Latest Posts by midnight---express - Page 11

My Brain

Honestly I rather quite like Tumblr, it feels like the inside of my head, I don't think I've had my emotions be so of the wall, and I'm a theater kid, that's my whole thing, there is just so much cool stuff.

I like it here's it's cozy and loud, and full of pretty pictures.

HOLY SHIT YES, YES YESYSYSYSYS SOMEONE WHO GETS IT, GIVE HIM THAT RAVEN BLADE

LET HIM BE COOL, COULD YOU IMAGEN THAT SWORD STREAKING OUT FROM UNDER HIS CLOAK GUIDED BY DARK SHADOW!?

YES.

Swordsman Tokoyami with cursed blade Dark Shadow?

Don't mind if I do.

Big fan of old Fumi, but this will probably be the only time I draw him nicely.

Horikoshi I don't know if you can hear me but give him a sword, he works with Hawks, like this is the perfect opportunity for an Anubis reference, give the Dark Samurai the Sword damnit!

YES YES YES, I NEED ALL OF THIS SHIT IN MY LIFE.

ALL THE LOGOS ARE SOOOO GOOOODODOD!

Thee kiddos

Yeah, have this stupid KamiJirou overlay, the main reason was the bag.

That's why they wear black, you can't see the man in the shadows with the camera if he looks like the shadows

ranch au: top five ways to tell the Scottish twins apart

(No you can't tell Bill and Ben apart, they are a hive mind their only difference is which hand they prefer to write with because ofc they're ambidexterous, all the better to prank people with)

Donald has 2% more smile wrinkle line then Douglas. Which makes sense when you consider how often he joins in on or even starts pranks.

Douglas is practical until you show him a plate of Duck's blueberry pie. Donald will instead judge it silently and wish it was raspberry.

One of them remembers he owns a comb and the other remembers but sometimes can't be bothered and just gives it a couple swipes before taking off ("It'll get messy later anyways" "Donald, it literally looks like a rat's nest" "We wear hats, what's the difference to you?")

Douglas is the one with the blackmail camera roll. Donald sweet-talks, Douglas films, and suddenly the story of Jame's' incident with some bees he was sure had been long forgotten was brought up. Toby has learned this and knows to keep mum, especially if he's recently played a small trick on the twins. Thomas has not.

Donald likes to sing but Douglas even more so. Everyone assumes Donald leads their rounds, and while it's true, it's Douglas that can pull out a song out of nowhere for almost every situation,l and he'll know all the words too. Donald just prefer songs where Douglas can chime in.

Probably one of my oddest contributions to the Thomas Fandom is USAR Light Mikado Mike.

Seriously this sprite is surprisingly popular, mainly as Churchill and Dr. Syn have still yet to get sprites, I've seen this become Jock a few times which I think is fun.

The whole reason why Mike is even an American is S734 is due to his portrayal by EE93, the voice and mannerisms were just so distinct, like his voices that was officially given were fun, the weirdly Gordon Ramsey sound from Tim Whitnall was fun but I figured that the brash American voice was rather fun.

So lore surrounding him, Mike doesn't show up with Rex and Bert (Otherwise known as Wallace in S734) he's the eighth engine purchased for the Arlesdale, he was contract built for Hanson Moore, one of the more railway interested investors, and he was the first brand new steam engine built for the railway, everyone else up until that point had been pre-owned. Mr. Moore really went all out on the livery, Red, White and Blue, and a nameplate reading Scarlet Fire, the other engines thought Mike's overall appearance was gaudy, and trying to get peoples attention, and Rex nearly exploded from laughing so hard after Mike's first passenger train, when afterwards he claimed he hated them, and would prefer goods work, Ragnar said that you could practically hear Mr. Moore shrink when Mike said that.

Mike loves the heavy Ballast work due to the fact that Ragnar and Rex are Atlantics (Will explain them in their own post) and Wallace was rather old, it was down to Franka and Braid (Basset Lowke Pacific) to work those heavy trains, but when Mike came along he took to them like old Roosevelt to a horse, he loves the job, mainly as it shows everyone how strong he is, and well he's right he is the strongest one.

In terms of his relationships with the others, they find him rather funny, if a bit brash and argumentative and glad that he showed up to haul Ballast.

Wretch and Sprocket (Blisters) like Mike, even if he finds the two slightly unsettling but nice to talk to.

Wallace doesn't quite know how to feel about Mike, or Michael as he calls him, a privilege reserved only for those who Mike deeply respects, like the Small Control or Mr. Moore, so the fact he doesn't throw old Wallace a look of death shows he respects the old codger, but old Wally as Mike calls him, doesn't like how Mike treats the passengers.

Ragnar finds the 'Big Yank' as he calls him rather cumbersome but respects his self assuredness and strength. 'Well placed confidence he has' is what he says about him.

Rex loves ripping into Mike, as he knows he has the ego to recover, but even then his remarks are only paint deep, he has a lot of respect for Mike, but finds it very funny that he just can't with passengers.

Franka's relationship with Mike is really odd, the two argue like they need to live, the others would always yell 'GET A SHED!' even Rex who loves to argue with him, practically broke over an argument about lubrication oil, and he practically screamed at them to just get together needless to say the two have been dating for awhile.

Braid, she tries to actively avoid interacting with Mike, mainly as she knows that if she engages in conversation, she'll realise that she hasn't move for an hour.

Jock, they treat Mike like a big brother, did something stupid with a ballast wagon, accidently stole Ragnar's beard wax, old Mike has you covered.

Old Big Scarlet is for lack of a better term the big brash glue that holds the crew together, mainly as he does the heavy lifting most of them can't.

YES YES YES

SALMON!

can you draw this ship (i just thought of it): james x arthur

I got you😉

I don’t know much about Arthur but I tried my best😅

I’d say it came out okay

Good this threw me back like seven years.

Sandwich's provided, PB and J, plus Knuckle.

