I'm Tired Of Waking Up And Wondering, "What's Gonna Hurt Today?" I'm Tired Of Them Saying, "You're Only
I'm tired of waking up and wondering, "What's gonna hurt today?" I'm tired of them saying, "You're only 22, this shouldn't be happening!" But I am 22. And this is happening. I'm tired of complaining to my friends and having them hear the same sad story every time. I'm tired of being in too much pain or too sick from painkillers to do my job at work. I'm tired of chaining myself every night to a heating pad and ice packs. Soaking in Epsom salts, bathing in lidocaine, surviving in braces and bandages. When you're too tired to work out, too tired to stand up, too tired to keep your eyes open and each and everyday the alarm goes off and you dread being anywhere but your bed because at least there is no pain there. When you decide which brace goes on which knee based on the pain you're feeling and then end up changing it halfway through the day because now the other knee is hurting. When you have to decide which body parts need to be wrapped in tape and which need a hot patch. There is no longer a definition of fun when everyday you fight back tears that shouldn't even be there because "You're 22 and this shouldn't be happening!" But I am 22. And this is happening.
Melissa Rose "Burning Bridges While I'm On Them"
More Posts from Melissarose47 and Others
just in case you need to be reminded
dont check up on your ex partner
dont check up on your ex friend
dont do it
it is not productive
you are better than that
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me at family gatherings
I can contort my body into a thousand positions. But none of them feel the same way I felt when you held me in your arms at night.
Melissa Rose
So I've been super super anxious lately. Started a new job, went back to school after summer break. And now I'm not eating. Less in a purposeful way, but more in a im not hungry and I don't know what to do about it way. I need help. But I have no idea what to do. I can't go to inpatient hospitalization because I'll probably lose my job. And I can't miss school. But everything is getting so difficult. And I'm so lost and so confused. If you have any advice, please share. I could really use it.
I thought for a while that maybe I could not handle being hurt again. That maybe my shattered heart would crack just one more time. But when in my deepest throws of sorrow, I remember that there cannot possibly be anything worse than what I've already gone through. That life has handed me the shortest stick in the pile that you cannot even use it as a matchstick. But maybe I'm okay with that. Maybe I need to lose grasp of that stick and let it fly away in the wind, like the ashes of a loved one or a dandelion for a wish. Maybe when you stop defining your life by limitations you will see that there are endless possibilities.
Melissa Rose
Me without You
I cannot tell if the reason I now want to be skin and bones is because you left me. I cannot tell if that was the match hitting the strike or just some kindle to a roaring flame. Did I always feel this way? There are no words left, because you stole them all. You could have saved me an explanation, but I guess my tears were answer enough. I thought I would become a person, but Iām less now than I ever was. Just a pebble in an ocean, instead of a boulder in a pond. When you feel deep in your heart and soul that you do not matter, things start to not matter. Life does not matter. Your health does not matter. So while I try to see the inside of my skeleton, I hope she was worth it, while I sit here and die.
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infranaut liked this · 7 years ago -
melissarose47 reblogged this · 7 years ago
I write my own poetry and fiction novels! I also love K-Pop, dancing, anime and sleeping š
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