Latest Posts by midnight---express - Page 12

Little Western & Identity Fraud

You know the entire LW gang has probably been involved in identity fraud, I say probably cause of old Monty.

It is almost implied that Oliver used more than one number plate, and Donald & Douglas's whole story of how they got to Sodor was Identity fraud.

But Duck, Dear old Montague it is stated in the IOS that and I quote 'Duck had arrived at Tidmouth bearing the number 5741, but this is by no means certain that this was the number which had been allotted to him Ex-Works.'

And this could tie into his working life as the Real 5741 worked at Aberdare and Newport, but this was in the 50s', but Duck also spouts about the greatness of Swindon (although it is in fact the greatest) and the fact he worked at Paddington.

Both of these facts are bull, 5741 was built in Glasgow in North British, and as far as we know 5741 never worked at Paddington.

So why does Duck state all this, well think about it who the hell is going to say otherwise?

Oliver never meets Duck until at least the 60s' and City of Truro was withdrawn in 1931 so also never meets Duck, and it can be assumed that he didn't know that the first 5700's were built in Scotland, as every other loco the GWR at that point was built at Swindon until the 5700s', he also states he worked at Paddington, and meet King James he never states which one First or Second, but they entered service a year before him, so maybe early Thirties.

So either Duck just isn't 5741 or is 5741 and just bullshitting common knowledge GWR information, cuz who the hell is going to fact-check him, Gordon doesn't clearly care, and the only other engine who would probably know doesn't give two.

In Conclusion either Duck has been involved in Identity Fraud or is just a fucking liar, If the Dome Fits I guess.

A new mode of production arises out of the newly networked masses.

"Moring Thomas"

"Hello, FatFace!"

"Oh Quite FishTank!"

Personalized Insults

So my friend @sekiumiarashi and I have created a bit of Sodor culture between the engines. That being personalized insults. The insults are a sign you know and care enough about the engine to know how they fucked up. You want to show you care but also say “fuck off you’re being a bitch”. Every engine has them, Thomas having the most. Here are some

Gordon: Oh go up a hill. // Mr. Ditchwater // Did lose your way again?/Who lost the route for you this time? // Mr. Diesel Buffers // Domeless

Thomas: Go fall down a mine. // Mr. I make good decisions (mainly used by Edward) // Remember your coaches this time? // Gone fishing?/Got fish in your boiler? // Enjoy your world tour? (Whenever he’s late) // regular law breaker

Percy: Dirty Percy // You get in a jam? // Did you have a snack break? (When he’s late) // Mr. Whistle-mouth // Non-refundable (only in our au)

James: Don’t get your bootlaces in a twist // Mr. Buzzbox // Mr. Bridge-cracker (by Toby and Gordon only) // Tar-face/tar-wagon

Henry: Get stuck in a tunnel // Sir Improper Funnel (by Percy only)

Emily: Your highness

Edward: Mr. Know the rails (by Gordon only in our au) // Lose a water wheel?/Lose a wheel?

Feel free to add more if you’d like.

All Engines Ought to Have Names

"Yes," agreed Edward, "it's most important."

Engines care a lot about names. It's one of the few things that engines have ownership of and not every engine is lucky enough to get one. It's a mark of distinction on most railways and, by that measure, it's perhaps notable that engines on Sodor are nearly always given names if they don't already have one.

No. 1 - 5 (Thomas, Edward, Henry, Gordon, and James)

We can assume Sir Topham Hatt named all these guys because their respective backstories allow for that. Most of them are experiments that weren't ever meant to see real use, and we can afford Edward and Thomas that engines generally have to earn names outside of Sodor.

Hatt seems to favor common names for his engines. He's been around long enough perhaps to see what too lofty a name might do to an engine but leaving an engine unnamed has never been his style either. Giving an engine a name is a gesture of intent: you don't do so unless you plan to keep him around. It's also a great leveler: even the lowliest of engines on Sodor have names. Everyone is distinct, everyone is important to the railway.

No. 6 (Percy)

Percy is the only engine we actually see Hatt name. The big book of people, places, and things suggests Percy has a quite diverse prior work history, but taking his introduction in the book at face value, we could assume he's freshly built. If he did indeed work so many other places before without getting a name, being given one more or less sight unseen would be quite the statement to him.