The only dilf/milf hunter Kak joke I’veever made

"That wasn't very Great Western of you"

"I want out of here as soon as possible"

Headcanon that Duck has said "That's not very Great Western of you" as a genuine expression of disappointment. On multiple occasions.

Fiiiisssh

NEW FISH JUST DROPPED

God I love Tumblr

I'on know what to post so here's so far of my horrendous Love me Tender dub

Send them help

DING DING

THE SCOTTISH HAYMAKER!

GAME!

drawing dump !

so here’s boomer, donald and douglas, and diesel

He is the best Good Boy

any peter sam hcs ?

*calls a 9 ton machine a "good boy" repeatedly*

Sidenote, apart from the asks I still have to answer, I’m calling a lid on these questions. Hope ya’ll understand!

He’s always had a knack with charming coaches, both on the MSR and SR. Trucks, barring that one accidental time, hardly act up with him either. On both railways, he took it upon himself to name every truck that wanted a name. (Spoiler alert: You’ll hardly ever find a truck that prefers being anonymous. And how can you blame them?)

Impressively, he seems not to have forgotten a single one. In 1955, several ex-MSR trucks were bought by the Skarloey Railway Preservation Society from Marthwaite Quarry. Peter Sam first brought them onto SR metals, and eagerly crowed his whistle for the other engines to meet “Ax, Ginny, Scrag, Chocks, Cobbles, Princess, Warpy, Whippy, Teahouse, Froghead, Twobits, Snappy, Alex-Vander, O’Tool-“ you get the point.

Peter Sam, then named Stuart, got along with his last driver on the MSR so well that said driver applied to the Peel Godred Works Railway to keep working with him. You should’ve seen his face when Driver Shaugnessy first turned up at the Aluminum Works with his rags and tools, it’d bring tears of joy to your eyes. They recrossed paths and worked together again when Shaugnessy was later a volunteer on the SR. I’d say his continued presence during those tumultuous years wherein Peter Sam moved between railways twice was a huge, huge boon to the little engine’s mental health. Shaugnessy retired from the footplate in 1976, meaning he was still around to see Peter Sam and Sir Handel reunite with their Granpuff.

Brilliant, the fact this engine can stare down an Angry Donald and Douglas and live is half a god.

still thinking about this post and how #nwrcore it is

i don't want modern n.w.r. the pleasant preserved-in-amber no-one-is-problematic-anymore utopia.

i want modern n.w.r. the refuge of long-abanadoned engines from scrapyards who at first are like 'omg! i am Saved!'

and who then are like 'oh. oh fuck. ohh i don't know about this. i think i wanna go back to the scrapyard, it was peaceful there.'

and who are then like 'don't fuck with me bitches. and definitely don't fuck with my new family. i have evolved. i have transcended anxiety. i roast gordon on the daily. and i also throw buffers if some smug diesel at the junction dares so much as sneer in his general proximity. this is how i roll now. i have to remember how to act when my actual owners come to visit because i am not the same puppy-eyed stray they rescued. i once imitated sir topham hatt while he was still in the same hemisphere and lighting didn't strike me down. like everyone else here, i am half-machine, half-god. we all looked Death in the face and laughed. we look in the face of a pair of angry homicidal caledonian goods engines and laugh too. james called me a rustbucket yesterday and i only cried a little.'

I love them.

Stanley!

Ryan!

What do they have in common?

Aside from being hated by a certain #1 idol?

They have the luxury of being one of Shining Time Production's top idol units!

oh this is beautiful, hahahah

Bill, Ben, Burn.

The Suddery Coracle

The Gävle Goat is a traditional Christmas display erected annually in Gävle, Sweden. It is a giant version of a traditional Swedish Yule Goat figure made of straw, and has been the subject of repeated arson attacks (many of which have been hilariously creative) throughout its history.

There is actually a similar tradition in Suddery on the Island of Sodor. Every year on the first of December, a giant straw model of a coracle, a type of small one-person boat, (see below picture for an example) is erected in the car park of the town's railway station, and is kept in place into the new year until the end of January. It is meant to symbolize the coracle which local tradition claims carried the Irish missionary St. Luoc to the shores of Suddery Bay.

Much like its Swedish counterpart, the Suddery Coracle has been the victim of several arson attacks ever since its first year. Perhaps the most spectacular of these was when the tank engine twins Bill and Ben sent a truck loaded with burning oily rags (plus several fireworks for added effect) hurtling off the rails and into the Coracle!

The twins have not been able to successfully burn down the coracle themselves since then (though they have certainly tried), but it is speculated that they continue to be involved in the planning of arson attacks on the coracle to this day.

The Engines as Mentors

Okay but I'm eternally salty that TVS in particular—though it was RIGHT to expand the NWR fleet—failed to use the dynamic of the OG characters from the books all functioning as Mentors and Elder Statesmen to the newer and more obscure and younger engines.

It would have been THE way to effectively integrate the newbies (looking especially hard at you, HIT era). Like, some of the best use of the new characters already are when they fall into a mentee dynamic with one of the established characters. But the TVS writers really only ever let this happen with, like, Thomas? To a degree? And Edward? A bit? And then the best and most beloved BWBA episodes (BWBA!) are when Gordon and, again, Edward get more of this sort of material. And then again, in fuckin' AEG, the most popular thing so far seems to be Gordon's whole Grumpy Dad shtick.

But I think canon and fan writers should have done this with all the classic characters. After decades as The Famous Eight—erm, Ten—(but not Eleven—to me Oliver is in that category of newbie that needs looking after. which is what the rest of the Little Western spends most of his one book doing!) they are all  kinda old af and well-qualified and honestly just should be mentoring the diesels and younger steam engines and whatever wide-eyed newcomers are brought to the Island Where Fever Dreams Come True and Culture Shock Is Probably One Hell of a Bitch.

