the whale, "The forests were once my home."

"I have seen the forests." Whispers the salmon, almost to itself.

"Tell me what you have seen," says the whale.

"The forests spawned me." Says the salmon. "They sent me to the ocean to grow. When I am fat with the bounty of the ocean, I will bring it home."

"Why would the forests seek the bounty of the oceans?" Asks the whale. "They have bounty of their own."

"You forget," says the salmon, "That the oceans were once their home."

Jack Kirby really cooked with the idea of the Anti-Life Equation, i.e. the concept that the opposite of life isn't death, but rather complete and irrevocable enslavement to another's will - that by giving up your ability to make your own choices you have died a far greater death than any your body could suffer.

And then subsequent writers just looked at the word "Anti-Life" and assumed it just meant killing a lot of people.

Reading rahaeli's bsky feed is an education in itself. I did not realize it was so common for undercover agents to join even harmless social activism groups and try to encourage people to do things they could be arrested for. The song has about a dozen verses, all of them based on incidents that resulted in felony charges o.O

The whole thread is very worth reading, especially since the incoming administration has been been very clear that they want to criminalize being trans or supporting trans rights. (Among other things.)

this is actually insane? i genuinely pray they don’t get away with it because it’s beyond messed up

MOBILITY AIDS AREN’T BAD FOR FND PATIENTS!

Many FND patients have been told that it is unwise to use mobility aids because it will “encourage the brain to keep producing symptoms.” This is based on the idea of conversion disorder, made by Stinkmund Freud, which has been since been disproved.

Despite this idea, my experience with using mobility aids is much different than what doctors told me it would be. Personally, using mobility aids and supporting myself has actually lessened my symptoms, and, most importantly, the impact they have on my life.

My wheelchair has been the most helpful of all the mobility aids I’ve had. I started using my chair because of my paralysis, but it’s done so much more for me. It’s eliminated the worry of being stuck somewhere and not being able to walk, and prevented me from many falls.

I also used crutches and a cane once upon a time, and they helped me greatly with my needs back then. they provided support and stability, and I found that they helped me get out of flare ups easier and gave me more energy to expend on things I actually wanted to do.

Of course, what’s right for me may not be right for you. Everyone’s FND is different and will react differently to mobility aids. But I don’t want anyone to think that mobility aids are always out of the picture for usage in management of FND.

Lastly, using a mobility aid without any medical guidance can be dangerous. It’s important to get in touch with a professional who can help teach you how to use the aid. If you don’t have access, make sure you do thorough research on the topic from reliable sources.

Dance like a bird - it works Vaughn's and Hedwig's idea of fun includes goofy dancing with each other. Plus Vaughn is respectful to Hedwig's quality beetle time I drew this mini-animation recently and decided to make a post with a couple of other dancing arts. Some of them are pretty old, but I've freshen them up a little bit. Also, I do have a pet Goliath beetle IRL

I mean the whole damn point of the Nativity story is that the supposed son of God (interpret Jesus how you fucking want, of course) was born to a couple of poor, exhausted peasants in the stable for the inn, and his first bed was a feeding trough for animals. That would nowadays be like a poor couple where the mother gives birth in a parking garage behind the motel because they couldn’t find a better place and nobody else would take them in. It’s a pretty gritty setting, and the idea is that God was reborn in some of the rock-bottom lowest circumstances. The only thing majestic was all the angels and shit, and of course motherly love

I get that a lot of the art portraying Madonna and Child as fabulously wealthy europeans in splendid robes and golden light was meant to glorify God + whichever nobility was sponsoring the artist, and while of course it’s genuinely beautiful art, it just always struck me as horribly missing the point, which is that the supposed son of God started in incredibly humble circumstances, among the kind of people that everyone else looks down on

You ever hear that old chestnut about how most people neglect the part of the story of Icarus where he also had to avoid flying too low, lest the spray of the sea soak his feathers and cause him to fall and drown? You ever think about how different the world would be if Icarus died that way instead? If the idiom was to Fly To Close To The Sea? A warning against playing it far too safe, about not stretching your wings and soaring properly? You ever think about how Icarus died because he was happy?

So anyways with the rapid rise of fascism I feel it’s a good time to point out that it’s perfectly legal to follow unjust orders slowly, badly, or inefficiently

"But I need wizard school media to live" just develop bad opinions about the X-Men like a normal person.

Tumblr is the reason why I have something I call the cashier test which is, if i told this to a random cashier at the grocery store, would they think you're crazy at best or at worst would they be warranted in leaping over the counter and beating the shit out of you. Karl Marx mpreg is crazy, but not beating the shit out of you crazy. The cashier will probably talk about you to their coworkers and it might even make their day. Telling someone they're complicit in their own oppression by working a minimum wage job at a grocery store makes them warranted in leaping over the counter to beat the shit out of you.

the fact that so many ppl view slurs and oppression as cool exclusive clubs to claim access to, tells me a lot of ppl have never genuinely experienced violence before.