I quite like to think he's named for Mr. Percival. They have a similar emotional intelligence.

No. 7 (Toby)

Toby already had a name and Hatt generally respects existing names which is why some other engines have names that do not follow his common naming convention, like Salty and Whiff.

No. 8 (Montague/Duck)

Duck is a Great Western engine and Hatt is said to be an admirer of the GWR. In fact, he came up at the Swindon Works. So when he asks Duck what his name is, it's an assumption that Duck does indeed already have one. And if he's a GW engine, he's undoubtedly quite proud of it. Hatt probably did expect that name to be somewhat pretentious, as the GWR seemed to take a humorous delight in that sort of thing, but that Duck had a nickname he preferred was probably a surprise.

He apparently received this nickname because the other engines thought he waddled. This could be a relic from the GWR, but I rather prefer to think it's from his time on the BR, where pannier tanks were perhaps a less common sight. Duck is also shorter, more relatable among other common engines, and easier to shout and hear over busy train yard noise. That he prefers it over Montague is probably practical (and it is merely a preference, he seems equally proud of his real name in "Duck in the Water"), but there's room for to be a trophy of acclimating to the BR.

SR No. 1 and 2 (Skarloey and Rheneas), MSR No. 1 (Duke), CFR No. 1, 4, 5, and 6 (King Godred, Culdee, Shane Dooiney, Lord Harry)

A lot of railways like to name their engines after scenic features of their lines or people that are important to it. This is particularly a mark of being a flagship engine on that railway.

MSR/SR. No 3 and 4 (Sir Handel and Peter Sam)

Beyond Duke, who was named for the Duke of Sodor, the Mid-Sodor Railway preferred to name its engines for their designers (Falcon and Stuart). If the railway had lasted longer, they might have run into trouble with that, but it didn't so all's well that ends well enough.

When Falcon and Stuart were sold to the Skarloey Railway, they were renamed Sir Handel and Peter Sam, after people significant to the SR.

Jinty and Pug

So an interesting note about these guys is that Jinty and Pug are actually nicknames for their classes of engine, not names proper. BR engines seem to usually go by a class name or a number; they're rarely given genuine names as far as we see.

Diesel

So it follows that Diesel is probably not a name proper either. And unlike other diesels who were eventually brought into the NWR, Diesel himself remains without a name proper.

I think Diesel has a complicated relationship with his place on Sodor and that he continues to lack a proper name speaks to that. However, I also think he likes it that way. When you speak of him, you have to qualify that you mean Diesel Himself. And even if he was not the first diesel to properly join the NWR (he even lacks a number, black sheep as he is), he gets to be called Diesel because he was the first to arrive. Though the distinction is dubious, it's a distinction all the same.

SR No. 5 (Rusty)

As seen with Sir Handel and Peter Sam, the done thing on the SR was to rename an engine after an important person to the railway. If we take Rusty's counterpart Midlander into account, who was bought from a quarry for the Talyllyn, it's possible Rusty already had a name upon arrival to the SR and was permitted to keep it. Rusty typically does not do customer facing work, so the name doesn't strictly need to fit the convention.

SR No. 6 (Duncan)

I suspect that Duncan was allowed to keep his name from his factory days as well, despite that he does do customer facing work and so should have been renamed to match the rest of the fleet. While it might just be that Duncan is a grumpy little cuss of an engine and so naming him after someone might come off as an insult to them, I prefer to think this is actually a consideration for him.

Given that factories probably don't need a whole fleet of engines and that Duncan has Opinions about diesels despite this, it stands to reason he was obsolesced and replaced by one. He's a complainer anyway, but he's probably not thrilled with his new lot in life. He's used to tidy, evenly laid (and probably indoor) rails and being able to say whatever is on his mind without worrying about what high-minded passengers will think.

Mr. Percival's got five kids. He gets it. No one likes change. Let that cunty little engine keep something that's his. It's a gesture to let him buck convention.

No. 9 and 10 (Donald and Douglas)

Hatt also asks these guys what their names are upon meeting them. If naming engines was likely on the Caledonian too, then Hatt expects they have names already, despite being BR engines at the present. They claim to have only given themselves names when they lost their numbers, but they're already lying about that so it's possible they're also lying about this. All the same, the BR apparently has little need for names, so it's a lie that would pass muster. If Hatt called the controller on the BR, he'd probably have no idea about this.