LIKE. Percy. Yes, absolutely Percy! He's inconsistent about standing up for himself or making good decisions in his own working life but honestly his instincts when it comes to others have always been completely on-point. And he never has any hesitation about acting on his instincts so there is a recipe here for big-brother success. He must be so wonderful with uncertain new engines. I think he would have been much better for taking Molly under his wing than Thomas, and he must be a god among many of the newer tank engines. Like the dynamic I tried to paint in my headcanon post about Harvey—Percy gives whiplash as your mentor because he will always support you 100% but sometimes he will suddenly make the most baffling decisions and if you are not, yourself, a natural chaos gremlin, you are just along for the ride and possibly dying of secondhand embarrassment. But again, you also get over it because no one will ever show up for you more consistently than Percy the Caterpillar Engine.

The BWBA era thing where Gordon winds up mentoring Rebecca is... like, fine, I guess. I don't have any complaints about it, but—as I tried to show in my ficlet with him and Derek—I think Gordon's most typical mentorships have two unmistakable characteristics:

it is insanely arbitrary as to whether or not he decides to take you on. if you wind up in his circle of trust you probably weren't trying or even remotely expecting. it is also hard for anyone else to understand why Gordon looked at a new engine and said to himself "Yes. That one." Because the way Gordon makes emotional decisions is utterly impenetrable—this is RWS canon. Why did Gordon one day go from being Pure Unadulterated Jackass Whose Only Thought So Far In His Life Has Been "Me! Me! Meeeee!" to the engine who (evidently? without?? snark???) suggested the Fat Controller let Henry out of the tunnel to take a turn on his train? Honestly we don't know but it remains Gordon's signature style. Why did Gordon do an about-face after James took the express and graciously decide James was his new buddy? Well, to save face of course, but Gordon is also not above a good grudge so it feels like a coin toss. Why did Gordon decide to be super gracious when he rescued Percy and Thomas from their RWS scrapes? No one knows but somehow these moments are so quintessentially him (even though showing up moaning and scolding would have also been quintessentially him). And—most relevantly of all—there is what I regard as his archetypal moment with BoCo. 'My dear engine! You SAVED MY LIFE.' 'I mean, you're welcome for getting rid of them but they were never actually going to kill you.' 'YES THEY WERE. THEY HAD MURDER IN THEIR HEARTS. YOU ARE A GOD AMONG DIESELS, STANDING STRONG AGAINST THE FORCES OF DARKNESS.' '... Sure.' Gordon logic is not the same as earth logic and his reasons for rejecting or accepting others seldom make much sense.

If he does take you on, you may not even notice. Gordon is very stuffy and kind of... emotionally remote. His mentorship style consists of long rambling bouts of relating/boasting about his own experiences and/or advising you, without you able to get much of a word in edgewise—but then, he does this with everyone who is ever stuck with him—and doing extraordinarily nice things for you such as pulling strings to get you the best assignments or upgrades but he'll do it all behind your back, so it might take a while before you realize. (But you'd better, because even though he deliberately decides to do these things in secret, he will also privately feel hurt and hard-done-by if you don't figure it out and thank him. Or at least exclaim happily in his presence and sing the praises of your unknown fairy godfather.)

So yes, mentor!Gordon is a lot like friend!Gordon and worker!Gordon. He is pretty damn high-maintenance but he is also genuinely quite worth it. What his relationships lack in... comprehensibility they make up for in loyalty and generosity. ALTHOUGH. It's worth laughing because I think most of the engines he takes on are decent, polite engines who perhaps have some self-confidence issues. Basically it's like any engine he meets afterwards who is in the Edward mould he is actually magnificent to, which is hysterical considering that one of the keynotes in early canon was Gordon bullying the shit out of Edward. (I still think that wasn't malicious though, and more Gordon did not yet have the remotest understanding of Himself, Theory of Mind, or How to Be a Friend.)

If you have self-confidence issues but you do not win Gordon's capricious favor, never fear! You have James. Who is even more capricious, but that's not to say he's never been the most faaaaaabulous mentor in the world, c'est ne pas? Look. I want to see James as the catalyst for shy newcomers having a glow up. In appearance and attitude. I don't think he does he often but it has definitely happened around twice. I somehow have never actually watched "Rosie is Red" or "The Fastest Red Engine on Sodor" while paying attention but I've been assuming that's exactly how Rosie's Confident Girl Arc went down. Maybe he could be a similar idol for Neville or Flora. Another thing that has happened twice is James just flat-out corrupting a couple of the Good, Buttoned-Down Boys and Girls. I still want to see James take, like, Porter or Arthur and teach 'em anger. Introduce them to the world of (tiny) rebellions. By the time James is done with them, they are starting to Display Behaviors, and Act In Certain Ways.

Henry, I firmly believe (sticking out my tongue at most of the TVS and magazine writing for him), is actually regarded very intimidating. Like Gordon and James are intimidating too, but they are also known jackasses and the universe is known to have slapped them around reliably when they get too far up their own tenders. Also Gordon usually puts on an air of affability—in RWS it's Henry who is the Grumpy One (and meanwhile James, though he has a foul temper, is just too ADHD to be properly intimidating). I suspect Henry's actually always had the reputation for being extremely snobbish. Which is silly because he's only mildly to moderately snobbish, but there you are. He also doesn't put himself out there socially, but of course if you put yourself out there to him he's perfectly friendly. Anyway newcomers and young engines wouldn't know this right away. I think Henry's specialty is mentees in the mold of Bear and my OC Laura and even Rebecca—extroverted, expressive engines who show him respect. In those cases you see his best side, all kindliness and unstinting support. And Henry's support is really valuable, for the usual reasons that all the OGs have a lot of pull on the railway but also because Henry is surprisingly sage and sensible. He doesn't have the reputation for it the way Edward does, due to some of his notoriously poor decision-making in his earlier years and the way he can still sometimes be a bit literal or naive. But even if he's had to learn most things the hard way, he hasn't lied to himself about it and therefore he's developed a very clear-eyed view on things. Refreshingly simple and sound. We see this already in the RWS Super Rescue—he's got Bear and Spamcan pretty well-pegged long before the story ends. He also values engine solidarity in a really consistent, utterly unpretentious way that shows you he doesn't even think about it, it's just become a part of who he is. I love it. And, of course, he's bold as brass. He once hissed steam at his boss and essentially told him to fuck off for no better reason than it was raining and he just wasn't feelin' it. He had the most horrid wreck in the series and after being rebuilt he just got right back on that horse, pulling Flying Kippers again for the next century without the slightest sign of trauma. So if you need him for something, he won't hesitate to move earth and heaven for a friend. He may be a bit of a hypochondriac and likes to predict doom and gloom but he is fundamentally pretty fearless when it comes time for action. (Cut him a break with the elephant thing—he's allowed to have tunnel-related trauma, okay?)

