laaajlaaa

Latest Posts by laaajlaaa

I found you, and then I lost you.

there is something so comforting about sadness. about throwing things on your bedroom floor and not picking them up. about binging reality tv in the dark for 14 hours straight. about lying in your bed and not moving while the world continues to turn around you. overwhelming and heavy depression is comforting because it’s familiar. it allows you to sink into yourself and rot there for as long as you want. thats the vicious cycle with depression, it takes everything to not give into the comfort and familiarity that comes with it.

You stopped saying goodnight and i stopped sleeping.

to say i miss you doesn't even begin to capture the despair your absence has brought me.

— mae s. (journal entry to the one i still love)

I really miss having you around. Waking up was bliss and falling asleep was heaven. Either way, you were there.

What do I do?

She's the type of person who doesn't speak about her problems, secretly cries and pretends like her life isn't falling apart. She is me.

nobody gives me butterflies anymore y‘all just give me brain damage

- instagram

Anxious People assemble 🤝

also fuck negativity in any (human) forms!🥂

Listening to all of those songs doesn't hurt anymore

I'm finally free

You don't faze me anymore

It feels like I've just gained ability to breath

That made me a bit happier today

no matter what i do, I still ache. I still yearn for your touch, and every time i wake up I pray that it was all a bad dream - but im faced with the awful, painful, gut wrenching reality that: it isn’t a dream. it’s all real and you don’t love me anymore.

I think it really sucks when you realise how alone you are because you only really talk to 1 maybe 2 people and when neither of them are available you kind of just lay there in bed hoping your phone will buzz with a text from them or something so you continuously check it and you try to distract yourself and then you get sad about how alone you really are

it’s over, isn’t it?

i always knew how it would end

from the beginning i feared this moment

yet, i didn’t think it’d come so soon. 

now my eyes are black, full of hate

but that hate is for me, not you.

i still love you

i may always love you

there is no world

where what i put you through

is ok

i would never lie to you 

ever but the truth is painful sometimes

even when the last thing we want

is to hurt the people we love the most.

m-11-27-20

A letter I’ll never send…

I love you. You are my best friend and I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. And each day I continue to fall more in love with you, the more I realize how you’re slowly pulling away. But it’s because you don’t love me the way I love you. Because I am not her. You don’t love me the way you loved her. You gave her the random “I love you” texts and the endless phone calls because you missed her voice. You posted her on Instagram and surprised her with flowers when you knew she was having a bad day. You weren’t hesitant to show your love and hold her when she needed it. I want that. You tell me you just never want to fall that hard for someone again because it was unhealthy, but I know it’s because I’m not her. I want the endless phone calls and random “I love you” texts. I want to be surprised with flowers and be held when I’m having a bad day. I want more than anything to be her. Because you are my him. You are the one I will never forget, you are the one that everyone else will be compared to. In my eyes, you are my everything. But in your eyes, I’m just temporary.

Loving you changed my life.

It should come as no surprise that losing you has done the same.

Chloë Frayne

Staying quiet doesn’t mean I’ve nothing to say. It means I don’t think you’re ready to hear my thoughts.

Unknown

you hurt me, yes

But in staying you healed all the pain before it could get worse

Saving me from the worst of it.

thank you?

Do I ever cross your mind?

Excerpts of a book I’ll never write

““I just laugh now when I think about you and me, because it’s funny how I even let you get that close to me.””

— - wasted years

“Unless you’ve crawled inside someone’s skin and felt the words that claw away at their throat and suffocate them during the night, you have no right to tell anyone to get over it or that they shouldn’t be upset.”

— Unknown  // I believe that more people should think like this.

i never knew you were such a snake…

that you had poison in your bite.

there was still so much that was at stake

yet you thought saying that was right?

“I showed you who I was. My hopes, my dreams, my fears. You handed it all back and said it was all too much. You turned and walked away. And people wonder why I have trust issues, and why I have a hard time believing someone when they say that they are there for me. I guess I have you to thank for that.”

—

The truth is that you are not with me anymore. I do believe that you are my soul mate. You were sent to do a job and accomplished it in the end to bring self confidence and happiness in my life. Thanks to you I now know what both of those emotions feel like together. You are so special to me, and I know that I will love you forever. But lately I haven’t been able to sleep because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore because I know that what we had was real. And one day in the future, when both of us are spiritually ready, my eyes will meet yours again. I refuse to believe that the one person who was every hope i’ve ever had in human form, is gone for good.

- I talk to God about you

I never really understood why kissing was such a big deal. But then you kissed me. And oh boy, I never wanted to stop. Feeling the sparks through my entire body, that feeling was surreal. I could do that for days and days on end. You tasted so good, kissing you was one of the most addictive things I’ve ever done. But now you aren’t here to kiss me. You’ve got me wishing that we’d never kissed.

What if nobody makes my heart flutter the way you did?