No. D1 (Daisy)

Daisy is the only BR engine who seemingly came with a name right out the box. Given that the BR wasn't exactly handing them out, but that she's apparently been treated very preciously by her fitter, I'd have to guess the name came from said fitter. Maybe that's where she's learned all her French nonsense too.

No. D2 (BoCo)

BoCo first gives his name when Edward spits out his entire class to Bill and Ben and they struggle to apologize to him in the face of it. It's a reversal of Co-Bo which is the name for his wheel arrangement. Given the more "affectionate" sound to it, it was a perhaps understatedly bold of him to give a name for himself. Co-Bo would have been utilitarian and given for ease of use, plausibly deniable if anyone objected. BoCo is a choice, it's him taking the liberty.

He was an NWR engine all along.

No. 11 (Oliver)

Also a Great Western, and so he had a name to begin with. And he uses it, even before he's accepted on the NWR. He might not be completely devoted to the Great Western Way as Duck is, but few engines are going to neglect a name if they have one.

No. D3 (Bear)

Bear was named by the other engines on the NWR, for the growling noise he makes. He likes the name his new friends have given him.

"It's nicer than just a number," he says. "Having a name means that you really belong."

This, this is beautiful.

The Lexicon

Since @littlewestern and I are partners in trainrot in general and in authorship in particular, we have developed a lexicon of terms to encompass concepts that occur frequently in Thomas the Tank Engine so's to make discussion of those things quicker. Thought it'd be fun to show you some of them.

Sodor Karma

Everyone probably uses this one or something like it. On Sodor, if you talk shit, you get hit within six business hours and then literally everyone you know will hear about it, if they didn't see it firsthand. And they will never forget it happened either. They'll bring it back up at every opportunity.

Killed Summarily

The kind of hypothetical accidents that never seem to happen on Sodor, where one or both parties would be absolutely demolished beyond repair. Originally arose from the idea that they coulda added Henry to the clusterfuck in "Duck in the Water" since he's green too, except that he would have absolutely killed all of the rest of them going at missed signal speed. Summarily. "Thankfully, no one was hurt" prevents these kinds of accidents.

9/11 Flight Path

Speaking of Henry, when an engine is on an unavoidable collision course with disaster we call it the 9/11 Flight Path, owing to this diagram in Thomas the Tank Engine Owners' Workshop Manual that looks like every 9/11 diagram complete with crash burst graphic.

It's Fkn Cocoa Time

But we're not concerned with the engine on his 9/11 Flight Path to kill us summarily because it's fkn cocoa time.

When you've eaten shit or are about to, you can count on a driver, a fireman, and maybe a guard somewhere to be enjoying hot cocoa, completely unbothered with your plight.

Fucking Cunt Dork

"Engines don't go fishing! Fucking cunt dork."

This is from the Carlin Comp, in a clip edited from Thomas Goes Fishing. When an engine starts getting all obsessive and distracted over some shit what engines ought not be caring about (fishing, winning medals, rainbows, statues of oneself, seeing golden eagles, wearing costumes, chasing shooting stars, finding pirate treasure (twice), being a hero, finding The Man in the Hills, getting one's picture taken, etc), he's become a fucking cunt dork.

While in practice, we do use this pretty loosely for anytime an engine becomes obsessive to the point of not being Useful, strictly speaking, being a fucking cunt dork is specifically for when the subject of that obsession is something engines shouldn't be concerned with. For example, Duck is not being a fucking cunt dork about the Great Western Way, but he was a fucking cunt dork about the regatta.

Cotton Candy Economy

Facetious term for the apparent shift in Sodor's economy from agricultural/fishing exports to tourism. We actually find this idea fascinating, that Sodor started out struggling to even get a railway running to becoming the steam engine mecca of the world such that its economy depends on this mismatched fleet of engines. Nonetheless, this change is marked by an increase in festivals, fun fairs, carnivals, magic shows, circuses, toy factories, and ice cream deliveries.

Holiday Friends

When engines are bein' extra friendly with each other in a way entirely too saccharine for the NWR. Maybe in a way bordering on festive. When you're friendsing with your friends in the cotton candy economy.

OK, holiday friend.

Dignance Meeting

The opposite of an indignation meeting. Shit's goin' good and we're meeting to discuss it.