Of course there was one extroverted engine inclined to hero-worship that Henry rejected in canon as a mentee, and that was Philip. Which brings us to Edward, and I fully agree with the fandom consensus that he is the mentor ever, capable of and inclined to look out for, like, everyone. All I'm saying is that I think the others can also step up in this way... Anyway, Edward's specialty of course is engines who are in the mould of Thomas, engines who are excited and eager to work but who talk a lot and might have a streak of mischief and who are definitely considered Too Much by everyone else. Edward likes energetic gremlins. They've always kept him young at heart. And, more importantly, they trust him so completely. Probably because they can tell he's one of the few who genuinely doesn't mind them at what everyone else considers their Most Annoying. He never tells them to hold still or quiet down or make themselves smaller in any way, so they are incredibly receptive to whatever he does tell them.

But what if you're Too Much and you are not eager? If you are not susceptible to admiring Edward's stellar work ethic? I think this is where Thomas shines. Like I think HIT abbreviated and simplified the conflicts with Dennis and Billy too much but it was such a gold mine. Because Thomas, see. You get these little sneaky rotters who don't want to listen to anyone—and at first Thomas seems like the most out-of-touch engine on the rails. Coz Thomas is a tryhard. He also has that whole "corporate positivity" thing going on. Like, the way I resolve the way TVS massacring my boy is by supposing that, after all, Thomas might have really tried to adopt that persona, especially in the '80s when he was inducted into the National Collection and the, well, television series got underway and Thomas becomes damn near the most famous locomotive in the world, certainly he knows he is an icon for children, and he might have figured that, well, this means I have to be a Good Role Model and Teach Children Valuable Lessons. And so he really did try to do this whole pep-talk, moralizing, sugary sweet encouragement thing (and he has a Word of the Day calendar, lol).

And the Dennises and Billies of the world look at that and—understandably, I think—retch a little. But then they double down. And the thing is, when they push Thomas too far, Thomas forgets to be sweetness and light, and just becomes himself. First of all, a foul-mouthed little drill-sergeant wannabe ("Cinders and ashes!!!!" "Who's been late every afternoon this week?!" "You're too fat—you need exercise!" "IF YOU DIE? IF YOU DIE, MOTHERFUCKER? SO WHAT?! I WOULDN'T GIVE A SHIT COZ I'D BE TOO BUSY FINALLY RUNNING MY GODDAMN TRAIN TO TIME." - all direct quotes from Thomas the Tank Engine, ladies and gents) Secondly, an extremely experienced engine who really has done a bit of everything by this point (he even hitched a ride on the Wild Nor'wester that one time, lol) and who is pretty skeptical so he's hard to fool (Percy was the last engine to really ever get one over on him, during the Ghost Train incident, and that's ancient history by this point). If you try to get away with doing a shitty job he's bound to notice and he will be quite acid-tongued if you've pierced his PR Persona. Third, although he can be kinda self-involved and the last to "get" what's going on with newcomers, he is surrounded by his old friends, who are all pretty good about either clocking an engine's whole Deal, getting all the tea like the gossips they are, or both. So while he was still in his amiable-idiot stage of your acquaintance, you, poor rebellious fool, thought you had the run of things but all the while he was getting up to speed on your whole deal. Which means you won't be prepared, should you really commit to ongoing antisocial behavior, for Thomas the Beacon of Children Everywhere to abruptly cast up your entire life story to you and to read it for filth, telling you the merciless truth about yourself in a way that the other engines pieced together but with which they probably never hit you deadass between the eyes.

Of course, this doesn't mean the would-be punks and malcontents who get onto Sodor are instantly cured, lol (though it has gone down that way a few times—my alternate version of Billy's intro story would feature an end where he's just gobsmacked into submission). Sometimes it just means you are going to decide Thomas is your Hated Enemy for Life, but you know what? You will have to step up your game in order to compete with him or even to gain enough clout to try and sabotage him so you're still playing into his hand (if we accept TVS's idea that 'Devious Diesel' did become a part of the Sodor family, I think this is how he was successfully integrated. At some point Thomas unexpectedly read him the riot act and Diesel was like 'who the FUCK are you?? like i know i already had beef with all the main line engines but where the hell did YOU come from???' but then after decades of competition they are essentially frenemies). But mostly the thing is, you are shell-shocked for just long enough, and you'd probably shift to being a bigger asshole than before... but, during that period where you're still burned, you are also looking at all of Sodor and every engine on it with fresh eyes (because if Thomas the Merchandise Engine could ream you out like that, perhaps you underestimated everything about this place). And you are noticing something else. Once Thomas has scalded you with his bitchery, he's also your friend. It's almost his version of sharing his lunch with you on the playground. (Something something salt and vinegar.) For all he rode Henry so hard from some of the earliest days of canon, I bet you he also beat down any 'outsiders' who took shots at him. For all he and Percy squabble, they are the closest of friends (and they weren't! for decades! but the more they squabbled, the closer they got). Getting into a knock-down fistfight is alarmingly close to Thomas's love language, and by the time he's savaged you verbally he is also invested in you. Once he's told you what he really thinks of you, he's also going to start showing up for you genuinely.

