“There Are Really No Words, No Eloquent Way Of Saying: You’ve Made Me Feel Things I Thought I’d

I will not wait for you

to regret losing me.

Does the sun wait for

the earth to regret turning?

Does the moon wait for

the night to regret ending?

The sun remains the sun,

and the moon remains the moon.

I will remain myself

with or without

your acknowledge of my value.

it’s over, isn’t it?

i always knew how it would end

from the beginning i feared this moment

yet, i didn’t think it’d come so soon. 

now my eyes are black, full of hate

but that hate is for me, not you.

i still love you

i may always love you

there is no world

where what i put you through

is ok

i would never lie to you 

ever but the truth is painful sometimes

even when the last thing we want

is to hurt the people we love the most.

m-11-27-20

“How are you?”

“I’m starving and dying on the inside and I can barely look you in the eye because my anxiety is making me feel like you’re secretly judging me, also I’m probably gonna go home after this and cry myself to sleep because I hate myself so much, but yea I’m fine”

“I’m addicted to you. I’m not sure what it is but you keep me sane. You manage to silence my demons. You know me. Every single time something is up, you know. No matter how high my walls are, you see through. I can’t hide myself from you because you know me. You know me and that scares me. I’m addicted to you and maybe it’s because for the first time someone actually knows me. I can’t fake a single smile no matter how hard I try because you know me. You’re my addiction and I don’t know how to stop it. You know me so even if I try to let you go you would know, so I guess… Don’t let me go because I need you, but it’s not just that… just like you know me, I know you. I know you just as well as you know me, and I’m still not sure if that’s a good thing.”

— 12:14 AM thoughts

there is something so comforting about sadness. about throwing things on your bedroom floor and not picking them up. about binging reality tv in the dark for 14 hours straight. about lying in your bed and not moving while the world continues to turn around you. overwhelming and heavy depression is comforting because it’s familiar. it allows you to sink into yourself and rot there for as long as you want. thats the vicious cycle with depression, it takes everything to not give into the comfort and familiarity that comes with it.

Do I ever cross your mind?

““I just laugh now when I think about you and me, because it’s funny how I even let you get that close to me.””

— - wasted years

Loving you changed my life.

It should come as no surprise that losing you has done the same.

Chloë Frayne