Unincorporated Sodor

Misty Island, where they keep all the titty bars and laundromats.

Cosa Nostra

Oliver's obviously willing to break the rules if his survival depends on it. While he's known around the railway for having ripped that mouthy car in half, it was actually Toad who thought the plan up. Even Duck's prepared to crush you under his wheels if you fuck with his passengers.

"There's only two ways to do this: the Great Western Way or the wrong way" is not advice. It's a warning. Cosa nostra.

More Regulator

Let's not leave Donald and Douglas out of the Little Western mafia though. This YouTube comment on TheUnluckyTug's Sodor's Finest video on Duck been living on in our vernacular ever since we laid eyes on it.

"But the Little Western is the kind of ride-or-die energy that you only get by taking four of probably the biggest shit-stirrers on the entire island, cramming them into a branch line together, and then rather than killing each other they save one another's lives. Oliver, Duck, Donald, and Douglas can and will dunk on each other given the opportunity, but if you even LOOK like you're going to fuck around with them and theirs, I've got a couple piles of old firewood that will tell you to decide otherwise. And that's even before you get into their crews, who all have balls of steel so heavy the engines probably need to be fitted for trailing wheels. Grand theft, forgery, and the kind of dick energy that looks at a line of freight cars going 75 miles an hour down a hill and says "I can do that" or hears the guard say "the van's breaking up!" and decides "good, more regulator."

Eat Shit Bridge

If you go over this bridge, you will eat shit.

Dumbass Saddletank Humor

Originated with an early Duck theory of mine: "So if you're some dumbass saddle tank engine who doesn't know shit about fuck and you see this boxy motherfucker with his tanks hoisted up on his boiler like he just got a new bra, you maybe assume that the weight distribution of his water is going to slosh around and make him prone to swaying. Waddling maybe."

and became a catch all for low-grade train amusement.

For example, Ray was making a Duck playlist on Spotify...

DJ: I guffawing at Montell Jordan - This is How We Do It DJ: You don't gotta add it, but I'm cacklin' Ray: lmaoooo Ray: It's not really thematic but… DJ: 'Cause I mean Ray: I do love it DJ: It's a song about how proud he is of where he comes from! DJ: And how they do it there! Ray: I was going to have Rubber Duckie be the joke bonus track but that one's way funnier. DJ: Ever since he was a lowercase G! Ray: god DJ: This is dumbass saddle tank humor. Ray: It is but what do you expect? Ray: We are dumbass saddle tank engines.

11:75 A.M.

From this excerpt from my solo trainfic:

Thomas pulled into the station. Sir Topham Hatt stood on the platform and pointed at his watch crossly.

"When you think about it Sir," said Thomas, "12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M."

Sir Topham Hatt felt exhausted.

11:75 is when trains arrive when they're late.

Ding Ding, Motherfucker

RWS Toby energy. Particularly with regard to those fleeting and scant moments in the CGI era where he gently brushes the cheek of gettin' his spicy old man energy back.

"What does he know?"

Originated for use about Tug and his since reformed Duck disappreciatin' ways. Now we usually use it in reference to Rev. Awdry whenever we decide to make a decision that contradicts his word on the matter.

Mostly this attitude stems from that infamous interview where he complains about "Henry's Forest", saying "What does an engine care for scenery?" As if he did not write a story in which Thomas was being a fucking cunt dork about fishing. Or another in which Percy was being a fucking cunt dork about scarves. You set the precedent, my man! Too, Henry caring about trees, I would argue, is not fucking cunt dorkery since one of the few ways in which engines have to interact with their world besides tracing 9/11 flight paths into it is looking at it.

Also that he was getting so uppity about the sanctity of his stories compared to the new ones that were being written for the show, as if he didn't only take actual trainecdotes and put his characters over top of them. Not discounting the skill involved in turning a train accident into a narrative, but he was not exactly coming up with scenarios on his own. That's why there's only one Culdee Fell book. The Snowdon Railway hasn't had enough incidents for any more.

Anyway, point is, sometimes we disregard whatever additional info he gave in The Island of Sodor: Its People, History and Railways because he was very strictly 1-to-1 about it and did not consider anything beyond whether thems the facts, ma'am. But it's a better story if there's only one Truck instead of the two the Snowdon Railway has or if Godred languishes in the Shed for a few years rather than being scrapped immediately.