And that's when the little shits see the final side of Thomas. The genuine good humor. Obviously it doesn't win over everyone but there is a real groundedness and humility that I am sure Thomas can show (I tried to show this in the fic I made with @shinygoku based off their artwork of Thomas and Daisy) that is hard to resist. He's also fucked up along the way in every way imaginable so even when he side-eyes you, he's not looking down at you. I can just see him showing screw-ups a lot of grace so long as they let down their guard even somewhat because he's been there. Hoo boy, has he been there. That's why kids actually love him (it's not your vocabulary lessons and beaming smile, Thom, though the effort is appreciated), and it's why young engines can wind up loving him too. He doesn't hold what you've done in the past against you; he genuinely believes in second chances (and third, and...). Plus he knows every engine needs some excitement and responsibility in their lives. He has never forgotten the insanity-inducing frustration of being tethered to Vicarstown station.

Basically, once you cut past Thomas's earnest (and bullshit) attempt to be Perfect Kids' Role Model, he's actually always been great at keeping it real. And that's where a genuine respect can often grow.

These are all beautiful.

Personalized Insults

So my friend @sekiumiarashi and I have created a bit of Sodor culture between the engines. That being personalized insults. The insults are a sign you know and care enough about the engine to know how they fucked up. You want to show you care but also say “fuck off you’re being a bitch”. Every engine has them, Thomas having the most. Here are some

Gordon: Oh go up a hill. // Mr. Ditchwater // Did lose your way again?/Who lost the route for you this time? // Mr. Diesel Buffers // Domeless

Thomas: Go fall down a mine. // Mr. I make good decisions (mainly used by Edward) // Remember your coaches this time? // Gone fishing?/Got fish in your boiler? // Enjoy your world tour? (Whenever he’s late) // regular law breaker

Percy: Dirty Percy // You get in a jam? // Did you have a snack break? (When he’s late) // Mr. Whistle-mouth // Non-refundable (only in our au)

James: Don’t get your bootlaces in a twist // Mr. Buzzbox // Mr. Bridge-cracker (by Toby and Gordon only) // Tar-face/tar-wagon

Henry: Get stuck in a tunnel // Sir Improper Funnel (by Percy only)

Emily: Your highness

Edward: Mr. Know the rails (by Gordon only in our au) // Lose a water wheel?/Lose a wheel?

Feel free to add more if you’d like.

I KNEW SCOTT OWNED SUNGLASSES!

He tries. So hard.

Great Scott, it is!

OKAY

But why does young Scrooge look like a lot of humanisations of ttte Flying Scotsman???

So according to my LNWR James, you guys like silly alt takes, well then, have another one.

LMS Patriot Henry, this idea came from someone else AU, and honestly, looks good, I think in that one Henry was an early prototype of the Patriot Re-Builds, and had issues, but don't quote me on that.

Still haven't made his post-Killdane version, as I have been spriting every, single, 6Ft 9Inch LMS Express engine Since the Large Claughton.

If you want to look at that it's here- https://www.deviantart.com/tsdra90n

Made several of these myself, and called them Trainsonification, similar to the Langauge Feature Personification.

How to Swear Like a Steam Engine (And Other Sentient Locomotive Slang)

If there’s one thing engines enjoy doing, it’s complaining and insulting each other, and they’ve developed their own slang to do it. Phrases like “fusspot,” “cinders and ashes!” and “bossy boiler” are common in the Railway Series, but there are many other terms.

The following list of phrases and expressions are commonly used by engines on American railroads, in particular on the Jefferson Great Divide Railway in the mountain west of the US. Some may be common in Sodor and the rest of Britain as well, others are specific to America. There are other lists on the internet documenting the various IRL slang used by human employees, and a lot of that is used by engines as well, but this is specifically the slang terms that were more or less developed within the locomotive subculture.

All Smoke and No Steam: All show and no substance. A person or engine who talks a good game or puts a lot of effort into appearing to be helpful but can’t back it up. An engine that’s making a huge cloud of smoke and a lot of noise looks impressive but if what’s coming out the smokestack is all smoke and no steam it’s not actually doing any work. Can also mean empty words or promises that won’t be fulfilled in the abstract.

“He’s all smoke and no steam!” = talks a good game, is all hat and no cattle, etc.

“That rule’s all smoke and no steam” can mean a rule isn’t / won’t be enforced, or that it will be enforced but it doesn’t actually make things better and is just a way of looking like something’s being done. E.g. “The new safety regulations are all smoke and no steam, management’s still going to come down harder for being late than for safety violations.”

“Their threats are all smoke and no steam” (when referring to customers/clients/workers) = they complain loudly but they’re not actually going to do anything like stop buying tickets, or ship freight by other means, or quit, or strike.

Amtrash: Derogatory term for Amtrak and its engines, used by freight railroad engines. Amtrak is the USA’s quasi-nationalized long-distance passenger rail network. Most of the track it runs on is owned by other railroads which are freight-only, and there’s quite a bit of resentment between them. See also: Useless Pacific, Nofucks Southern, Satan Fe, All Trains Smell Funny, Borington Northern, Misery Pacific, Criminally Slow and X-pensive, Southern Pathetic, Big Nasty Stupid Fuckers. The US only had its railroads forced into a Get Along T-shirt for like three years and that was during WWI-era, so there are a lot of rivalries between different railroads there.

Ballast Plow: A large truck, especially a flatbed, that stalls at a crossing – because if it gets hit it’s likely to bend around the engine’s front and be dragged down the track instead of getting thrown aside, digging into the embankment and scattering ballast everywhere.

Buckled Rail: A buckled rail (usually happens due to thermal expansion of the track in a heatwave) is at a minimum extremely painful to run over and can often damage engines or rolling stock and derail trains. “I need that like a buckled rail!”

Cattle Cars / Cattle: Derogatory term for a passenger train / passengers, particularly unruly and annoying passengers. Engines aren’t supposed to say this within earshot of passengers (and coaches get offended too).

Cowboy / Car Wrangler / Rodeo Clown: Shunter/switcher engines. Definitely popularized in the American West.

Did you fill your Tender/Bunker from the Ash Pit?: Ash doesn’t burn and would make a mess all over the cab. Basically translates to “Who pissed in your cornflakes?”Can also refer to an engine who has no steam or energy.

“Did you fill your bunker from the ash pit this morning? You’ve done nothing but complain and insult everyone all day!”

“Did you fill your tender from the ash pit today? I might as well be pulling this train by myself!”

Did They Fill Your Tender With Rocks?: Less profane version of the above.

Drink Hard Water: Hard water, i.e. water with lots of mineral content, is not good for a steam engine because mineral deposits (boiler sludge and scale) can accumulate in the boiler and other plumbing and be very uncomfortable / difficult to clean out.

“Go drink hard water!” = Go jump in a lake / go to hell / go fuck yourself. Basically “go somewhere else and have a miserable time while you’re there.”

“I’d rather drink hard water!” or “That’s like drinking hard water!” = Hell No.

Dry Crownsheet: VERY strong expression meaning an engine is tired or frustrated to the breaking point and about to lose their temper. “My crownsheet’s dry” could be compared to “I’m going to blow a fuse” or “Blow my stack” but that doesn’t cover the intensity. The crownsheet is the top of a locomotive’s firebox, and allowing the water level in the boiler to drop low enough that the crownsheet is exposed can cause it to overheat, weaken, and fail, which is a common cause of boiler explosions. If that weren’t bad enough water suddenly being reintroduced to an overheated crown sheet can flash to steam and cause a catastrophic pressure spike. Blowing a fuse means a safety mechanism has activated to prevent catastrophe. A steam locomotive with a dry crownsheet means the safety mechanisms have already failed and is on the verge of a devastating explosion. Used figuratively, means an engine has run out of ability to cope with stress and is one more tiny irritation away from taking it out on whoever’s unlucky enough to have added the proverbial final straw, or just anyone nearby, without regard to consequences for themselves.

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t your fault. He rolled into the yard with his crownsheet dry” = He wasn’t angry because of you, he was already angry and something was going to set him off sooner or later.

“Listen, I got a dry crownsheet from my last train. If any of you cars start anything I’m about ready to jump the track into the river and pull you all along with me.”

“Please just get me out of this station! My crownsheet’s about dry and if I have to hear the passengers complaining I don’t think I can take it!”

Find a Scrapyard: This basically means “Kill yourself,” so… not a very nice thing to say.

Fire Me Dry: Basically equivalent to “Fuck me” as an expression of exasperation. If an engine’s fire was lit with no water in the boiler at all, it might not cause an explosion but would still destroy the firebox. Apparently Furness Railway No. 1 was severely damaged and later scrapped due to this.

Flatlanders: Insult used on many mountain railways to make fun of engines and crews from plains regions who aren’t used to running the difficult routes.

“Boy, if those flatlanders think one in one-twenty’s a hill, I can’t wait to see ‘em coming up the pass!”

“They way some of these flatlanders talk you’d think you can’t climb anything over 1% without cog wheels.”

General Sherman, Sherman’s Army, Sherman’s Necktie: Refers to “Sherman’s Neckties,” a tactic of destroying sections of rail by heating them and twisting or bending them until they were unusable. This phrase is pretty much US-specific, and likely originated with engines used in the US Civil War picking up the term from humans, but has spread to subsequent generations of engines who often weren’t taught the historical context and only knew that Sherman was a man who commanded an army and destroyed a lot of railroad track. General Sherman and his army have become almost folkloric figures that various causes of track wear and failure are attributed to, sort of like Jack Frost. Can also refer to incompetent track maintenance / rough and poorly maintained track, or to the crews and vehicles responsible for it. Though they sometimes use the term for an engine who’s particularly hard on the rails or otherwise damages the track.

“That crew really did a General Sherman of a job with these rails.” = Sarcastically saying the maintenance crew made the rails even worse.

“Be careful at that junction, it’s a real Sherman’s Necktie.”

“Ouch! Who laid these ties, General Sherman?”

“That new road-rail’s a real General Sherman. Take any track he’s been over slow or you might break an axle.”

“Hey, General Sherman, try checking a switch is set right before you barge into it.”

“In case you’re wondering why the spur’s been closed all day, General Sherman over here spun his wheels ‘til he damn near hit ballast.” (Diesels in multiple unit operation can occasionally spin their wheels on a stopped train for so long they grind/melt halfway through the rails)

“They ought to put you in a siding and necktie the rails” (similar to “They should lock you up and throw away the key)

“Keep an eye on the track ahead of you: General Sherman’s hard at work on days like this” = a warning given in very hot weather that could cause buckling of the rails.

Getting the Rails Painted: A euphemism for a person or animal being run over by a train. Alternately: “Paint my wheels” or “Paint my pilot.” Obviously no sane engine wants this to happen but some engines use this phrase as gallows humor between each other. Occasionally said to humans who break safety rules by a furious engine.

“What the hell are you doing walking between moving freight cars? You almost painted the rails back there!”

“I heard they got the rails painted at the 58th Street Crossing?” “Yeah. From what I heard, poor guy must’ve been drunk and fell asleep on the tracks. They didn’t say whose train it was but Robbie’s been in the shed all week.”

“Some idiot ducked under the crossing gates on a bike and just about painted my pilot.”

“I got my pilot painted by a herd of deer yesterday. I swear, once they get on the track they must think they’re a train, they just run along it!”

Go Get Your Ash Pan Raked: Removing the ash that collects under an engine’s firebox could be considered the closest steam engine equivalent to using the bathroom, but the connotations aren’t quite the same. Cleaning out the ash pan is a task firemen hate, so telling an engine to get their ash pan raked basically means “Go be someone else’s problem for a while (instead of mine)” Basically translates to "Fuck off."