After all, what does he know? He only wrote the books.

The Big Book of People, Places, and Things

The Island of Sodor: Its People, History and Railways

---

This list is not exhaustive, obviously, and I invite you to add to it with your own shorthand expressions.

The Fat Controller catches wind that the engines at Tidmouth are refusing to come out, pondering what on earth they could be striking about this time he bods down to the sheds to see what the problem is.

Much his utter disbelief, the engines are in the midst of a fierce battle of monopoly that they refuse to part from, with the engines' crew members rolling the dice and moving the pieces for them. Are the humans more than aware that they'll probably get in trouble for this? Yes of course. But the sight of Gordon having a full on meltdown after landing on income tax for the fourth time while Percy is struggling to figure out what to mortgage next as Edward sits with his abundance of hotels is way worth the disciplinary.

mhhhhh ideasssss

I think one of the things about Bil and Ben is that they probably come off as kinda... sheltered? spoiled? to the other engines.

I mean they'd come off as irritating anyway because Being Aggravating is their stock-in-trade. But I imagine there's an inescapable element, too, of... envy. Disguised as dismissal and disgust.

Because the twins seem to have been bought new. This makes them nearly unique among the standard-gauge Sodor engines, all of whom had to prove themselves, or lose something, or come to the island as a last resort...

But Bill and Ben are privately owned and, I imagine, doted on. (That livery is one that is gonna show dirt fast, and I think that alone says something even apart from the general Vibes.) They have the freedom to roam beyond their clay pits, but they also have their home base that the others can't enter—they'd well shut out of the various stressors of other engines bunking with each other (and roasting each other from dawn till dusk). They are each other's family and they've never been separated, much less suffered the loss of the other. They pretty clearly don't live in fear of their owners, and they also seem to get a lot of attention from enthusiasts (RWS).

I get the sense that Edward and BoCo's tolerance for them is another symptom of how ungrudging and unjealous they are. They're pretty free from the trap of resenting others for their good fortune and that really helps to keep your cool when dealing with the two most cossetted little shits (affectionate) on the island.

I'd love to see their development pushed a bit by some disruption of their idyllic endless childhood, though. I think TVS having them mix it up at the big harbor helps a good bit—I like to imagine that after the era of the Wilbert Awdry books, the S.C.C. started hiring them out to the N.W.R. over the winter months and that allows for them to be at Brendam Tidmouth Harbor with Cranky, Salty, and whoever else at times.

One could take it further, though. What if the powers that be ever rebuilt that bridge that makes clearance into the pits so tight? And then the S.C.C. dieselised? I think Bill and Ben being replaced would be fascinating just because it would be such a big push for them as characters.

I'm sure the N.W.R. would take them in, at least for a while, but that's not dramatic enough for my tastes. Would they struggle to adapt (a la the season 3 story where they screw up their day managing the big station)? Would they be able to stay together? Would the North Western engines put together a deputation to ask them to be purchased, or would some of them kinda hesitate to plead for the most annoying little bees in the world to become a permanent part of their life? Would their diesel replacements kinda suck? What if the S.C.C. asked for them back, to help their replacements get up to speed? Bill and Ben as the seasoned veterans is just such a hilarious thought to me.

Which brings me to my next post...

So you wanna know what I make Tumblr users, I make monstrosities in theory, that surprisingly look good!

I have altered the look of the W&S N05 some many times that he neither looks like the Awdry nor WildNorWester creations that he was based on.

Credits: champs2stay, Princess-Muffins, Diamond Jubilee, and Locosprite, any and all edits by Myself Midnight Express.

Feel free to ask about him, Adam loves attention.

I whole heartedly agree with this statement

Hi. Listen to this. It is nearly three hours long but I also think it is genuinely one of the very best ttte stories out there.

I have never felt more insulted yet proud

Being a Thomas the Tank engine fan is fun because it's a mix of the most captivating storytelling you've ever seen, memes, and just the nerdiest shit about trains ever. All while pretending half the franchise isn't real. It's great everyone should do it.

ohhh hoo hoo then I've come to the right place.

Twitter users migrating over, hello!

Yes, we humanize the trains

Yes, we make the trains kiss

Yes, it’s valid