Hotbox / Hot Axle: A hotbox or hot axle is an overheating axle and/or bearing box, usually on rolling stock but sometimes on engines. “One hot axle stops a train” is a common proverb that means a small missed detail can cause a massive inconvenience or impediment – compare to “For want of a nail” or “One bad apple spoils the barrel.” It doesn’t matter how many cars are on a train, a single hotbox can force the entire thing to stop until the problem is fixed. In slang use, of course, a hotbox can refer to anything small and seemingly irrelevant that manages to cause a disproportionate amount of annoyance, delay, or wasted time. It could be a physical object, a rule or procedure or an event. It is also a common insult: sometimes directed at engines, but more often at people or other vehicles. It basically means “killjoy” or “wet blanket,” with a specific connotation of “You and your opinion aren’t important but you are holding everyone else back / ruining things for everyone by making a ton of noise.” Common examples of hotboxes include an overly officious inspector or manager, a broken down road vehicle blocking a grade crossing, a track maintenance crew that’s working slowly and blocking multiple trains, a small weather event that still sometimes manages to delay everything, or an unruly passenger who causes an entire train to be stopped on their account (or unsuccessfully demands it be).

“Sorry I’m so late. Some drunk hotbox picked a fight with the conductor and the cops had to drag him off the train.”

“Will you quit being such a hot axle? Everyone else is enjoying the roundhouse party, if you don’t like it just sleep outside!”

“They’d better fix those jammed points soon, they’re hotboxing the whole damn yard!” (note: the use of "hotbox" as a verb among engines probably predates the drug usage)

Icicles In My Smokebox: Hyperbolic complaining about cold weather. There are many parts of a steam engine that are susceptible to things freezing where they shouldn’t, such as the feed hoses from the tender, water tanks, and possibly journal boxes and other running gear could feel stiff and numb if the oil gets cold enough. Naturally, when engines are complaining about the cold they’ll claim the hottest parts of them, which have absolutely no chance of freezing while their fire is lit, are freezing. Other variants include “Frost in my flues,” “If they put ice cream in my firebox it wouldn’t melt,” and “Cold enough to freeze your smoke halfway up the stack,” and “So cold a snowman could fire me all day long” (standing next to a firebox door shoveling coal is hot work, if it’s that cold in the cab it’s pretty darn cold)

Idiot Siding: Off the rails, specifically a safety siding where the rails end in a sand or gravel bed, or wherever a train that runs over trap points / catch points / derailers gets sent. These devices intentionally derail an uncontrolled or runaway train to prevent it from obstructing a main line or endangering people further down the track. If a train ends up here either somebody didn’t check the switch alignment, moved when they weren’t supposed to, or lost control of their train, hence the name.

If it gets any hotter my fireman’s gonna be out of a job: Hyperbolic complaining about the weather – implying that the heat of the sun on an engine’s boiler is enough to raise steam without them needing a fire.

In My Cab: Sarcastic way of saying another engine (usually) or a non-crew human is being bossy, or controlling and/or micromanaging, or giving advice on things that are none of their business. Basically meaning “You’re acting like you think you’re my driver.”

“Get out of my cab, I can sort these cars how I want!”

“Manager’s been in my cab all week.”

“Who let you in my cab?”

“Yeah, sure thing. Hey, while you’re up there in my cab, why don’tcha polish my gauges?”

Lionel Lines / Lionels: Derogatory term for narrow-gauge railways and trains, named after the popular brand of toy and model trains. Visitors to the JGD are strongly advised to NOT use this term around the resident standard-gauge engines. They are very protective of their narrow-gauge friends due to certain incidents in the past.

No Ashpan: e.g. “You’ve been running with no ashpan all day” or “He ain’t got no ashpan.” The ash pan is a tray underneath a steam engine’s firebox that collects ash and cinders that fall through the grates. An engine with no ashpan would leave a trail of red-hot cinders everywhere it went, which could be scattered by the wind from a train at speed, starting fires around the track – especially in the dry climate where the JGD is! Basically it means someone leaves a trail of destruction wherever they go. This is a very strong way of calling someone clumsy or incompetent (as in “You fuck up everything you touch”). It can also be used to refer to someone who’s rude, tactless, cruel, or toxic.

Pulling With Your Regulator: Wasting effort, doing more work than you need to. A steam engine’s power can be controlled using the regulator/throttle (reducing available steam pressure / flow rate to the valves) or by using the valve gear control (the “Johnson Bar”) to reduce the amount of time the valves are open. Controlling power and speed using the Johnson Bar (admitting small amounts of high-pressure steam into the cylinders) is more efficient than using the throttle (letting lots of low-pressure steam into the cylinders).

“Sure, you could shunt those cars like that, but you’ll be pulling with your regulator. Those grain hoppers are going out tomorrow morning and you’ll have to get ‘em out from behind everything else.”

Put on a Liquid Diet: A coal-fired or wood-fired steam engine being converted to an oil burner.

Rolling Dumpster: Insulting term for a tender. Not like a slur against tender engines, in fact it’s probably mostly tender engines who use it. E.g. “Why don’t you get that rolling dumpster off that siding and do some work for once?”

Sand in my fire and coal on my wheels: An engine feeling sick, confused, or discombobulated. Ironically oil-fired engines do actually periodically get sand thrown in their fire to clean their tubes out.

Scalding: Yelling at someone, dressing them down, treating them with cruelty. Engines can’t be physically scalded, but they know the meaning from the injuries that escaping steam can cause to humans.

“I’m sick of that stationmaster. He scalded me and my crew for running two minutes behind schedule without even asking why!”

“Geez, ask a simple question, get a scalding.”

“If that switchman isn’t fired tonight, he’ll wish he had been after the scalding I give him next time he see him. Throwing a train onto a siding at that speed could’ve derailed me, not to mention if there’d been a train there!"

Slug: Someone who blindly follows orders with no initiative or independent thought, or a yes-man or toadie. Used by diesels. A slug is an extra motor unit that can be coupled to a diesel-electric engine that draws excess power from it to provide extra traction while shunting, but a slug is not alive in the same way that tenders aren’t alive.

“Oh, company policy says, the rulebook says – quit being such a slug and live a little!”

“Yeah, the guy’s just Bernie’s slug. Always following him around hoping to be noticed. Pathetic.”

Smoke out the Stack: Similar to Water Under the Bridge. Expression meaning something’s in the past and no longer relevant.

“Hey, sorry about this morning.” “Ahh, don’t worry, that’s smoke out the stack."

Squishies: A very rude way of referring to careless yard workers and light road or rail vehicles, as well as people who trespass on tracks.

Sugar in My Fuel Tank: An unpleasant surprise. Originated in petrol-powered vehicles, but spread to diesel locomotives even though sugar in a diesel tank doesn’t really cause that much damage.

Teakettle: Insulting term for steam engines, especially small ones.

Tender-first: Doing something totally wrong, i.e. Ass-backwards. This one translates very literally. A tender engine running backwards can’t see very well and neither can its crew.

This Train’s Leaving. You can be on it, beside it, or under it: Means “My mind is made up. You can either help or leave me alone, but if you get in the way there’s going to be serious trouble.”

Thrown: Throwing a switch is what changing it from one direction to another is called, but when an engine talks about getting thrown it means being switched in an unexpected or unwanted direction, particularly at high speed. Like other types of sentient vehicle engines need a human operator to move with full control, but they also run on rails and cannot “steer.” In essence a train moves in one dimension while a car or boat moves in two and an aircraft moves in three. Even the most free-spirited engines don’t usually truly want the ability to go any which way: they like the certainty and predictability of knowing where moving forward will take them. However, engines do value the limited autonomy they do have. An engine can’t control itself without a driver, but as anyone who’s read the Railway Series will know, it is extremely difficult to move an unwilling engine. Thomas and James had runaway incidents because they were either trying to move without a driver on purpose or didn’t realize there was no one at the controls, and once they had made the choice to let themselves start moving, they couldn’t change the state of their controls by themselves. But an engine won’t move without their consent. Switches are a different matter. An engine is reliant on someone outside the cab to set the points, and being sent down the “wrong track” against their will feels very violating to many engines in a way that being physically pushed or pulled by another vehicle doesn’t. It’s like being manhandled. There is an expectation that switch operators follow the instructions of either an engine, their crew, or the dispatcher or yardmaster who is expected to tell the engine in advance where they are supposed to go. It’s also physically a jarring and unpleasant out-of-control feeling for an engine even when traveling at a safe speed – basically the train equivalent of going up or down a staircase and expecting another step that isn’t there, or suddenly hydroplaning or hitting a patch of ice in a car, or having your feet start to slide out from under you. And it’s often downright dangerous, either because a train is moving too fast for the curve of the switch and is derailed or because it’s sent into a collision on the other track or off the end of a siding (e.g. the Flying Kipper crash). Engines being engines, the term is also used hyperbolically to complain about an abrupt change of routing or scheduling with little warning, e.g. “Well, nobody told us about the special using my regular platform, until the last signal, they just threw me to Platform Five!” or “Today’s ore train was late. Dispatch gave them the tunnel instead of me so they didn’t have to stop going uphill, but I didn’t hear about it until they threw me on the passing siding!” It can also be used figuratively, similar to “thrown off track” or “thrown off,” to describe an unpleasant surprise or failure of communication.

Traveling In Style: Slang for a vehicle, especially a locomotive, being transported on a flatbed.

Tubes in a Twist / Knot: Expression of an engine (or human) being irritated, or feeling sick.

“What’s gt your tubes in a twist this morning?”

“That’ll put a knot in the foreman’s tubes for sure!”

“Are you feeling okay? You look like you’ve got a knot in your tubes!”

Turf Train: Affectionate term for farm tractors pulling multiple trailers or appliances.

Turn Your Grates: Implying that an engine has a buildup of ash on their firebox grates that is preventing their fire from getting enough air – almost always used figuratively to imply the engine’s mind is clogged with useless thoughts or strong emotions that are keeping them from thinking clearly. Or that they’re just being an idiot.

“Turn your grates before you run your mouth” = Think before you speak, in particular about whether you’re coming from a place of emotion or bias.

“Turn your grates and look at the track” = You have your mind on something other than what you’re doing, stop thinking about that and concentrate.

“Your cars are right on Spur 7 like I told you, turn your grates and look again!”

“I know the last diesel who visited was rude, but let’s turn our grates and keep an open mind about the new ones.”

Yoopers and Burlies: These are JGD-specific slang. The railroad connects to two major interstate railroads, Union Pacific and the Burlington Northern and Santa Fe Railway (BNSF). At some point some engine heard about the word “Yooper” to describe people from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, decided to start calling engines and employees from Union Pacific this, and the name stuck. “Burlies” are BNSF engines. Prior to the 1995 merge of Burlington Northern and the Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railway, the term was used for Burlington Northern, but there wasn’t really a term for Santa Fe engines other than “Santas” or “S-Fs.” A few engines tried to get “Reindeer” adopted as a term but it never caught on. Yoopers and Burlies are common on the JGD because both railways have trackage rights on one or more of its major routes.

You Got Your Valve Gear Backwards On the Left Side: Steam locomotives reverse by using their valve gear to change the timing of their valves. If one somehow had its valve gear operating backwards on one side, one cylinder would be trying to go in reverse and the other forward and it wouldn’t get anywhere. Used figuratively to mean “You’re sabotaging yourself” or “You’re the cause of your own problems.” Mostly used by older engines.

He about to get into a scrap.

idk if I'm late, but can you do Tiger Moth? (if you have a design for him)

HIS BI FLAG PATCH IS FUNNY BECAUSE HE'S A BIPLANE XDDD

Had that thought once, and it was fantastic, I call it the Gender Crisis of 2005.

Ivo Hugh was to Blame.

Irl loco pronouns are she/it so… theyre all transmasc ur honour

I love this

why do you look like that

(he is dark BLUE but my screen makes him look purple 😔)

alts (different glasses) :

Eddie looking a lot like Jame here.

I love it, I mean he was once a Gleaming Red Ted.

Golden Days

You all can have this James I did for shits and giggles.

London, AND North Western Anyone?

LNWR 19-Inch Goods